xXBleach ScandalsXx
by myLITTLEnekoSHIRO
Summary: What if Bleach IS just a show? So what goes on behind the scenes anyways? Scandalously funny
1. Episode 1

**For the sake of avoiding confusion I will refer to the characters by their original names in the series instead of making up mumbo jumbo random names :3**

**So this is the first episode. The chapters that follow will be according to the episodes and what REALLY happened behind the scenes. It's not bloopers (but to an extent!) but I can promise that they will be HILARIOUS! ^^**

**P.S trying to work on writing shorter chapters. I guess that sucks but it's easier for me to put them up faster and more in number**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. If I did, Grimmjow would walk around topless all the time in jeans like in a Gap AD *drool* and we'd get to see mansex too…..**

**Warnings: none that you should watch out for except maybe swearing. I don't get these so called 'warnings' about blood and swearing. Dude, have you never gotten a papercut or something? And honestly against swearing? What cookies and rainbows world do you live in?**

'We have no form, therefore we fear it, and because we are formless, we revere it. Thus we are slain,' Rukia uttered monotonously. She looks down and taking a deep breath, jumps down. But before she does, her hakama slips under her foot, causing her to get off balance and yelp in panic as she hangs suspended in midair by cable wires.

'URAHARAAA!' she shrieks and struggles to untangle herself. Urahara sighs as he slouches in the director's chair.

'Cut!' Urahara says tersely over a megaphone and hops of his chair to approach Rukia. 'How many times do we have to tell you to fix your outfit before you get on set?'

'Hey it's not my fault you made this too damn big for me! I told you I'm a size 4!' Rukia barks and continues to struggle as a crane came close to help her out.

'Making samurai outfits ain't cheap, Ruks! You could cost me a fortune there!'

'I almost fucking died when I fell off and all you care about is this fucking outfit?'

'Well, aren't you glad you're playing the dead girl, huh?'

'FUCK YOU!'

* * *

><p>'Okay, now remember, Ichigo, You have to walk into the scene and start arguing with those guys about why they upset the-Ichigo, get off the phone!'<p>

'Oh yeah? Well, you know what? I don't want to see your fucked up face near me ever again!' Ichigo yells over the phone and slams it shut. He gives Urahara a seething glare who starts to feel uneasy now.

'Ummm, you ready, Ichi?' he says meekly. Ichigo rolls his eyes and crosses his arms as Urahara slinks away. One of the bully actors next to him sniggers.

'Dude, he is such a stuck-up brat,' he whispers to his co-actors. They nod in agreement.

'I heard his condo's got a freaking hot tub!' one of them hisses.

'Hot tub? I heard he got a swimming pool!'

'Whatever, man! He's just a snob who can't even act to save his life! I mean, he probably got picked 'cuz of his hair! It can poke an eye out!'

They hear someone cough behind them and turn out to see Ichigo with a raised eyebrow.

'What was that about my hair?' he glowers at them. They can literally see the fire in his eyes and they start sweating profusely.

'Uh…uh…nothing! Nothing out of the ordinary!' one of them squeaks and fumbles to speak proper sentences. A muscle tics in the corner of Ichigo's temple.

'Did you just say 'orange'?' he utters in an emotionless voice. The three look at each other in fear.

'N-n-no! I didn't say-!'

Ichigo delivers a kick right across his face. The others start screaming but get cut off as Ichigo pummels them brutally.

'Okay! Are we ready to-what the hell?' Urahara shrieks as he sees the star of his show beating the extras. He quickly turns to the cameraman. 'Is the camera rolling?'

'Uh…yeah, should I turn it off?' the cameraman says confusedly.

'Are you crazy? This is good stuff! Keep rolling!' Pause. 'Do you think we can get a close-up of Ichigo pounding that guy's face?'

* * *

><p>Rukia surveys Ichigo's room suspiciously.<p>

'It's near,' she murmurs and reaches for her sword.

'Who are you and what do you want!' Ichigo yells as he punches Rukia to the ground.

'CUT!' Urahara calls over his megaphone. 'Ichigo you weren't supposed to punch her you were supposed to kick her!'

'Ichigo's Room: Meeting Rukia take 2!'

'It's near…' Rukia whispers to herself.

'Who are you and what do you want?' Ichigo hollers as he slams his foot into Rukia's behind.

'CUT! Sorry you guys but the camera ran a glitch! Let's do it again!'

'Take 3!'

'What do you want and who are you!'

'CUT! Ichigo! Stop messing up your lines!'

'Take 10!'

Rukia picks her nose and then suddenly looks into the camera.

'Oops! Sorry! I didn't know-!' she starts to stutter when Ichigo kicks her into the floor while screaming his lines out.

'CUT! Rukia, stop picking your nose!'

'Take 33!'

'Who are you and what do you want!'

'Perfect! Now let's move onto the next scene and-wait. Oh shit the camera wasn't rolling! Okay, let's do this one more time-!'

'Can you guys please get this fucking scene right? I swear I can feel Ichigo's foot imprinted on my ass by now!' Rukia screeches.

* * *

><p>'I am…Ichigo Kurosaki,' Ichigo murmurs and grabs Rukia's sword to pierce himself. It bounces across his chest and rebounds so that the hilt strikes Rukia forcefully on her forehead. She groans and collapses in a heap on the floor.<p>

'CUT! Ichigo, what the fuck did you do?' Urahara screams as he abandons his megaphone to check on Rukia.

'Sorry! I guess I used too much force!' Ichigo blabbers and checks Rukia's pulse. 'Well, at least she's still alive! And as long as she's not bleeding she's-what's that red stuff on her forehead?'

Urahara groans and covers his face with his hands. He'd be lucky if he even gets to finish shooting this pilot run!


	2. Episode 2

_**EPISODE 2**_

'I see,' Rukia contemplates as Ichigo walks off. 'I guess there's no other choice.'

She starts patting all over her body and even looks under her shirt, a confused and frantic look on her face. Urahara groans.

'What is it, Rukia?' he whines.

'I can't find my glove,' she says sheepishly.

'Damn it. Alright, who took Rukia's glove?' Urahara yells into his megaphone.

'It's at the dry cleaners, Urahara!' someone yells offset.

'Who the hell gave it to the dry cleaners when we were planning on shooting the scene with it TODAY?'

'It had barbecue sauce all over it!'

'Who the hell wore it while eating barbecue!' Urahara turns on Rukia suspiciously.

'Hey! I was just trying to get the feel of my character!' Rukia defends herself.

'RUKIAAAA!'

* * *

><p>'Whoa! Whoa!' comes the cries of a boy as he tries to escape the clutches of a spider Hollow.<p>

'Cue Ichigo to try to save him!' Urahara whispers. Rukia looks on both her sides.

'Has anyone seen Ichigo?' she says in confusion. Then she looks up at the lamppost next to her. 'Ichigo, get down from there!'

'What the hell? How come nobody told me it was going to be a spider?' Ichigo shrieks like a little girl and clutches the lamppost even tighter.

'You're scared of spiders?' Rukia says with a raised eyebrow.

'I prefer the term 'repulsed'!'

'CUT!' Urahara yells exasperatedly. 'Ichigo, I don't think anyone's every told you this before but MAN UP!'

* * *

><p>'Muhahahahaha!' rumbles the evil voice as Sora is dragged away. 'Muhahaha-COUGH! COUGH! COUGH! Asthma-COUGH!'<p>

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>Rukia curtsies.<p>

'Oh of course! Orihime, how are you?' she says in a sickly sweet voice. Orihime also curtsies uneasily.

'Oh, I'm great thank you!' she exclaims.

_HONK! HONK!_

A car zooms by at such a speed the impact sends the girl's skirts flying in the air.

'Asshole!' Rukia cries out in embarrassment as she hastily tries to pat her dress down.

'AWESOME!' yells Urahara's assistant as he stares lovingly at his digital camera. 'That's worth at least a grand on eBay!'

'Hold up, Urahara,' Rukia mutters as she pretends to roll up her sleeves and stalks up to the celebrating youth. 'I need to take care of something.'

* * *

><p><em>BOOP BOOP BEEP BOOP BEEP<em>

Okay, Rukia, that's enough sound effects!' Urahara calls over his megaphone.

_BEEP BEEP BOOOOOOOOP_

'Ichigo! Tell Rukia to knock it off!'

Ichigo shrugs his shoulders and gets off his bed to open his closet. Rukia is sitting hunched over her phone and jabbing away at buttons.

'What the hell are you doing?' Ichigo demands.

'Ssh! I'm about to break my score on Snake!' she hisses and goes back to pushing buttons. Ichigo smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'Be careful!' Rukia orders. 'Don't go swinging your sword around!'<p>

'Who cares? As long as I-!'

A chunk of Styrofoam ceiling conks Ichigo on his head. Rukia shakes her head in disbelief.

'Well, I did tell him,' she sighs.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>Urahara snores loudly as he rolls over in his bed, mumbling something incoherent. That's when he cracks one eye open and sees Orihime's face up close to his.<p>

'AAAAHHHHH!'

'Hiiiii, Urahara!' she says chirpily.

'Orihime!' he gasps. 'What the hell are you doing in my house?'

'Oh, I was just wondering if for Orihime's character in this episode's last scene I could pretend that she's this stupid girl who's always daydreaming! What do you think?'

Silence.

'Sure.'

* * *

><p><strong>I was deliberating on whether to put this last bit or not but I thought it would be funny both on Orihime's and Urahara's part. <strong>

**Now (cracks fingers) on to chapter 3! Toodles!**


	3. Episode 3

_**EPISODE 3**_

'So Hollows would attack their own families?' Ichigo huffs as he runs across a treadmill against a green screen.

'Brothers, sisters, even children,' Rukia says gravely. 'Hollows are fallen souls, souls that were not guided by soul reapers into the Soul Society. Souls that were not protected from other Hollows. Abandoned they fall and lose their-AAAHHH!'

Both topple over and get entangled in one another painfully.

'Cut!' Urahara calls. 'Can someone get them untangled? We really need to complete this scene by today!'

'Can it not be one continuous shot!' Ichigo squeaks from underneath Rukia. 'My legs feel like Jell-O and it ain't easy carrying _her_ around!'

'What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?' Rukia shrieks.

'One word: LIPOSUCTION!'

'You'll pay for that!'

'Wonder how much I can get for selling this picture on eBay?' the young assistant wondered as he sneakily snapped a picture of Rukia on top of Ichigo.

* * *

><p>'I'm the one you're really after!' Ichigo growls as he holds his blade up against the monster. 'Leave her along and fight me!'<p>

'Do do do! Dum dum da-da-dum dum!' Orihime hums along with the background music and pretends to beat a drum in rhythm.

'Orihime! What are you doing?' Urahara hisses.

'What? It's a catchy tune!'

Urahara groans.

* * *

><p>'Orihime…have you…forgotten me?' the Hollow growls. Orihime scrunches her nose.<p>

'Uncle…Marty?' she whispers. Urahara grabs the script and bangs his head on it. What possessed him to cast her in his show again?

* * *

><p>Ichigo jumps into the air, ready to strike the monster right in the face.<p>

Close up of monster's face.

Close up of Ichigo's face.

Close up of monster's face.

Close up of Ichigo's face.

Close up of monster's face.

Close up of Ichigo getting air sick and throwing up.

'EWWWWW!' Rukia and Orihime cry out.

'Hey, boss? Maybe we should cut down the number of close ups. It's kinda cliché,' says the assistant producer. Urahara just covers his face and mumbles something like he needs aspirin.

* * *

><p>'My brother…have a good day,' Orihime says tearfully and smiles weakly at her brother.<p>

_SNIFFLE!_

Rukia turns around suspiciously.

'Ichigo, are you crying?' she says incredulously.

'No!' he says thickly and hastily wipes his eyes. 'I just got something in my eye!'

'Oh, brother,' Rukia says with a roll of her eyes.

* * *

><p>'Urahara, I think we have a glitch in the script,' says a writer as he scans the booklet. 'How the hell are you going to explain why they don't remember last night's events?'<p>

'With this!' the director says triumphantly and pulls out a lighter. The team stares at him in confusion. He clicks a button and out comes a cloud of smoke and a birdie on a coil. 'We'll pretend it's a memory wiper that Rukia uses! Isn't it cute?'

'I think he's finally lost it,' one of the writers whispers to his co-workers. They nod in agreement and plaster fake smiles as they look at Urahara doing his happy 'I'm so smart' dance.

* * *

><p><strong>This was a hard episode 'cause I had to search to find ways to make this funny -_-'<strong>

**Ah well, did the best I could! Onto to episode 4! XD**


	4. Episode 4

_**EPISODE 4**_

'Wow! A cursed cockatiel?' the boy murmurs.

'Yeah, totally!' the other whispers and looks down in the cage. He frowns. 'Hey, where's the bird?'

'Fly! Be freeeee!' Orihime wails as she runs across the road with the bird flying in front of her.

'Cut!' Urahara screams. 'Someone catch and lock up the birdbrain! What? Oh yeah, the bird too!'

* * *

><p>'So let me get this straight,' Ichigo growls with a raised eyebrow. 'You want to pretend that Rukia and I are <em>together<em>?'

'That's right,' Urahara beams.

'As in, _together together_?'

'That sounds just like what I mean!'

'No.'

'But whyyyy?'

'Because I say so!'

'But it's going to look so cute onscreen!'

'I said no!'

'Can we at least _pretend_ you're together?'

'What the hell is that supposed to mean?'

'You two _pretend_ to hate each other but are secretly in love!'

'Fuck no!'

'Fine! Then just talk to her about juices, holes and straws!'

'Oka-WHAT THE HELL? YOU PERVERT!'

'So is that a yes?'

* * *

><p>'Okay,' Urahara says dully and flings the script at Mizuiro. 'You'll be playing one of Ichigo's friend's in school but you don't know anything about spirits and him being a Soul Reaper. Got it?'<p>

'Oh! Oh! Can I be a playboy?' Mizuiro says excitedly.

'What?' Urahara says in disbelief.

'You know, like I like to pick up chicks and flirt with them and be a total ladies man!'

Silence.

'It's either that or I pretend to be an emo kid who plans to take over the world by using my stuffed animal collection.'

'Playboy it is.'

* * *

><p>'Urahara! You've been rejecting actors all day! How the hell are we going to find our Chad?' his writer complains and buries his face in his crossed arms on a table.<p>

'None of them have that spark, man!' Urahara says firmly. 'He's got to be charming, mysterious, alluring and domineering all in one! It's not easy finding a man like that!'

'Hey,' murmurs a voice above them and they look up to gape at a tall, dark and muscled Mexican man hovering over them. 'I'm here to try out for the part of Chad.'

'Uh, sure,' Urahara stutters and hands him a page. 'Just read those lines and start.'

'Ok,' he says dully and shuffles to the centre of the room. He looks at the paper for a minute and then looks up to start speaking monotonously. 'I got run over by a motorcycle. It hurt.'

Silence.

'You're hired!' Urahara yells as he forms one hand in a peace symbol and stands up so quickly he knocks his writer off his table.

* * *

><p>'Rooftop: Meeting the Bird Take 1!'<p>

'This bird is so cool! Say Asano Keigo! Asano Keigo!' Keigo exclaims excitedly to the bird.

'Asano Keigo is an asshole!' the bird screeches.

'What? Hey, who taught the bird to say that?' Keigo whines. Ichigo starts whistles loudly from behind as he attempts to sneak away from the set.

* * *

><p>'Let's see the wound,' Isshin says gravely as he removes Chad's shirt and then gapes. 'What the-?'<p>

Urahara smacks his forehead and yells into his megaphone, 'Alright, who's the idiot who thought it would be funny to draw a unicorn on Chad's back?'

* * *

><p>'And ACTION!'<p>

Chad stares at the bird as he dangles the cage in front of him.

'Chad!' Urahara hisses. 'Talk to the bird!'

Chad keeps staring at the bird. Then he looks at Urahara.

'Won't I look crazy talking to a bird?' he says quietly.

'No! The plotline is that the bird can talk back!' Urahara explains impatiently.

'But it isn't talking back.'

'We'll add the voice in our effects room!'

'So technically the bird can't talk back.'

'No, but you can pretend it can talk back!'

'But won't that make me crazy?'

'NO!'

* * *

><p>'Ruler!' Rukia says in a deep voice as she hops on top of the Hollow and raises her hand to perform a kido spell. 'That which can fly and turn all things into…into…muffin cakes and sugar plums and…you know what the fuck does that mean anyways?'<p>

'CUT! Rukia, just because you can't remember your lines don't blame us!'

'Well, it's not very catchy! I sound like I'm a 1,000 years old!'

'You are a 1,000 years old!'

'Oh yeaaaa…'

* * *

><p><strong>I actually thought I wouldn't be able to come up with anything for this chappie :3<strong>

**Coming up, Episode 5! What WILL happen to our poor cast?**


	5. Episode 5

_**EPISODE 5**_

One of the bug Hollows spits slugs on Rukia.

'You're in for it now!' the bigger Hollow says evilly and flickers his tongue, causing the slugs to explode and expel oozing liquid.

'EWWW! IT'S IN MY MOUTHH!' Rukia shrieks and starts running back and forth across the street.

'CUT! Can someone catch Rukia before she hurts someone!'

* * *

><p>'So this Hollow we're going to fight,' Ichigo says slowly. 'It can fly?'<p>

'That's right,' Urahara beams.

'A flying Hollow?'

'So?'

Nothing. I mean, why not throw in a 'It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's SUPER Hollow!' while you're at it.'

'You're mocking me, aren't you?'

If by mocking you mean telling a deranged man he is losing his mind than yes. Yes, I am.'

* * *

><p>'So we'll cut from Ichigo running and then go to the scene with Rukia and Chad fighting. Then we'll go to Rukia running and take a continuous shot of that. What do you guys think?' Urahara explains to his crew. One cameraman scratches his head.<p>

'Uh, boss, don't you think that's waay too many running shots? I mean, the audience is going to get bored!' someone points out.

'No way! Firstly, this is a shonen anime hence the audience will be mostly male and secondly, to keep their interest, we'll just raise the length of Rukia's skirt especially while she's running! Simple as that!'

He beams at his gaping crew.

'I don't know if he's incredibly smart or incredibly perverted,' one writer mutters to his fellow worker.

* * *

><p>'Why don't you do that thing with your tongue again, huh?' Ichigo demands as he stuffs his fist full of exploding slugs into the Hollow's mouth. He wrinkles his nose. 'Okay, do I <em>really<em> need to say this line? It sounds so damn perverted!'

'Ichigo, just stick to the script! And for the last time, it does not sound perverted!' Urahara says impatiently.

'Yeah, sure, that's because you use it as a pick-up line doesn't mean we all have to,' Ichigo mutters under his breath.

'What was that?'

'Nothing!'

* * *

><p><strong>Pwease review :3<strong>


	6. Episode 6

_**EPISODE 6**_

**Okay so I have a suggestion: I'm thinking that maybe I can do the Soul Society Arc and then move onto the Arrancar one cuz seriously I think we ALL want to know what happened behind THOSE episodes *wink wink nudge nudge hint hint* and I seriously found the Bount Arc a drag but unless anyone wants me to do it (that sounds vaguely dirty but it's the best way I could put it) I really don't mind^^ **

'You guys! Where's the actor who's going to ply the shopkeeper!' Urahara cries out over his megaphone.

'Uh, Mr. Urahara, apparently the guy came down with the flu and has been throwing up all day,' someone calls out offset. Urahara groans.

'Great! NOW who's going to play him? He's a very important character!' he complains. 'He's gotta be cool, suave but funny and maybe a bit of a pervert!'

He glances at his crew and notices them staring intensely at him.

'What? What did I say?'

…..

'I can't believe I let you guys talk me into playing this guy!' Urahara shrieks and pulls at the outfit he's wearing. 'I look like a hobo!'

'Well, you DID want to portray this guy as one,' someone says slyly.

'SHUT UP!'

* * *

><p>'I'm a higher rank than you anyways!' Jinta yells as he beats Ururu with his broom but it's suddenly wrenched out of his hand by Rukia. 'Heyyy!'<p>

'Cut!' Urahara says tersely. 'Alright let's move into the shop now!'

'Finally!' Ururu snaps and, grabbing the broom from Rukia, starts beating Jinta with it. 'Stop hitting me so hard! If you do that one more time I swear I will smack your brains out!'

'I'm sorry, Ms. Ururu, ma'am, O Mighty One,' Jinta whimpers and takes the beating. Rukia raises an eyebrow. To think that Ururu is supposed to play a sweet and innocent girl. She shudders and inches way. THAT is creepy!

* * *

><p>'Just swallow one and it will all be clear!' Rukia exclaims. Ichigo reluctantly presses the head of the duck.<p>

_HOOOONKKKKKKK!_

A siren blares into Ichigo's ear from the duck, sending him flying backwards.

'CUT! Alright, who gave Ichigo the wrong prop?' Urahara yells angrily.

'Sorry! It was a mix-up!' the prop handler yells. Pause. 'Say, Urahara why Do we have a siren shaped like a duck again?'

'No reason.'

'Can someone pick up the phone already?' Ichigo says groggily from the floor, the sound still resonating in his ear.

'Just have one and it'll all be clear to you!' Rukia insists. Ichigo stares at the duck-shaped bottle in his hand before he presses the head. Nothing comes out. He then shakes it around and then throws it angrily. 'Urahara! There's nothing in there!'

'CUT! Who ate all the Soul Candy? Well, technically it wasn't candy. Just laxatives.'

'Wait!' Ichigo screeches. 'You were about to feed me laxatives?'

'Uh oh!' Urahara's assistant says before his stomach starts doing summersaults. He rushes out of the set.

'Well, at least we don't have to punish him,' Rukia sighs in contentment.

* * *

><p>'So can you act angry, Tatsuki?' Urahara says gently. Tatsuki nods shyly.<p>

'I guess I can,' she says quietly. Urahara sighs. This is going to be harder than I thought.

'Ichigo? You ready?' he asks.

'Dude, I have to be scared of _her_?' Ichigo jeers and points a thumb at Tatsuki who is startled by the insult. 'She looks like a scardy cat! I bet she'd be scared of an ant if it crossed her path! You actually expect her to be able to-!'

'ARGH!' Tatsuki cries out as she lobes a desk at Ichigo. Ichigo screams like a little girl and dives out of the way to avoid it.

'Are you nuts?' Ichigo shrieks and then ducks again as she throws another desk.

'Boss! Shouldn't you stop them?' the cameraman says in alarm.

'Are you kidding me?' Urahara says incredulously. 'This is the best acting she's done so far! Keep rolling! Get angrier, Tatsuki! Aim for his face!'

* * *

><p>'WOOHOO!' Ichigo cries as he leaps from building to building on the cable wires.<p>

'Uh, Ichigo, you can get down from there now! We're done shooting the scene!' Urahara calls.

'No way! This is way too much fun!' Ichigo insists and keeps jumping.

'Watch out before you hurt your-!'

_BAM!_

Ichigo crashes into a billboard.

'-self,' Urahara mutters and shakes his head.

* * *

><p>'Ichigo, I'd like you to meet Kon. He'll be playing the Mod Soul in this episode. You know, souls that can take over your body and yada yada yada,' Urahara drawls and brings forward a guy with short, spiky brown hair and an annoying shit-eating grin. 'Anyways, in this episode he takes over your body so you'll be playing two characters except he'll be the voice of one. Got it? Why don't you two practice right now.'<p>

'Uh, alright,' Ichigo says uncertainly. He opens his mouth and pretends to talk.

'Hi, I'm Ichigo Kurosaki. Suck my dick,' Kon says lazily while Ichigo moves his mouth. Ichigo freezes and glares at Kon.

'Son of a bitch!' he screams and jumps Kon, who yelps and starts fighting back.

'Get off me!' Kon shrieks.

'Take that back!'

'You're the one who said it!'

'No, I didn't! You did!'

'Yeah but I'm not Ichigo Kurosaki, am I?'

'FUCK YOU!'

'I bet girls will pay tons for yaoi photos,' Urahara's assistant says gleefully and snaps a shot. He is seriously going to get rich just by taking sneaky shots of these celebrities in scandalous moments!

* * *

><p>'Okay, we're going to start shooting now. Any questions?' Urahara says as he clambers back into his chair offset. Rukia raises her hand. 'Yes, Rukia?'<p>

'Why do my drawings suck?' she grumbles.

'Because then you get to hit Ichigo,' Urahara says simply.

Pause. 'Fair enough.'

'What?' Ichigo shrieks. 'No it isn't! It isn't MY fault that they suck so bad-!'

_SMACK!_

'Well, what do you know? It is fair,' Rukia grins evilly.

'Sadistic bitch,' Ichigo mutters and he stares at Urahara when he says this.

* * *

><p>'If they don't obey their masters they should just die,' a boy jeers as he continues to play his video game. As IchigoKon hears that he feels his rage rising. He grabs the fence he is standing on even more tightly and it shakes due to his anger. Ichigo starts to stand up on the fence when he suddenly loses his balance.

'AAAHHH!' he yells as he falls on the other side.

'CUT! Ichigo, you okay?'

'I'm fine!' says Ichigo in a muffled voice. 'I'm perfectly okay! Totally slamming! Couldn't be better! Just a little blood loss that's all!' Pause. 'Can someone call an ambulance?'

* * *

><p><strong>Well, you can't exactly make an already funny episode funny if you know what I mean :3<strong>

**Review please because they make the world go round! Well, they make my world go round…**

**REVIEWSSSS :D**


	7. Episode 7

_**EPSIODE 7**_

'Alright, people! What's the Hollow inspiration for this episode?' Urahara demands as he picks up a sheaf of papers on his desk as the rest of the crew sits before him. He scans through them while raising an eyebrow. 'A jaguar Hollow? LAME! A puppet Hollow? Do we really need another Pinocchio? Come on! I hired you guys 'cause you're the best in the business! Can't you all come up with at least _one_ decently SCARY monster spirit?'

He sighs and places his hands on the desk in defeat. That's when he notices a centipede crawling across his desk and his eyes gleam. He scoops it onto his finger and raises it in the air like Simba from Lion King.

'Eureka!' he shrieks. 'We have found our Hollow!'

Silence.

One of the writers smacks his head with his notebook.

* * *

><p>'NOOOOOO!' Urahara wails as he holds on tight to his writer's foot who reluctantly drags him across the set because the director refused to let go.<p>

'Urahara, let me go!' the writer demands and tries one last time to pull free but to no avail.

'NOT MR. MUFFINCAKES!' Urahara cries out and sobs crocodile tears. 'You can take anyone you want but leave him alone! He doesn't deserve this!'

'For the love of-!' the writer sighs in exasperation. 'You're the one who wanted to make Kon a recurring character and he can't always use Ichigo's body so we need something that will also add comedy to the series and we decided on a plushie toy so-Urahara, STOP BLOWING YOUR NOSE ON MY PANTS!'

* * *

><p>'There you are!' Urahara says as he approaches the Kon-Ichigo and places his cane over his shoulder. 'You're all worn out and beat up! But we'll fix that!'<p>

He positions his cane at Ichigo's forehead and pushes forward to bonk his forehead.

_BONK! _

_AHHHHH!_

'URAHARA! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO USE SO MUCH FORCE!' Ichigo shrieks as he clutches his bruised forehead in pain.

'It's not my fault! You moved!'

'Oh so you're blaming me now? You're the one who can't act!'

'Hey, watch it, buddy! I'm the director of this series!'

'You suck at that too!'

'SHUT UP!'

* * *

><p>'We're done here,' Urahara says as he tosses the pill in his hand. 'Let's go hom-whoops!'<p>

He attempts to catch it using two hands but it bounces off and goes over the edge of the roof. He groans.

'CUT!'

'We're done here,' Urahara says. 'Let's-DUDE THERE'S A WORM ON THIS THING!'

'CUT!'

'We're done here,' he says with finalty. 'Let's go-YIKES!'

He accidently tosses the pill out of reach and dives to catch it. Jinta also rushes forward to help.

'I got it, I got it!' he chants as he skids forward and collides into Urahara as he does the same thing. Urahara lands on top of Jinta and as he looks up the pill lands into his open mouth and he starts choking.

'Urahara!' one of the producers on set yells as he rushes forward. 'Whatever you do, don't swallow-!'

_GULP!_

Everyone groans. That was the last prop pill they had on set. Urahara makes a sour face.

'I think I swallowed Kon,' he says sullenly. Ichigo snickers nearby.

'That's what she said,' he whispers slyly. Urahara glares at him as he raises a fist.

_WHAM!_

* * *

><p>'So let me get this straight,' human Kon says as he leans back in his chair so that it balances on only two legs. 'My character is a pervert?'<p>

'Yup, that's right,' Urahara says cheerfully.

Kon just stares at the beaming director.

'Cool with me.'

* * *

><p>'Alright so in this scene Rukia steps out of the closet and puts her foot on Kon and he ends up looking up her dress. We got that?' Urahara reads from the script as they stand on the set of Ichigo's bedroom, ready to start shooting.<p>

'So do I really get to look up her dress?' the human Kon says excitedly.

'Nah, the plushie toy does,' Urahara says casually.

'Aw man!' Kon says unhappily.

'Tell me about it!' Urahara sighs.

'Hello! I'm standing right here, you know!' Rukia says irritably. 'Perverts…'

* * *

><p>'Why is it that the rain makes me want to cry?' Orihime murmurs. 'Sometimes I wish I was the rain...so that I could touch people and connect with their hearts…wait, then what about dogs and cats? So if I was the rain, I could read their minds too? Then I could be a superhero that can read animal minds and then I can use them to take over the world! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'<p>

'CUT! Alright, who stole Orhime's anti-ADD pills?'

* * *

><p><strong>I am not Orihime bashing here you guys. She's just funny when's she's weird and crazy :3<strong>

**I'll try putting up more episodes ASAP! Don't think I have forgotten about this! It's kinda like my outlet when I want to write something funny other than all the angst I usually write!**

**Toodles!**


	8. Episode 8

_**EPISODE 8**_

'Who's that girl up on that hill?' Karin asks as she squints at the figure. Rukia starts waving with her hat and smiling goofily at them. Suddenly, a gust of wind blows out of nowhere and goes right under her dress.

'FUCK NOT AGAIN!' Rukia screams as she hastily pats her dress down. Then she glares at the camera crew. 'Alright who took a photo _this_ time! And if nobody owns up I am going to rip each and every one of your balls and feed it to _all of you_!'

Everyone raises their hands. She smacks her forehead.

'Never mind,' she mutters.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'We need a good angle for your heart to heart talk here!' the cameraman says to Urahara as the director stood getting the actors ready for the next scene. 'Any ideas?'<p>

Urahara grins lecherously and grabs the camera.

'How about between Ichigo's legs?' he says gleefully as he stands behind Ichigo and pushes the camera between his legs, making the actor topple backwards.

'How about up your ass!' Ichigo screeches as he gets up and kicks Urahara down. 'Pervert…'

* * *

><p>'And a Hollow's not to blame for my mother's death,' Ichigo whispers as he starts to walk away from Rukia. She gives him a bewildered look. 'I am…'<p>

As he starts to run, his foot hits a rock and he tumbles face forward.

'AHHHHHHH!' he shrieks.

'Smooth,' Rukia smirks as she crosses her arms.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'So when kid Tatsuki hits kid Ichigo he cries because he's a major wuss,' Urahara explains the storyboard to the cast as they sit in a conference room.<p>

'What the hell? I'm not a wuss!' Ichigo cries out. Rukia punches his shoulder hard and screams like a girl. 'Hey! That hurt!'

'And that's why you _are_ a wuss,' Rukia says matter-of-factly.

* * *

><p>'He was a happy kid, always smiling,' Tatsuki murmurs. 'But then when-Orihime, are you sleeping?'<p>

'Huh? What? Where's the tofu monster? I'll save you mushroom princess!' Orihime says groggily as she springs off the bed with her hands in fists like she's about to box somebody.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>Rukia is sitting on the edge, thinking about Ichigo and what he had said. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew the hat off and she attempted to catch it.<p>

'FUCKING WIND!' she shrieks.

'CUT!'

'Take 22! ACTION!'

Rukia is kicking her legs when she accidently kicks too hard and falls over the edge.

'AHHHHH!'

'CUT!'

'Take 49! ACTION!'

Rukia is wearing a beret.

'CUT! Okay, where's Rukia's original hat?'

'Oh, c'mon, Urahara! That hat made her look like a 1950's grandma from the old people's home!'

'But she is old!'

'I HEARD THAT!'

'I mean your character is old, Rukia! Sensitive much?'

'Fuck you, Urahara!'

* * *

><p>'Hey, you can't keep bursting into tears here, Yuki!' Karin told her 'sister' as they bent over the grave.<p>

'I can't help it! Alison is dead!' she wails. Karin looks confused.

'Yuki, we're on Bleach not Pretty Little Liars!' she explains. Yuki stops crying.

'Oh,' she mutters. Urahara smacks his forehead.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'No more games now!' Rukia demands to the mysteries stranger. 'Just who are you?'<p>

'Parcheesi?' the shinigami says in question. Rukia smacks her forehead.

'I didn't mean literally!' she snaps.

* * *

><p>'And…cue slow motion!'<p>

Rukia and Ichigo start running slowly down the stairs. Suddenly, Ichigo misses a step and lands into Rukia and both go tumbling down the stairs to land in a heap at the bottom.

'Well, that was an epic fail,' Urahara groans and slumps in his seat.

* * *

><p><strong>This ended up longer than I imagined! If one of the chapters are short I'm planning on adding a bonus surprise to it! I won't tell what but just wait and read!<strong>

**Toodles!**


	9. Episode 9

_**EPISODE 9**_

The mysterious shinigami cuts Ichigo free from the Kingfisher and Ichigo plummets to the ground. Ichigo begins to spit out hair and won't stop.

'YUCK!' he screeches and continues to hack up hairballs. 'Let's have a hairy Hollow! It'll be interesting! Who's fucking idea was this again?'

'CUT! Someone get Ichigo some water!'

* * *

><p>'We really need to find a girl to go with this episode's Hollow's gimmick fast, Urahara!' a writer says earnestly.<p>

'I know but it's not that easy finding good actors who fit the part!' Urahara cries out. 'NEXT!'

A pale girl with short black hair walks in. She smiles shyly at them and Urahara smiles back reassuringly.

'What's your name, little girl?' he asks sweetly.

'My name is Nagato,' the girl answers in a surprisingly deep and scary voice that makes the writer scream and faint. Urahara stares.

'YOU'RE HIRED!' he says triumphantly.

* * *

><p>'And his favourite victim…are women,' Rukia says solemnly.<p>

'So does that mean…you have nothing to worry about, Rukia?' Ichigo asks.

SLAP!

'Ouch! Jeez, can't you take a joke?'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo, even Soul Reapers have to die sometime,' Rukia says quietly as she checks the man's body. 'If the injuries are severe enough-'<p>

SNORE!

'Wait, is he sleeping in the middle of the scene?' Ichigo demands. Rukia smacks her forehead.

'Should we cut, boss?' the cameraman asks Urahara who scratches his chin.

'Nah,' the director says and shakes his head. 'We can use this in the movie. The cameraman stares at him. 'Hey, it's funny!'

* * *

><p>'Whatever I do, I must not help him, I must not lend him my strength, I must not-listen, if she wants to help him so much then why don't you just let her?' Rukia cries out in exasperation.<p>

'Because it's not part of the storyline, Rukia!' Urahara explains impatiently. 'And besides, your character is secretly in love with Ichigo's character!'

'WHAT?'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo,' his mother says softly and sweetly. 'Thank you for loving me, thank you for loving me, loving me, loving me, loving me, loving-!'<p>

'CUT! CAN SOMEONE FIX THE DAMN RECORDER!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: MAKING THE THEME SONG INTRO<strong>_

As the song starts, the cameraman points the camera to the sky and the sun suddenly glares through.

'AHHHHH MY EYESSS!' the man screams and runs away from the camera, covering his eyes with both his hands.

'Hey, Urahara, maybe we should change the scene a bit and NOT show the sun,' one of the producers mutters to the director.

* * *

><p>'Okay, Ichigo, when I say jump, jump in this shot, okay?' Urahara exclaims as he settles into his seat and pulls out his megaphone.<p>

'Okay,' Ichigo answers and nods.

'Ready? And JUMP!'

WHAM!

'What the-! Okay, who forgot to put a mattress for Ichigo's landing!'

* * *

><p>As the credits roll, the camera switches from the scene with Urahara to the one of Urahara and the cat. But the cat is missing.<p>

'Where the hell is the cat, people?' Urahara says impatiently as he leans out of his box to notice the panel beneath him to be empty.

'RUN! BE FREEEE!' Orihime sings as she skips across the scene with the cat running away from her like she is some kind of lunatic. Which she is.

'Why did I hire her again?' Urahara mutters as he shakes his head.

* * *

><p>Rukia steps on the wooden plank sticking out of the water and suddenly loses balance to topple into the water.<p>

'CUT! Alright, let's try this again!' Urahara calls over his megaphone.

'Question: how is this bit even related to the series?' Rukia asks as she angrily gets out of the water, soaking wet.

'Ask no questions and I'll tell no lies.'

'Answer no questions and you'll get a wedgie!'

'SECURITY!'

* * *

><p>Ichigo stands still as the world revolves around him faster and faster until suddenly his face turns green and he pukes onto the side.<p>

'CUT! Ichigo, you really need to control your gag reflex,' Urahara tuts.

'You need to listen to me when I say I get dizzy really quickly!' ichigo snaps.

'Huh? I'm sorry I wasn't listening! Can you repeat that?'

'Never mind…'

* * *

><p>'WAIT!'<p>

'What is it now, Ichigo?' one of the producers asks exasperatedly.

'How come my panel is so tiny?' Ichigo demands as he leans out of his box in the cluster of panels meant for the end of the intro.

'Ichigo, you've got one of the bigger panels!'

'Nuh-uh! Chad and Uryu have got bigger panels!'

'That's 'cause we've got bigger and better weapons!' Uryu says smugly.

'What was that, four eyes?'

'You got a problem with me, berry boy?'

'I'm hungry!' Orihime whines.

'Why do I have to share a panel with these bozos?' Urahara complains. Ururu rounds on him with a murderous glare.

'Who are you calling a bozo?' she says dangerously. Urahara turns pale.

'Just play dead. Maybe she'll walk away without harming you,' Jinta murmurs in his ear as he stares fearfully at the raging little girl.

Kon flops out of his panel and lands in Rukia's. The producer sighs. Playing babysitter wasn't exactly in the requirements when he signed up for this job.


	10. Episode 10

_**EPISODE 10**_

'Let me introduce to you: Don Kanonji!' the announcer blasts over the mike as everyone cheers wildly. Up above from the helicopter, said man jumps out in style.

'The spirits are always with you!' Don Kanonji hollers as he spreads his cape out to resemble wings. His hand scramble over his suit. 'Wait, I forgot to wear my parachute!'

'Cut!' Urahara says lazily. 'Okay, let's do this from the top but this time I want the crowd to be positioned here and can the announcer say something more dramatic and cheesy? Like I don't know…'

'Uh, Mister Urahara, sir? Aren't you forgetting something?' an assistant says meekly.

'What?'

_SMASH!_

Don Kanonji flls face first onto the concrete floor. Silence except for him moaning in pain.

'So what was I forgetting again?' Urahara says absentmindedly.

* * *

><p>'Okay, so when Don Kanonji goes 'BUHAHAHAHA', you all do the same thing! Got it?' Urahara tells the crowd.<p>

'I don't know…'

'Sounds stupid.'

'Will I be on camera?'

'I need to talk to my lawyer about this…'

'We'll pay you guys,' Urahara adds.

'So where do I stand?'

'I want to be in front!'

'How loudly do I have to say it?'

'No close ups! I didn't do my make up today!'

'And I thought actors were a pain,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>The Gibakoo spirit raises a shaky hand.<p>

'AAHHHHHHHHHH!' he screams.

'Cut!' Urahara cries. 'What is it now?'

'I need to go to the bathroom!' the man moans and starts hopping from one foot to the other.

* * *

><p>'…And then my character swoops in to get Ichigo out of his body and saves the day!' Urahara says triumphantly as he explains the story to the actors. Ichigo raises an eyebrow.<p>

'Aw come on! You just want a scene in this episode!' he cries out angrily.

'I do not! I just think my character has a lot of potential and deserves more screen time!'

'Bullshit! He wears a hat and clogs and holds a fan! He's a freaking Japanese dragqueen!'

'WHAT?'

'Let's get out of here before one of us loses something important and I don't mean our jobs,' one of the writers mutters as everyone quietly files out of the room.

* * *

><p>'Hold on, Ichigo!' Rukia cries out but is suddenly ambushed by a bunch of security guards. 'Hey! Alright, who touched my boobs!'<p>

'What boobs?' Ichigo snickers from nearby.

_SMASH!_

'Cut!' Urahara says tersely. 'And can someone call the onset First Aid department? We've got a bleeder here! Damn, remind me not to get on Rukia's bad side!'

'You already have,' Rukia mutters as she walks offset.

* * *

><p><strong>Once again, I couldn't exactly make so many funny bits from an already funny episode! I was watching this and I had almost forgotten about it! But it was nice to laugh! Btw is it just me or are the drawings in the earlier episodes much better than they are in the recent episodes? Oh oh and who's reading the manga? DUDE! THE LATEST CHAPTER HAD ME FREAKING OUT FOR TWO DAYS! I've read it three times already :D :D :D :D Tite Kubo, RESPECT! Now just bring Grimmjow back -.-' <strong>


	11. Episode 11

_**EPISODE 11**_

'That's strange,' Rukia murmurs as she stares at her phone screen. 'The signals were coming from here but there's nothing here now…'

'Are you sure-hey! Where did this guy come from?' Ichigo snaps as a portly man in glasses sits hunched in a corner of the alley.

'Please help me!' the man shrieks as he jumps at Ichigo. 'I got lost and ended up here and now I don't know where to-!'

'Pedophile!' Ichigo screams as he slams his foot in the guy's face.

'Hey, Urahara, shouldn't we get that guy off the set?' a producer whispers in the director's ear.

'Huh? Isn't he part of the scene?' Urahara says incredulously. The producer stares at him in amazement.

'Didn't you read the script?' he asks in surprise. Urahara shrugs and scratches his chin. 'Aren't you going to cut the scene?'

'Nah, I like him! He's got spunk,' Urahara says smugly and leans back in his chair as Ichigo and now Rukia beat the guy up for trying to rape them.

* * *

><p>'Alright, so I want Rukia here and Orihime, you go there! Chad! I need you next to Mizuiro!' Urahara busily calls out to the actors to arrange them for the next scene.<p>

'Smack that, all on the floor, smack that, give me some more,' Keigo sings quietly on the side as he smacks his ass and shakes it in the air. He suddenly looks up and freezes when he sees the cameraman pointing the camera at him.

'Hey, you weren't filming were you?' he says nervously. The cameraman grins sadistically.

'Of course not!' he says in a saccharine tone. Keigo breathes a sigh of relief.

'Good, 'cause I wouldn't want people watching me smack my ass on TV!' Keigo declares.

* * *

><p>'So as Ichigo runs past Uryu, they bump shoulders and we go into slow motion,' Urahara declares triumphantly. One of the writers raises his hand.<p>

'Uh, Urahara? Why do you need to use slow motion here? I mean, they're just bumping shoulders,' he exclaims. Urahara crosses his arms and smirks.

'Because slow motions are EPIC!' he says sassily. Everyone sighs and shakes their heads.

* * *

><p>'The Hollow is in that direction,' Uryu says mundanely and points into nothingness. Suddenly, his cross bracelet bursts beams of light to form a bow and arrow. 'In the name of all that is holy, I banish thee to the nether regions of hell and doom-!'<p>

'CUT! Uryu, that's not even in the script!' Urahara calls out.

'But I think my character deserves to say something heroic and foreboding!' Uryu insists.

'Uryu, let me say this again: was it written in the script?'

'No, but-!'

'So were you supposed to say it?'

'No, but-!'

'So if you're not supposed to say it, YOU'RE NO SUPPOSED TO SAY IT! Now can we PLEASE move on before I decide to commit suicide!'

* * *

><p>'What was his name again?' Ichigo ponders. 'Mac? No, no! Icky something! Icky…Icky…'<p>

'Hey, Vicky, you're oh so icky, just the thought of being around you makes me oh so sicky!' Orihime sings as she appears near Ichigo's shoulder, scaring the crap out of him.

'CUT! Orihime, were you watching cartoons all night long again?'

* * *

><p>'Spirit ribbons!' Ichigo says in awe as Uryu is surrounded by a horde of snow white ribbons.<p>

'For once, you're right!' Uryu sniffs haughtily. 'Spirit ribbons are manifest-Ouch! Hey! Cut it out!'

The ribbons are flying about so randomly some are smacking his face and covering his mouth.

'Cut the scene! Cut the-Oof!' Uryu yells as he tries to get out of the ribbon forest but ends up getting tangled in them and falling down the stairs right to Ichigo's feet.

'Not a word,' Uryu mutters as he manages to get up, still wrapped in ribbons, and hops towards his trailer.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS BLOOPERS<strong>_

As the camera travels up the strand of silk ribbon, it suddenly jerks to a halt on Rukia struggling to untangle herself from the ribbon currently strangling her.

'What the-! CUT! Doesn't anyone know how to handle ribbons properly?' Urahara yells angrily.

Rukia glares at him.

* * *

><p>'Rukia! Untie me now!' Urahara pleads as he struggles against his ribbon bonds. 'Okay, I'm sorry! I won't berate you again! Rukia, let me go! Rukia! RUKIAAA!'<p>

'I have so much respect for you right now,' Uryu says in awe. Rukia smirks.

* * *

><p><strong>I deserve some credit for the Fairly Odd Parents bit! I was watching the episode and when Ichigo said 'What was his name again? Icky...Icky...' I couldn't help singing 'Icky Vicky!' XD<strong>

**I will try to upload a chapter every day because I want to at least reach the Soul Society Arc like SOON! So please review, hope you enjoy and I will see you next chapterrr :D**


	12. Episode 12

_**EPISODE 12**_

'And that's one for me,' Uryu said smugly as he killed a Hollow. Angrily, Ichigo grabbed the front of Uryu's shirt and before he can do anything, trips.

'AAHHHHH!' they both scream as Ichigo falls on top of Uryu.

'And cut!' Urahara calls out over his megaphone. 'Great acting, Ichigo! Way to go up on the gay scale! You'll sure get a lot of fangirls after you now!'

'Wait! That was an accident!' Ichigo cries out and jumps to his feet while blushing like crazy. 'Urahara, you CANNOT FUCKING put that in the show! Urahara! URAHARA!'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo is so foolish. If only he knew that he has to protect his other friends too. No matter, it just gives me a chance to prove how much better I am,' Uryu utters monotonously. He wrinkles his nose. 'Why do I sound like such a stuck-up prick?'<p>

'Because you are one,' Ichigo says matter-of-factly.

'Hey! Take that back!'

'Make me!'

'Oh, I will, fruity!'

'What did you call me?'

'Hey, hey! What's going on there?' Urahara says impatiently. 'Can someone break up the fight going on there? And-hey! Ichigo! You can't-really? Really? Wedgies are _so_ high school 1995! Ugh! Kids these days…'

* * *

><p>The smoke clears and there is Chad with his amped up armored limb.<p>

'HEYYY!' Ichigo cries out offstage. 'How come Chad gets a cool weapon like that?'

'Is there a problem with me having it?' Chad asks quietly as he towers over Ichigo. A bead of sweat trickles down the side of Ichigos's face.

'No, no, nothing at all! Carry on! Nice weapon! It really brings out your eyes!' Ichigo squeaks.

* * *

><p>'Chad, do you remember your lines while you are lying down on the ground?' Urahara calls out offstage.<p>

'Yes, but who am I saying them to?' he asks.

'To yourself.'

'Won't that make me look crazy?'

'What? No, no! You're just reflecting!'

'What's that?'

'Well, you're basically talking to yourself.'

'So I'm supposed to look crazy?'

'Chad, this had nothing to do with being crazy!'

'But then why am I talking to myself like a crazy person?'

'What the-! Chad, for the last time, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!'

'Then why do I keep talking to myself like I have no friends?'

'UGHHHH!'

* * *

><p>'Now Orihime is going to look off into the distance and she is going to look really worried! You got that, Orihime?' Urahara announces in the storyboard room and glances in her direction. She raises her hand. 'What is it?'<p>

'What am I looking at exactly, Mr. Urahara?' she asks curiously.

'Well, it's going to be a Hollow but we're going to add that later on in the special effects department.'

'So I'm looking at nothing?'

'Well, yes.'

'But won't that make me a crazy person?'

'Huh? Have you been talking to Chad or something?'

'Why of course! And he has some very good points! For example, did you know that there are no octopuses in the animal crackers here? I mean, how can you not have octopuses! They are so yummy to eat with their legs and big heads and crunchiness and…'

'I'm surrounded by idiots,' Urahara mutters as he grabs three aspirins from his table.

* * *

><p><strong>Yayyyyy! I've written another episode! Now on with the next XD<strong>


	13. Episode 13

**So I'm guessing everyone knows that the Bleach anime is over, huh? I'll admit, I cried in the end but you know, it's not a bad ending! Still, I SOOOO FUCKING WANT TO SEE GRIMMJOW COME BACK! TT~TT Stupid Kubo…**

**With every manga chapter that comes out, I am LITERALLY chanting, 'Please let there be Grimmjow, please let there be Grimmjow' and I'm still doing it! Patient idiot, aren't I?**

**It has been A WHILE since I updated so here's Chapter 13! And since I'm so hyper, I'll probably do a few tonight and line 'em up for the next couple of days or something! Least I can do for the delay XD**

_**EPISODE 13**_

Suddenly, the many-armed Hollow appears behinds Orihime. She looks behind and her eyes widen.

'So, you can see me, can you?' the Hollow says slyly.

'OH MY GOD! AN OCTOPUS! NOW WE CAN MAKE OCTOPUS ANIMAL CRACKERS!' Orihime cheers and claps her hands. The Hollow puppet frowns.

'What the hell? I'm not food, woman!' it yells.

'CUT! Orihime, that's not a real octopus! And for the last time, NO we are NOT going to make octopus animal crackers EVER!' Urahara yells angrily.

'Awwww!' Orihime sighs and puts away her meat cleaver.

'…why do you carry a meat cleaver with you?'

'Pedophiles.'

'Ah.'

* * *

><p>'And then we cut to a scene to where Uryu is being petted by his old sensei,' Urahara states and points to the storyboard. Uryu raises his hand. 'Yes, Uryu?'<p>

'Was my character molested as a child?' he asks blatantly.

'Wh-Wh-Whaaat?' Urahara sputters.

'Because my sensei looks like a pedophile. And it's not helping that you're showing a scene of him petting my head.'

'WHAT? NO, URYU, YOU WERE NOT ABUSED! JESUS CHRIST! Get your mind out of the gutter!'

'It was your concept.'

'SHUT UP, URYU!'

* * *

><p>'So…we have a lesbian on the show?' Ichigo says slowly. Urahara nods.<p>

'So…she'll be doing lesbian-y things?' Uryu adds. Urahara frowns.

'To an extent,' he says carefully.

'So…will there be a…I don't know…a make-out scene?' Ichigo said nonchalantly. Urahara's eyes narrow.

'Don't get your hopes up, Ichigo, because that is _not_ what this show is about!' he snaps. 'And besides, that scene got turned down when I proposed it.'

He starts sniffing loudly. Ichigo sighs and pats him on the back.

'Be strong, bro. It happens to the best of us,' he says sympathetically.

* * *

><p>'What's going on here?' Rukia mutters as she runs down the street. 'All hell is breaking-BWAAHHHH!'<p>

She trips and falls flat on her face.

'Ouch! That's gotta hurt!'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'So please, Tatsuki, don't cry!' Orihime cries out as she hugs her best friend.<p>

'NOW KISS!'

'ICHIGO! URYU! GET THE FUCK OFF THE SET NOW!'

'AWWWWW!'

* * *

><p>'It's time, Orihime! Call out our names! I am Hinagekou!'<p>

'And I am Baigor!'

'And my name's Lily!'

'Well, that's original,' Orihime says sarcastically. Everyone stares accusingly at Urahara.

'My wife forced me to weed the garden that day, okay?' he says impatiently.

* * *

><p>'And then, when Orihime faints, <em>I <em>show up!' Urahara says proudly. The producer scratches his head.

'Why?' he queries.

'Because I am the mysterious one in the series! And the mysterious one is always in odd places for inexplicable reasons!'

'You just want more screen time,' Ichigo points out.

'Do you want less?'

'I'm the main character!'

'I'm the director. Hence, your points are void.'

'Please tell me there is a scene where I get to punch his face in?' Ichigo mutters to a writer.

* * *

><p>'And then Orihime and Chad wake up in my-yes, Orihime?' Urahara says as he narrates the story to the cast.<p>

'Are you going to rape us in that scene?'

'Of course not-waist, WHAT?'

'Because if you are, I wanted to know what kind of expression I should make. Should be a horrified one or a shocked one or a blushing one or a-!'

'ORIHIME, I AM NOT GOING TO RAPE YOU IN THAT SCENE!'

'So you're going to rape Chad?'

'WHAT THE FUCK? NO! AND HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? HE'S HUGE!'

'Yeah, I don't exactly see myself bottoming either, Orihime,' Chad points out. Urahara stares at him before smacking his forehead.

Why Is everyone obsessed with sex today?

* * *

><p><strong>They're not! I mean, I'm not! Hey, it's not my fault everything looked so sexual in this episode! *pouts*<strong>

**Review? :3**


	14. Episode 14

**Muhahahahahaha! I was able to post a new one THE VERY NEXT DAY! XD**

**Aizen-sama, step aside! There's a new God in town! *Aizen-sama kicks me out of the screen* Okay, I take that back...ouch...**

_**EPISODE 14**_

'Soul Reapers had many names back then,' Rukia narrates thoughtfully. 'They were also called the Balancers.'

'What did they balance?' Ichigo asks.

'Your mom,' Rukia smirks and ducks as Ichigo throws his fake sword at her.

'That wasn't in the script!' he yells angrily.

'Well, it should be!'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'I have to fight with <em>him<em> now?' Uryu says incredulously and jerks his thumb in Ichigo's direction. 'That guy's an idiot! There is no way in hell-Oof!'

'Take that back, you bastard!' Ichigo yells as he plants his foot on Uryu's ass and send him sprawling across the floor.

'Cut and print! Great scene, you guys!' Urahara says excitedly.

'What the fuck? You are NOT putting a scene of Ichigo kicking my ass!' Uryu retorts angrily.

'Sounds fine to me,' Ichigo says with a grin.

* * *

><p>'We need to work together! You and me! So what do you say?' Ichigo utters his speech and turns to Uryu. Uryu raises an eyebrow.<p>

'I think you talk too much,' he says frankly. Then he turns to Urahara. 'Can I kick his ass now?'

'CUT! And no, Uryu, you can't!' Urahara sighs.

'Why not? He got to kick mine when I talk too much!'

'That's because you're a prick!'

'What the fuck! That's not fair! I'm calling my lawyer!'

* * *

><p>'So…I have to just cut and swing at this green screen?' Ichigo asks uncertainly.<p>

'Yup, but if it helps, we can pin up an image of the person you hate the most! That normally works!' the animator says helpfully. Ichigo nods and positions himself in front of the green screen.

'Think you can put up an image of Urahara for me to practice on first?' Ichigo questions.

'I heard that!' Urahara calls out.

'Good!'

* * *

><p>'Oh no,' Rukia mutters in horror as she gazes up at the opening in the sky. 'Is that what I think it is?'<p>

'What? What is it?' Kon asks through Ichigo's mouth. Ichigo turns to the opening and suddenly goes scarlet.

'Okay, now I don't want to know,' he mutters and looks away to hide his face.

'What's wrong?' Urahara asks, confused.

'Ummmm, I think it's the fact that the opening looks like a giant vajayjay,' a producer whispers uncomfortably in his ear. He blushes red as well.

'Oops,' he mutters. 'Okay, who's idea was that again?'

* * *

><p>'It's a Menos Grande,' Rukia says in awe.<p>

'A Menos what!' Kon calls out. He then raises an eyebrow in front of his mike. 'Is that a type of nachos?'

'CUT! Kon, you were NOT supposed to say that over the mike!' Urahara yells.

'Whaaat? I'm hungry!'

* * *

><p>'That's a neat sketch of the Menos Grande!' Ichigo marvels. 'What was the artist's inspiration?'<p>

'My mother-in-law,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>'That thing's too big for any of <em>our<em> weapons,' Uryu utters as he stares up at the Menos Grande.

'That's what she said,' Ichigo sniggers. Uryu rolls his eyes.

'Real mature, Ichigo!'

* * *

><p>'Alright, let's go!' Uryu says as he poses with his bow in hand and Ichigo's sword tied to his head while Ichigo held on.<p>

'Are you sure this will work?' Ichigo asks and lets go of the sword.

'Of course it wiiiiiillll!' Uryu shrieks as he topples headfirst onto the floor. The tip of the sword gets stuff in the ground and now he can't move. 'Can someone help me? I'm stuck!'

'CUT! Okay, who decided to be a smartass and give Ichigo the real sword! Didn't anyone know this would happen in this scene!' Urahara scolds the crew.

'Of course not,' Ichigo says innocently. Uryu glares.

'You are so dead when I get out of this,' he hisses.

* * *

><p>'Okay, so I save his life so that I can beat him up and he can do the same to me?' Uryu says and raises an eyebrow.<p>

'Because in a weird way, that's how you two show your friendship with each other!' Urahara explains. Ichigo and Uryu look at each other.

'Nah! That just shows how much we hate each other!' Ichigo yawns.

'For once, I agree with you!' Uryu remarks.

Urahara slumps to the ground in defeat. There was no way of getting his brilliant ideas across to such idiots.


	15. Episode 15

***doing happy dance* I am on a ROLL! XD**

_**EPISODE 15**_

'So half this episode focuses on me? SWEET!' Kon cheers and pumps a fist in the air.

'You're a freaking stuffed animal in this series! How can you even be excited about this?' Ichigo snaps.

'Somebody's jeaa-lous!' Kon sings.

'I am not!'

'Yes, you are! You wish you could be a stuffed animal like me!'

'What the fuck? No, I don't! I don't want to be a stupid lion!'

'DON'T INSULT MR. MUFFINCAKES!'

'Chill out, Urahara!'

* * *

><p>'You sure you're alright?' Ichigo asks.<p>

'Yeah, I'm fine,' Rukia answers as she sits on Ichigo's windowsill. 'I'll see you at school.'

She jumps down.

_SMACK!_

'CUT! Okay, who forgot to put a mattress where Rukia was going to land! Honestly, we're going to run out of money if we keep getting sued for injuries!'

'Who's fault is _that_?' Rukia mutters as she rubs her sore head.

* * *

><p>'You know, if you think about it, Ichigo has a permanent frown on his face!' Orihime comments.<p>

'And don't forget his wrinkles!' Rukia adds.

'Oh, yeah! But which ones? The ones on his forehead or around his eyes? If you ask me, I think it makes him look old!'

'Like forty?'

'More like fifty!'

'You know I can hear you, right?' Ichigo yells offset.

'Relax, Ichigo, it's all part of the script!' Rukia sighs. 'Actually, not really…'

'I heard that, too!'

* * *

><p>'So…I comment on how Ichigo seems to care about Uryu, huh?' Rukia comments nonchalantly to Urahara. The director nods.<p>

'And…Ichigo and Uryu hate each other but secretly care about each other, right?' Orihime asks innocently. Urahara frowns.

'Yeaahhh?' he says uncertainly.

'So does that mean there'll be…I don't know…a make out scene?' Rukia asks eagerly.

Urahara sighs heavily.

'Why me? _Why_ me?' he mutters.

* * *

><p>'I invited you because I felt like it! It's got nothing to do with sympathy or that I like you!' Ichigo states matter-of-factly.<p>

'NOW KISS!'

'RUKIA! ORIHIME! GET THE FUCK OFF THE SET!'

'AWWWWW!'

* * *

><p>'So Keigo is going to talk over here and-!'<p>

'Wait, wait, wait! Can I tell my famous lobster joke in this scene? It's really funny!'

'Huh? Yeah, sure, go ahead, Keigo!'

'Yes! Finally, a chance to show the audience of how funny a character I am! I just hope it doesn't get cut from the episode!'

* * *

><p>'So Mahana is going to ask you a really awkward question and you just answer naturally, okay?' Urahara instructs Rukia.<p>

'Why won't you tell me what she's going to ask me?' Rukia asks suspiciously.

'Oh, spontaneous reactions are the best ones!'

'If you say so…'

'And…ACTION!'

'So I have a question, Rukia,' Mahana asks, 'do you have a crush on Ichigo or what?'

Rukia spits out her chocolate milk in shock.

'Huh!' she asks dumbly.

'And cut! Now just add a rainbow to the scene and we're golden! Great reaction by the way, Rukia! Oh, and you got a little milk across your mouth.'

* * *

><p>'C'mon, Orihime, you and I are-!' Chizuru begins to unbutton her shirt.<p>

'Knock it off, Chizuru!' Tatsuki yells and knocks her out.

'AWWWWW!'

'URYU! ICHIGO! GET! OUT!'

* * *

><p>'I've replaced your stuffing with a poly-fiber carbonate, and refurbished your coat with a crushed velvet brocade like the style of Marie Antoinette!' Uryu recites proudly.<p>

'Gaaaaayyyy!' Kon yells into the mike.

'CUT! Kon, that's not your line!'

'Well, it should be! Ichigo and Uryu should just make out already!'

'Shut up, Kon!' Ichigo yells.

'I agree!'

'You shut up too, Rukia!'

* * *

><p>'Hey, everyone! I'd like you all to meet Renji and Byakuya! They'll be working in with us in the next couple of episodes!' Urahara announces. Rukia goes up into Renji's face, making him uncomfortable.<p>

'What?' Renji asks uneasily.

'So you're the other love interest in the Ichigo love triangle, huh?' she muses.

'What the fuck? Who are you?'

'Just a yaoi fangirl. So be careful. Your virginity is no longer safe around me.'

'No offense, but I am very, very scared of you right now…'


	16. Episode 16

_**EPISODE 16**_

Rukia runs down the alley. She runs around the corner. She runs along a stretch of land.

'And cut! Okay, let's get a few more shots of Rukia running and then we're golden!' Urahara states over his megaphone. Rukia, who is panting hard, glares at him.

'Here's a fucking good idea,' she gasps, practically out of breath, 'why doesn't my character decide to be a smartass for once and CATCH A FUCKING BUS!'

'Not dramatic enough.'

'Does a cardiac arrest sound dramatic enough!'

* * *

><p>'…Ain't that right, Captain Kuchiki?' Renji utters dramatically and Byakuya suddenly appears behind Rukia. She gasps as she stares at him in shock.<p>

'Bickagu…' she utters.

'CUT! Rukia, it's BYA-KUYA! You got that?' Urahara scolds.

'Right!'

'Meeting Captain Kuchiki Take 2!'

'Ain't that right, Captain Kuchiki?' Renji says boldly.

'Byayaki…' Rukia murmurs.

'CUT! RUKIA! IT'S BYAKUYA! B-Y-U-K-U-Y-A! GOT IT?'

Yeah, yeah! Don't get your panties in a twist!'

'Take 10!'

'Boysenberry…'

'Oh my God, CUT!'

'Take 23!'

'Brica-brac!'

'What the fuck! NO! CUT!'

'Take 45!'

'Jeremy Lin…'

'Are you fucking kidding me? That wasn't even close! CUUUT! And get me an aspirin!'

* * *

><p>'Okay let me get this straight!' Rukia interrupts Urahara as he explains the next scene. '<em>Renji <em>and I are childhood friends _and _he has a crush on me, right?'

'No, I don't!'

'And _Bickerbocker_-!'

'Byakuya.'

'Whatever, _he_ is supposed to be my brother and my sister's husband. And they both are _trying_ to _kill_ me?'

'That sounds about right,' Urahara answers with a nod. Rukia looks at him incredulously.

'Never mind. I forgot logic always eludes you,' she mutters and slumps back in her seat.

* * *

><p>'So you have to spray Mr. Muffin-I mean, Kon with this airfreshner because he stinks. Got that?' Urahara instructs as he hands Ichigo an aerosol bottle.<p>

'_Kon_ needs to be sprayed? Have you _spelled_ this guy? He needs 5 of those to get rid of _his_ stench-AARRGHH!' Kon shrieks as Ichigo angrily sprays the aerosol right in the actor's face. 'My eyes! My eyes! They burnnn!'

Ichigo sniffs the air and sighs.

'Lemony,' he remarks with a grin.

* * *

><p>'What a kickass sword!' Renji says gleefully and swings Zabimaru around in its shikai form.<p>

'Renji, you might want to be careful otherwise you're going to hurt-!' the props manager warns.

'WAHHHHHH!'

Renji accidentally wraps the sword around himself like a sushi. Ichigo, who is passing by, stops, grins evilly, and with a single finger tips Renji over.

'Told you,' the manager sighs.

'That was Ichigo's fault!' Renji whines.

'Your fault for tempting me,' Ichigo shrugs with a grin.

* * *

><p>'So do you <em>ever<em> smile?' Rukia asks Byakuya.

'When I feel like it,' he answers monotonously.

'How about right now?'

'I don't feel like it.'

'What if you see a cute bunny?'

'No.'

'Chocolate?'

'No.'

'A romantic comedy?'

'No.'

'Ichigo slipping on a banana peel?'

'…'

'Do you want to test that out?'

'I don't see why not.'

'Should we do the same to Renji?'

'…you truly are my sister.'

'Oh, stop it, you!'


	17. Episode 17

_**EPISODE 17**_

'You want to show me…naked?' Ichigo says, a huge muscle ticking in the corner of his temple.

'Yup! It's all part of the episode and you healing!' Urahara beams.

'Fuck no!'

'C'mon, Ichigo! And besides, I'm not the one who wrote that in the script!'

'For all I know, you could have!'

'You have a point…'

'That's it! I'm not doing the fucking scene!'

'What? No! Wait! Ichigo! I'll do anything you say if you just do the scene!'

'Anything?'

'Yes!'

…

Urahara hops onto the set in a huge Chappy the Rabbit costume. The entire crew stares at him.

'Don't ask,' he says coldly and pulls out a bright pink megaphone with heart stickers all over them. 'Okay, guys, let's get to work!'

* * *

><p>'Hey, guys! Check me out!' Ichigo exclaims excitedly as he stands before Renji, Rukia and Byakuya while attached with multiple strings all over his body for his slo-mo falling scene. He then begins to bend backwards like he's dodging bullets. 'The Matrix!'<p>

Rukia and Renji start laughing.

'Okay, we're going to start rolling! Everyone into position! Ichigo, stand up already!' Urahara says impatiently over the megaphone. 'Ichigo! I said stand up!'

'I'm trying!' Ichigo struggles to say as he equally struggles with the strings. 'I can't get up!'

'For the love of-! Will someone help Ichigo get up? Wait…wait _what_? Nobody can control the strings right now? Fuck, guess we'll have to shoot this scene tomorrow! Everyone! Take a break!'

'Hey! Can someone untangle me first!' Ichigo yells as everyone begins to leave the set. 'Somebody? Anybody? HELPPP!'

* * *

><p>Ichigo slowly opens his eyes and sees Tessai right in his face. In bed. On top of him.<p>

'AAHHHHH!' he screams.

'SURPRISE BUTTSEX!'

'KON, WE DO NOT NEED YOUR COMMENTARY IN THIS EPISODE!'

* * *

><p>'And then my character pulls out a fan so-!'<p>

'Uh, Urahara, why _does_ your character have a fan? I mean, he's a guy, right?'

'It's all part of the mystery and allure! You see he is always hiding because he has many secrets and a fan just adds to his secrets because he physically hides behind it! And the beauty of a fan is that is it a tool for women to seduce men with promises and Urahara is promising Ichigo untold powers if he agrees to be trained by him!'

'…okay, why do you _really_ want the fan?'

'It's pretty.'

'Ah.'


	18. Episode 18

_**EPISODE 18**_

'Okay, places everyone! We're about to start shooting!' Urahara yells out while clapping his hands. Then he turns to Orihime and sighs. 'Orihime, do you remember your lines?'

'Yup!' the girl beams. 'I have to ask Ichigo where Rukia is!'

'And?'

'And I have to be serious!'

'Can you show me your serious face?'

'Okay!'

'…'

'…'

'…Orihime, you're still smiling?'

'Or am I?' she says mysteriously. Urahara smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'What…the fuck is this?' Renji wrinkles his nose as he holds up the white yukata with pink flowers that he has to wear. 'It looks like a freaking bathrobe! Do I really have to wear this?'<p>

'Yup,' says the costume manager.

'Who's fucking idea was this! It doesn't even cover me properly! Every time I walk my legs show! I look like a freaking streetwalker from the red light district!'

'With your red hair, you probably are,' Rukia mutters as she's walking away.

'WHAT WAS THAT?'

* * *

><p>'Hey, this is pretty neat!' Ichigo exclaims as he marvels at the chain attached to his chest.<p>

'Wanna know something neater?' Urahara says excitedly.

'What?'

Urahara tugs the long chain from where he's standing and Ichigo falls flat on his face.

'That,' Urahara giggles. 'I should have this attached to _all_ the actors here!'

* * *

><p>'And then I get your character to yell out, "the amazing headband of justice!"' Urahara explains.<p>

'Oh, come on! My character isn't that stupid!' Ichigo rolls his eyes.

Urahara hands him the script and Ichigo scans through it.

'Wow, my character _is_ that stupid,' Ichigo whistles.

* * *

><p>'NO! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!' Ichigo shrieks as he clings pathetically to Urahara's leg who is dragging him across the floor while he tries to walk. 'THIS IS MADNESS, I TELL YOU! MADNESS!'<p>

'What's he whining about?' Rukia asks.

'He has to fight Ururu in the next scene,' Orihime explains. Rukia shudders.

'I'm going to miss him,' she admits.

* * *

><p>Chad and Orihime look down at the cat.<p>

'You want me…to talk to a cat now?' Chad says dully.

'Yes, Chad,' Urahara says impatiently. 'And _no_ it does _not_ make you a crazy a person.'

'I wasn't going to say that.'

'Good.'

'I was going to say that the cat is chewing on the Kon doll right now.'

'That's al-WHAT! NOOOOO! MR. MUFFINCAKESSSS!'

* * *

><p>'Wait, so now there's a romance between Orihime and Uryu?' Ichigo says incredulously.<p>

'Somebody's _jeaaalous_!' Rukia sings.

'Am not!'

'Don't worry! You still got Renji!'

'WHAT!' both Renji and Ichigo shriek.

* * *

><p>'Why the fuck do you keep having this guy fucking molest me!' Ichigo yells as Tessai sits on top of him, stoic as ever.<p>

'No reason,' Urahara shrugs his shoulders.

* * *

><p>'Where'd you get these handcuffs from?' Ichigo asks suspiciously as he glances behind him at the cuffs linking his hands and arms behind his back.<p>

'Just some internet site,' Urahara says innocently. Ichigo stares.

'You sick, sick pervert,' he mutters.


	19. Episode 19

**Just want to thank everyone for the lovely reviews and favourite-ing and alerting this story! Really makes my day to read your reviews!**

_**EPISODE 19**_

'So Karin is supposed to be your kid sister, huh?' Orihime inquires and inspects Ichigo's face from every angle.

'For the last time, yes, Orihime, she's playing my kid sister!' Ichigo sighs exasperatedly.

'I don't see it,' Orihime shakes her head. 'You don't look like her brother at all!'

'Maybe you can't see it because he's a boy,' Rukia suggest.

'You're right, Rukia! So we gotta dress him up like a girl and see the resemblance!' Orihime exclaims excitedly.

'Huh? What? No! Wait! Orihime! YARGHHH!' Orihime tackles him to the ground and attacks him with a black wig and lipstick.

'All done!' Orihime states in satisfaction and gets up. Everyone stares at Ichigo for a minute. Then…

'BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'

'This is not funny!' Ichigo snaps. Suddenly, something flashes in his face. He blinks stupidly before he realizes what happened. 'Alright, who just took a picture! Whoever it is I'll kick their ass!'

'Psst!' Urahara murmurs to his assistant. 'Just walk away slowly and pretend you weren't here. We're gonna be needing that photo.'

* * *

><p>'So when you get out of the hole, you have a Hollow mask!' Urahara tells Ichigo mysteriously.<p>

'WHAT! Fuck, that's bad!' Ichigo groans.

'But wait! You break it off and reveal that you're human!'

'That's good!'

'BUT your zanpaktou is broken!'

'That's bad!'

'And you hit me in the face!'

'That's good!'

'But then we have to battle and I pull out a sword!'

'That's bad!'

'Guess what everyone? Orihime made lunch for all of us!' Rukia announces as she barges into the room. Ichigo and Urahara look at each other.

'That's...good?' Urahara asks.

'No, that's bad. Just really, really…bad,' Ichigo groans miserably.

* * *

><p>'Ready aaaand SCREAM!' Urahara calls out over his megaphone.<p>

'AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!' Ichigo screams. And screams. And screams. His voice is getting shriller.

'Just another…minute…' Urahara coax as he looks at his watch. 'And done! You can stop, Ichigo!'

'Thank God!' Ichigo wheezes.

'Alright, so let's do that one more time but just a bit longer, okay, Ichi?'

Ichigo stares in disbelief.

* * *

><p>'So, Zangetsu, can you stand on this pole for this scene?' Urahara asks as he presents the pole to Zangetsu.<p>

The brooding man climbs on and seems to stand there perfectly perched. Then, his body leans to the side and he falls over. Urahara smacks his forehead.

'Can we get some double-sided tape here?' he calls out in exasperation.

* * *

><p>'So I have little fairy helpers?' Orihime says excitedly.<p>

'Yes, Orihime,' Urahara answers.

'And they'll do anything I say?'

'Well…'

'Can I have them steal soy beans for me?'

'Uhhh…'

'And I can then use those soy beans to create little nuclear bombs and then I can threaten the animal cracker company to make octopus animal crackers! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!'

'…Why don't you just stick to the script, okay, honey?'

* * *

><p>'Soul Reaper ribbons are red! Of course!' Ichigo exclaims aloud and notices how he is surrounded by ribbons now. 'I just have to find the-wait! Okay, that's enough ribbons! Now there's <em>way <em>too many ribbons! You can sto-ARGH!'

Ichigo was so caught up in the ribbons that he got tangled up and was hanging upside down all wrapped up like a Christmas present.

'Now you know how I felt,' Uryu mutters.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS<strong>_

The camera travels up Rukia's yukata clad body. Suddenly, a gust of wind blows and loosens the robe, making it fall off to reveal she is naked underneath. Everyone's jaw drops.

'FUCK!' she shrieks and tries to cover herself. Ichigo rolls his eyes.

'What's to fucking cover? She's got nothing up there,' he mutters. Out of nowhere flies a bottle of water and nails him hard right in the face.

'And this is coming from a guy with no balls!' Rukia snaps as her assistant hurries onto the scene with a robe.

* * *

><p>Rukia looks down ruefully and then slowly looks up. Suddenly, she hears something crack. Her face pales.<p>

'I can't…move…my neck,' she mutters. Urahara facepalms himself.

* * *

><p>'How come this ending is all about Rukia?' Ichigo grumbles.<p>

'Because I'm special,' Rukia exclaimed proudly.

'So you've finally come to terms that you're retarded?'

_SMACK!_

'Totally worth it,' Ichigo manages to say as he slaps a bag of ice over his swollen cheek.


	20. Episode 20

**OMIGOSH WE'RE NOW IN THE 20S EPISODES! Now just 300+ to go and I'm done X"D **

_**EPISODE 20**_

'Say hello to the new additions!' Urahara sings as he waves a hand to Gin and Kenpachi. 'They will be the captains in the Soul Society! You all get along, ok?'

'Yo,' Kenpachi grins wickedly, his spiky hair so pristinely pointed that they look like knives.

'How's it goin', everyone?' Gin smiles foxily.

'Urahara, just where the hell do you get…_people_ like these?' Ichigo whispers in concern.

'I dunno! But there's this wonderful site online where you can find all sorts of people! I believe it's called Craig's List or something…'

Rukia smacks her forehead.

'Let's just hope one of them's not a rapist,' she mutters.

'Forget that! I'm more afraid of who they'd rape _first_,' Ichigo whispers furiously. 'The spiky one is giving me weird looks…'

* * *

><p>'So let me get this straight,' Ichigo says while shaking with laughter, 'your sword's name is Red <em>Princess<em>? What kinda name is that!'

'I hope you read the rest of the script, Ichigo,' Urahara says evilly and connects his fingertips like a steeple, 'because in the next episode, my sword will almost cut you to pieces…'

Ichigo stops laughing.

'Owned,' Rukia says smugly as she's passing by.

* * *

><p>'Okay, everyone we're going to change the scri-WHAT THE HELL!' Urahara yelps and jumps about a foot in the air. 'Gin, why the hell did you tie up Kenpachi?'<p>

'Well, he said I wasn' strong enough ta be at his level so I hadta prove ma' strength,' Gin says cheerfully and tugs the bandages even tighter.

'You motherfucking, good-for-nothing, son of a goddamn bitch!' Kenpachi swears. 'When I get out of this I swear I'm going to tear you limb from fucking limb!'

'…you think you can do that again for this episode?' Urahara asks. Kenpachi stares incredulously.

'NO FUCKING-!' he begins but Gin cuts him off.

'Sure!' Gin sings and starts tugging Kenpachi along. 'Come along, Ken-chan! We needs ta practice!'

* * *

><p>'But promise,' Tatsuki whispers to Orihime, 'that you'll come back, okay? I'll be waiting…Orihime.'<p>

'KISS ALREADY!'

'FOR THE LOVE OF-STOP TRYING TO CREATE A LESBIAN SCENE FOR EVERY-GIN?'

'Yare, yare, Urahara-san!' Gin sighs and puts down his camera, 'if ya keep blockin' tha' scene I can never get a picture of those lovely ladies makin' out now, can I?'

* * *

><p>'Hey, congratulations! You are officially part of the Bleach cast!' Urahara announces to a built man with dark black hair and yellow eyes.<p>

'Thank you so much, Urahara-san!' the man says excitedly and bows. 'I promise I will do my best in playing my role! Er…who am I playing exactly?'

'A cat!' Urahara says proudly and holds up Yoruichi. The man stares in shock.

'I'm playing…a cat?' he says slowly.

'Not just any cat! It's-YEOWW!' Yoruichi the cat suddenly lashes out and scratches Urahara's face.

'Someone call animal control before Orihime gets her hands on the cat!' Urahara yells and grabs a tissue to ebb the blood flowing from his wounds. Then he turns to the bewildered man. 'Don't worry. This is just regular precautions. We've got our fair share of crazies around here.'

'How long is my contract for again?' the man says faintly.


	21. Episode 21

_**EPISODE 21**_

Ichigo and Uryu stare at Orihime. She looks at them curiously.

'What is it, you guys?' she asks in concern. 'Have I still got broccoli stuck in my teeth from my broccoli three bean dip lunch?'

'You ask her,' Ichigo mutters.

'Are you kidding me? _You _ask her!' Uryu whispers furiously.

'No, you!'

'No, _you_!'

'No,-!'

Chad walks past them until he is towering over Orihime.

'Are you wearing a bra, Orihime?' he asks quietly. Ichigo and Uryu's jaw drop. Did Chad just-?

Orihime thinks about it. Ichigo and Uryu stare in anticipation. Then, she pulls at her collar so that she can look down her shirt. Ichigo and Uryu faint from nosebleeds.

'Yup! I didn't forget this morning! It's just that this shirt normally makes my boobs look big!' Orihime exclaims cheerily.

'And they say I'm the pervert,' Urahara sighs as he walks over the unconscious bodies of Ichigo and Uryu.

* * *

><p>'Owwww!' Orihime cries and as runs onto the set with her eye covered by her hands.<p>

'What's wrong, Orihime?' Urahara asks.

'The cat punched me in the eye!' she wails. Urahara stares at her incredulously.

'Don't be stupid, Orihime!' he sighs. 'How can a cat punch you in the-!'

He froze as the wheels began to turn in his head. A slow smile spread across his face.

'Nice going, Orihime,' Ichigo mutters. 'You just fed a _little_ more crazy to the psycho train!'

* * *

><p>'We need a good gatekeeper!' Urahara sighs in exasperation. 'It's so hard to fill out these small yet important roles!'<p>

'Ummm, excuse me?' comes a small voice from outside the room and in walked an enormous man called Jidanbo. 'I'm here with the refreshments?'

He wheels in a trolley with food.

'Come in,' Urahara says in a bored tone. 'Put it in that corner.'

'Hey, can I have a slice of pie from there?' Kon says obnoxiously.

'Ummm, sure,' Jodanbo says meekly and holds up a slice. 'Here you go, sir.'

Kon hungrily snatches it up and begins to eat it when he notices that Jidanbo's body is shaking.

'Dude, you okay?' he asks in surprise.

'You're supposed to say,' Jidanbo says angrily as he grabs the trolley and lifts it completely over his head. Kon goes white. 'THANK YOU!'

He flings the steel trolley at Kon who screams and narrowly avoids being injured badly. Everyone in the room takes cover and stare at the heavily panting man in fear. Then…

'We have found our gatekeeper!' Urahara says gleefully as he stands on top of the overturned trolley.

'He really knows how to pick 'em,' Ichigo says incredulously.

'By the way, Ichigo, you're fighting him,' Urahara adds.

'WHAT!'

* * *

><p><strong>I know this is short but hey, coming up with funny scenes for this one was hard! Cut me some slack you guys!<strong>


	22. Episode 22

_**EPISODE 22**_

'Poo! I only get to show up for a little while? Where's the fun in that?' Gin pouts and crosses his arms like a little child.

'Don't worry, Gin. In your scene, you try to kill Ichigo and his friends,' Urahara says listlessly as he pours over the script.

'YAYYYY!' Gin cheers and claps his hands before scampering off enthusiastically.

'Nice save, Urahara,' Ichigo praises. 'Better to lie to him than have him whine all day.'

'Who said I was lying?'

Ichigo blinks stupidly.

'I hate you.'

'Doesn't everyone?'

* * *

><p>'Old man, do you know the whereabouts of Kukaku Shiba?' the cat's voice actor says over the mike as the cat's lips move.<p>

'Gesundheit,' Orihime says politely. 'Wow, I never knew a cat could sneeze!'

Urahara just stares. Behind him, the scriptwriter slaps his face with the script.

'Choose her he said,' the scriptwriter says sarcastically and throughs his hands in the air. 'She's good eye candy he said! He forgot to mention the cotton candy she had instead of a brain!'

* * *

><p>'What's that stampede noise?' Orihime queries. Suddenly the door bursts open as Ganju sails in and lands on his face. The man groans.<p>

'Oh man, sorry! I rode in too fast! Can we do that again? I messed up,' Ganju mutters as he rubs his sore head.

'No way! That was perfect! Nice going, Ganju!' Urahara says excitedly. 'On with the next clip! And-ORIHIME, GET AWAY FROM THAT PIG!'

'RUN! BE FREE, LITTLE PIG, BE FREEEE!' Orihime squeals as she starts shooing the pig off the set.

* * *

><p>'Hey, is this the set for the show Bleach?' Ganju asks as he walks into the dressing room. Ichigo snorts.<p>

'What, you know the show but can't even recognize the actors? Idiot,' Ichigo laughs. Ganju glares at him.

'Oh, I know you! You're the strawberry kid, aren'tcha?' Ganju says coolly. Ichigo sees red.

'Take that back,' he hisses.

'Make me!'

'Oh yeah?'

'Bring it!'

'You asked for it!'

'You guys! Has the new character arrived ye-!' Urahara begins to ask but everyone is already pointing to the blur of fists and feet in the middle of the room. 'Oh! Well, I guess I don't have to get them prepped to hate each other for the show!'

'Does everyone other character that comes along hates Ichigo or something?' Uryu asks curiously.

'Pretty much, yeah.'


	23. Episode 23

_**EPISODE 23**_

'Come back here-!' Ichigo begins to yell but then he gets stampeded by the other boars. Once the smoke clears, Ichigo looks like a train wreck.

'And cut!' Urahara says. 'Okay, places for the next scene!'

'You know, Urahara, we could have gotten Ichigo a stunt double or even some safety gear and then omitted it from the final draft,' one of the producers suggests. Unfortunately, Ichigo overhears.

'You mean I didn't have to almost be stampeded to death!' he says furiously and rounds on Urahara who is busy scribbling in his notebook. 'Why the fuck didn't you say something about that?'

'Because it wouldn't have been realistic,' Urahara says simply.

'Would punching your head in be realistic enough for you!'

* * *

><p>'So my character thinks that a Dalmatian is a type of cat?' Orihime asks.<p>

'That's right,' Urahara answers.

'Well, that's stupid! Everyone knows that a Dalmatian isn't a cat!'

'Well, that's part of your character's personali-!'

'It's actually a type of rabbit!'

'…'

'…'

'…Let's just stick to it being a dog before I decide to sign you up for a mental check-up, okay, Orihime?'

* * *

><p>'We don't have all day, Ichigo!' Uryu yells as he tries dragging Ichigo out of the hut. 'We have to find Kuka-AHHHH!'<p>

Ichigo accidentally loses his grip and falls backwards right on top of Uryu in a really suggestive way.

_FLASH!_

'HEY!' Ichigo yells as he stands up angrily. 'Who took that photo! Whoever it is better stand up so I can-!'

'So you can what?' Gin asks innocently as he stands up with a camera in hand. Ichigo gulps.

'So I can ask for a copy, that's all,' Ichigo says meekly.

'Me too! Me too!' Rukia squeals and waves her hand in the air.

'If I ever did that and he found out, I wouldn't live to see tomorrow,' Urahara's assistant whispers to a new intern.

'But you _did_ do that,' the intern points out. The assistant smirks.

'But he hasn't found out,' he cackles. The intern inches away. Maybe interning at the Bleach set wasn't such a good idea.

* * *

><p>'WOOHOO! I AM BACK PEOPLE! DID YOU ALL MISS ME!' Rukia says energetically as she bounds onto the set.<p>

'No,' Ichigo says cheekily.

_SMASH!_

'Don't worry! I missed you regardless, Ichigo,' Rukia says sweetly as she sits on top of him while grinding his face into the floor.

* * *

><p>'Oh my God! We look like the Wizard of Oz!' Orihime squeals as she hops onto the set where they are supposed to be walking towards Kukaku's house. 'I'm Dorothy! Chad is the Lion, Uryu is the Tin Man, Ichigo is the Scarecrow and Yoruichi is Toto!'<p>

Everyone stares at her.

'Wait a minute…' Ichigo says slowly. 'I don't have a BRAIN?'

'You got that right,' Uryu snickers.

'I guess that's why everyone calls you the 'heartless bastard' around here!' Ichigo spits at him.

'What! Who says that!'

'Do you mind being the lion, Chad?' Orihime asks in concern. Chad shakes his head.

'Better than being one of them,' Chad points to the bickering Shinigami and Quincy. 'And I don't just mean being a Scarecrow or a Tin Man.'

* * *

><p>'Yo,' Kukaku drawls as she walks in fully clothed in her outfit. Everyone's jaw drops. 'I'm Kukaku. And you are?'<p>

'Boobs,' Ichigo mutters like a mindless zombie.

'Huh!' Kukaku raises an eyebrow. 'Well, nice to meet you, Boobs!'

'What? NO! MY NAME ISN'T BOOBS!' Ichigo tries to explain desperately as the entire room starts laughing.

'Shut up, Boobs!' Rukia cackles.

* * *

><p><em>SMASH! CRASH! BASH!<em>

'Why are they fighting now?' Urahara sighs in aggravation as he walks onto the set to see Ganju and Ichigo fighting up a storm.

'They saw each other's faces. Isn't it obvious?' Uryu groans and shakes his head.

'I'll stop them,' Kukaku sighs as well while smoking her pipe and walks onto set.

'Kukaku! I don't think that's a good i-!' Urahara begins fearfully.

'Oh, don't worry! I'm sure Ichigo and Ganju wouldn't hit a girl!' Orihime says helpfully.

'It's not her I'm worried about,' Urahara says meekly.

'You gu-!' Kukaku begins but then Ichigo and Ganju knock her pipe out of her hand. Alarmed, she tries to find it. She spots it just as soon as the two fighting idiots step on it and break it. Her eyes widen. Then narrow.

'You guys owe me a new PIPE!' she screams and suddenly lands a fist in both boys' faces, knocking them right off their feet to fly into a prop wall. The wall gives way and falls back with the two. Everyone on set stares in awe and fear.

'Wow…' Uryu utters in shock.

'Amazing…' Chad murmurs.

'Where did you find her, Urahara?' Orihime says in wonderment. Urahara covers his face while shaking his head.

'She's my wife,' he mutters. Everyone whips around to stare at him.

'WHAT!'

* * *

><p>'Guess what? Guess what? We've got a new addition!' Gin sings as he skips in and Aizen follows. 'This is Captain Aizen! Isn't he cool?'<p>

'Hello, everyone!' Aizen smiles and waves. Everyone greets him just as enthusiastically.

'Aw, he seems nice!' Ichigo says cheerfully.

'Oh, he's nice,' Gin says mysteriously as he appears next to Ichigo out of nowhere. '_Very_ nice indeed.'

Ichigo jumps back and stares at Gin like he's some kind of…okay, like he _is_ a weirdo.

'You know, you don't have to be in character all the time,' Ichigo says rather shakily. Gin tilts his head to the side and smiles even wider.

'Who says I'm in character right now?' he giggles. Ichigo grabs Orihime and pulls her in front of him.

'Save me,' he whispers.

* * *

><p><strong>PAHAHAHAHA I REALLY LOVED THIS EPISODE! That's why I couldn't stop writing funny things about it! Bet none of you woulda guessed that Kukaku is Urahara's wife! ;D<strong>

**Though if I do say so myself, I think she is the perfect wife for him! I wish she had a bigger part in the series! I really liked her! TITE KUBO, THAT'S ONE MORE THING YOU OWE ALL OF US BLEACH FANS! ESPECIALLY KUKAKU FANS! TT_TT**


	24. Episode 24

_**EPISODE 24**_

'She smashes my face with that sphere?' Uryu says, dumbfound.

'Yes, but not so hard,' Urahara explains. Kukaku picks up the sphere on the table and tosses it in one hand.

'You mean like _this_!' she grunts as she throws it right in Uryu's face, knocking him off his feet.

'That was a little hard on the poor guy, honeybun,' Urahara says uneasily. Kukaku glares at him.

'You got a problem with that?' she demands. He shakes his head quickly.

'No, no! Not at all, dearest!'

* * *

><p>'This is so cool!' Orihime exclaims excitedly as she rolls around in her bubble. 'I feel invincible! I could be Bubblewoman! Fighting crime and saving bananas one peel at a time!'<p>

'One peel at a-' Urahara smacks his forehead. 'Orihime, get out of that bubble before it cuts off the only supply of oxygen going to your-WAAHHHHH!'

Orihime bonks him with her bubble and stands triumphantly over him while still in her orb.

'Bubblewoman saves the day from the evil Babbleman! The bananas are safe! For now!' she remarks mysteriously.

'I don't know whether to be happy that she clobbered him or worried that she's referring to us as…bananas,' Ichigo says uncertainly.

* * *

><p>'Come on, Orihime, let's go eat,' Uryu states.<p>

'Okay!' Orihime says brightly and skips after Uryu.

'Cut, cut! Orihime, you're supposed to say you're _not_ hungry because you want to stay behind with Ichigo!' Urahara sighs in aggravation and wags the script at her.

'But why would I do that? Food is more important!' Orihime points out.

'Wow, chee, thanks,' Ichigo says sarcastically.

'See? Even Ichigo agrees that he's lame and that I shouldn't pay any attention to him!' Orihime remarks. Ichigo smacks his forehead.

'I am _so_ glad she's _your_ love interest now,' Ichigo sighs and glances at Uryu.

* * *

><p>'I'm Toshiro HItsugaya and I'm going to be the captain of Squad 10,' Toshiro announces as he stand before the Bleach cast. Gin steps forward.<p>

'Well, aren't ya just the cutest little thing, Shiro-chan!' he squeals and hugs Toshiro while lifting him high in the air. 'I think we're going ta get along just fine!'

'Let go of me, you pervert!' Toshiro screams as he struggles in the thin man's arms while he's being swung around and around in a circle.

'Awwww! Don't they make a cute couple!' Rukia sighs. Ichigo gives her a weird look.

'Must you pair every guy you see with another guy?' he asks.

'Not really! Sometimes I pair them up with more than one! You're an example,' Rukia says slyly. Ichigo turns white.

'Rukia, who have you paired me up with? Rukia, don't you walk away from me! Rukia? Is it Renji? I'll kill you if you say Uryu! I-RUKIA!'


	25. Episode 25

**This is officially the most number of chapters I have ever written for a story XD**

_**EPISODE 25**_

'That's why I've decided I'm going to help you! I'm willing to go with you into the heart of enemy territory and try to learn what being a Soul Reaper really means!' Ganju finishes. Then he puffs out his chest. 'God, I'm BEAUTIFUL!'

Ichigo smacks his forehead.

'That would've been _so_ perfect without that gay ass line,' he utters.

'That was not gay!'

'You're saying you're beautiful while wearing harem pants! Need I go on?'

'CUT!' Urahara sighs. 'Boys, keep the fighting for the _other_ scenes!'

* * *

><p>Ganju lets go of Ichigo's hakama. Then, Ichigo grabs Ganju and pulls him close.<p>

'You and me then,' Ichigo says seriously. Ganju smirks.

'Orihime, there's a bee near your ear!' Uryu says in alarm.

'What? Where? Get it away!' Orihime panicks and starts running away. Right into Ichigo. Whose lips press right onto Ganju's.

Ganju's eyes widen. Ichigo's eyes widen.

'FUCKKKKKK!' they scream and run in the opposite directions while wiping their mouths vigorously.

'I'm going to be rich!' Urahara's assistant says gleefully as he rubs his camera like a villain.

* * *

><p>'So as you all get into the launch cannon, Kukaku lines the cannon and…' Urahara explains.<p>

'Don't give her a sword, don't give her a sword,' Ichigo and Uryu chant under their breath.

'…uses her sword…'

'NOOOOOOO!'

'What's gotten into them?' Kukaku yawns.

'I sometimes can't understand bananas,' Orihime sighs. Kukaku gives her a weird look.

'What planet is she from again?' she mutters to Urahara.

* * *

><p>'72 pairs of legends! 13 pairs of horns!' Kukaku chants. 'The right paw of the-you know, what I can't do this! I sound like a fucking nutcase! I need a drink!'<p>

'Uh, Urahara…' the scriptwriter says nervously.

'Don't worry, I'll get her drunk enough to agree,' Urahara sighs and leaves. 'The things I do for love…'

* * *

><p>'Ouch, quit stepping on my toes, Chad!' Ichigo yells as he's smushed to one side of the orb.<p>

'Ichigo! You're crushing me!' Uryu mumbles as Ichigo pushes him against the glass.

'Hey! Where's the ca-YEOUCH!' Ganju yells as the cat jumps out of nowhere and scratches his face. Then he sniffs the air and quickly covers his face while waving his hand in front of it. 'YUCK! Okay, who just farted?'

'Don't look at-OH GROSS, THAT STINKS!' Ichigo groans and also covers his face as his eyes water. 'Uryu!'

'It wasn't me!'

All three turn to Chad.

'CHADD!' they groan. The giant says nothing. Orihime whistles away in the corner as she rocks back and forth on her heels.

'I think you should let them out, Urahara,' the producer suggests.

'But why? They're making such a wonderful noise!'

'…you can't hear them, Urahara…'

'Exactly.'

* * *

><p>'Say hello to my niece, Yachiru, everyone!' Kenpachi barks as he saunters onto the set with the little girl perched on his shoulder. Yachiru waves enthusiastically.<p>

'Hi, everyone!' she beams.

'Uh, Kenpachi? Kids aren't allowed on the set,' Urahara points out.

'Oh, she's here to audition as my lieutenant.'

'Huh? Look, Kenpachi, I'm sorry, but I don't think-'

'You got a problem with that, hat boy?' Kenpachi leers as he looms menacingly over Urahara. Everyone on the set takes a step back in fear. Urahara gulps.

'So will she take her robes in a size Small or Extra Small?' he asks meekly.

* * *

><p>'Do not underestimate me, Gin,' Aizen murmurs before he departs. As he leaves, he reveals Toshiro who had been standing by, listening with a grave expression.<p>

'And cut! That was brilliant, you guys! Now, on with the next…' Urahara starts rambling. Gin suddenly grabs Toshiro and starts hugging him tightly.

'Awwwww, Shiro-chan! You are so cute and adorable when you're serious!' Gin squeals.

'STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME!'

* * *

><p>'So I'm trying to find Ichigo so I can fight him, huh?' Kenpachi smirks as he glances at Ichigo from the corner of his eyes. 'Excellent.'<p>

He cackles evilly. Ichigo inches away from him.

'Is it too late to get a restraining order?' he mutters fearfully to Urahara.

'Don't worry, Ichigo, he's not going to harm you!' Urahara points out.

'Oh, the restraining order isn't for me. I just think you're going to need it because I am going to fucking KILL YOU!'

'Someone's PMS-ing today.'

* * *

><p>The camera focuses on a shot of Rukia's cell.<p>

'What the-!' Urahara utters before he smacks his forehead. 'Rukia, how many times have I told you not to play tic-tac-toe on the walls here? It messes up the prop, it ruins the shot and plus, you never win!'

'Hey! My opponent is tough!'

'You play against yourself!'

'Exactly.'

* * *

><p><strong>I don't know about you guys but rewatching the episodes is actually funny, especially watching Yoruichi as a cat because I know it's a 'she' and I know what she's capable of and seeing her as a cat is just cray now XD<strong>

**Not to mention watching Aizen and screaming, 'BASTARD! HOW COULD BETRAY EVERYONE!' while thinking, 'Huh. Who knew that having no glasses could make you look so diabolical whereas wearing them could make you look so innocent. Nice one, Kubo' XD XD**

**And the artwork was so simple and even a little lumpy! WOW! Bleach has come a really long way when it comes to the designs and art quality! :O**

**NOTE: BTW! I want to give Urahara's assistant a name since it gets tedious just typing in "Urahara's assistant" all the time! Any ideas on a name or do you want me to pick a Bleach character? :3**


	26. Episode 26

**Thanks for the suggestions, guys! But I kinda have plans for some that you all have suggested so I'm sorry I won't be taking them! But thank you so much for helping! ^_^**

**I decided to scrounge through the Bleach cast and picked this glasses kid called Ino! If you go check it out he's just a typical resident of Karakura Town and he's one of the boy's who Kon/Ichigo attacks when he hears him and his friends talking about killing on a gameboy. So we have our ASSISTANT! XD**

***ahem* enjoy the rest of the episode ^_^**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 26<strong>_

'Then Ganju and Ichigo meet two shinigamis and they have no choice but to fight!' Urahara explains and points to Ikkaku and Yumichika. Ichigo and Ganju stare.

'Let me get this straight,' Ichigo starts. 'You want us to fight a potato-head…'

'…and a turkey?' Ganju finishes in disbelief.

_SMASH_!

'Who you calling a turkey you half-ass, flea-bitten mongrel?' Yumichika shrieks as he grinds his foot into Ganju's face. 'I'm the most beautiful person _you'll_ ever meet so be grateful my foot's even in your face!'

'What the-HEY! GET OFF ME!' Ichig yelps as he holds of Ikkaku.

'You started it!' Ikkaku yells.

'No need to go all Rambo on me, baldie!'

'Fuck you!'

'Why do you pick actors that just don't get along with others, Urahara?' the scriptwriter sighs.

'Are you kidding me? Look at that chemistry!' Urahara points to the fighting duos. 'I…am a genius.'

'Oh boy,' the writer sighs and smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'Then I have to do a…happy dance?' Ikkaku says in a deadpan voice.<p>

'Well, I guess it is unnecessary,' Urahara remarks. 'I suppose we can cut it-!'

'NO!' Ikkaku says suddenly and looks all teary-eyed. 'All my life I wanted to dance on TV! To evoke my emotions in dance and express my feelings to my viewers! And now's my chance so I'm not going to pass it up! Thank you for this opportunity, Urahara-san! I won't let you down!'

He bows humbly before the gaping director.

'I like you,' Urahara finally says when he closes his mouth.

* * *

><p>'I trap myself in an <em>exploding <em>cannon to get away from Yumichika?' Ganju says incredulously.

'Yup,' Urahara answers.

'…Wow! Am I a super genius or what?' Ganju boasts.

'What,' Ichigo mutters.

'I heard that!'

* * *

><p>Ichigo suddenly lunges at Ikkaku who quickly dodges the blow. Ichigo accidentally cuts through a building making it collapse. Ikkaku's eyes widen in shock.<p>

'Don't talk like our fight is-!' Ichigo begins his dramatic speech when a huge block of the building hits him on the head and knocks him out.

'CUT! Damn, we'll have to redo that scene! 'Kay, can someone rearrange that building again for the next scene? We're going to try filming it one more time but from a different angle to boot and-!'

'Uh, Urahara? Shouldn't we help Ichigo?' Ikkaku queries. Urahara glances at Ichigo's inert body.

'Meh, it's not like he's bothering anyone,' Urahara says with a shrug. 'Hey! I want the mike here this time!'

* * *

><p><strong>Oh! Apparently, starting with this episode, each ending focuses on a certain squad's captain and lieutenant hence at the end of each episode, I'll do the bloopers of the ending credits! Enjoy! XD<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS<strong>_

* * *

><p>Ichigo, Chad, Uryu, and Orihime all stand poised as the sun rises over them. Orihime wiggles her nose.<p>

'Ah…ah…AHCHOO!' she sneezes, bending backwards, knocking everyone to the ground with Ichigo at the bottom.

'ORIHIME!' everyone yells, except Ichigo since he is buried alive under everyone.

* * *

><p>'Cool!' Renji squeals as he looks at all the cutouts of himself lined up for the next shot. 'Damn, I am one <em>fine<em> lieutenant! Can I have one after we're done shooting?'

'Sure,' Urahara replies.

'Can I have one, too?' Ichigo asks.

'Why would you want one?' Renji asks in surprise.

'Oh, my old dartboard broke so I need a new one.'

'…you are so evil.'

* * *

><p>Byakuya looks at his cardboard replicas.<p>

'Something's wrong with this one,' Byakuya points out.

'What is it?' Urahara asks.

'It's smiling.'

* * *

><p>'Oh yeah! Check out my sweet ass muscles!' Renji boasts as he flexes.<p>

'EWWWW! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR ASS MUSCLES!' Orihime squeals. Renji blanches.

'That's not what I meant, Orihime!' he tries to explain hastily.

'I so love you right now, Orihime!' Ichigo laughs.

* * *

><p>Renji lifts his sword to attack.<p>

'HIYAAA-SHIT!' Renji accidentally hits the camera, knocking it over and breaking the lenses.

'Don't worry!' the cameraman sighs in exasperation. 'We have a spare spare. And PLEASE don't try to break _this_ one too, Renji!'


	27. Episode 27

_**EPISODE 27**_

'H-H-Hello, everyone!' Hanatorou stammers and bows deeply to the Bleach cast. 'M-M-My name is Han-Han-Hanatarou and I'm a n-n-new member of the c-c-cast!'

'Hey, Hanatarou! Welcome aboard!' Urahara welcomes. 'You'll be playing a shinigami who specializes in medicine and you're Rukia's caretaker!'

'Ru-Ru-Rukia's?' Hanatarou says faintly and blushes beetroot red.

'Aw, that's sweet!' Rukia exclaims. 'It's going to be great working with you, Hanatarou!'

Hanatarou stares at her for a minute before fainting.

'What the-?' Rukia mutters in disbelief. 'What's up with him?'

Ichigo giggles.

'I think someone's _in love_ with you!' he teases. Rukia glares at him.

'Knock it off, Ichigo!' she snaps.

'Hanatarou and Rukia, sitting in the tree!' he starts singing. 'K-I-S-S-I-N-!'

_SLAM!_

'YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!'

'I dare you to continue!' Rukia yells as she chases Ichigo with the coffee table over her head.

'Ah! Young love!' Urahara sighs. Everyone gives him a weird look.

* * *

><p>'How could you!' Ikkaku wails as he holds his spear in front of him. Ichigo gives him an incredulous look as he backs away slowly.<p>

'What's up with him?' Uryu asks.

'He's upset that Ichigo ruined his sword,' Yumichika sighs.

'Uhhh…but isn't it just a…prop? I mean, he doesn't _really_ think he's-!'

'Yes, he does,' Yumichika says gravely.

'He was my best friend! MY BEST FRIENDDD!' Ikkaku bawls and starts hugging the spear. 'I'll miss you, ol' buddy!'

* * *

><p>'This fight isn't over!' Ikkaku yells maniacally. 'As long as-!'<p>

'-the fat lady sings?' Ichigo suggests. Ikkaku blinks in surprise before smacking his forehead.

'My weapon! As long as I can hold my weapon!' Ikkaku snaps. 'Just how the hell are you the lead in this series?'

Ichigo smirks and pops his collar.

''Cause I make the ladies swoon, bro,' he says smoothly. Behind him, Rukia is miming throwing up.

* * *

><p>'The only way I'll put down my sword is if you cut off my arm!' Ikkaku yells. Then he stops and stares at the camera. 'I'm sorry, but does my character <em>really<em> need to go to that extreme level? I mean, can't he just compromise and let Ichigo pass if Ichigo can knock him off his feet or something? Honestly, cutting off his arm? Has he ever thought about how he'd _never_ be able to use the bathroom by himself again?'

'CUT! Ikkaku, it's a figure of speech. So cut the fuck out and stick to the fucking script! And NO, your character can't dress up like a swan and have a dramatic dance solo!'

'Awwww!'

* * *

><p>'Hey, how come Uryu's with Orihime?' Ichigo demands.<p>

'Because we need to keep _some_ kind of romance alive in the series!' Urahara explains.

'But _why_ Uryu? The guy probably doesn't even understand girls!'

'Hey!' Uryu snaps.

'Ooooo! Someone's jealous!' Rukia giggles.

'Shut it, Rukia! I'm not jealous of Uryu!'

'Oh, I wasn't talking about being jealous of _Uryu_!'

'…you sick, sick pervert.'

'Guilty.'

* * *

><p>'Why the hell do we keep getting lost in this episode?' Kenpachi demands.<p>

'Because-!' Urahara begins to explain.

'Because it's all Urahara's fault!' Yachiru says proudly.

'What? No, it isn't-!'

'You better fucking fix it or I'll rip your fucking spine out!'

'Yes, sir!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS<strong>_

* * *

><p>This time, the gang is running on the roof. Suddenly, Orihime loses her footing and knocks them all off to tumble to the ground.<p>

'ORIHIME!' everyone yells.

* * *

><p>'Yayyyy! This time the ending's all about me!' Gin squeals and hugs himself. 'Oh! And I can't forget ma' trusty lieutenant, Kira!'<p>

Gin pulls Kira forward and hugs him tightly.

'Yer so cute! I can just eat ya up!' Gin praises.

'Gin, you're…choking…me,' Kira coughs.

'Am I the only one who thinks he looks like a rapist right now?' Ichigo hisses.

* * *

><p>Gin opens his eyes.<p>

Silence.

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'

'Yare, yare, people are so dramatic these days!' Gin sighs as he closes his eyes.

* * *

><p>'We finish the ending with Kira following Gin to their quarters at night,' Urahara finishes reading the script to the cast.<p>

'…'

Ichigo raises his hand.

'Yes, Ichigo?'

'Whose idea was that?'

'It was a collaboration of mine and Gin's. Why?'

'No reason. Other than the fact that it simply screams "rape time".'

'Yare, yare, Ichigo! Ya can be so agitated sometimes!' Gin sighs and leans back in his chair. 'Why, if I wanted ta rape Izuru-chan here I'd be more…_creative_ abou' it.'

He grins widely at Kira, whose eyes widen as he slowly moves his seat away.

'I _told _you he was the rapist,' Renji murmurs to Ichigo. 'Pay up.'


	28. Episode 28

_**EPISODE 28**_

'Your sword looks pathetic!' Ganju utters as he looks at Yumichika's blade. 'It looks like the type of knife farmers use to cut crops! I mean, come on! That's a lame ass design!'

Yumikchika raises an eyebrow and clicks a button on his sword. Suddenly, a number of blade spring out from the handle like a fan, making Ganju yelp and jump back. He stares at the sword in awe.

'Wow,' he breathes.

'You were saying?' Yumichika exclaims smugly.

* * *

><p>'I'm sorry, but I simply cannot wear <em>this<em> outfit, Urahara, it is not beautiful enough,' Yumichika remarks insipidly.

'Dude, what's up with being obsessed with beauty?' Ichigo says in exasperation. 'I know it's part of your character but you don't have to act like that off camera as well! I mean, are you gay or something?'

'Yes,' Yumichika answers without hesitation. Ichigo blinks stupidly and turns red.

'Oh, uh, well, if you put it like that then…uh,' Ichigo babbles as he stumbles out of the room.

'Some people can be so ugly sometimes,' Yumichika sighs.

* * *

><p>'Now do a close up of Yoruichi the cat,' Urahara instructs the cameraman. 'And then-OH GROSS! GROSS! CAN SOMEONE STOP THE CAT FROM LICKING ITS BUTT! AW, COME ON! I DID NOT WANT A ZOOM ON <em>THAT<em>!'

* * *

><p>'If you're looking for a murderous intent then why don't you look at my bow,' Uryu says gravely as he stands with his Quincy bow. 'It's a thrill…I'd love to give you.'<p>

'GAAAYYYYY!'

'ICHIGO! GANJU! GET OFF THE FUCKING SET RIGHT NOW!'

* * *

><p>'Now, Orihime, I want you to look lovingly at Uryu because he's so strong and brave!' Urahara explains.<p>

'Why?'

'Because he's changed!'

'Why?'

'Because he wants to get stronger!'

'Why?'

'Because he-oh, forget it! Just pretend he's a giant toasted bagel with octopus and mustard filling!'

'Oooooo!' Orihime looks at Uryu with wide eyes.

'Uhhhh…Orihime? You got a little drool,' Uryu utters as he backs away, slightly creeped out.

* * *

><p>'You made it, Ichigo! Okay, I need you to stand in the middle of all these people who are going to attack you, okay?' Urahara says as he navigates Ichigo to the center of a crowd of evil looking extras.<p>

'Uh, Urahara? Where'd you get _these_ guys from?' Ichigo says nervously as some of the guys wink at him and even lick their lips.

'Craig's List. Why?'

'Oh, fuck…'

'Oh! Is this the rape scene? Wait! Lemme get ma popcorn before ya start!' Gin squeals and quickly runs off.

* * *

><p>'So what kind of Captain design do you have for Squad 12?' the producer asks Urahara as they wait for the next person to audition.<p>

'Well,' Urahara ponders, 'he has to be a mad scientist. But not too over the top. Just creepy enough to-!'

'YES! I FINALLY HAVE YOU TO MYSELF!' screams a crazy man in weird make-up and oddly shaped white hat. 'Give me your blood sample so I can create the most dangerous human in the world! Then I can create clones and make the recreate human community into _my _ideal world! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!'

Everyone in the room stares. Except the producer who has fainted from fright.

'YOU'RE HIRED!' Urahara shouts excitedly. 'What's your name by the way?'

'Mayuri Kurotsuchi!' the man says. 'So does this mean I'm a member of Evil Scientists R Us Association?'

'Uhhhh…sure!'

* * *

><p>The camera shows a scene of Rukia in her cell. And a drawing of Chappy the Rabbit on the side.<p>

'RUKIA! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO STOP DRAWING ON THE WALLS?'

'But it's sooo cute! How can you say no to Chappy!'

'Like this: NO!'

'Meanie!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS<strong>_

* * *

><p>'Let's put Yoruichi on Ichigo's head!' Orihime remarks as she drops the cat on Ichigo's head.<p>

'No, no, no-AHHHHH!'

The cat begins to scratch and bite Ichigo, making him run all over the place and sending everyone crashing in odd corners.

'ORIHIME!' everyone yells.

* * *

><p>Kenpachi swings his sword forward. It knocks the camera down and cracks it.<p>

'Damn it! Why do we even do that scene?' Urahara complains. 'Someone _always_ knocks the camera down and breaks it! Why can't people be more careful around here!'

'Why can't you be smarter?' the cameraman mutters.

* * *

><p>'I WANT CANDY!'<p>

'Yachiru, I don't have candy so can you just do this scene,' Urahara begs.

'I WANT CANDY NOWWWW!'

...

The camera shows a close up of Yachiru smiling and looking all googly-eyed.

'Awwww!' the entire crew coos.

'If they only knew,' Urahara whimpers pathetically.

* * *

><p>'Yayyy! I like this scene!' Yachiru claps her hands.<p>

'What scene?' Ikkaku asks. Yachiru gives an evil grin.

'_This_ scene!' she laughs and jumps on his face with her feet.

'What the-?' Yumichika yelps before Yachiru jumps on his face too.

'Little she-devil…' Ikkaku mutters.


	29. Episode 29

_**EPISODE 29**_

'And then you grab Hanatarou to take him captive and put your blade next to his throat like this!' Urahara says as he grabs Hanatarou and puts his pointer pen against the boy's neck. Hanatarou shrieks and faints instantly. Ichigo, Ganju and Urahara stare.

'…yeah, we're gonna need to work on that,' Ichigo mutters.

* * *

><p>'Come on, Hanatarou! We're gonna start the scene! And remember, DON'T FAINT!' Ichigo instructs as he drags the meek boy onto the set.<p>

'Sure, Ichigo! I mean, after all, the other squad will try to rescue me!' Hanatarou answers.

'Uh, no, they're not. They don't care about you and even tell me to kill you,' Ichigo corrects. Hanatarou's eyes widen before he faints in Ichigo's arms.

'OH, COME ON!' Ichigo explodes and starts shaking Hanatarou's limp body. 'WILL YOU QUIT FAINTING ALL THE FUCKING TIME!'

'Uh, Ichigo? You do know he can't hear you, right?' Urahara asks.

* * *

><p>'Hey! That's a really neat tattoo, Chad!' Ichigo exclaims as he admires the tall man's heart tattoo on his bicep. 'What did you get it for?'<p>

'I belonged to a gang where in order to join you have to beat up a 100 men before you're accepted and given a tattoo,' Chad explains in a monotonous voice. 'Getting a heart with wings means you've beaten up twice the amount asked and used your bare hands-Ichigo? Where'd you go? I swear he was here a minute ago.'

* * *

><p>'This won't take five minutes. Only two,' Chad says in an emotionless tone as he gets ready to beat up a gang of shinigami's.<p>

'Sometimes, the way Chad delivers his lines gives me the chills,' Urahara says excitedly as he shivers. The producer gives him a weird look.

* * *

><p>'I really love the Dark Knight! One of the best movies ever!' Rukia gushes.<p>

'Yeah, yeah! I think the Joker was a _little_ overdone! I mean, some of his lines just sucked!' Ichigo yawns.

'Hey, you wanna know how I got these scars?' Kenpachi says evilly as he comes up behind Ichigo.

Ichigo looks over his shoulder. His eyes widen.

'YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!' Ichigo goes off screaming like a little girl.

* * *

><p>'Hey! Hanatarou is not a lame name!' Hanatarou says defensively.<p>

'Yes, it is!' Ichigo mutters. 'Where I come from "Hana" means "flower" so you might as well call yourself Blossom!'

'Wait, wait, wait! So your name is Blossom?' Orihime cuts in as she walks onto the set.

'Orihime! Get off the-!' Urahara sighs.

'Sugar!' Rukia booms as she jumps onto the screen.

'Spice!' Orihime chimes in.

'And everything nice!' they both utter together. 'These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girls! But Professor Utonium added an extra ingredient to the concoction: CHEMICAL X! Thus the Powerpuff Girls were born! Using their ultra super powers!'

'Blossom!' Hanatarou cries out.

'Bubbles!' Orihime poses in a fighting stance.

'And Buttercup!' Rukia calls out as she mimicks Orihime's pose.

'Have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil!' the three yell out triumphantly.

'CUTTTTTTTTTT!'

* * *

><p>'So in the end, I'm actually really helpful?' Hanatarou says in surprise. Urahara nods. Hanatarou sighs, his eyes fluttering, before he keels over and faints.<p>

'WILL THIS GUY STOP FUCKING FAINTING? IT'S SERIOUSLY PISSING ME OFF!' Ichigo screams as he jumps on top of Hanatarou and starts shaking him angrily.

'How much do you think we can sell this photo for?' Ino asks as he snaps a picture. The intern also snaps one and thinks.

'If you caption it as "Even Ichigo knows how to rape" I bet you could rake in a couple thousands,' he grins. Guess it wasn't so bad working on this set.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS<strong>_

* * *

><p>Everyone is jumping through the air. Minus Orihime. Then…<p>

'Triple cannon doggy style mega JUMP!' Orihime yells as she sails through the air so dramatically that she nails everyone and sends them flying right into the ground where there was no safety mattress to cushion their fall.

'ORIHIME!' everyone screams.

* * *

><p>The camera shows a close-up of Mayuri.<p>

'Where's my lab?' Mayuri yells out obnoxiously.

'Up your butt to the left!' Ichigo yells.

'Wha-?' Mayuri looks behind n confusion.

Ichigo bursts out laughing but stops when a dagger comes out of nowhere and almost takes his head off. Ichigo looks at Mayuri with a shocked expression.

'You…you almost…killed me,' he chokes out.

'Pity. I was hoping I would,' Mayuri sighs.

* * *

><p>Nemu does a number of acrobatic tricks in front of the camera, jumping about everywhere.<p>

'How the hell does she do that?' Ichigo mutters.

'It boggles me,' Uryu murmurs in agreement.

'It's impossible!' Ganju blurts.

'Come on! Girls can be pretty flexible!' Rukia cuts in.

'What? Oh, we weren't talking about that, Rukia!' Ichigo says.

'We were just wondering how she can do all that and _not_ have her skirt ride up!' Ganju explains.

'It disobeys the laws of gravity!' Uryu adds. Rukia smacks her foreheads.

* * *

><p>'Then I make an appearance in a haori!' Urahara says triumphantly.<p>

'Why?' the scriptwriter queries.

'To add suspense,' Urahara says mysteriously while waving his hands about. The scriptwriter gives him a weird look. 'Okay, I just want a part since I haven't been in any episode for _so_ long!'

* * *

><p>Rukia stares at Mayuri's sword.<p>

'That has got to be the weirdest dildo I have _ever_ seen,' Rukia mutters.

'Ew! Rukiaaaa!' Ichigo whines since he was standing nearby to hear it.

'Would you use it?'

'NO!'

'…'

'…okay, once but with my eyes closed.'

'Same.'

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, the last one was <strong>_**slightly**_** disturbing. I should have put a warning label there. *WARNING: disturbing reference to dildos, Rukia and her perverted thoughts*** **Too late? M'bad XD**

**I don't know about you guys but I was literally giggling as I added the Powerpuff Girl bit! Oh, and the Dark Knight reference came to me out of the blue because I was staring at Kenpachi and thought, "DAMN! If there was a Dark Knight Bleached version Kenpachi would SOOOO be the Joker" XD**

**Hope you guys enjoyed! ^w^**


	30. Episode 30

***does a little jig dance* I'm in the thirtiessss **

**because it's awesomeee **

**and that didn't rhymeeee **

**but I'm still awesomeeee**

…**I'm writing this at midnight and I can't sleep and that's enough reason for me to talk like this :3**

_**EPISODE 30**_

'Wait, wait, wait!' Ichigo says while shaking his head as he stands in front of Urahara. 'You picked _Rangiku Matsumoto_ as a _lieutenant_ for this show? WHY?'

'Yeah!' Uryu argues. 'I mean, from what I've heard, she's nothing but a ditzy-!'

'Hello, boys! When do we start shooting?' Rangiku says luxuriously as she saunters in wearing her shinigami robes. The boys' jaws drop.

'You're welcome,' Urahara says cheerfully as he leaves the room.

* * *

><p>'Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew,' Ichigo mutters as he tip toes down the sewer. 'I cannot <em>believe<em> we have to walk down _here_!'

'Man up, Ichigo!' Ganju growls. 'Nothing's going to hurt you down here!'

'Oh yeah? What about rats? After all, they did start the Plague!' Ichigo argues. Ganju rolls his eyes then grins slyly.

'Oh! Is that a rat near your foot, Ichigo?' Ganju says mockingly.

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!' Ichigo shrieks and starts running up and down the sewer line. When he passes Ganju, he knocks him off his feet and into the polluted water.

'GROSSSSSS!' Ganju yells.

'Can't just lock them in here and never open this again?' Urahara asks his producer hopefully. The producer sighs and shakes her head. Urahara's shoulder's slump.'Awwww! You're no fun!'

* * *

><p>'What're you girls whispering about?' Ichigo asks.<p>

'Oh, nothing!' Rukia giggles. 'There's a new guy coming along to play a lieutenant. And he has a tattoo on his cheek. A number _69 _tattoo, that is.'

'And he's _very_ handsome!' Rangiku adds. Orihime giggles.

'Come on, you guys!' Renji sighs with a roll of his eyes. 'You make him sound like some smooth player! I bet he's going to be _totally_ ordinary and down-to-earth like the rest of us!'

'Oh, we're not worrying about _that_!' Rangiku exclaims. 'Rukia was just putting the idea that he might hit it off better with you than Ichigo!'

'Oh.' Realization sunk in. 'WHAT!'

'WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?'

'Come on, Ichigo! I bet Hisagi's nice but you need someone who can dominate you better!'

'Dominate? What the fuck? I'm a BOTTOM?'

* * *

><p>'Even though I was in the world of the living for a very short time I felt like I could trust Ichigo with my very life,' Rukia says softly. Then, her resolve crumbles and she starts laughing hysterically. 'I'm sorry! I couldn't say that with a straight face! Me? Trust <em>him<em> with my life? I wouldn't trust him with my lamp! Pahahahahaha!'

'Good to know,' Ichigo says sarcastically as he glowers at Rukia.

* * *

><p>Hanatarou stares at Rukia who is seated in her chair in her cell. Urahara leans forward impatiently.<p>

'Go ahead, Hanatarou,' he hisses. 'Say your lines!'

Hanatarou's body shakes violently. Then…

'Potatoes,' he utters dumbly. Urahara stares and then smacks his forehead.

'Well, at least he didn't-!' Urahara began to say.

_THUD!_

'Never mind,' he mutters as he stares at Hanatarou's unconscious body.

* * *

><p>'Urahara! There's too much fog!' Ichigo yells.<p>

'Nonsense! You can see Renji on the steps, right?' Urahara calls. 'C'mon down, Renji!'

Renji takes a step but then misses the next one and falls down the stairs while yelling in pain and agony.

'Okay, I agree with Ichigo,' Renji mutters. 'Is my nose supposed to be at this angle?'

* * *

><p>'Take thi-SHIT!' Renji yells and accidentally loses grip of his sword and sends it flying at Ichigo, who screams like a little girl and ducks.<p>

'Were you trying to fucking kill me?' Ichigo shrieks.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'If that's all you got then-oops!' Ichigo cries out as he pulls his sword too harshly out of the rubble and sends it propelling towards Renji. Renji manages to jumps out of the way though.<p>

'Don't try to kill _me_ now!' Renji yells angrily.

* * *

><p>Renji and Ichigo run towards each, swords out and yelling at the top of their lungs. But as they lunge at each other, they miss and their swords go skidding out of their hands towards a group from the Bleach producing company. Everyone shrieks in terror as they scramble to avoid losing a limb.<p>

'Make is about Shinigami's and swords, he said,' the producer says sarcastically as she stomps out of the room. 'It's going to be fun, he said. We'll see how fun it is when someone loses a head!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS<strong>_

* * *

><p>'Hold still!' Orihime says as she balances on Uryu's shoulder to look over the roof. She pushes with her feet to jump up and get a grip on the tiles. As she does, she pushes on Uryu who topples backwards along with everyone else who is balanced under him.<p>

'ORIHIME!' everyone yells.

* * *

><p>'That's a nice…braid, Unohana,' Urahara says kindly. 'Ummm, where did you get it done?'<p>

'Oh, I did it myself!' Unohana beams. 'Would you like me to do the same to you?'

'Oh! No thanks! And besides, I don't think I have enough hair to-!'

'I _said_, would you like me to do it to you, _too¸_ Urahara?'

The cold iciness of her voice made Urahara shrink back in fear.

'Sure,' he squeaks.

* * *

><p>'Oh! I'm going to be in the next scene!' Hanatarou says excitedly. 'What do I have to do?'<p>

'Just…stand there,' Urahara mutters as he steps to one side. 'Are the camera's rolling? Okay, good.' He clears his throat. 'STAMPEDEEEEEE!'

'Huh? Wha-AAAAAAHHHHH!' Hanatarou screams as a horde of people dressed as shinigamis come racing down and ran all over him.

'Did we get that all on tape?' Urahara asks. 'Good! Let's move onto the next scene! And can someone pick up the garbage here? Thanks!'

* * *

><p>'Y'know, Yasochika looks A LOT like Johnny Bravo!' Orihime points out. The blonde man raises an eyebrow.<p>

'I don't know whether to be insulted or grateful,' he says in a deadpan voice.

'With Orihime, it's best to just to let it slide. You're lucky if it even makes sense,' Uryu sighs.

* * *

><p>'Excuse me! Oops! I'm sorry! Coming through! I am <em>so<em> sorry! A bit of plaster will fix that! Pardon me!'

'Who's that?' Ganju asks as he points to a tall silver-haired girls bustling through the set.

'Isane. She's the lieutenant for Squad 4,' Urahara explains.

'Which is…?'

'The same Squad Hanatarou's from.'

'Oh…Squad 4 is kinda like the loser crowd, isn't it?'

Hey! I resent that!'

'You're fainting every 5 minutes, Hanatarou!'

'I have a condition!'

'For being a loser!'

'Don't be mean to him, Ganju!'

'Back off, Rukia! It's none of your business!'

'Oh yeah? Well, I still don't think Hanatarou likes it! Isn't that right, Hanatarou! Hanatarou?' She turns around to find he has fainted with a lovestruck look in his eyes. She sighs. 'Never mind.'


	31. Episode 31

**Btw! From now on I'll mention the opening and ending songs of episodes just so you all can have an idea of which one I am making the behind-the-scenes for! ^_^**

_**EPISODE 31**_

'It seems like you're all talk when you can't even sta-_aaaanndd!_' Renji yelps as he trips while running towards Ichigo and raising his sword in the air. Ichigo's eyes widen.

'No, no, no, no, no, no-AAAHHHH!' Ichigo screams as Renji flies right at him, knocking him to the floor while wrapping them in Renji's zanpaktou. 'RENJI, YOU ASS!'

'THIS ISN'T MY FAULT! QUICK! SOMEONE GET US OUT!' Renji yells.

_Flash!_

Both stop struggling to look up. Ino stood over them with a camera and a smirk.

'…'

'You are so dead when we get out,' Ichigo hisses. Ino suddenly scrambles away. 'YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE! I'LL FIND OUT!'

'Stalker much?' Renji mutters.

'You do know I'm stuck to you hence I can hit you as much as I want, right?'

* * *

><p>'This…' Hanatarou stammers as Renji and Ichigo fight intensely against one another. 'This is madness!'<p>

'Madness?' Ganju booms and puffs out his chest. 'THIS. IS. BLEEAACHH!'

Renji and Ichigo stop fighting to stare at the man.

'No,' they both say with narrowed eyes.

* * *

><p>'So those two are just going to stand around while Renji finishes me off?' Ichigo asks incredulously.<p>

'Yup,' Urahara answers.

'I'm cool with that,' Ganju says with a shrug of his shoulders.

'I don't like to argue,' Hanatarou says timidly. Ichigo blinks in bewilderment at them all.

'Well, aren't you guys the best friend anyone could ever ask for,' he says sarcastically.

'You're welcome,' Ganju replies.

'I was being sarcastic!'

'So was I.'

'Fuck you!'

'Please tell me you're still being sarcastic.'

* * *

><p>Ichigo looks Urahara in the eye. He lifts his sword up and the wind starts blowing like crazy at his spiritual pressure. Suddenly, the wind goes under his hakama and is so strong, he's lifted off his feet.<p>

'AAAAHHHH! TURN OFF THE FANS! TURN OFF THE FANS!' Ichigo yells as he's going higher. Just as quickly as the wind started, it goes off. Ichigo sighs in relief.

Then, he starts falling fast.

'TURN ON THE FANS! TURN ON THE FANS!' he screams.

_CRASH!_

'I need a stunt double,' he mutters.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS- Houkiboshi by Younha<strong>_

* * *

><p>Everyone is lying down in the grass.<p>

'Orihime can't mess this one up,' Urahara mutters.

'Oh! I forgot my hairpins! I'll be right back!' Orihime cries out. As she gets up, her shirt gets caught on something in the grass and tears it off. And she's not wearing a bra this time.

Everyone (except Chad) faints from a nosebleed. Including Urahara.

'…'

Ino raises his camera. Chad looks straight at him. Ino lowers his camera.

* * *

><p>The camera rises from Omaeda's feet to his face. Urahara smacks his forehead.<p>

'Omaeda, how many times have I told you to lay off the fish crackers before shooting!' Urahara yells. 'You get crumbs everywhere, you ruin the shot and plus, your breath stinks more than it should!'

'Heyyyy!'

* * *

><p>Omaeda was picking his nose. He looks up and sees the camera pointed at him.<p>

'No! This isn't what it looks like!' he tries to explain. 'You won't use that in the episode, right? RIGHTT?'

* * *

><p>'Okay, is everyone ready to start shooti-why is Soifon kicking Omaeda?' Urahara asks in alarm as he walks onto the set.<p>

'He took her fish crackers,' a cameraman explains.

'…can we get a close-up of that?'

* * *

><p>'Who is <em>that<em>?' Ichigo asks with interest and points to the purple-haired woman stretching for the fight scene with Soifon.

'You'll find out soon!' Urahara drawls and then winks. 'You've got a _revealing _scene with _her_!'

'Really?'

'Oh! She hides _nothing_ from _you_!'

'What the fuck?'

'Well, I don't want to _bare_ everything!'

'Please stop using that tone.'

'Oh, but it's not like I'm _taking off__-SMACK!'_

'I warned you,' Ichigo sighs as he pulls back his fist from hitting Urahara right in the face.


	32. Episode 32

_**EPISODE 32**_

'Cool! I'm gonna be painted in blood!' Renji says gleefully as the body painter pulls out her paintbrush. 'Uh oh! Shoe lace is untied! Better fix that!'

He bends down to tie it. When he gets up, the painter turns around with the jar of paint and bangs right into him. The jar rises high in the air before overturning and pouring all its contents on Renji's head. He splutters out paint.

'Aw man!' he whines. 'I look like a murder victim or something!'

'Hey, has anyone seen Ichigo's armband? He's been looking-YAAAAA!' Hanatarou screams as he enters the room and sees Renji. He faints. Ichigo enters.

'Jeez, Hanatarou, must you faint every time you enter a-YEAAAAA!' he also shrieks when he sees Renji and faints.

* * *

><p>'Awww! Is this us as kids?' Renji coos as he bends down to the younger Renji's level. 'He's so cute!'<p>

Younger Renji sniffs at Renji.

'You smell like a monkey's ass,' the young boy says with a smirk. Big Renji scowls.

'Why you little brat!' he hisses. Rukia laughs.

'At least my younger self is polite!' she says haughtily.

'I have to be if I'm to play a fatso like you!' younger Rukia sniffs arrogantly. Rukia sees red.

…

'Hey, Rukia? Renji? Where are your younger counterparts?' Urahara asks slowly. Rukia whistles innocently.

'Kids? What kids?' Renji answers sweetly.

Urahara sighs. Oh, he was going to hate today.

* * *

><p>'Ummm, Older Renji? I need to ask you something,' younger Renji asks bashfully and pulls out a flower. 'I-I want to give this to younger Rukia but I'm scared she'll reject me. What should I…'<p>

'NO!' Renji yells and smacks the flower out of his hand. 'The younger me CANNOT have a crush on a younger Rukia! Do you have any idea how catastrophic that can be!'

'And just _what's _so wrong about liking me?' older Rukia says coldly as she stands behind Renji. Renji's eyes widened in fear.

'Oh, shit,' he mutters.

* * *

><p>The professor walks into the classroom and glances at the board.<p>

'Alright, who drew a cat on the board?' Everyone just sniggers as he erases the cat…to reveal a penis.

'CUTT! COME ON, YOU GUYS, YOU ARE PROFESSIONAL ACTORS SO LET'S-ARGHH!-GOD, A WHOOPIE CUSHION ON _MY_ CHAIR? REALLY? REALLY?'

* * *

><p>'And so I'm swallowing my pride and I'm begging you, please save Rukia!' Renji yells in anguish while clutching the front of Ichigo's robes as the violins rise in rhythm and emotion in the background.<p>

_SNIFF!_

Renji looks up in surprise.

'Ichigo, are you…_crying?'_ he says incredulously.

'Oh my God, Renji, that was beautiful!' Ichigo sobs as he hugs Renji tightly.

'Ummmm…cut?' Urahara says uncertainly.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS- <em><strong>Houkiboshi by Younha<strong>_**_

* * *

><p>'Hey, how come it's raining on the set?' Uryu queries as the group takes shelter under a building's awning.<p>

'Someone rang the fire alarm,' Ichigo grumbles.

'Oh! So that wasn't the bell for tacos?' Orihime chimes in. Everyone groans.

'ORHIME!' they all yell.

* * *

><p>'I'm supposed to have dreadlocks?' Tosen raises his eyebrow.<p>

'And you're blind,' Urahara adds. Tosen stares in disbelief and raises his hands in the air.

'It's because I'm black, isn't it? ALWAYS pick on the black guy!' he snaps.

* * *

><p>Hisagi stares at his outfit.<p>

'Why doesn't my outfit have a…shirt?' he asks.

'We accommodate costumes for actors who can show off their…_better_ assets,' Urahara says delicately. Hisagi stares.

'I want a shirt.'

'Just a jacket?'

'A shirt.'

'A sash?'

'A goddamn fucking shirt.'

'Fine. But no sleeves.'

'Deal.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS BONUS: OPENING CREDITS- D-tecnoLife by UVERworld<strong>_

* * *

><p>The camera does a close up of Rukia touching her collar and then on Ichigo but goes too far and smacks right into his face.<p>

'Okay, redo! And this time, keep your face away from the camera, Ichigo!' Urahara yells. Ichigo gives him an incredulous look.

'I'm not even going to bother arguing that one,' Ichigo mutters as he rubs his sore face.

* * *

><p>The fairies fly in front of Orihime in her screenshot.<p>

'BEES! GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!' she screams and pulls out a baseball bat to hit the electronic lights.

'Orihime! They're not-!' Urahara begins to explain.

_WHACK!_

'Did I get all of them? Oops! Sorry, Urahara-san!' Orihime says as she looks down at an unconscious director.

* * *

><p>Everyone is looking up at the sky, with their eyes closed. Then…<p>

'A-A-ACHOO!' Orihime sneezes and bounces like a ping pong ball from Uryu to Chad to Ichigo.

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'How come Toshiro gets to walk on water! I wanna do something cool like that!' Ichigo complains as he stand next to the pool being used for Toshiro's shot. Uryu, who is next to him, sighs and pushes him into the water.<p>

'Congratulations, you now have the ability to sit _under_ the water,' Uryu says sarcastically.

* * *

><p>'YAARGH!' Ichigo yells as he cuts Renji's hair tie. Then he freezes and stares. 'Dude…you look like a chick.'<p>

'SHUT UP!'

'CUT!'


	33. Episode 33

**I can't believe I'm doing a filler *sigh***

**But it's just so I can do the ending credits. Hope you still enjoy! ^_^**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 33<strong>_

The door to Urahara's office bursts off its hinges as the man races out at breakneck speed past Ichigo and Rukia.

'What's up with him?' Ichigo asks curiously.

'I HAVE TO SWEEP?' shrieks Ururu's voice from the now wide open office. Rukia and Ichigo pale.

'You still wanna know?' Rukia mutters.

* * *

><p>'I HAVE RETURNEDD!' Don Kanonji cries out as he crosses his hands across his chest, 'WAHAHA-OOF!'<p>

'Save it for the camera!' Karin snaps angrily as she retrieves the soccer ball she had kicked right into his face. 'Idiot…'

* * *

><p>'I'M the Karakura Red in this episode!' Karin titters angrily.<p>

'NO! I am!' Jinta shoots.

'I AM!'

'I AM!'

'I AM!'

'Awwwww! Don't you two make a cute couple!' Urahara sighs. They glare at him.

'NO!' they shout and punch him right in the face. He groans as he gets up but then brightens.

'I know what we can for the next episode!' he cries out in triumph.

* * *

><p>'Okay, bring out the lion from the cage!' Urahara orders. The producer looks at the cage and pales.<p>

'Uhhhh…what lion?' he mumbles. The color drains from Urahara's face.

'Oh, shit,' he mutters.

* * *

><p>'Hey, you guys! Guess what? I got a weapon!' Ururu sings as she walks in with her giant missile launcher. She looks around in confusion. 'Where did everybody go?'<p>

* * *

><p>'So what should we name the cat?' the scriptwriter asks Urahara.<p>

'I don't know…' he sighs in boredom. Suddenly, Rukia runs in with Ichigo chasing her and with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

'GIVE ME BACK MY UNDERWEAR!' he yells.

'I can't believe you wear a camel-colored underwear, Ichigo!' Rukia giggles.

Urahara grins. The scriptwriter bangs his head on the table.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS - Houkiboshi by Younha<strong>_

* * *

><p>'Ooooo! These are so pretty!' Orihime lifts a purple flower and blows on it so that the seeds flow everyone. Uryu's eyes widen.<p>

'Orihime! Don't-!' He starts. Too late. Everyone begins sneezing and breaking out into rashes.

'ORIHIME!' they all scream.

* * *

><p>The camera travels up to Komamura's face. He suddenly grabs his throat and begins heaving before collapsing.<p>

'CUT! What's wrong with him?' Urahara says impatiently.

'Uhhhh, we forgot to make air holes in his basket head covering,' a producer says meekly.

'Shit,' Urahara curses.

* * *

><p>'What's with the mustache?' Uryu asks Iba curiously. 'It looks kind lame.'<p>

'Oh yeah? Well, I bet you can't do _this_!' Iba challenges and strokes his mustache up into points so that he looks like a French villain.

'No,' Uryu says jealously.

* * *

><p>Iba removes his robe to reveal a Hello Kitty drawn on his back. Urahara smacks his forehead.<p>

'Alright! Who's idea was it to draw that on Iba's back?' he asks impatiently.

Silence.

Iba raises his hand. Urahara stares in disbelief.

'Never mind,' he mutters.


	34. Episode 34

_**EPISODE 34**_

'Renji! We need you to moan like you're in pain! Not like you're constipated!' Urahara yells impatiently.

'I'm doing the best I can!' Renji retorts angrily.

'Well, it's not good enough!'

'What do you want me to do then?'

Ichigo sighs and thrusts his knees right between Renji's legs. The redhead's eyes pop and he groans loudly before curling up into the fetal position on the floor.

'That's more like it!' Urahara cries out. 'Roll the cameras!'

* * *

><p>'Come, Izuru!' Gin calls as he leaves the room.<p>

_BANG!_

'CUT! Izuru! Stop running into objects!' Urahara sighs.

'It was your idea to have my hair down like this!' Kira complains.

'Awww! Well, I think it makes ya look real cute, Izuru-chan!' Gin teases as he hugs the blonde. 'Makes me wanna jus' eat ya up!'

'Raaaapiiissstttt,' Ichigo sings as he walks by.

* * *

><p>'Wartime orders!' a Soul Reaper announces. 'As issued by Captain of Squad One and Head of the 13 Court Guard Squads, Shigekineigogei-!'<p>

'CUTTTTTT! For the love of God, his name is Shigekuni Yamamoto Genryusai! Is that so hard to pronounce?'

'YES!' the entire cast yells angrily.

* * *

><p>'He gets to punch me for no reason?' Ichigo says in disbelief and points at Ganju.<p>

'Oh, yeah! I like that!' Ganju says evilly.

'I don't!'

'Wanna practice?'

'From the looks of your face, you already have!'

'What did you just say?'

* * *

><p>'Alright, that's a wrap! Can someone get Aizen down from there?' Urahara calls.<p>

'Awww! So he isn't really dead?' Gin sighs in disappointment. 'Jus' when I thought things were gettin' interesting around here!'

Everyone stares and backs away slowly.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS- <strong>_**Houkiboshi by****Younha**

* * *

><p>'Look at that!' Orihime says excitedly as she rushes to towards the Soul Society.<p>

'Wait! Watch out for that cliff!' Ichigo yells. Too late. Orihime falls over the edge but then she grabs Ichigo who grabs Uryu, who grabs Chad.

'ORIHIMEEEEEEEEE…'

* * *

><p>'So, in reality, you <em>don't<em> worship Aizen _at all_?' Kira asks Momo.

'Of course not!'

'…then why are you wearing a 'I heart Aizen Sousuke' shirt under your shihakusho?'

'SHUT UP!'

* * *

><p>'Why is my hair up in a bun like an old granny?' Momo asks and wrinkles her nose.<p>

'Well, just like an old granny, you don't have boobs so-'

_SMASH!_

'You have just earned my respect,' Ichigo praises Momo as she stands over an unconscious Urahara.


	35. Episode 35

**Oh my God! A perfect 100 reviews! And I haven't even reached the 50th episode! Well, I just want to thank you all so so much for reviewing! It really means a lot! :D**

**Also, I advise everyone to watch this episode again and especially watch the part where Hanatarou is dreaming. I SWEAR that was an INTENTIONAL yaoi hint that I COMPLETELY forgot about and re-watching it made me laugh so, so hard XD**

**Oh! And there weren't many scenes I could make fun of but I did my best! Enjoy ^_^**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 35<strong>_

'My, my! What's all this noise early in the mornin'?' Gin drawls. Everyone turns around and stares.

'Uh…Gin? What's with the clown mask?' Urahara asks certainly.

'I thought it would add a bit of humor to the scene!' Gin says cheerily.

'…Aizen just got murdered.'

'Which is why we need a few laughs around here!'

'…'

* * *

><p>Gin and Toshiro are standing next to each other. Gin raises his hand.<p>

'Don't touch me,' Toshiro says sharply. Gin lowers his hand.

* * *

><p>Aizen is pinned to the building.<p>

'…Can I have some tea?' he calls out.

* * *

><p>Weird blues music plays as Chad and Ichigo look at each other in an alleyway. Ichigo wrinkles his nose.<p>

'Can we change the music?' he snaps. 'It sounds like Chad and I are about to get it on or something!'

'NOW KISS-!'

'SHUT UP, RUKIA!'

* * *

><p>'These are energizer tablets! They help revive your strength! See!' Hanatarou says as he swallows one.<p>

'Has anyone seen the gag candy I spiked with aphrodisiac? They have red skulls drawn on 'em!' Gin asks as he wanders onto the set.

Hanatarou turns white and suddenly runs off the set, leaving the door open.

'Uh, Gin? Who were you going to give that to?' Ichigo asks uncertainly. Gin smiles mysteriously.

'That's for me to know and you to find out, Ichigo,' he purrs. Ichigo gulps.

'Oh! Hi, Hanatarou! Why do you look so red and flushed?' Rukia's voice floats in from the corridor.

* * *

><p>'Now, Chad, give me your scariest face and demand to know where Rukia is!' Urahara orders over the megaphone.<p>

'Where is Rukia?' Chad says monotonously.

'Perfect!'

The scriptwriter smacks his own face with the script.

* * *

><p>'Uhhhh, Kenpachi? Why do you have bells in your hair?' Urahara asks curiously.<p>

'Yachiru put them in my hair for my next scene,' Kenpachi leers.

'That's nice but we need to-!'

'You don't like 'em?' He looms menacingly over Urahara. The director smiles weakly.

'No! I LOVE them! In fact, I WANT to use them for the next scene! Oh, I think I hear my dignity calling! Bye!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS- Houkiboshi by Younha<strong>_

* * *

><p>'Cool! I get to roast a-Whoops!' Orihime cries out as she accidentally drops the piece of meat onto the open fire which scatters it everywhere, setting everything aflame.<p>

'ORHIMEEE!' everyone screams as they run away from the fire.

* * *

><p>'Cue Toshiro flying in!' Urahara yells. Nothing happens. 'Hey! Where's Toshi-!' He looks up and sees the boy tied up in the strings. 'Never mind…'<p>

* * *

><p>'AAAAHHHHH!' Rangiku screams and drops her sword.<p>

'Oh my God! What's wrong, Rangiku? Did you cut yourself?' Urahara says in alarm.

'Worse! I broke a nail!'

'…'

* * *

><p>Toshiro steps in front of Momo to protect her from some bandits.<p>

'AWWWWWW!' Gin cooes. 'He's such a cute wittle hewo!'

'…'

'…'

'…Aren't you going to kick him off the set?' Toshiro asks Urahara.

'When I'm ready to die then yes, I will,' Urahara mutters.


	36. Episode 36

_**EPISODE 36**_

'Your duty as a lieutenant did not call for such hasty actions, Momo,' Rangiku says seriously. Then she turns to the camera. 'This is _soo_ boring! Can't I just flash a little boob and make this scene interesting?'

'N-!' Urahara begins.

'Yes!' the rest of the crew yells. Urahara stares at them.

'And _I'm _the pervert?' he mutters.

* * *

><p>'You can get me in the eye, or the gut, or you can take out my innards with that one-!' Kenpachi drawls.<p>

'EWWWWW! KEN-NYYYY!' Yachiru squeals and covers her ears. 'That's grossss!'

'_This_ is why I don't want kids anymore,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>'C'mon!' Ganju sighs as he lifts Hanatarou onto his shoulders. Hanatarou goes green and throws up.<p>

'Oh my God! Gross!' Ganju shrieks and drops Hanatarou.

'Sorry! I get motion sickness!' Hanatarou says faintly.

'Is there anything you're _not_ a loser at?'

'Where he failed, you achieved, Ganju,' Ichigo says with a smirk before running away with Ganju chasing him.

'Come back here! I just want to give you a hug!'

'You're covered in vomit!'

'Exactly why I want to hug you!'

* * *

><p>'They're just going to <em>leave<em> me with Kenpachi? Even though the guy is _invincible_?' Ichigo says incredulously and stares at Ganju and Hanatarou. 'Why am I even stuck with your useless guys in the first place?'

'Hey, hey, hey! We have a purpose!' Ganju says. 'Without my good looks they wouldn't even focus on us in the series!'

'Yeah!' Hanatarou says. Then he frowns. 'What about me?'

'Huh? Uhhh…you've got nice eyes.'

'Really?'

'…No, I just don't know why you're here either.'

'Awwww…'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS- Houkiboshi by Younha<strong>_

* * *

><p>'Does anyone know where the pig went to?' Urahara asks.<p>

'RUN! BE FREE, LITTLE PIG! BE FREEEE!' Orihime yells while running around with the giant boar who is knocking everyone off their feet.

'ORIHIMEEEE!' everyone shouts angrily.

* * *

><p>'Urahara, we never picked a lieutenant for the 1st Division!' a producer says in surprise. The door opens and in walks Sasakibe.<p>

'_Bonjour! Est-ce l'endroit où vous apprendre à parler anglais?_' he asks cheerfully. Urahara stares at him.

'YOU'RE HIRED!' he squeals in delight.

'_Les Japonais ont ces drôles de façons de souhaiter la bienvenue!_' Sasakibe says in surprise as he is carried out of the room.

* * *

><p>'So, Yamamoto,' Urahara says carefully. 'I just need you to 'pretend' to beat these people up. Okay?'<p>

'Get on with it! I need to go pee and sleep!' Yamamoto growls.

'ACTION!'

Yamamoto starts whipping people off their feet like he was born to do it. Everyone stares.

'He just beat them all up,' Rukia mumbles.

'Like an old man BAWSS!' Ichigo states with a grin.

* * *

><p>'Okay, we're done for the day! Yamamoto, you can get out of the hot spring! Can someone get him a towel!' Urahara calls out.<p>

'Finally!' Yamomoto grunts and gets out of the water before the towel boy could approach him. Everyone's jaw drops.

'My eyes!' Renji yells as he covers them up.

'Must erase! Must erase!' Kira babbles and used his towel to hide his face.

'I've been scarred for life!' Urahara groans and starts clawing his eyes.

'Pussies,' Yamamoto grumbles as he leaves the set, still naked.

* * *

><p><em><strong>TRANSLATIONS:<strong>_

_**_-Bonjour! Est-ce l'endroit où vous apprendre à parler anglais-_**_ Hello! Is this where you learn to speak English?

-**_Les Japonais ont ces drôles de façons de souhaiter la bienvenue!-_**The Japanese have a funny way of welcoming!


	37. Episode 37

_**EPISODE 37**_

'Bring in Tatsufusa Enjoji!' Urahara calls. Then he stares at the man's pigtails. 'What the-?'

'I was running out of hairstyles, okay?' the hair stylist grumbles. 'And besides, he used L'Oréal on his hair today.'

'Uhhhhh why?'

'Because I'm worth it!' Enjoji says sassily and flips his pigtails. Urahara slaps his forehead.

* * *

><p>'And cut! Okay, we're done with this scene! Can someone untie-!' Urahara began but stops when Chad stands up and breaks the ropes with his hands. 'Never mind...'<p>

* * *

><p>Young Chad looks up at older Chad.<p>

'When I grow up I want to be just like you,' he says dully.

'HEEEYY! HOW COME HIS YOUNGER SELF ISNT A BRAT?' Rukia and Renji complain.

'WHO'RE YOU CALLING A BRAT?' younger Rukia and Renji yell as they kick their older counterparts in the ass.

* * *

><p>'And so, Chad only fights because of Ichigo,' Urahara explains solemnly.<p>

'…'

'Gaaaaayyyy!' Rukia calls out.

* * *

><p>'So, Ichigo comes in and tells Chad that if Chad won't raise his fists for himself, then maybe he can raise them for Ichigo and Ichigo will do the same!' Urahara exclaims.<p>

'Oh, yeah! High five for bromance!' Ichigo yells and raises a hand to Chad.

'…'

'Low five?'

'…'

'A handshake?'

'…'

'A mutual no indication agreement?'

'...'

'…Fiiine.'

* * *

><p>'Huh? So this episode is all about Chad? What about me and my epic battle?' Ichigo complains.<p>

'Wanna have it right now then?' Kenpachi leers as he comes up behind Ichigo. Ichigo gulps.

'Nah! I'm good!' he squeaks.

* * *

><p>'Wait, what about Orihime and me?' Uryu demands angrily.<p>

'Come on! You really expect me to show the audience what's going on between _you two_?' Urahara sighs.

'Oh. I suppose that's alright, then.' Then Uryu's eyes widen. 'Wait, what the hell is that supposed to mean!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS- <strong>_**Houkiboshi by Younha**

* * *

><p>Everyone is sleeping in and under the tree. Then…<p>

'NOOO! DON'T EAT MUSHROOM PRINCESS! I'M NOT TASTY LIKE PEA SOUP!' Orihime wails and rolls overs, pulling Ichigo along and toppling on top of Uryu and Chad.

'ORIHIMEEEE!' they all yell.

* * *

><p>'Dude, why are you wearing…pink?' Ichigo wrinkles his nose as he asks Shunsui.<p>

'Pink is the new black, kid,' Shunsui explains matter-of-factly.

'It's true,' Urahara agrees as he walks in wearing a pink and white striped hat.

* * *

><p>'So he gets to <em>drink<em> all the time?' Uryu says in a baffled voice.

'Re-_lax_! It's not _real_ alcohol!' Urahara explains. Shunsui's eyes widen in shock.

'It's not?' he says in a horrified voice. 'MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE!'

'Shunsui, wait a min-!'

'YOU LIED TO ME! HOW COULD YOU?'

'Calm down, man! It's just a-!'

'NO, YOU CALM DOWN! ALL MY LIFE I BELIEVED IN YOU! AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU TAKE AWAY THE ONE THING THAT IS MOST PRECIOUS TO ME! MY-!'

_SMASH!_

'You're welcome,' Nanao sighs as she replaces the book under her arm and fixes her glasses.

'So _that's_ what the book's for,' Renji mutters.


	38. Episode 38

_**EPISODE 38**_

'Helloooo!' Rukia yells in her little cell.

'Helloooo! Helloooo! Helloooo!' it echoes back.

'Rukia, knock it off! We have work to do!' Urahara scolds. Rukia scowls.

'Urahara is a dickhead! Dickhead! Dickhead! Dickhead!'

Urahara turns around. Rukia is whistling innocently while rocking back and forth on her heels.

'Very funny,' he mutters.

* * *

><p>'I'm not afraid of him!' Ichigo yells angrily and stops running. The wall opposite breaks and in comes Kenpachi.<p>

Ichigo runs off in the other direction screaming like a little girl. Kenpachi scratches his head.

'I don't remember that in the script,' he mutters.

Urahara smacks his forehead. It was going to take forever to get Ichigo out of the broom closet. AGAIN.

* * *

><p><em>*Number One by Hazel Fernandes*<em>

Ichigo cuts Kenpachi.

'Oh yeah! Uh-huh! That's my jam!' Ichigo sings as he shuffles across the set.

'CUTT! Can someone stop Ichigo before he embarrasses me?' Urahara groans.

* * *

><p>'So I say that I hate to join fights yet I'm the bad guy in the end?' Tosen says incredulously. Urahara nods. Tosen throws his hands in the air. 'It's because I'm black, isn't it?'<p>

* * *

><p>'He wears an eye-patch, has bells, and hasn't released his sword's true power because he doesn't want to <em>kill<em> his opponent?' Ichigo says in bewilderment. 'What was the inspiration? Godzilla?'

'Worse. My wife,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS- Houkiboshi by Younha<strong>_

* * *

><p>Everyone is staring at the lovely view of the Seireitei. Then…<p>

'ACHOO!' Orihime sneezes ad set collapses.

'ORIHIME!' everyone yells.

'Wait, how come you're always sneezing?' Uryu asks out of curiosity.

'I think I'm allergic to Ichigo's shampoo,' Orihime sniffles.

'ICHIGO!' everyone yells.

'Whaaaat? Now it's my fault?'

* * *

><p>Rukia stand behind the long black tendrils. She wrinkles her nose.<p>

'Why does this feel like I'm in a tentacle porno?' she mutters.

* * *

><p>'Oh, Kiyone!' Sentaro sighs dreamily and cuddles up to her.<p>

'Oh, Sentaro!' Kiyone swoons.

'Aren't they supposed to hate each other?' Rukia mutters.

'They're actually a couple in reality,' Urahara explains.

'Huh! Who woulda known!'

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, who woulda? ;)<strong>

**I do believe this is the last ending credits bonus! Thanks for reading it! ^_^**

**And thanks once again to all my lovely reviewers! ChieLuvsBleach, Amateur SoulReaper, PurpledragoN1997, Reaper7, novicestar, Nelarun, JosephineX and Nightkill! You guys are always reviewing and I LOVE THEM (And you)! Lots of love and kisses and hugs to you guys from me! :D**


	39. Episode 39

_**EPISODE 39**_

'You're using my _cousin_ as my inner Hollow? Are you fucking insane? He's _nuts_!' Ichigo snaps.

'Yeah! One Ichigo is bad enough!' Rukia adds.

'Heeyyyy!'

'What up, world? Shirosaki in the _house_!' Shiro yells as he bangs in. Then his eyes land on Rukia and he smirks. 'And who's this lovely lady?'

He gets down on one knee and kisses Rukia's hand. Rukia blushes.

'On second thought, he might not be so bad,' she says with a grin.

'Oh, Karma you cruel, heartless bitch,' Ichigo mutters.

* * *

><p>'So in this scene, Ichigo gets a plain blade while Shiro…' Urahara explains.<p>

'Don't give him Zangetsu, don't give him Zangetsu, don't give him Zangetsu,' Ichigo chants desperately.

'…gets Zangetsu…'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

'…Ichigo, let go of my leg.'

* * *

><p>'Mine's bigger!' Shiro argues.<p>

'No, mine!' Kenpachi snaps.

'Girls are always shocked at how big mine is!'

'Oh yeah? Well, girls faint when they see mine!'

'What the fuck are they talking about?' Ichigo asks in horror.

'Their smiles,' Rukia sighs. 'Although in my opinion, Kenpachi's is scarier rather than bigger.'

* * *

><p>'Afraid of dying?' Kenpachi repeats and starts laughing. And laughing. And laughing.<p>

Ichigo inches away.

'I think we can all agree that this guy ain't human,' he mutters. The rest of the crew sighs and nods.

* * *

><p>'I refuse to have my hair styled in a <em>ridiculous<em> afro! It is simply _not_ beautiful!' Yumichika snaps.

'We'll pay you extra,' Urahara points out.

'Deal.'

* * *

><p>'Can you feel his power, Ichigo?' Zangetsu utters as he places a hand on Ichigo's shoulder. Ichigo looks behind and his eyes widen in shock. Urahara smacks his forehead.<p>

'Alright, who replaced Zangetsu's glasses with Mickey Mouse frames?' he sighs.

'Don't look at me!' Gin sings. Zangetsu's shades are perched on his nose. Urahara stares.

'I give up,' he mutters and throws his megaphone to the ground.

* * *

><p>'Ichigo lost! Ichigo lost!' Yachiru sings.<p>

'I didn't lose!' Ichigo argues.

'You have right now!'

'Have not!'

'Have too!'

'Have not!'

'Have too!'

'Ichigo, stop arguing with a child! You're being immature!' Uryu scolds.

'Am not!'

'Are too!'

'Am not!'

'Are too!'

'Am not!'

'Look! I got free candy!' Urahara says gleefully.

'Gimme!' Yachiru shouts and jumps on top of Urahara.

'NEVERRR!'

'I'm surrounded by children,' Rukia mutters.


	40. Episode 40

**We are now entering the 40th episode of Bleach! :O**

**YAYYYYY!**

_**EPISODE 40**_

'HA! SEE? I WON THE FIGHT!' Ichigo gloats to Yachiru. Yachiru looks up with teary eyes and starts crying.

'Why is Yachiru crying?' Kenpachi threatens as he looms over Ichigo. 'Did _you_ make her cry?'

'It was nice to know him,' Rukia admits from a distance.

* * *

><p>'So all I do in this episode is lie about and act useless?' Ichigo asks incredulously.<p>

'Like that's going to be hard,' Ganju snickers.

'YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, PIG BOY!'

'WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?'

* * *

><p>The cat looks at Ichigo's motionless body. Then, it paws the floor near Ichigo's face and turns around while lifting its tail. Ichigo's eyes widen.<p>

'NO! NO! NO! NO! NO-FUCCKKKK!'

* * *

><p>Young Kenpachi looks around at his bloody flashback scene.<p>

'You call this a bloodbath? Come on! Looks more like a bloodpuddle!' he complains.

'Wow! You really are a younger me!' older Kenpachi barks with laughter.

Everyone takes a step away from them.

* * *

><p>'You want me…to talk to my sword?' Kenpachi asks slowly.<p>

'Yup,' Urahara answers.

'Won't that make me look crazy?'

'You've been talking to Chad, haven't you?'

* * *

><p>'It's Barack Obama!' Ganju exclaims as Byakuya comes in. Urahara smacks his forehead.<p>

'For the love of God, it's BYAKUYA! Can't anyone say his name right?' he groans.

'Told ya,' Rukia mutters.

* * *

><p>'And cut!' Urahara calls out after Hanatarou holds Rukia's hands when they enter her prison and asks Ganju to help. 'Let's switch angles!'<p>

'I will never wash these hands again,' Hanatarou murmurs as he looks at his hands in awe.

'No offense, but his obsession is starting to creep me out,' Ganju mutters to Rukia.

'As long as he doesn't faint anymore I'm not complaining,' Rukia mutters back.

'True.'

* * *

><p>'Shiba clan? More like the sheep clan!' Rukia snickers.<p>

'Heyyy!' Ganju whines.

'Rukia! It's rude to point out the obvious!' Urahara scolds.

'HEYYYYY!'

* * *

><p>'Wait, wait, wait, wait!' Ganju waves his arms in the air to get Urahara's attention before pointing to Rukia. 'She's <em>older<em> than me?'

'Jealous?' Rukia smirks and tosses her hair behind her shoulder.

'Sure. What brand of anti-aging cream do you use?'

_SMACK!_

'Totally worth it,' Ganju mutters as he places a packet of ice over his swollen eye.


	41. Episode 41

**OH MY GOD GUESS WHO FINALLY SHOWS UP IN THIS EPISODE? XD**

_**EPISODE 41**_

'So, uh, why are we here again, boss?' mutters the Chief of Film Production's assistant.

'I told you, I want to see what this Urahara guy is producing!' the Chief says exasperatedly as he opens the door to the Bleach studio. 'For all we know, he could be making a porno with the money I'm giving him-!'

'YORUICHI! HURRY UP!' Urahara yells.

'I'M COMING! I'M COMING! KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!' Yoruichi yells and runs by the Chief. Naked. 'Excuse me! Coming through! Big scene to shoot!'

The Chief and his assistant stand in the doorway, shocked. Then they shut the door quickly.

'Can we pretend this didn't-?' the assistant starts.

'Yes,' the Chief mutters and walks away.

* * *

><p>The smoke clears. The cat is still standing there.<p>

'Hey! Where's Yoruichi?' Urahara asks in confusion.

'RUN! BE FREE, CAT! BE FREEEE!' Orihime yells as she runs after a naked Yoruichi.

'WRONG CAT!' Yoruichi shouts but keeps running away from the crazy girl.

* * *

><p>'His zanpaktou…is <em>pink<em>?' Ichigo says incredulously.

'Pink is the new black,' Byakuya says monotonously.

'It's true,' Urahara remarks over his pink megaphone.

'Will you stop doing that?' Ichigo snaps.

* * *

><p>'Ichigo, will you <em>stop<em> playing "Number One" every time you walk into a room?' Urahara snaps impatiently.

'But that's my _jam_!' Ichigo exclaims and starts dancing to the beat.

'Can someone drop a mike on him today? Please? I honestly don't care,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>'This is so unfair! I haven't shown up for so many episodes,' Uryu mutters gloomily.<p>

'But I get to see a naked girl,' Ichigo points out.

'I mean, isn't the audience wondering what's happening to me and Orihime?'

'But I get to see a naked girl.'

'We're just as important characters! We deserve _some_ screen time!'

'But I get to see a naked girl.'

'Maybe a glimpse! Just to ease the tension or something!'

'But I get to see a-!'

_WHAM!_

'FINALLY!' Urahara sighs. He pulls out his megaphone. 'Clean up on Set No. 41!'


	42. Episode 42

**I advise watching this episode. I SWEAR, either my mind is perpetually in the gutter or the first scene of Renji naked in bed with his hands cuffed reminds me of some BDSM yaoi scene -_-'**

**Oh, and the way Rukia faints is like she intended on fainting. I paused the video to laugh XD**

**Oh! And just saw Avengers yesterday. Plot was slow but fight scenes were A-MAZING**

_**EPSIODE 42**_

'Hi, Urahara!'

Urahara jumps and turns around to see a monkey juggling bananas in his hands.

'Would you like two Orihimes with that?' the monkey asks. A snake comes out of its ass.

'We can add three Ichigos to that too!' it hisses.

'Hi, Urahara!' chorus two Orihimes and three Ichigos.

'AAAHHHH!' Urahara screams as he wakes up. He looks around his room. Then, a light bulb switches on over his head. 'I know what I'm going to do today for the show!'

* * *

><p>'Her name is Yoruichi Shi-HOE-in?' Renji snickers. 'What kind of name is tha-!'<p>

_KA-POW!_

'Respect,' Rukia remarks and bumps fists with Yoruichi over Renji's unconscious body.

* * *

><p>'Leader of the 2nd Division Punishment Force?' Shiro smirks and eyes Yoruichi. 'Would I like to be punished by <em>you<em>!'

'Care for a punishment today?' Yoruichi flirts.

'Heyyy!' Renji complains. 'How come I get beat up while he gets to get it on with-!'

_KA-BLAM!_

'Double respect,' Rukia utters.

* * *

><p>'Why must you copy everything I say!' Sentaro yells.<p>

'Me? _You_ copy everything _I _say!' Kiyone yells back.

'And cut! Next scene!' Urahara yells.

'Doesn't fighting ruin your relationship?' Rukia asks.

'Oh no! It's cheaper doing it here than at a couple's therapy session! Right, honey-bun?' Sentaro purrs.

'That's right, cupcake!' Kiyone gushes.

'O-kayyyyy,' Rukia mutters and walks away.

* * *

><p>'I get yelled at…by Sentaro?' Hanatarou whimpers.<p>

'Fainting in 3…2…1' Urahara mutters.

_THUD_!

'MEDIC!' Urahara yells.

* * *

><p>'Oh yeah! We get some screen time! In your face!' Uryu says triumphantly and points a finger at Ichigo.<p>

'But you still don't get to see Orihime naked,' Ichigo yawns. Uryu's head droops.

'I know,' he says pitifully.

* * *

><p>'Orihime, can you pull down your shirt?' Urahara calls over his megaphone. 'I can see your butt crack-!'<p>

'He's joking, Orihime! Keep doing what you're doing!' Ichigo yells as he and Uryu cover Urahara's mouth and hold him down.

'Perverts,' Rukia mutters.

'It's better than seeing _your_-!'

'I _dare_ you to continue,' Rukia threatens as she holds a sword in front of Ichigo's face. 'Oh, and this is _real_!'

Ichigo gulps. Was Urahara not aware of the destructive power of a girl on her period when he decided to give them swords?


	43. Episode 43

**Was anyone aware that Mayuri puts his zanpaktou in his belt in such a way that it dangles in front of his crotch? No? Go watch this episode. No, seriously, just watch it.**

_**EPISODE 43**_

'I'm not in this episode? Well, that sucks!' Ichigo yawns.

'Hey! This episode it about me so take a hike, Ichigo!' Uryu snaps. Ichigo stares.

'Dude, you gotta make Orihime flash some boobs if you want to keep the interest in _this_ episode,' Ichigo points out to Urahara.

'I hate you,' Uryu mutters.

* * *

><p>'I use the humans as bombs?' Mayuri asks. Urahara nods. Mayuri whips out a notepad and jots something down.<p>

'What's that?' Ichigo asks.

'Oh, just my 'To Do' list once I go home after working here,' Mayuri explains.

'I take back what I said about Gin being the creepiest guy here,' Ichigo mutters to Uryu.

* * *

><p>'Why the <em>fuck<em> is Mayuri's zanpaktou placed in front of his…ummm…' Ichigo struggles to say.

'What zanpaktou?' Mayuri looks down. 'This is just a covering for my-!'

'LALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!'

* * *

><p>'Did I give you permission to run away?' Mayuri sneers and stretches out a hand to grab Orihime. Uryu shoots his hand.<p>

'Did I give you permission to try and stop them? Uryu says in a deadly voice.

'OOHHHHHHH!' Ichigo hoots.

'Ichigo, why are you even here? You're not in this episode so deal with it!' Uryu snaps angrily.

'Whaaat? I can't make offset comments?'

'NO!'

'Jeez, do _you_ need to get laid!'

'GET. OUT!'

* * *

><p>'Cue from where that guy is taking Orihime to safety! Annddd ACTION!' Urahara yells.<p>

'You smell like pickled onions,' Orihime says suspiciously. 'The lunch I lost today had pickled onions.'

'Uhhhhh,' the man stammers and sweats profusely.

'YOU PICKLED TUNA SANDWICH BURRITO STEALING SNEAK!' Orihime yells and bites his shoulders, making him scream like a little girl.

'AND CUT! That was brilliant! Next scene!' Urahara says excitedly.

* * *

><p>'CUT! Okay, now in this scene I want-Uryu, you can move from your place, you know!' Urahara sighs.<p>

'I…can't…move…' Uryu struggles as he sits limply in his corner after Mayuri slashed him.

'So my concoction worked perfectly!' Mayuri says gleefully.

'What concoction?' Urahara asks quickly.

'Well, I wanted to replicate my character's zanpaktou's ability to immobilize bodies and enhance pain! The first part worked so now I want to test out the other-!'

'NO!' Uryu yells.

'Now I'm glad I'm not in this episode,' Ichigo mutters.

'SHUT THE FUCK UP!'

* * *

><p>'Leave her alone!' Uryu groans as Mayuri is about to attack Nemu.<p>

'NERD LOVE!'

'ICHIGOOOO…'

'Okay, okay, I'm going! Sheesh!'

* * *

><p>'By the honor of the Quincy, I am going to kill you!' Uryu grits out.<p>

'NERD FIGHT!'

'ICHIGO, GET THE FUCK-!'

'IT WASN'T ME!'

'DON'T LIE!'

'I SWEAR!'

'YEAH, RIGHT!'

'I'M SERIOUS!'

'Yare, yare, has everyone forgotten _I'm _the prankster around here?' Gin pouts as he hides behind a wall.


	44. Episode 44

_**EPISODE 44**_

'Take this!' Mayuri pulls out the blade from his ear and starts swinging it at Uryu who dodges it as much as he can.

'Cut! Okay, next scene!' Urahara calls. Then he turns to a producers and whispers to him. 'Whose idea was it to give Mayuri that gross weapon?'

'I thought it was your idea,' the producers argues.

Urahara blinks and looks at Mayuri. Mayuri flutters his fingers at Urahara.

'Meh. It looks good on camera,' Urahara sighs. 'Just don't tell Uryu.'

* * *

><p>'I can think of so many ways to take you to my lab without killing you,' Mayuri sighs. 'But you better be prepared for some hellish pain!'<p>

'Who wrote his lines? They are brilliant!' Urahara praises.

'…we just let him improvise,' a scriptwriter says meekly. Urahara stares at her.

'For some odd reason, I'm not surprised,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>Everyone stares at Kinjiki Ashisogi Jizo, the bankai form.<p>

'The _fuck_ mated to make _that_?' Ichigo mutters while wrinkling his nose.

'Oh, it was just a caterpillar and a-!' Urahara explains.

'DAMN IT! I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO KNOW!'

* * *

><p>'Check it,' Urahara smirks and presses a button. Konjiki Ashisogi Jizo suddenly sprouts spears from under the head.<p>

'What the fuck? Just what the hell were you smoking when you thought of that _thing_?' Renji snaps.

'I am appalled that you would question my creative skills!' Urahara gasps.

'…'

'…okay, weed. Happy?'

* * *

><p>'So <em>I <em>have to be the one to burst this guy's bubble?' Kaname says incredulously and points to Uryu. Then he throws his hands in the air. 'It's because I'm black, isn't-!'

'NO, IT ISN'T!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS: Happypeople by Skoop On Somebody<strong>_

* * *

><p>'Let's write a message on Isshin's back!' Urahara suggests. 'Hey, Isshin can you lift your shirt and show us-HOLY HAIRY KING KONGS, THAT'S <em>HAIRY<em>! Can we get a razor in here? Actually make that a lawnmower…'

* * *

><p>The camera swivels around, trying to find Rukia.<p>

'What the-? Rukia, where the hell are you?' Urahara yells impatiently over the megaphone.

'Did someone call me?' Rukia managed to say with her mouth full of candy. Urahara smacks his forehead.

'Rukia, how many times have I told you not to get candy whenever You-Know-Who is-!'

'Did someone say "candy"?' Yachiru says gleefully.

'God help us all now,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>The camera moves across the screen from Renji to Ikkaku. Urahara stares.<p>

'Okay, who the hell put that stupid Farah Fawcett wig on Ikkaku's head?' he demands.

Silence.

'I think it makes me look 5 years younger,' Ikkaku sniffs. Urahara groans.

* * *

><p>'Can I flash a little boob now?' Rangiku whines.<p>

'YE-!' the rest of the cast is about to yell.

'NO!' the girls shout.

'Why the hell do you want flash them anyways?' Rukia snaps.

'If you got 'em, flaunt 'em,' Rangiku says proudly. Then she eyes Rukia's chest. 'Though I do feel sorry for you, dearie.'

'Buuuurrrnn-!'

_THWACK!_

'Anyone else?' Rukia says icily as she stands over Ichigo's unconscious body.

* * *

><p>'WOOHOO, I FINALLY MAKE AN APPEARANCE!' Kon hoots.<p>

'You don't even get to say anything,' Ichigo mutters.

'Shut up.'


	45. Episode 45

**Oh my God! I mean, SURE Kubo was aiming for a GinRan pairing but SERIOUSLY, the scenes with GinIzuru SCREAM yaoi! Like, not fluffiness. More like, Gin's-screwing-Izuru-into-a-mat-every-night kind of thing. Or is it just me?**

_**EPISODE 45**_

'Now, Tosen, I want you to look straight in that direction-!' Urahara starts.

'Oh, I'm sorry, I can't! You know why? BECAUSE I'M FUCKING BLIND!' Tosen screams.

'_Why_ must I be stuck with the psychos?' Urahara groans.

* * *

><p>Urahara stares.<p>

'Alright, why is one of the zanpaktous in the field shaped like Chappy the Rabbit?' he sighs exasperatedly. Rukia whistles as she tries to escape. 'RUKIAAAA!'

* * *

><p>'Oh, you show the 4th Division in this episode! Do I get a scene?' Unohana asks Urahara excitedly.<p>

'Well, you see, Unohana, we don't-!'

'I _said_, do _I _get a scene?'

Urahara gulps nervously.

'Of course!' he squeaks. There goes his masculinity…

* * *

><p>'So Kira is locked up in jail and feeling guilty about what he'd done! Then Gin comes in-!'<p>

'And I have a whip!'

'…'

'…'

'…'

'What? Aren't Izuru and I role-playing?'

* * *

><p>'Hi! My name is Yachiru!'<p>

'I'm Orihime!'

'I like food!'

'Me too!'

'I like candy the most!'

'Me too! Wow, we have a lot in common!'

'That has got to be the dumbest conversation ever,' Ichigo mutters.

'You haven't seen her talk to a banana yet, have you?' Rukia mutters back.

* * *

><p>'I can't see!' Ganju yells as he lumbers about covered in bandages. He smacks into a wall.<p>

'Can't we just leave him like that?' Ichigo sighs. 'I mean, this is a MAJOR improvement!'

* * *

><p>'Each of these swords represent a part of me?' Ichigo says in confusion.<p>

Urahara nods. Ichigo pulls out a sword that's shaped like a pair of boobs.

'The _fuck_ does this represent?'

'Your feminine side.'

'I don't have a feminine side!'

'Well, it can't represent balls because you don't have any.'

'I guess that makes sense. Oh wait. NO IT DOESN'T!'


	46. Episode 46

**150 reviews and I haven't even hit the 50th episode! :O**

**All I can say is: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! Means the world! ^_^**

**Flashback episode! And I gotta say, because of my new crush on Hisagi, I thoroughly enjoyed **_**this**_** episode XD**

**And I also had to keep wiping drool off my chin -_-'**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 46<strong>_

Renji runs across the path, huffing.

'Run, Forrest! Run!' Rukia yells.

'I am, I am!' Renji huffs. Then he skids to a stop and turns to glare at a smirking Rukia. 'Oh, _hell_ no!'

* * *

><p>'I'm your teacher, Gengoro Onabara!' Gengoro announces.<p>

'That's what she said!' someone yells. The entire class bursts out laughing.

'Hire teenagers, they said,' Urahara mutters under his breath. 'They'll listen, they said! They'll be _mature_, they said!'

* * *

><p>'So, wait, <em>none<em> of us are in this episode?' Uryu says incredulously.

'Step aside, noobs!' Momo declares. Then she, Kira, and Renji put on dark sunglasses and strike a cool pose. 'It's Prison Break _lieutenant style_!'

'Show-offs,' Ichigo mutters.

'What about me?' Rukia whines.

* * *

><p>'I'm smarter than youuu! I'm in the advanced classss!' Renji sings and points at Rukia.<p>

'Oh yeah? Well, Mr. Smartass, what came first: The fist or the pain?' Rukia snaps.

'That's easy! The fis-!'

_SMACK!_

'Guess he is smart,' Rukia smirks.

* * *

><p>'So in this episode, Momo, Kira and Renji are a group and-!' Urahara explains.<p>

'Can we nickname our group?' Momo interrupts.

'What? No! As I was saying-!'

'We should be called the Flaming Awesomes!' Renji exclaims.

'I _said_, you aren't allowed to nickname your-!'

'Are you mental? We should name ourselves the Intellectual Trio!' Kira says with a roll of his eyes.

'Helloooo? Are you all even listening to me?'

'Both of you are mental! I say we should be the Shooting Comets!' Momo squeals.

'I give up…'

* * *

><p>'Kira! The Hollow is coming your way!' Momo yells. Kira jumps up and kills it in one swipe.<p>

'Yeah! Go Team Intellectual Trio!' Kira cheers.

'Correction: Go Team Shooting Comets!' Momo yells.

'Double correction: It's Team Flaming Awesomes!' Renji retorts.

'Why do I even bother?' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>'Alright, Team Dynamic Duo to the rescue!' Gin cheers as he and Aizen walk in.<p>

'Heyy! How come you're letting him name _his_ team?' Momo complains.

'Ever wanted to wake up from a hangover with a penis tattooed on your forehead and married to a 55-year old Asian prostitute?' Urahara mutters.

'Uh, no…'

'Then don't _ever_ say no to Gin Ichimaru. _Ever_.'

* * *

><p>'No fair! Why doesn't <em>my<em> character have a suggestive tattoo like Mr. 69?' Gin pouts.

'Uh, my name is Hisagi,' Hisagi mutters. 'And it's not suggestive! It has important symbolic meaning!'

'What? Thou shalt try thee 69th Kama Sutra position with thy boyfriend before thee strike-th of midnight?'

'The _fuck_?'

'Trust me, you're better off not knowing otherwise he'll offer a demonstration,' Urahara hisses. 'And you _do not_ want a demonstration.'

* * *

><p><strong>*me jumping up and down with my hand waving in the air* I DO I DO<strong>

***pervy grin***

**Am I only the one?**


	47. Episode 47

_**EPISODE 47**_

Close-up of Hinamori's face. She wrinkles her nose.

'A-ACHOOOOO!'

'EWWW! HINAMORI! THAT WAS THE GOOD CAMERA!'

'Sorry!'

'CUTTT!'

* * *

><p>'When I grow up I want to be just like you!' younger Gin says as he looked at Gin.<p>

'No, no, no, boy,' Urahara explains. He points to himself. 'Normal.' Then he points to Gin. 'Scary-guy-who-makes-everyone's-life-a-living-hell. Get it?'

Younger Gin looks from Urahara to Gin.

'When I grow up I want to be just like you!' he repeated to Gin excitedly.

'Would you like a slice of epic with that fail?' Ichigo snickers.

'Shut up.'

* * *

><p>Zangetsu slaps Ichigo, sending him flying into a wall.<p>

'BITCH SLAP LIKE A BAWSS!'

'RUKIA, GIVE ME BACK MY MEGAPHONE!'

* * *

><p>'Achoo!' Urahara sneezes.<p>

'What is it boss?' Tessai asks.

'Oh, it's just probably a pretty girl talking about me somewhere,' Urahara sniffs.

'PAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'

'DAMNIT! RUKIA! ICHIGO! RENJI! GET OFF THE SET RIGHT FUCKING NOW!'

'It's funny because it's a lie,' Renji snickers.

'I know! I say his name all the time and he never sneezes!' Rukia laughs. Renji and Ichigo stop laughing and look at each other.

'It's a trap!' they both hiss fearfully.

* * *

><p>'I suspected I'd find you two together,' Toshiro says as he stands before Gin and Kira.<p>

'Awwww! Shiro-chan is jealous! It's okay! Let Gin give you a _bigg_ hug!' Gin coos and starts swinging Toshiro around and around.

'I TOLD YOU TO STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME!'

* * *

><p>'So you're going to kill Toshiro because Aizen told you to? Even though he's like your little brother?' Rukia says incredulously.<p>

'Oh, Rukia! It's only in my script! I wouldn't _really_ kill Toshiro!' Momo laughs.

'I suppose you're right! I mean, it's not like you _really_ worship Aizen, right? You wouldn't _really_ kill someone for him, right?' Rukia laughs.

Momo just smiles. Rukia's smile lessens. Then, Momo's smile disappears. Rukia's eyes widen.

'Uraharaaaaa,' Rukia stammers.

* * *

><p>Toshiro floats in midair, nearly missing an attack from Momo.<p>

'I see London! I see France! I see Toshiro's underpa-!'

'SHUT UP, GIN!'

'I'm not even touching you this time! Yare, yare, isn't there _anything_ I'm allowed ta do around here?'

* * *

><p><strong>Kudos to anyone who guessed the Star Wars reference XD<strong>


	48. Episode 48

_****_**Just to let everyone know, and since it's a pattern now, I'll be putting up a chapter for "Bleach Scandals" everyday between 8pm-8:30pm Central Time US. So now you know when to expect it!:D**

**Enjoy this chapter!^_^**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 48<strong>_

'Awww, I don' wanna fight Shiro-chan and kill him!' Gin pouts. 'He's just so cute!'

'Gin, it's not a real swordfight! You aren't even using real swords!' Urahara sighs exasperatedly.

'Then what's the fun in that?'

'You're…kidding. Right?'

'Do I look like I'm kidding?' Gin points to his smiling face.

'…is that a trick question?'

* * *

><p>Toshiro wraps Gin's arm with his chain.<p>

'Yare, yare!' Gin whistles. 'Didn' know yer kinky like this, Shiro-chan!'

'The _fuck_?' Toshiro blanches and jumps away.

'CUT! Gin, stop sexually harassing Toshiro!'

'_Yer_ the one who gave him tha' weapon! S'not my fault he looks so delicious I jus' wanna-!'

'SHUT UP!' Toshiro bellows.

* * *

><p>'Hey, has anyone seen the Hyourinmaru model?' Urahara asks.<p>

'Uhhhhhh…' the prop manager stutters.

'It melted, didn't it?'

'Yeah…'

'Who's idea was it to _actually_ make it out of ice?'

'Uh, yours.'

'Go lift a couch or something.'

* * *

><p>'Can we get some abs spray paint here? It's time for Ichigo's shirtless scene!' Urahara yells.<p>

'Hey! I got some pretty sweet abs!'

'Yeah, right!'

'Fine! Look!' Ichigo lifts his shirt. Urahara examines.

'Can we have two cans? We need to accentuate more than I thought!'

'You, I will kill slowly when this is all over…'

* * *

><p>'Your execution date is moved up to tomorrow?' Renji whistles. 'Maaan, someone <em>really<em> hates you!'

'20 bucks she'll stuff him in a dumpster for that,' Urahara mutters.

'I'm betting 50 she just rearranges his face,' Ichigo mutters back.

* * *

><p>'Dude!' Ichigo says while wrinkling his nose as he stares at Zabimaru's manisfestation. 'The <em>fuck<em> is that?'

'Well, that's what happens when a snake gets it on with a-!' Urahara begins.

'DAMNIT, I DIDN'T _REALLY_ WANT TO KNOW!'

* * *

><p>'Guess I'm really going to die tomorrow,' Rukia sighs as she lies on her back.<p>

'OH MY GOD, SHE HAS BOOBS!'

'Alright, who said that?' Rukia snaps.

Everyone points at someone else. Rukia groans. Gin walks in.

'Yare, yare, did you all pull a prank withou' me?' he whines.

* * *

><p>'So wait, is Gin interested in me because of my boobs or my rack?' Rangiku demands.<p>

'Uh, Rangiku, they're both the same thing,' Urahara sighs.

'Don't change the subject!'

* * *

><p>'So how do you like your girls, Gin?' Rangiku asks.<p>

'Preferrably with a penis.'

'…'

'Has anyone seen Izuru?'


	49. Episode 49

**WOW! Did I forget to mention that this is now the only story that I have received THE MOST reviews on? DAMN, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO FEEL SEXY!**

…**I have no idea where that came from. Onwards.**

**This one is another flashback! But with Rukia and Kaien! I completely forgot about this episode because the only time I remember this was when Rukia was fighting Aaroneirro! Whoda thunk? :O**

**And BY THE WAY, is it just me or does Kaien look A BIT like Hisagi? -_-'**

***end of blabbing***

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 49<strong>_

'Did you hear about the new girl?' a voice whispers.

'Yeah, she's a Kuchiki!'

'No fair! We have to work our butts off while she gets in just like that!'

'I heard she didn't even have to pass the entrance exam!'

'I heard she picks her nose when nobody's looking!'

'What the-hey, that's not in the script!' Rukia snaps. 'Who said that?'

'Just smile and wave, boys, smile and wave,' Ichigo murmurs to Renji and Ganju from the corner of his mouth.

* * *

><p>'Hi, I'm Kaien Shiba! Nice to meet you!' Kaien says cheerfully and shakes hands with Rukia. Rukia blushes a bright red.<p>

'Uh, it's v-very nice to m-meet-!' she stutters.

'And I'm Miyako, his wife for the series!' Miyako says just as happily. Kaien smiles at her.

'Nice to meet you,' Rukia says through gritted teeth.

'You hate her, don't you?' Ichigo mutters.

'Even more than you.'

'Wow.'

* * *

><p>'Miss Miyako is Lieutenant Kaien's wife,' Rukia thinks as she looks down on the couple. 'She's kind, gentle, smart…and a hoe.'<p>

'CUTTT! RUKIAA!'

'Whaaaat?'

* * *

><p>'Then Miyako cuts down the other officers-!' Urahara starts.<p>

'I KNEW SHE WAS EVIL!' Rukia yells.

'-because she is possessed by a Hollow.'

'...Well, this is awkward…'

* * *

><p>'What's so special about Kaien?' Ichigo asks in confusion.<p>

'Well, for one,' Rukia huffs. 'He's kind, he's sympathetic, he's mature, he's-!'

'BOO!' Kaien yells as he pops out of nowhere in his Hollow costume. 'What do you guys think of my cos-!'

'YAAAAA!' Rukia screams and goes running off in the opposite direction.

'You, sir, just made me day,' Ichigo grins.

* * *

><p>'Hey, how come my character has tuberculosis?' Ukitake asks curiously.<p>

'Why _can't_ your character have tuberculosis?' Urahara challenges boastfully.

'Don't,' Ichigo cuts off Ukitake. 'Trust me, you're better off not knowing.'

* * *

><p><strong>BY THE WAY, I'll be skipping Episode 50 because it's a filler. And I kinda don't like doing fillers of any sort for this story XD<strong>

**Damn it! And I was really looking forward to squealing like a schoolgirl over the 50th chapter! D:**

**Ah well! Episode 51 will have to do**


	50. Episode 51

**Can I just say that I squealed like a schoolgirl when I saw Hisagi's face in this episode? I had a silent fangirl moment because I didn't want to wake the rest of the house XD**

**Episode 50 of Bleach was all about Don Kanonji and Kon and although I love our little Kon and would LOVE to give him screen time (not), I promised not to do the fillers. Which INCLUDES the Bount Arc (yes, I can hear you all whispering, 'YES!' while fist pumping the air. I'm doing it too XD)**

**And it all those who said that Kaien looks more like Ichigo, well, if Ichigo=Kaien=Hisagi then who am I to complain? XD**

**Enjoy this chapter!^_^**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 51<strong>_

'How do these things stay up?' Yachiru wonders aloud as she grabs Orihime's boobs and starts pushing them up and down. 'They're SO BIG!'

'Lucky,' Uryu says miserably. 'Where's Ichi-!'

Looks down and sees Ichigo unconscious with his nose bleeding.

'Oh.'

* * *

><p>Byakuya is looking into his shrine of Hisana. Suddenly, the sounds of screeching monkeys echo in the room.<p>

'What the-?' Urahara sputters. 'Byakuya, what are you doing?'

'Playing Temple Run.'

'Now?'

'I am beating my old score.'

'Can't it-!'

'One does not simply pause a Temple Run game.'

* * *

><p>'I can't believe I was so late!' Iba yells and slides down the corridor. And slides past Komamura's quarters' doors. 'Huh? Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no-ARGH!'<p>

_THWACK!_

'Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark!' Urahara hisses. 'MEDIC!'

* * *

><p>'AAAHHHH!' Ikkaku screams as he runs through the studio with Yachiru chewing his head in anger.<p>

'What happened?' Urahara asks, shocked.

'Ikkaku found Yachiru's stash of candy and ate some,' Yumichika sighs. 'The idiotic buffoon.'

Urahara stares.

'Quick! Someone get this one on camera! This is GOLDEN!' Urahara says gleefully.

* * *

><p>'Hey, Kenpachi, how do you get your hair to stay up like that?' Orihime asks.<p>

'From the blood of my enemies!' he grins wickedly.

'Cool! Can I have some?'

Kenpachi's smile drops and he stares at the beaming girl in disbelief.

'I don't know what's more shocking,' Uryu mutters. 'Orihime asking for Kenpachi's hair gel or Kenpachi not smiling.'

* * *

><p>'So you want me to fight a guy with a basket for a head and a blind black guy?' Kenpachi grumbles. 'What kinda joke is this?'<p>

'You take that back!' Tosen snaps.

'Or what? You'll _rap_ me to death?'

'Why I outta-!'

'Aren't you mad at him for insulting you?' Iba asks Komamura in surprise.

'…I _do_ have a basket for a head,' Komamura mutters.


	51. Episode 52

**More than a 100 people have favorite-ed this story!:O**

**Well, I just want to say thank you all so much! Truly!**

**Oh! And I was kinda surprised how much people liked the Byakuya Temple Run gag! I've actually never played Temple Run XD**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 52<strong>_

'So Zabimaru is remote controlled?' Renji asks gleefully. Then he snatches the control from the prop manager. 'Gimme!'

'Uh, Renji, I wouldn't do that if I were-!' he began to explain.

'Woohoo! Look at it go!' Renji laughs as he swishes the machine back and forth across the set.

'Is everyone ready for the next-OOF!' Urahara grunts as Zabimaru crashes into him and sends him flying. Then he gets up, furious. 'Alright, who the _fuck_ was responsible for that?'

Renji thrusts the remote in the shocked prop manager's hands.

'It was his idea!' Renji accuses.

* * *

><p>Zabimaru falls apart and starts falling to the ground. Right on Renji.<p>

'It's raining Zabimarus!' he screams and runs around in terror trying to avoid it.

'Hallelujah, it's raining Zabimarus! Hey! Hey!' Orihime sings. Everyone stares at her. 'What? Isn't that the song?'

* * *

><p>Renji's hair suddenly opens and flows everywhere.<p>

'Umm, Byakuya? You can say your lines,' Urahara hisses.

Silence.

'You have...really nice hair,' Byakuya murmurs. Urahara smacks his forehead.

'NOOOOOOOOOO!'

'Get off your knees, Rukia.'

* * *

><p>'So how do I release Zabimaru again?' Renji asks.<p>

'Just pretend you're a dominatrix whipping someone,' Urahara explains.

'Oh, oka-wait, WHAT?'

'Can I demonstrate?' Gin asks gleefully.

* * *

><p>'And now Byakuya takes off his scarf and throws it on Renji's body!' Urahara whispers. Byakuya just stands there. 'Byakuya, throw your scarf!'<p>

'I can't.'

'Why not?'

'It's Gucci.'

Urahara smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: GOLDEN DICTIONARY (it's basically Kon making comments on the captains and lieutenants XD)<strong>_

* * *

><p>'Why does <em>he<em> have to be the one to make comments?' Renji grumbles.

''Cause I got a sexy voice,' Kon grins.

'Barf bag to go please.'

* * *

><p>'Squad 3 captain Gin Ichimaru!' Kon announces. Gin gives him an evil smirk. Kon gulps. 'You're awesome!'<p> 


	52. Episode 53

***sigh* Don't we all adore Byakuya's aloof, Gucci-loving, Temple Run addicted demeanor? I'm glad everyone is enjoying the jokes! XD**

**Oh, this is a MUST WATCH episode! The beginning with Gin coming in, pretending to offer help to Rukia, is like…wow. THIS is why I LOVE HIM!**

**Gin: Awww! Thanks!**

**Me:…How did you get into my room? O_o**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 53<strong>_

'So when the episode starts, Gin messes with your mind a little. Got it?' Urahara instructs.

'Yayyyy!' Gin cheers and claps his hands.

'It's only acting, Gin,' Rukia sighs. Gin just smiles slyly. Rukia's eyes widen and she turns to Urahara. 'It _is_ only acting, right? _Right_?'

'W-Well,' Urahara says nervously. Rukia grabs him and starts shaking him violently.

'MY SANITY IS ON THE LINE HERE, DAMNIT!' she screams at him.

'M-M-MEDICCC!' Urahara stutters.

* * *

><p>'Suzumushi?' Kenpachi wrinkles his nose and looks distastefully at Tosen. '<em>That's <em>the name of his zanpaktou? Sounds like a type of sushi!'

'It's because I'm-!'

_THWACK!_

'He never shuts up, does he?' Gin yawns from a suspended catwalk while everyone stares at the stage light that had knocked Tosen out. 'Anybody else would like ta say somethin'?'

Everyone shook their heads frantically.

'Goodie!'

* * *

><p>'He has the head of a…dog?' Kenpachi mutters in confusion.<p>

'It's a fox!' Komamura huffs.

'Potato, tomato!'

'That's not even the right phrase!'

* * *

><p>'Sooo, Rukia? How would you describe your perfect guy?' Ichigo asks curiously.<p>

'Oh, he should be strong,' Rukia sighs dreamily. 'Tall, a good position, like a lieutenant in "Bleach", nice, long hair, maybe a tattoo or two because I like bad boys!'

'Hey! Doesn't that sound like Ren-!'

'LALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!'

* * *

><p>'Hey! It's Hanatarou! Good to see ya, buddy!' Renji congratulates.<p>

'It's good to be-!' Hanatarou begins as he wipes his mouth with his hankie and suddenly faints.

'Oh my God, did he faint again?' Ichigo sighs.

'Dude, someone chloroformed his handkerchief,' Renji mutters as he looks at the piece of cloth.

'But who?'

The two suddenly look ahead to see Gin. The man turns to them and waggles his fingers. Both men gulp.

'Padlocking your trailer?' Ichigo hisses.

'_Double_ padlocking,' Renji hisses back.

'Agreed.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: GOLDEN DICTIONARY<strong>_

* * *

><p>' Squad 10 lieutenant, Rangiku Matsumoto!' Kon announces. He looks away from the mike and his jaw drops. 'Homina, homina, homina! Do I wanna motorboat <em>those<em> coconuts!'

'KON! STICK TO THE SCRIPT!'

'THAT _SHOULD_ BE IN MY SCRIPT!'

* * *

><p>'Sui-Feng! Grow some boobs!'<p>

'What the _fuck_ did you say?'

'KON!'

'I know, I know! The script is my Bible! Jeez!'

* * *

><p>'Yoruichi Shihoin! Sereitei's No. 1 Sex Kitten! Bow chika wow wow!'<p>

'Konnn…'

'Man, is your wife sexually depriving you or something?'


	53. Episode 54

***SPOILER ALERT***

**Okay, to all those who have read the latest Bleach chapter, KIRA IS NOT DEAD! People in Bleach have had their bodies cut in half, pierced multiple times through the chest and STILL LIVED. I rest my case.**

***END OF SPOILER***

**ENJOY!^w^**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 54<strong>_

The Sogukou bonds quickly hold Rukia into place and begin to go up. Then down. Then up. Then down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up-

'WHO THE FUCK HAS THE CONTROL FOR THIS?' Rukia shrieks.

'GIN!' Urahara yells.

'Yare, yare! Why does everyone blame me first? I can be innocent!' Gin sighs and lifts his hands. In one hand is the remote.

'Because it's always you. And you don't know the meaning of innocent,' Urahara mutters.

'Point.'

* * *

><p>'It's a hawk!' Ganju gasps as she points to the Sogukou.<p>

'No way! It's an eagle!' Uryu utters in awe.

'You both are wrong! It's a Chihuahua!' Orihime says proudly. The two men stare at her.

'Should we-' Ganju mutters.

'Forget it,' Uryu cut in.

* * *

><p>'Behold! I am the Fire God!' Ichigo says arrogantly as he stops the Sogukou.<p>

'Hey, Fire God,' Rukia mutters. 'Your robe in on fire.'

'Wha-AAAHHH! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUTTT!'

'Should we?' Ganju asks as he and Uryu look at the water cooler next to them.

'Nah,' Uryu sighs.

'We always _should_ do something but never do.'

'Feels great, doesn't it?'

'Yeah.'

* * *

><p>'And then, Ichigo's going to throw you-!'<p>

'Wait, _what_? Is he some kind of moron?'

'No! He basically trusts Renji enough to catch you!'

'…He's a moron.'

* * *

><p>'The next battle is going to be between Ichigo and Byakuya!' Urahara announces.<p>

'Oh yeah! Bring it!' Ichigo challenges and takes on a fighting stance as he faces Byakuya. Byakuya looks him up and down.

'Your zipper is down,' he says monotonously and points to Ichigo's pants.

'SHIT!'

'Please don't tell me he wins against me. I would die of humiliation.'

* * *

><p><strong>NOOOOO! DON'T DIE, BYAKUYA! YOU ARE A SOURCE OF HUMOR FOR US ALL!<strong>

**Hehehehehe :3**


	54. Episode 55

**OH WOW! The number of reviews that came in the night I posted the previous chapter had my eyes all googly! O_o**

**I might as well do a dance to celebrate 200 reviews! WHOOT WHOOT! *jiggy dance***

**Thanks again, you guys! Reading your reviews is just one of the best ways for me to pass my time!**

**Fingers crossed on Kira still being alive! He's a fighter! :D**

**Enjoy this chapter!^w^**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 55<strong>_

'Whose zanpaktou is _that_?' Ichigo mutters as he points to the huge manta ray dummy.

'Unohana's,' Urahara explains.

'That's one fugly zanpaktou!' Ichigo snickers.

'I like it,' Unohana says in a sickly sweet tone. Ichigo gulps.

'Did I say fugly? I meant wondrously beautiful,' he squeaks.

* * *

><p>'Renji!' Urahara calls out testily. 'Don't run too fast down the stairs while carrying Rukia! You might-!'<p>

_BAM! WHAM! SLAM! BONK!_

'-trip.'

'As soon as I get the feeling back in my limbs I am going to whip your ass to the moon,' Rukia groans as Renji lies sprawled on top of her at the bottom of the stairs.

* * *

><p>'We have to fight an old guy? That's not even fair!' Shunsui complains.<p>

'You're always drunk and he's got tuberculosis,' Urahara points out.

'Point taken.'

'So _that's_ why I have tuberculosis!' Ukitake exclaims.

'I need to piss!' Yamamoto grumbles.

* * *

><p>'You were my pride and joy! You were like my very own sons! You were-can I just beat the crap out of them now? I very well see these two as nothing but disposable waste!' Yamamoto rumbles.<p>

'Ouch,' Shunsui mutters.

'How old is he again?' Ukitake mutters back.

* * *

><p>'Hey, guys! Guess what? We're having spicy chicken sandwiches today!' Orihime says excitedly as she comes in with a tray of the sandwiches.<p>

'YAYYYY!' everyone cheers.

Suddenly, a spray of fire shoots at the tray and Orihime drops it while shrieking. The entire tray burns to a crisp.

'AWWWW!' everyone whines.

'I don't like chicken,' Yamamoto thunders and replaces the flame-throwing sword.

'Give the old guy a fire zanpaktou, he said,' the scriptwriter mutters sarcastically. 'It'll be interesting, he said. _Nobody_ is going to get hurt this time, he said! MY. ASS.'

* * *

><p><strong>It was hard coming up with funny stuff. Either my brain was dead or it was just really hard...<strong>


	55. Episode 56

**Oh…my**_**God**_**. The sexual reference to Hisagi and Yumichika was so blatantly IN YOUR FACE in this episode I'm surprised I didn't notice it before .**

**The image of Hisagi panting like that is forever imprinted in my memory…not that I mind XD**

**Speaking of Hisagi, *cough cough* is it just me or is his AND Kensei's 69 tattoo very STRATEGICALLY placed so that it sort of LOOKS like the position 69? XD**

**Hisagi: Tattoo near mouth= 6**

**Kensei: Tattoo near nether regions= 9**

**Geddit? Geddit? Okay, moving on. My inner pervert needed a moment…**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 56<strong>_

'All things in the universe turn to ashes!' Yamamoto rumbles. 'Ryugen Jakka!'

'It's always the old guy with the ultra-super hidden powers,' Shunsui sighs.

'Agreed,' Ukitake mutters.

* * *

><p>'Ew. My outfit is dirty after my battle,' Yumichika sighs and wrinkles his nose. 'I want a wardrobe change.'<p>

'Yumichika, it wouldn't make sense why you-!' Urahara sighs.

'I WANT A WARDROBE CHANGE!'

'OKAY! OKAY! WILL YOU STOP POINTING THAT HIGH HEEL SHOE IN MY FACE?'

* * *

><p>'And then Hisagi is lying sprawled on the roof after his "fight" with Yumichika,' Urahara explains while making the quotation marks in the air and winking.<p>

'That's not a good sign when he does that, is it?' Hisagi asks.

'Nope,' Ichigo sighs.

* * *

><p>'So in this fight, Yoruichi loses half her-!' Urahara says excitedly.<p>

'Loses half her _what_, Urahara?' Kukaku Shiba says as she walks into the room. Urahara gulps.

'Half her…respect, dearest,' he says sweetly.

'AWWWWWW!'

'Men,' Rukia mutters.

* * *

><p>'It's so disgraceful to see the Shihoin clan to have stooped so low,' Sui-Feng says delicately.<p>

'You certainly are talkative, Sui-Feng,' Yoruichi replies coolly.

'NOW KISS!'

'ICHIGO! RENJI! GET OFF THE-'

'Okay!' Yoruichi pulls a shocked Sui-Feng in and kisses her fiercely. All the guys faint from a nosebleed. Including Urahara. Kukaku sighs and picks up the megaphone.

'CUT!' She looks at her husband. 'And call an ambulance!'

'Uh…it's only a nosebleed, Mrs. Urahara,' Ino says helpfully.

'Oh, it's not for that. It's for after _I'm _done with him.'

'Ah.'

* * *

><p>'BITCH FIGHT! AND IT'S YORUICHI!'<p>

'FUCK YEAH!' Guys gather around the set. 'Aw man! It's against Sui-Feng!'

'What's wrong with her?' Rukia asks curiously.

'No boobs.'

'Is that all you guys think about?'

'We have time to think about ass once in a while too.'

'How thoughtful…'

* * *

><p>'How come I lose some of my clothing?' Yoruichi asks.<p>

'Because the move you use is so powerful it shreds your clothes,' Urahara exclaims.

Yoruichi raises an eyebrow.

'…okay, _fine_. You're the sex appeal for the series.'

'…'

'…Don't tell my wife, please?'


	56. Episode 57

**Can I just say that Yoruichi is soooo fucking hot in sleeveless shihakusho AND short hair!*drool***

**Oh. Two words: LESBIAN MOMENT! XD**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 57<strong>_

'How is it that you still prevail over me, Yoruichi?' Sui-Feng demands.

'I have bigger boobs.'

'Wha-? Okay, enough with the boob jokes! Can we stick to the script!'

'That is in the script.'

'Huh?'

They both look at Urahara.

'Whaat?' he whines.

* * *

><p>'You said we'd always be together!' Sui-Feng cries out.<p>

'NOW KISS!'

'…'

'Aren't you going to say anything?' Sui-Feng demands.

'…That was Gin.'

'Oh. Never mind then.' Pause. 'Do we have to-'

'Yes.'

* * *

><p>'We solve our problems by playing rock, paper, scissors? How is that even manly?' Iba scoffs.<p>

'Hey! I don't need to prove I'm manlier than this ape! I just am!' Ikkaku says proudly.

'Wanna bet?'

'BRING IT!'

'FINE! We'll decide who's the manliest the old fashioned way! Eeny meenie minie mo, catch a spider by its toe, if he cries-'

'Oh brother,' Urahara groans.

* * *

><p>'Byakuya Kuchiki, release your bankai!' Ichigo yells. Then he wrinkles his nose. 'I have a death wish, don't I?'<p>

'Pretty much, yeah,' Urahara exclaims.

* * *

><p>'So I just click this button and it releases an electric shockwave?' Ichigo asks as he stares at his sword.<p>

'That's right,' the prop manager replies. Ichigo grins evilly.

'Oh, Uryuuu!' Ichigo sings as he goes off skipping in search of the spectacled boy.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: OPENING CREDITS: Ichirin no Hana by High and Mighty Color<strong>_

* * *

><p>Flashing images of the characters: Uryu, Chad, Orihime, Urahara, Ganju picking his nose…<p>

'WAIT! I WASN'T READY!' Ganju yells.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>Wind blows through Orihime's hair. Right into her mouth.<p>

'Noooo! I washed my hair in onion garlic water and it tastes nasty!' Orihime wails.

'CUT! And, uhhh, why'd you do that, Orihime?'

'To keep the vampire pineapples from biting me at night!'

'Oh…well…I guess that makes…sense?'

* * *

><p>Chad, Orihime, Urahara, Kukaku, Ganju, Kira, Gin holding a bloody knife…<p>

'THE FUCK?'

'Whaaat? I was just cutting some chicken for dinner tonight!'

'NOW?'

* * *

><p>'FIRE IN THE HOLEEEE!' Shunsui yells as he runs across the lawn, waving his two swords about.<p>

'CUT! Alright, who gave Shunsui _real_ alcohol?'

* * *

><p>Kira, Gin, Tosen, Hisagi, Toshiro, Renji snoring…<p>

Someone throws a soda can at Renji who snorts awake.

'WHO THE FUCK THREW THAT?' he yells angrily.

'CUTTT!'

* * *

><p>Yoruichi stands on a branch. Suddenly it breaks and she falls badly.<p>

'Ouch! Hey, can someone help me? I think I tore my shirt off!' she yells.

'I'LL HELP!' all the Bleach boys yell.

* * *

><p>'Rukia, run up to Ichigo as soon as the music starts playing! Ready? And go!'<p>

The music suddenly gets all hoarse screamo. Rukia and Ichigo freeze and raise an eyebrow.

'Did someone just die?' Ichigo mutters.

'Yeah. Urahara's last ounce of intelligence,' Rukia hisses.


	57. Episode 58

**I just wanted to say I appreciated the reviews this time because some mentioned how some of the jokes are getting tiresome! I apologize for that and will work on it! Thanks! It's nice to get some healthy criticism!**

**Oh, and in the previous episode I mentioned all the Bleach boys wanting to help Yoruichi, of COURSE I mean ALL! But in their own, DIGNIFIED way. So for example, Byakuya might not be jumping out of his seat to help, but he will be quietly saying in his own polite way, "I can be of service" XD**

**Enjoy this chapter! I hope it isn't old school or anything this time!:D**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 58<strong>_

'WAIITTT!' Rukia yells as she stands at the end of the line of all the swords from Byakuya's bankai.

'What?' Urahara asks curiously.

'Now the party don't start 'til I walk in!' Rukia sings as she saunters down the hall of swords. 'I always wanted to do that.'

Urahara, Byakuya and Ichigo touch their foreheads and groan.

* * *

><p>'Why did you zoom-in on Rangiku running?' Ichigo asks.<p>

'So I can do _this_!' Urahara presses a button and everything goes into slo-mo. Ichigo's jaw drops.

'You've finally used that brain for something worthwhile.'

'I'll take that as a compliment.'

* * *

><p>'I have my sword at his neck. I can <em>easily<em> defeat him. And I _back off_?' Ichigo says incredulously. 'Why the hell would I do that?'

'Because you are an idiot,' Byakuya says monotonously.

'No, I'm not!'

'…'

'…Aren't you going to argue with me?'

'I don't argue with idiots.'

'...Fuck you.'

'...'

'...ARGUE WITH MEEEE!'

'Oh boy,' Urahara mumbles.

* * *

><p>'How come Ichigo gets a wardrobe change?' Uryu mutters.<p>

'Oh, because his original outfit makes him look like a pregnant cat lady,' Urahara explains.

'Well, that makes sense!' Uryu exclaims.

'I HEARD THAT!'

* * *

><p>'Check out my sweetass Matrix dodging skills!' Ichigo boasts and bends backwards. Rukia sighs and kicks his legs so that he falls on his ass.<p>

'Still sweetass?' she says sweetly.

* * *

><p>Toshiro and Rangiku walk down the path in the middle of a pool to the main doors of Central 46. Their jaws drop.<p>

'Why is there a _diving board_ over here?' Toshiro mutters.

'CANNONBALLLLL!' Yachiru yells as she jumps off the board and dives in, spraying everyone with water.

The entire set glares at Urahara.

'I prefer to _keep_ a head thank you very much!' Urahara answers indignantly.


	58. Episode 59

**Don't know about you guys but I am LOVING the fact that our stories can have pictures now! XD**

**It just makes everything so much more artistic about Fanfiction even though they are deleting some stories because of explicit content. Fuckers...**

**I'm sooooo contradictory right now T_T**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 59<strong>_

'Why do I care so much about Ichigo?' Orihime asks and wrinkles her nose.

'Because you _like_ him,' Urahara explains.

'Whaaat?'

'Your character is secretly in love with Ichigo's character.'

'I don't get it.'

'Girl loves boy.'

'Huh?'

'YOU. LIKE. ICHI-GO. Get it?'

'You've lost me.'

'Bananas like to be sprinkled with sugar and caramel,' Chad explains.

'Ohhhh! So I'm secretly in love with Ichigo!' Orihime utters. 'Why didn't you say so, Urahara?'

'I _did_! I-oh, never mind!'

* * *

><p>'What are we gonna do with all these Senbonzakura's?' the effects manager asks as he stares at all the glowing pink swords hanging in the air.<p>

'When in doubt, throw a rave! HIT IT!' Urahara drawls as he slaps on a pair of dark sunglasses. Suddenly, the swords start blinking on and off rapidly like a disco while Urahara does the sprinkler move*.

The entire Bleach team groans. Why did they decide to work for him again?

* * *

><p>'Here I come, Ichigo Kurosaki,' Byakuya says as he raises his sword.<p>

'That's what she said,' Ichigo snickers.

'…I don't get it.'

Ichigo stares.

'EPIC FA-!'

'Rukia! Give me back my megaphone!' Urahara snatches the megaphone and clears his throat. 'EPIC FAIL!'

* * *

><p>'So let me get this straight,' Uryu says as he furrows his brow. 'I'm in love with Orihime who's in love with Ichigo who's in love with Rukia who's in love with Renji.'<p>

Urahara nods.

'Am I the only one who thinks we're on the set of 90210 or something?'

'You forgot that Renji is in love with Byakuya who's in love with Ichigo,' Urahara points out.

'NOOOOOOO!'

'Rukia, get off your knees.'

* * *

><p>'Stop interfering!' Ichigo yells as he tries to yank the mask off. His eyes widen. 'Hey! I can't pull the mask off! I think it's stuck!'<p>

'Ichigo!' Urahara groans. 'Stop complaining and put some back into it! It's only a mask!'

'I…can't! It's like it's been superglued or something!'

'I wonder who…' Uryu mutters. The gang turns around to see Gin whistling as he walks by while putting a bottle of Superglue in his pocket. He stops to grin at them.

'Breathe a word and I'll rip your tongue out!' he exclaims merrily before skipping off.

'Guess the spawn of the devil really does exist,' Uryu mutters.

* * *

><p>'No, no, no! Ichigo! We need you to be scarier than that!' Urahara sighs. 'What am I going to do with him?'<p>

'I can help!' Shiro bounces in. He pulls Ichigo's mouth open and pops in some pills. 'Eat these!'

As soon as Ichigo swallows them, his eyes widen and the creepiest grin splits across his face. He laughs maniacally as he starts bouncing all over the set like a hyperactive child.

'Wow! Thanks, Shiro! What are those pills by the way?' Urahara marvels.

'I don't know. But I got them for free from a bum on the way here. I wanted to test them out on someone before I took them myself!'

'…Think you can get some more?'

* * *

><p>'In this episode, Byakuya is going to explain why he didn't try to save Rukia!' Urahara exclaims proudly. Everyone leans in eagerly. 'It's because…he didn't want to disobey the law!'<p>

Silence.

'THAT'S IT?' Rukia shrieks.

* * *

><p>'We're all reunited again!' Ganju remarks.<p>

'We need a song!' Orihime says excitedly.

'Uh, Orihime, that's not exactly necess-!'

'Everybodaayyy!' Orihime drawls and spreads her hands out coolly. 'Rock your bodaayyy! Everybodaaayy! Rock your body right! Bleach is back ALL RIGHT!'

Everyone smacks their forehead.

* * *

><p><strong>Again, kudos to anyone who recognized the Backstreet Boys song AND started singing along XD<strong>

***I hope everyone knows the oldie goldie sprinkler move. If not, Google it and feel ashamed :3**


	59. Episode 60

***rant start***

**Latest Bleach chapter...Oh Lord TAKE ME NOW BECAUSE I _DO NOT_ HAVE THE PATIENCE TO WAIT! *breathes deeply* People I DO NOT want losing their battles: Hisagi, Byakuya, Renji, Toshiro AND Sui-Feng! I was hoping they'd show who Kenpachi or Shinji was facing as well...*sigh* CURSE YOU, KUBOOO!**

***rant over***

**BTW this is the 60th episode of Bleach that I am doing! I can't WAIT to hit 100! XD**

**Actually I don't think I will considering it includes the Bount Arc which I AM NOT doing :/**

**Well fuck...**

**Okay, PROCEED TO ENJOY THIS ONE! ^w^**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 60<strong>_

'Oh my God,' Toshiro whispers as he looks at the dead people of Central 46. Suddenly, one the dead people jumps up and does a disco move.

''CAUSE THIS IS THRILLERR! THRILLER NIGHT!' he belts out and starts doing the thriller move.

'CUT! CUT! CUT! Dude, the set for "Thriller" is in the next studio!' Urahara says testily.

'…Well, this is awkward…'

* * *

><p>'Aizen-sama comes back in this episode!' Momo says gleefully. Then she acts all cool. 'I mean, not like I care.'<p>

'So in this episode, we find out that Aizen is actually evil…' Urahara begins to explain.

'DON'T LIE, YOU INSIGNIFICANT WORM!'

* * *

><p>'Now Aizen, we need you to smile evilly. Can you do that?' Urahara asks.<p>

'Of course! After all, I did teach Gin how to smile like that,' Aizen says cheerfully. Everyone turns to look at Gin who smiles and waggles his fingers.

'You know, that was one of those things I was better off not knowing about,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>'Roar, Haineko!' Rangiku commands. The sand blows up and into her face. 'BLEARGHH! Alright, whose fucking idea was it to make my sword out of <em>sand<em>?'

'Hey! That's a pretty cool weapon if you think about it!' Urahara retorts.

'You just couldn't afford a decent weapon!'

'I resent that!'

'…'

'…I hate women.'

'What was that?' Kukaku yells.

'Nothing, cupcake!'

* * *

><p>'So what should Kira's sword look like?' the prop manager asks Urahara as he holds up a fake sword in thought.<p>

'I don't know! Don't bother me with this stu-oops!' Urahara accidentally knocks the sword out of the manager's hand so that it bounces to the floor and bends into an almost complete square. They stare at the oddly shaped sword now.

'I'm a _genius_!' Urahara boasts and puffs his chest out.

* * *

><p>Tosen pulls out the white strip of cloth to whisk Renji and Rukia away. He stares. It's pink with My Little Pony stickers.<p>

'Note to self: hide all keys to the prop room from Yachiru at all times,' Urahara mutters to himself.


	60. Episode 61

**Itachipanda, I read somewhere that in the beginning, it was 'Roar, Haineko' but they changed it to 'Growl' later on in the anime**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 61<strong>_

'We need you to be scared of Aizen, okay, Renji?' Urahara says simply.

'How can I be scared of Aizen? He looks so harmless!' Renji snorts. Aizen smiles and leans in to whisper something in Renji's ear. Renji's eyes suddenly widen.

'AAAHHHHH!' he screams and runs away like a little girl.

'I think that ought to do the trick!' Aizen remarks merrily.

* * *

><p>Mayuri takes off his mask.<p>

Silence.

'OH MY GOD! IT HAS A FACE!'

* * *

><p>'You know, I should have more of a role here,' Rukia drawls. 'I mean, this episode just focuses <em>way<em> too much on Renji!'

'I am getting fucking _cut up_ to protect you and all you're concerned about is _screen time_?' Renji says incredulously.

'You get to punch Renji,' Urahara points out.

'Good enough,' Rukia replies.

'No, it damn well isn't-!'

_BAM!_

'Need more practice. I think I moved in too fast,' Rukia sighs and rubs her knuckles.

* * *

><p>Ichigo and Renji read the script.<p>

'BOO YAH! We are going to kick Aizen's ASS!' Ichigo hoots and fists pumps the air.

'Keep reading!' Gin sings.

They do. Then, their smiles disappear.

'Oh shit,' Renji mutters.

* * *

><p>'One of the four fighting methods is ho-ho?' Ichigo sniggers. 'Lemme guess, that's the one used by gir-!'<p>

_KABLAM!_

'I do detest chauvinists,' Sui-Feng sighs as she claps her hands clean.

'That's my girl!' Yoruichi says proudly.

* * *

><p>'It's called Hogyuku,' Aizen tells Ichigo. Ichigo wrinkles his nose.<p>

'Hoed your who?' he asks in confusion.

'God, Ichigo!' Urahara cries out in exasperation. 'It's Hog your-I mean, how'd your-no, sawed your-you know, who came up with that fucked up name in the first place?'

'You did,' answers a timid scriptwriter.

'And who's writing your paycheck?'

'I mean, I made it up, Mr. Kisuke.'

'Good boy. Now get out; you're fired.'

* * *

><p>'So you managed to succeed where I failed?' Aizen asks with a raise of his eyebrows.<p>

'That's right!' Urahara beams. Aizen pulls out his contract and starts reading it. 'What're you doing?'

'Just trying to locate where I agreed to accept that an idiot is smarter than me.'

'…'

'Burrnnnn,' Ichigo and Rukia smirk.

* * *

><p>'Come on! Not <em>everything<em> went according to Aizen's plan!' Renji snorts.

'How do you know this isn't according to my plan?' Aizen says with a smile.

'We're not even acting for anything right now!'

'Or are we?'

Renji blinks.

'Bleachception like a BAWSS,' Rukia says coolly.


	61. Episode 62

**Btw, I know that the Bount Arc is pretty sucky but it DOES have its funny moments! So I was wondering I'd do a single chapter with an amalgamation of ALL the funny bits! Is that alright with you guys? :3**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 62<strong>_

'Can I have a roll in this episode?' Kukaku asks smoothly.

'Of course, honey!' Urahara answers nervously.

'Hey! Can _I _have a roll, too?' Kon asks excitedly.

'Go fuck yourself.'

* * *

><p>'So who captures me?' Gin asks excitedly. 'Toshiro? Kira? The sexy male GAP model?'<p>

'Uh, it's Rangiku,' Urahara answers.

'Awwww!'

'Where the hell did the GAP model come from?'

'From my closet. Although he is a bit tied up at the moment…'

* * *

><p>'There is no escape now, Aizen,' Yoruichi says in a deadly tone as the rest of the captains surround them.<p>

'CUT! CUT! Shunsui, what the _hell_ is up with that hat?' Urahara cries out in exasperation and points at the sequined pink beanie on the captain's head.

'Whaaat? I thought it added pizzazz!'

'…'

'Okay, I accidentally set the other one on fire…'

'How-!'

'Never decide to make s'mores while drunk. _Ever_.'

* * *

><p>'Don't they look like Charlie's Angels?' Orihime points out excitedly at Tosen, Gin and Aizen on their rocky platforms in the air.<p>

'Orihime, will you stop making media reference-!' Urahara sighs.

'Dibs on being the Lucy Lui one!' Gin squeals excitedly.

* * *

><p>'Now Byakuya, open up your shirt and lie down here,' Urahara instructs.<p>

'Waittaminute, how come _he_ doesn't have to use fake abs spray?' Ichigo demands.

'Have you _seen_ his body? Hottie McHottie!' Urahara gushes. Then he blinks. 'I have no idea where that came from.'

'I don't think I'd want to know either,' Ichigo mutters, slightly creeped out.

'For once, we agree on something,' Byakuya remarks.

* * *

><p>Hisana trudges through the village. Then she falls flat on her face.<p>

'I'm sorry! Can we do that again! I tripped!' Hisana apologizes.

'Nah, it's all good! That's exactly what we needed.'

'Uh, o-kay?'

* * *

><p>'Rukia,' Byakuya mumbles as he lies down on his stretcher. 'I'm sorry.'<p>

'…OH MY GOD! BROTHER, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!'

'RUKIA! You're choking Byakuya!'

'No, I'm not! Right, Brother? Brother?' Pause. 'We don't need an ambulance, right?'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS ENDING CREDITS: Life by Yui<strong>_

* * *

><p>Urahara smokes a pipe. Then he starts coughing.<p>

'Urahara, why the hell are you smoking a pipe when you obviously _don't _smoke?' the producer sighs in irritation.

'Because it makes me look sophisticated,' Urahara hacks.

'Oh yeah, _real_ classy…'

* * *

><p>'WHO'S YOUR DADDY?' Isshin cries out as he tries to jump Yuzu.<p>

'GET AWAY, YOU PERV!' Karin yells as she throws Kon at his face.

'NOT MR. MUFFINCAKES!'

'Please tell me the camera was rolling then,' the producer grins.

* * *

><p>Ichigo stands coolly, looking off into the sunset as the wind blows in his face. Then…<p>

'ACK!' he goes blue in the face and gulps. 'I think…I swallowed a fly…

'Oh, gross,' Rukia groans.


	62. Episode 63

**This is one of my favorite episodes. It's just such a nice way to wrap everything up! It's SO funny! And there is a bit of ByaRen which I think is SO cute ;)**

**Plus I think this is the last episode before the Bount Arc starts XD**

**The Bount Arc is probably going to take me a week to write so I won't be posting until I'm done with it! Enjoy this one though!:D**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 63<strong>_

'Remember, you need to be scared of Unohana!' Urahara tells the 11th Division officer actors.

'Yeah, yeah,' they say as they roll their eyes.

'They're not going to listen,' the producer sighs.

'May _I _give it a try?' Unohana comes up sweetly.

…

'AHHHHHH!'

'Wow…' the producer whistles as those same actors come screaming out of the room. 'She's really…'

'Trust me. I _know_,' Urahara says with a shudder.

* * *

><p>'Then that means we can fight!' Kenpachi yells gleefully as he brings his blade down on Ichigo. The room explodes with power. Smoke clears to reveal an unconscious Ikkaku. 'Wait, that's not-!'<p>

'I'm never fighting you again!' Ichigo yells as he runs away.

'CUT! Okay, let's move onto the next scene!' Urahara instructs. 'That scene was great! How come I didn't know it was in the script?'

'…that _wasn't _in the script…'

'…still looks good on camera. Moving on!'

* * *

><p>The camera comes down to focus on Komamura.<p>

_All by myselffff!_

_Don't wanna be,_

_All by myselfff!_

_Annymoree_

'URAHARA!' the producer yells angrily.

'Whaat? I think it really sets the mood!'

'…'

'Too much?'

'_Ya think_?'

* * *

><p>'CUT! Next scene!'<p>

'I wish we actually got to be drunk for this scene,' Rangiku sighs. She squints at Kira. 'Kira, you okay? You look…woozy.'

'I'm-_hic!_-not feeling-_hic!_-too good!' Kira slurs, his face all flushed. Urahara sniffs the bottle.

'Alright, who spiked Kira's drink with _actual_ alcohol?' he demands.

'Oh dear! Poor Kira! Here! I'll take him somewhere to relax! Let's go, Izuru-chan!' Gin sings as he slings the drunk blonde over his shoulder and skips out of the room.

'…I think we know who did it,' a producer mutters.

* * *

><p>'This is what you're going to tell Byakuya while he's sitting in the sick bay,' Urahara tells Renji and hands him a script. Renji reads it and turns red.<p>

'_No_,' he says viciously.

'How about-!'

'No.'

'Then do a-!'

'No.'

'_Fine_! We'll just have Ichigo interrupt you before you can ask Byakuya for a-!'

'SHUT UP!'

* * *

><p>'I wonder why Uryu made Rukia a dress?' Orihime wonders aloud while looking at the dress. 'Maybe he implanted a control chip in there so he could control her and with every person she hugs, she infects them and soon, Uryu will control the ENTIRE world and make them call him the Pencil King and make them eat canned beans for the rest of their lives!...Or he just likes her a lot.'<p>

'CUT!' Urahara cries out in exasperation.

'Should we make her do it again?' the cameraman sighs.

'Nah. Just cut out her rant and keep the last part.'

* * *

><p>Rangiku is lying face down on the floor. Then she gets up, gasping.<p>

'I almost died!' she freaks.

'Why? What happened?' Toshiro asks in concern.

'My boobs almost crushed me!'

'…'

'Should we cut that out in the editing room?' the editor mutters.

'Nah. Keep it. It kinda makes sense…'

* * *

><p>'Guess what? I get to have a gun again!' Ururu says excitedly. Then she huffs. 'Where the hell does everyone go whenever I say that?'<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Oh! And the song at the Komamura bit is "All by Myself" by Eric Carmen! LOVE THAT SONG!<strong>


	63. Bount Arc

**I know this took a while but I had family visiting and I was hopping from state to state visiting other relatives! It was fun but so damn DRAINING! Still, I tried to keep up with posting stories and maintaining a deviantart account XD**

**Oh! If anyone wants to know my deviantart account PM me because I don't want people to connect me to this account, since I like to keep this one private from my family XD**

****I don't know how many of you will watch episode 85 but *cough cough* as I QUOTE Kira Izuru word for word, "We [him and Gin] weren't exactly friends. But he was important to me.' THE FUCK, KUBO? WERE YOU SETTING THESE TWO UP FOR A YAOI PAIRING FROM THE START? O_o****

**Without further ado, here is the Bount Arc!**

_**EPISODE 64**_

'Alright, who picked my outfit?' Renji yells angrily.

'I did,' Kukaku says coldly.

'And what a _fine_ outfit it is!'

* * *

><p>'The cat's lost weight!' Orihime exclaims as she looks at the Yoruichi cat.<p>

'It's just a cat, Orihime,' Ichigo says.

'Don't hurt the cat's feelings!' Orihime gasps and covers up the cat's ears.

* * *

><p>'How do I know you're my <em>real<em> brother?' Orihime asks Sora suspiciously.

'Orihime, that's not really your broth-!' Urahara sighs.

'What's better with a pork and peanut butter sandwich: peanut sauce or cucumbers?' Orihime demands.

'Orihime! That's gross-!'

'Neither,' Sora answers. 'It's _much_ better with caramel sauce.'

'…'

'You _are_ my brother!' Orihime gushes with dreamy eyes.

* * *

><p>'It's about time you woke-YIPES!' Renji cries out as he slips on Ichigo's bed to land on top of him. With their lips touching. They freeze.<p>

'FUCCKKK!' they both scream.

'SCARRED!' Uryu yells.

'CONTENT!' Rukia grins.

'CUTT!' Urahara calls out.

'GOLD!' Ino says gleefully and snaps a picture.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 65<strong>_

The payphone starts ringing. Ichigo picks it up.

'Hello?' he asks uncertainly, wondering if it was the mysterious little girl.

'Helloooo? Is this Peter's Pizza Palace?' mumbles an old man.

'What the-? No, this isn't!'

'I'll have a large pepperoni with extra tomato sauce-'

'Sir, this isn't the pizza place!'

'Whaaat? Then I'll have a-!'

'NO. PIZZA. HERE.'

'No pizza?'

'No!'

'Then I'll have the pasta instead! Remember, no-!'

_Click!_

* * *

><p>'Hey, Urahara! I just wanted to-whoops!' Kurodo yelps as he falls forward and lands half his hair in a can of black paint. 'Oh no! My hair! It's RUINED!'<p>

'It's PERFECT!' Urahara cries out gleefully.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 66<strong>_

'The museum looks haunted,' Uryu mutters.

'I bet it is,' Ichigo mutters back.

'BOO!' shouts someone dressed in a white sheet with eye-holes.

'How original,' Ichigo yawns with a roll of his eyes.

'Aw, man!' Gin pouts as he pulls off his sheet.

…

'AHHHHH!' Ichigo and Uryu scream and run off.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 67<strong>_

'Oh my God! What if I'm not Orihime and just an imposter?' Orihime says in horror.

'Orihime, that's just in the TV show,' Urahara sighs.

'Or _is it_?'

'Not again…'

* * *

><p>'Is that my shirt?' Ichigo snaps at Renji.<p>

'Wha-! No, it isn't-!'

'It is! What the hell, Renji? Take it off!'

'No way!'

'I _said,_' Ichigo grunts as he tries to pull the shirt off, making them both tumble to the floor. 'Take. It. _Off_!'

Urahara walks in drinking coffee. When he sees Renji and Ichigo on the floor, he spits his coffee onto Ino who is too dumbfounded to notice.

'Is this on...' Urahara mumbles.

'Yup,' Ino answers and raises his camera.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 68<strong>_

'You better hurry!' Ririn giggles hysterically. Then she turns to Urahara in the auditions room. 'How's that?'

'Your laugh is too high-pitched, it makes my ears bleed, and I want to stuff a boa constrictor down your throat and hope you gag on it.' Urahara grins. 'You got the part!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 69<strong>_

'Sweet! I get a wardrobe change!'Renji says gleefully. He lifts the shirt up. 'Did it _have_ to be purple? I mean, it clashes badly with my hair!'

'Who told you to dye it red?' Ichigo mutters.

'It's natural!'

'Yeah! In a parallel universe where Rukia is a nice person!'

'I HEARD THAT!'

* * *

><p>Nobu closes his mask. Then he starts to wave his hands frantically before fainting.<p>

'Please don't tell me we forgot to poke holes in the mask again?' Urahara sighs.

* * *

><p>'We're going to use these stuffed animals for the Mod Souls,' Urahara states as he dumps the toys on the table.<p>

'These are so cute! Do they belong to your kids?' Orihime asks.

'Ummm, yeah, sure, that's where they came from!' Urahara laughs uneasily.

'They're yours, aren't they?' Uryu mutters.

'Don't be absurd!'

'…'

'Alright fine! But I haven't played with them since…last night…never mind…'

* * *

><p>'Can you sing for us, Yoshino?' Urahara asks. Yoshino clears her throat.<p>

'YOOOODEEELOOOO!'

The glass window breaks. The editor's spectacles break. Even their drinking glasses break.

'How was that?' Yoshino asks excitedly. 'I've been told I sound just like Beyonce! Do you want me to sing "All the Single Ladies"?'

* * *

><p>'Guess who saves <em>your<em> sorry ass!' Rukia smirks to Ichigo.

'Santa Claus!' Orihime says triumphantly. Rukia stares. 'The Easter Bunny? Oh, oh, I know! Garfield!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 70<strong>_

Ryo Utagawa places the stuffed snake on his right shoulder. Then his left. Then on his head. Then-

'For the love of God, just put that snake somewhere!' Urahara groans.

'It's for the sake of fashion!'

'I don't think fashion gives a damn even if you stuff the snake down your pants!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 71<strong>_

Urahara walks in calmly.

'I have an announcement to make,' he declares. Everyone looks at him. 'The snake cage lock is missing.'

'…'

'And the cage is open.'

'…'

'And the snakes are missing.'

'…'

'This is the moment you all panic.'

* * *

><p>Ichigo sits down. A fart rips through the room.<p>

'HA! I whoopee cushioned you!' Kon the doll exclaims gleefully and pulls out the cushion. 'I-wait a minute,' human Kon moves away from mike to stare at the set, 'why is it still full of air?'

Everyone stares at Ichigo.

'Hey, I didn't do it, okay!' Ichigo stutters while going red.

'Hmph! I guess curry and frappuccinos really don't mix well,' Orihime wonders aloud.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 72<strong>_

'Who…are you?' Ichigo asks as the gang stares at the two twins.

'Prepare for trouble!' Ho announces.

'Make it double!' Ban adds.

'Huh?' everyone utters.

'To protect the world from devastation!' Ho continues and poses coolly.

'To unite all people within our nation!' Ban pipes in.

'To denounce the evils of truth and love!'

'To extend our reach to the stares above!'

'Ho!'

'Ban!'

'Team Bount blast off at the speed of light!'

'Surrender now or prepare to fight!'

'…'

Ho pulls out a plushie Meowth and presses its middle.

'Meowth! That's right!' it cries out.

'I am so getting sued for copyright infringement,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>'So how am I going to stop those water monsters?' Ichigo asks.<p>

'With this!' Urahara says proudly and thrusts a lighter and a fire extinguisher in Ichigo's hands. Ichigo stares at them and then at the beaming director.

'Either he's just plain stupid or he actually _tries _to kill us in every episode,' he mutters to Rukia.

* * *

><p>'So how're Renji and I going to escape?' Ichigo asks as they stand next to an elevator for the next scene.<p>

'Oh, you jump down the elevator shaft. Wanna practice?' Urahara says quickly in a casual tone.

'Oh,' both say simultaneously. Then they blink in realization. 'Wait, wha-YAAHHH!'

_THUD!_

'Ouch! Okay, who forgot to put a mattress down there?' Urahara calls out in irritation.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS ENDING CREDITS: My Pace by SunSet Swish<strong>_

'It's a bunch of dancing stuffed toys!' Ichigo cries out in annoyance. 'That's the stupidest ending I've ever-!'

'AWWWWW! THAT'S SO CUTEEE!' all the Bleach girls squeal and stampede over Ichigo to cuddle the toys.

'Okay, I take back what I said,' Ichigo wheezes.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 73<strong>_

'Ha! This time, the episodes are all about _me_!' Uryu shouts smarmily at Ichigo and starts shuffling. 'Oh yeah! Uh huh! I rock! I have a season! All about me! And my awesomeness! Oh yeah!'

'Wow,' Renji mutters.

'I never knew Uryu could dance like that,' Rukia says and wrinkles her nose.

'I never _wanted_ to know if Uryu could dance like that,' Ichigo adds and also scrunches his nose.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 74<strong>_

**Dude, Kariya is like every woman's romantic novel dream guy -_-'**

'She's in love with Kariya?' Uryu grumbles. 'Hellooo? What does he have that I don't?'

'Let's see,' Orihime says and starts counting on her fingers. 'Good eyesight, broad shoulders, immortality, height, battle scares, a manly aura, a-!'

'OKAY, I GET IT!'

* * *

><p>'Kariya is trying to become God!' Urahara explains.<p>

'Noob,' Aizen yawns.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 76<strong>_

'Hado 33!' Rukia yells out. 'So Cat Suey!'

'Save it,' the editor mutters before Urahara can open his mouth. 'At least it sounded right.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 77<strong>_

**P.S. Is it just me or is Maki Ichinose a TOTALLY HOT bishie? How come people forget about him? O_o**

'Why is my aura like a…rainbow?' Maki says and wrinkles his nose.

'It's a hidden message about your inner struggle with yourself and your resolve and how one day you're going to shine through it all like a rainbow to prove how strong you are to Kenpachi,' Urahara explains.

'Huh?'

'It means you're gay and want to shag Kenpachi,' Gin points out merrily.

'WHAT?'

* * *

><p>'Master Kariya!' 'Master Kariya…' 'Master Kariya.' 'Master-!'<p>

'Oh my God, will he _shut up?' _Ichigo yells and throws his zanpaktou down. 'If I hear "Master Kariya" one more time I am going to eat my sword right here, right now!'

'Master-!' Rukia starts to yell.

'SHUT UP, RUKIA!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 78<strong>_

'SAND TSUNAMI!' Urahara yells.

'Huh?' Ichigo and Renji utters. They look left. Their eyes widen. 'OH FUC-!'

* * *

><p>'You're an idiot! A moron! A shithead!' Renji yells at Ichigo as he attacks him.<p>

'And cut! Great acting, Renji!' Urahara yells.

'We were acting?' Renji says blankly.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 79<strong>_

'Here, try it!' Ichigo exclaims as Renji puts the cup of coffee to his lips.

'Oh my God! I just heard the most shocking news!' Orihime shouts as she bursts in. 'Ichigo's GAY for Renji!'

Renji spits his coffee on Ichigo.

'YAARGH! WHAT THE FUCK RENJI?' Ichigo yells.

'CUT! And that's perfect!' Urahara says excitedly. Then he turns curiously to Orihime. 'By the way, who told you, Orihime?'

'Oh, I'm not supposed to say,' Orihime says brightly. 'Gin made me promise.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 81<strong>_

The Bount insect toys appear.

'EWWWW! GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!' Orihime screams and pulls out a whirring chainsaw.

'CUT! CUT! Jesus, where the hell does she hide all those weapons?' Urahara says incredulously.

Everyone looks at her boobs. Then laugh. Then stop. Then think about it.

'Damnnn,' Kon whistles.

* * *

><p>'Mmmm, this stuff tastes really good!' Kariya says as he sips the neon orange liquid of energy.<p>

'Hey, has anyone seen my bottle of liquid laxative? It's kinda orange in color,' Gin begins as he walks onto the set. The Bounts all turn green and suddenly rush out of the room.

'Uh, Gin, why do you have a bottle of liquid laxative in the first place?' Ichigo asks curiously.

'Now, now, Ichigo,' Gin tuts and wags a finger at him. 'If I gave away all my magic tricks then where's the fun in that?'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 82<strong>_

'Renji's spiritual pressure just…_disappeared_,' Kurodo says mysteriously and waves his hands spookily in the air over his head.

'CUT! Okay, that was great!' Urahara yells. 'And, Kurodo? Yeah, don't do that again. _EVER_.'

* * *

><p>'I guess you could say I'm FAN-tastic!' Yoshi cackles wickedly as she poses with her fan and sword doll. Urahara smacks his forehead.<p>

'What is with all the horrible puns these days?' he mutters.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS OPENING CREDITS: Tonight, tonight, tonight by Beat Crusaders<strong>_

* * *

><p>'We need a shot of Rukia and Ichigo just dozing off in the grass now,' Urahara exclaims.<p>

'I can help!' Gin says excitedly.

'…Gin, why do have a mallet in your hands?'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 83<strong>_

'So Kariya speaks archaic English, has manners even if he is a villain, prefers to wear suits and trousers, reads novels and poetry _and_ cries when he is sad,' Rangiku narrates. All the girls look at Kariya. The man turns to them and smiles benignly. All the girls sigh dreamily.

'I hate Bounts,' Ichigo mutters. All the guys grumble in agreement.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 86<strong>_

'Noba,' Chad sighs in relief when Noba opens his eyes again.

'OOOOOO! CHAD LOOOVES NOBA!'

'…'

'He's no fun!' Gin pouts.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS ENDING CREDITS: Hanabi by Ikimono-Gakari<strong>_

* * *

><p>'How come Toshiro gets suspenders?' Ichigo complains.<p>

'Because unlike you, I _know_ how to act mature,' Toshiro says matter-of-factly.

'Because unlike you, I know how to act mature,' Ichigo mimicks in a high, squeaky voice.

'Proving my point,' Toshiro says sarcastically.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 88<strong>_

Ichigo awkwardly holds the stuffed Ririn toy against his chest. Someone starts to play "_True_" by Spandau Ballet. He glares at the crew.

'Really? _Really_?' he says sarcastically.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 90<strong>_

'And this is the model for the doll Gesell!' one of the producer says proudly. Everyone stares at the clay model.

'You were watching _Alien vs. Predator_ last night, weren't you?' Urahara mutters.

'What makes you say that?'

'…'

'…It was either this or a giant creampuff.'

* * *

><p>'Renji that's the Bount controlling the-Yumichika, will you let go of my shirt already?' Ichigo snaps and shoves the feathered man away. 'You're going to pull it right off!'<p>

'Your point?'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 91<strong>_

'Agh! I can't seem to come up with a good hairstyle for Koga!' the hairstylist rages.

'Gimme that!' Urahara groans and snatches a tube of orange paint. He rubs it in his hands and pulls Koga's hair up in an orange Mohawk. 'There!'

'I look like a chicken,' Koga mutters.

'Better than looking like a normal black guy! Places, everyone!'

'…Should I be insulted by that?'

* * *

><p>'Zangetsu, I need you to lend me your powers,' Ichigo says gravely.<p>

'No.'

'Than-what?'

'CUT! Alright, Zangetsu, why the hell did you say that?' Urahara says tersely.

'It's in my script.'

'No, it isn't!'

'It is.'

'Let me see that!' Pause. 'Okay, who the hell changed the script?'

'You know, we all know it's Gin but what's the point of asking?' Uryu remarks in a tired voice.

'Because every time, I hope it's someone else so I can yell at them…'

* * *

><p>'Heyyy! Why did Uryu get here without going through some obstacles!' Rukia says angrily.<p>

'Because I'm a Quincy,' Uryu sniffs.

'No, you're not. You're a nerd with a glasses and a wannabe Legolas attitude!' Rukia says in a deadly voice.

'Take that back!'

'Or what? By the honor of the Quincy you'll make me?'

'I really hate you right now…'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 92<strong>_

'You imbecile!' Kukaku screeches as she throws Ganju across the room.

'Wow! Your wife really knows how to get into character!' one of the producers whistles.

'She isn't pretending to play a character,' Urahara mumbles miserably.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 93<strong>_

Yoshi strikes a pose with her fan and sword as she faces Rukia for battle. Then, she tilts forwards and falls flat on her face.

Urahara groans and hands his megaphone to Ino.

'I'm too tired to yell "Cut" anymore,' he groans.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 94<strong>_

'We're riding…pigs?' Uryu says and wrinkles his nose.

'It's unique!'

'It's stupid.'

'Can I name them?' Orihime asks gleefully.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 95<strong>_

'In this episode Kariya is going to go one on one with Byakuya!' Urahara announces excitedly.

'What about us?' Ichigo asks impatiently.

'Huh? Oh, you're all just going to be lost for this episode.'

'Glad to know you care so much…'

* * *

><p>'Soul Society has a limitless supply of reishi,' Kariya remarks nonchalantly as he lifts a hand to call reishi. Nothing happens. 'Uh, I call forth the reishi!' Nothing. 'By the power rested in me, I am He-Man!'<p>

'Are you for real?' Ichigo mutters.

'It was worth a try.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 96<strong>_

'Alright! Now that I'm here, the _real _party's gonna start!' Ichigo boasts.

'What arrogance,' Byakuya sighs.

'No sense of propriety,' Kariya comments.

'Something we can agree on.'

'No other way about it. You are _the_ Byakuya Kuchiki? Your work is truly inspirational.'

'Jin Kariya I presume? You are a phenomenon.'

'Hellooooo?' Ichigo yells and waves his hands in the air. 'We're in the middle of a battle here! Anyone? _Anyone?_ Fuck you guys…'

* * *

><p>'Ran Tao is a <em>woman<em>?' Ichigo says in surprise.

'Well, if you look at her from this angle, she _kinda_ looks like a man-!' Kon begins to say when a frying pan smashes him across the face.

'Anyone more comments?' Ran Tao says irately. Everyone is silent. 'Good.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>ENDING CREDITS: Movin! by Takacha<strong>_

* * *

><p>The stringed dolls run past each other. Then, the strings for Ririn and Kon's get muddled so badly that it looks like Kon is doing the dirty dirty with Ririn.<p>

'That is so wrong, even for me,' Kon the voice actor mumbles.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 98<strong>_

**Okay, Maki and Kariya were _definitely_ fucking behind the scenes for this Arc! Really, while all the Bounts were out sucking souls **_**Kariya **_**stayed inside his mansion with no one BUT Maki and did, what, _nothing? _Pssh, YEAH RIGHT! Loyalty like _that_ doesn't come because someone _admires_ another! Oh, Maki admires _something _alright and I _don't _mean Kariya's skills on the battlefield! -_-'_  
><em>**

**...God, I'm a pervert. Actually, Kubo is the real pervert for creating such relationships. Kubo, you are a secret yaoi fanboy. Just admit it. Everyone knows it already. **

'My name…is Maki Ichinose,' Maki announces gravely.

'You have an itchy nose?' Orihime says in confusion.

* * *

><p>'He's going to take off his eyepatch?' Maki says in confusion.<p>

'He's going to take off his eyepatch,' Urahara says solemnly.

'Oh shit! He's going to take off his eyepatch!' Ichigo hisses.

'He's going to take off his eyepatch?' Uryu says incredulously.

'He's so going to take off his eyepatch!' Rukia gasps.

'Don't tell me he's going to take off his-!' Renji starts.

'WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'LL HAPPEN IF HE TAKES OFF HIS EYEPATCH?' Maki screams.

Orihime bangs Maki over the head with a chair.

'That!' she exclaims chirpily.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 100<strong>_

**WHOOT! WHOOT! 100****TH**** EPISODE! OMG! I would like to thank my fingers for tolerating my random mind, my mind for tolerating my lazy fingers, my eyes were suffering late night insomnias and body for starving while I persisted in finishing this.**

…**God, I am a monster to myself XD**

**Carrying on! Just 9 more episodes till this dreadful series is over!*shudder* I thought it couldn't be so bad as before but it actually was…**

**I hope my suffering wasn't for nothing and you guys enjoy it!**

'Get ready to fight me!' Mabashi says gleefully. Sui-Feng just stares. 'What is it?'

'Oh my God, what's with the drastic wardrobe!' Sui-Feng cries out in disgust. 'I mean, can it _get_ any higher? Any minute now I'll be saying hello to Mabashi Junior!'

'The fuck?' Mabashi shrieks and crosses his legs while blushing like crazy.

'You know what, she's right,' Urahara mutters. 'We need to change his pants. COSTUME DESIGNER! Get Mabashi another pair of shorts!'

'Wha-? Wait, wait, wait, NOT HERE NOT HE-NOOOO!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 101<strong>_

'Ha, ha, ha! I humiliate you!' Sawatari gloats to Mayuri. Mayuri narrows his eyes. Then he kicks the staff out of the old man's hands and he goes crashing to the ground.

'Oops,' he giggles and walks away.

* * *

><p>'It's tiring running around like this,' Uryu gasps.<p>

'That's because you're a nerd!' Ichigo teases.

'That has nothing to do with my strength! I workout every morning before coming here and I eat a nutritional meal to keeps my muscles in perfect health and energized for the rest of the day!'

'…You're still a nerd.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 102<strong>_

Kariya takes off his shirt. All the girls faint.

'Well, that was expected,' Ichigo mutters.

'What? All the girls fainting?' Renji asks.

'No, Hanatarou,' Ichigo replies and points to the fainted man in the corner.

'True.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 106<strong>_

'Kariya! Put on your long-haired wig for the next scene!' Urahara yells.

Kariya slips it on.

'Ah! My ovaries!' Rangiku groans and crumples to the ground.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 107<strong>_

'Look who's baccckkk!' Urahara says excitedly and steps aside to reveal Maki. 'It's Ma-!'

'I didn't kill him properly?' Kenpachi says in disbelief and raises his fake sword. 'Let me finish the job!'

Maki's eyes widen.

'NOOOOOO!'

'Don't worry!' Urahara yells as Maki and Kenpachi run away. 'It's a fake sword!' Pause. 'At least, I think it is…'

* * *

><p>Maki Ichinose flips through the air before landing in a crumpled heap.<p>

'Judges? Your verdict?' Ichigo asks.

'Yo, dawg, it was right for me for you!' Renji remarks while gesticulating with his hands.

'Oh, it was infectiously enthusiastic! Keep on flipping!' Orihime squeals and slow claps while standing up.

'Personally, I found it rather dry and despairing. You looked like a wet dog who didn't know what you were doing,' Rukia yawns.

'But what do the folks back home have to say about it? We'll find out after these commercials!' Ichigo announces with a wink to the camera.

'Oh dear Lord…' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 108<strong>_

Kariya and Ichigo face off, both looking serious.

_CRUNCH!_

They both stare to their right. Rukia and Renji pause in eating their popcorn.

'Whaaat?' Rukia says with her mouth full of popcorn.

* * *

><p>Ichigo stares at Kariya, his eyes a golden yellow. Suddenly, he stares blinking and wincing.<p>

'OUCH! DAMN THESE CONTACTS!' he yells, waving his arms wildly in the air.

'Oh! I know that dance move! I saw it in a JennaMarbles video!' Orihime says proudly, jumping into the scene and starts copies Ichigo.

'CUTTT!'

**LOOOOOLL JENNAMARBLES! LOVE HER XD**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 109<strong>_

'It's so peaceful,' Rukia sighs as her, Ichigo and Renji stare up into the sky.

_CRASH! BANG! SMASH!_

Everyone on the set turns around and stares. Ino has a Krispy Kreme bag in one hand and doughnut in his mouth as he stands guilty next to a pile of devastated props.

'Uhhh, glazed doughnuts anyone?' he asks innocently and holds up the bag.

* * *

><p>'Guess who's come in this episode?' Urahara says gleefully.<p>

'Hi, y'all!' Shinji says flamboyantly and waves a hand at the cast.

'…Don't we already have a gay guy?' Ichigo mutters.

'I prefer the term "beautiful person",' Yumichika sniffs.

'I was meaning Ganju.'

'HEYYY!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>ENDING CREDITS: Baby It's You by JUNE<strong>_

* * *

><p>Autumn leaves fall on Kenpachi. One falls in his mouth.<p>

'Blearghh! Fuck! Gross!' the man sputters and pulls out his sword. 'WHO DID THAT? I'M GOING TO CUT YOU TO PIECES!'

'Ha! You can't because that's a fake sword!' Urahara says proudly. Then, he whispers nervously to the pale prop manager. 'Right?'

* * *

><p>'Rukia! Time for the girls scene! Come ou-!'<p>

'I'm having a bad hair day so I'm not coming out!'

'Oh, come on! It's not _that_ ba-OH MY GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE!'

* * *

><p><strong>OH MY GOD IT'S FINALLY OVER! I have to say, it WAS torture and I forgot how long the series was…<strong>

**HOWEVER, it was kinda nice because of Maki Ichinose *DROOOL* I forgot how hot he was. But one hot guy DOES NOT make a good filler. Okay, so there was Hisagi too but he BARELY had any screen time! **

**Now that this is over, be sure to expect the daily snippets this week! Probably not tomorrow since I need to complete a few other stories but I will post the next episode this week!**

**Till next time!^_^**


	64. Episode 110

**Promised, didn't I? ;)**

**I missed these!**

_**EPISODE 110**_

'Orihime! Where are you going?' the teachers yells in surprise as Orihime and Chad follow Ichigo out of the classroom to fight a Hollow.

'To the restroom!' Orihime answers quickly. Suddenly, she swerves off the school hall set and heads towards the nearest exit.

'Orihime! Where _are_ you going?' Urahara shouts over his megaphone.

'I _told _you, TO THE RESTROOM!' Orihime shouts back and runs out.

* * *

><p>'Ughhh! What should we do about this episode's Hollow?' Urahara grumbles as the team sits down for dinner. The waiter comes in and places a giant roasted pork in front of them. Urahara stares at it before grinning widely.<p>

'We _know_,' a producer cuts him off exasperatedly. 'You have an idea! Though you forget to mention how _idiotic_ it is _every. Single. Time._'

* * *

><p>Shinji uncaps the bottle. He brings it to his lips but it quickly pours <em>upwards<em>. He hears a popping sound and his eyes widen.

'Oh NOOOOOOO!' he yelps as he cascades to the floor, his suction-booted feet facing the ceiling.

'CUT! Okay, we're going to do that _one_ more time!' Urahara orders.

'Here's a thought,' Shinji groans. 'Why not film me standing upright _and then edit it in the editing room_!'

'Nah, too much work,' Urahara yawns.

* * *

><p>'I hope we can be good friends, I-chi-go,' Shinji drawls. He turns to Urahara. 'Creepy enough for ya?'<p>

'Verging on being a rapist with a hint of pedophilia,' Urahara comments. Then grins. 'Perfect!'

* * *

><p>'<em>I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie worldddd!' <em>the Substitute Shinigami badge began to sing. Ichigo stares at the badge in his hand and then at Urahara.

'Too flashy?' Urahara asks in disappointment. 'I knew I should have used "Tarzan and Jane" instead…'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo…' Grand Kingfisher growls, 'Kuro…ARGHHH! THIS. SUIT. IS. TOO. ITCHYYYY!'<p>

* * *

><p>'Uryu, I am your father,' Ryuken utters.<p>

'Noooooo!' Uryu yells, crashing to his knees and howling to the sky.

'…talk about being dramatic,' Ichigo mutters.

* * *

><p>'Dude, why'd you get a tongue ring?' Ichigo asks, wrinkling his nose. Shinji smirks.<p>

'Well…' he begins and then whispers the rest in Ichigo's ear. Ichigo's face suddenly turns red faster than a traffic light.

'Fuck,' Ichigo whispers in awe.

'Oh, you have no idea,' Shinji cackles.

* * *

><p><strong>To all those people who feel squeamish about the yaoi scenes I write, sorry to burst your bubble but I <strong>_**am**_** a yaoi fangirl so I will use it as a form of comedy in my stories. Okay?:)**

**Love**


	65. Episode 111

**I know it seems like the chapters are shorter but let me explain how I write this series: every day, I sit down and watch two episodes and write a separate chapter on each of them as the ideas come to me. I don't PUSH myself to make it funny. I let it come naturally. Hence if the chapter looks short, that was all I got from watching the episode. I hope that makes sense to some of you!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 111<strong>_

'Why'd you cut off that Hollow's tongue?' Orihime says in horror.

'Uh, Orihime, he's not real,' Urahara sighs in aggravation.

'But how can he _TALK__?_'

'Orihime…'

'How can he taste _FOOD_?'

'Well, he…'

'How can he use the _TOILET_?'

'I suppose he could…wait, what's a _tongue_ got to do with using a _TOILET_?'

* * *

><p>'Ha! I get to show my abs off and you don't!' Uryu taunts Ichigo.<p>

'Uryu, put your shirt back on before you poke an eye out,' Urahara orders while walking by.

'Yes, sir.'

* * *

><p>'I don't want to join your little club and I don't want to be your friend!' Ichigo yells at Shinji.<p>

Shinji sniffs loudly.

'Uh, Shinji?' Ichigo asks in confusion.

'WAHHHHH!' Shinji bawls and runs off the set.

'Wow, that was harsh, Ichigo,' Urahara whistles.

'But we were just acting!'

'You didn't have to be so mean about it,' Rukia tsks.

'But we were just acting!'

'Dude, why is Shinji crying in the bathroom?' Renji asks as he enters the set.

'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WE WERE JUST FUCKING ACTING!'

* * *

><p>'I am his father,' Isshin says proudly. 'Why, I remember when he was a little boy, he loved to eat glue with his hands in class and then stick it up his-!'<p>

'Uh, you're not _really_ my father, Isshin,' Ichigo mutters.

'I'm not?' Ichigo shakes his head. Isshin's eyes widen. 'MY WHOLE LIFE WAS A LIEEEE!'

* * *

><p>'Don't judge a Shinigami by the size of his sword,' Isshin says gravely. Then he smirks at Ichigo. 'Who's the cool dad now?'<p>

'Isshin, for the last time, _you're not my real father_!'

'Not now. But I will be. EVENTUALLY!'

'Isshin, get _off_ the refreshment table!' Urahara snaps. 'You're stepping in the Krispy Kreme donuts!'


	66. Episode 112

**Love to everyone who reviewed for the previous chapter! People couldn't stop staring at my grinning face as I read your reviews on my phone while walking around in the mall XD**

_**EPISODE 112**_

The hairdresser puts a bowl over Shinji's head. Then, he trims around the edges. Once it's even, he lifts the bowl to reveal a perfect bowl haircut.

'So that's how,' Ichigo mutters in awe.

* * *

><p>'You'll find out that I don't give up that easily,' Shinji says calmly to Ichigo.<p>

'You mean like in the Barbie Dectective Game?' Orihime says excitedly.

'Ohh! I _love _that!' Shinji squeals.

* * *

><p>'Hey, has anyone seen Shinji? I need to introduce him to-!' Urahara asks.<p>

_BANG! SMASH! KA-POW!_

Shinji and Hiyori roll in, beating the shit out of each other on the floor.

'Dipshit!' Hiyori screams.

'Midget bitch!' Shinji yells.

'…never mind,' Urahara sighs and walks out.

* * *

><p>'So I don't even <em>try<em> to chase Shinji and Hiyori?' Chad asks.

'Well, no, because you can't keep up,' Urahara explains.

'How do I know that?'

'Because…well, just because!'

'That isn't a very good answer.'

'Shut up!'

'…Is my character a wuss?'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS ENDING CREDITS: Sakura Biyori by Mai Hoshimura<strong>_

* * *

><p>Ichigo is standing stoically. Then…<p>

_SMACK!_

'Blearghh!' Ichigo sputters as a bucketful of cherry blossoms are thrown in his face. 'You were supposed to throw them one by one!'

'Oops,' Rukia smirks. Ichigo's eyes narrow.

'You,' he hisses.

'Missed me?'

'YARRGGHHH!'

'Oh my God!' Urahara groans. 'Can someone get Ichigo off-OUCH! That's _gotta_ hurt!'

* * *

><p>Rukia is standing austerely. Then…<p>

_WHACK!_

'What the hell?' she shrieks as a shit load of blossoms are thrown at her from behind. She turns around and glares. 'You…'

'REVENGGEEE!' Ichigo cackles.

* * *

><p>Everyone comes to join Ichigo on the hilltop. Then…<p>

'INCOMINGG!' Orihime yells as she speeds down the hill on her bike. Everyone's eyes widen.

'ORIHI-YAAARGHHH!'


	67. Episode 113

**Didn't put up a chapter yesterday because I went to Cedar Point and had the adrenaline indulgence of MY LIFE!**

**Just thought I'd let you all know ;)**

_**EPISODE 113**_

'I know your secret,' Karin says. 'I know…I know you're Edward Cullen!'

'Karin…wait, WHAAAT?' Ichigo sputters.

'Show me your sparkles!' Karin screams and jumps Ichigo.

'Wow, didn't know she was that gullible,' Gin smirks.

'Didn't know she was a Twihard either,' Rukia mutters.

* * *

><p>'What makes you think you'll make a good addition to the cast?' Urahara demands.<p>

Ulquiorra blinks impassively.

'I can read a script,' he answers.

Urahara drops the pencil in his mouth.

'You're hired!' he beams while shaking Ulquiorra's hand.

'Don't touch me.'

* * *

><p>'I'll suck your soul out!' Yammy threatens and starts inhaling deeply. Suddenly, a fart rips through the room.<p>

…

'It was the suit. I swear.'

* * *

><p>'And this is Ichigo,' Urahara introduces Ulquiorra to him.<p>

'How trashy,' Ulquiorra sighs.

'What did you say?' Ichigo snaps angrily.

'That's it! That'll be your catchphrase!' Urahara says gleefully. 'I'm a _genius_!'

'Trash,' Ulquiorra murmurs.

'That was a good try! Keep practicing!'

'I wasn't practicing.'

* * *

><p>'Hey, Ulquiorra! Is this trash?' Yammy leers as he looks down at Orihime. Ulquiorra looks at her and freezes. Then, his cheeks turn slightly pink. Everyone's jaw drops.<p>

'Dayummmmm,' Shiro whistles.

* * *

><p>'Then, Orihime raises her hands to throw an attack at Yammy-!' Urahara begins to explain.<p>

'Oh! I know that move!' Orihime cried out and stand up on the table. She starts moving her hands over and under each other while shaking her hips while singing the Ketchup Song. 'I say la hi! Ha! Le hey! Le heybiyetoubey!'

'God, can someone get Orihime off the-!'

'I say la hi! Ha! Le hey!' Ichigo, Rukia, Renji and Uryu start singing as they start dancing on the table with Orihime.

Urahara stares.

'What? It's catchy!' Rukia remarks.

* * *

><p><strong>I do believe EVERYONE is familiar with the Ketchup Song and can't help singing it every time it comes up somehow. And I suppose most of you are tired of Orihime singing random songs but to be fair, I do this ALL THE TIME. Even if I hear the most irrelevant thing, I will somehow connect it to a song and start belting it out for no reason and let me tell you it feels FUCKING amazing! Try it sometime ;)<strong>

***SPOILER ALERT* (if you haven't read Chapter 502 yet)**

**On a sadder note, I honestly couldn't stop crying after I read Chapter 502. At first I was all "What the fuck, Kubo? Worst fucking chapter EVER!" And then I was crying. I admire Byakuya Kuchiki passionately. He is a man of SO MANY admirable traits. It just hurt to see that of all the characters, Kubo had to kill him off. I actually DON'T believe he is dead, but it hurt all the same. Kubo really knew how to hit his fans hard. **

**R.I.P Byakuya Kuchiki. Let him live forever in our hearts...**


	68. Episode 114

**Thanks to all who reviewed and talked about Byakuya. It made me smile to read your reviews about him. **

**And how can you all not know the Ketchup Song? Hmmmm, I guess it depends when you were born or what kind of music your parents listened to when you were young XD**

**Oh! A big OMFG for hitting 400 reviews! THANK YOU! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!**

**Anyways, enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 114<strong>_

'I'm sorry, Ichigo,' Orihime says tearfully. 'It's…it's all my fault…'

Then she pauses and thinks.

'Wait, why _is it _my fault?' she asks.

'Because you aren't strong enough,' Urahara explains impatiently.

'Well, that's not a very good excuse! People might not like my character because she's so weak!'

'Uhhhh, you're not strong because you didn't have your breakfast that morning!'

'Oh! Well, _that_ makes more sense! I can't function without my morning beansprout and soy milk smoothie!'

* * *

><p>'Yoruichi, you're just going to practice throwing Yammy. Now, we're really going to use CGI but we need you to-!'<p>

'WAHHHH!'

Yammy crashes on the other wise of the room. Yoruichi dusts her hands.

'Is that good enough?' she asks.

* * *

><p>'Ulquiorra, we need you to tap Yammy's stom-!'<p>

'ARGGHHH!'

Yammy goes slamming into a wall.

'Is that sufficient?' Ulquiorra says impassively.

'Why does everyone pick on me?' the big guy wails and runs crying out of the room.

'Wow,' Ichigo mutters.

'I know,' Urahara murmurs. 'He actually has a pretty flat ass for a big guy.'

* * *

><p>'You're just going to show 2 minutes of Yoruichi…eating?' Ichigo asks and wrinkles his nose.<p>

'Have you _seen_ her eat?' Urahara mutters and jabs a thumb in the direction of the curvy woman gobbling bowl after bowl of ramen. Ichigo's jaw drops.

'Where does she…' he mumbles, his eyes glued to the ravaging woman.

'You keep thinking she'll stop at the next one but she never does. It's kinda like waiting for Byakuya to smile while watching Ellen DeGeneres.'

* * *

><p>A huge tic forms in the corner of Toshiro's head.<p>

'I have to work…with _those _idiots?' Toshiro says stiffly.

'They aren't _that_ bad,' Urahara assures.

'Ikkaku, stop hitting me with that sword!' Renji snaps.

'Well, stop hitting my sword with yourself!' Ikkaku snaps back.

'I am surrounded by ugly people,' Yumichika groans.

'I think I should undo one more button, don't you think?' Rangiku wonders aloud.

'Send me to the paramedic instead. I beg of you,' Toshiro pleads.

* * *

><p>As Ulquiorra begins to leave, Nube Negra starts playing.<p>

'Is _that_ the Espada theme music?' Ulquiorra sniffs.

'You _so_ want to dance to it,' Urahara teases.

'I honestly would rather choke.'

'Oh come on! You can go ahead and dance!'

'No.'

'Come on! Just a little! You know you want to!'

'No, I do not. However, I _do_ know that I am very tempted to chop your head off and feed it to Francine, my pure breed Rottweiler.'

'Shutting up now…'

* * *

><p><strong>I hope everyone is aware of the Nube Negra song! Youtube it if you have forgotten :D<strong>


	69. Episode 115

_**EPISODE 115**_

'It's been a while, Ichi-AHHHH!' Rukia starts to announce as she stands on the window sill when she suddenly tips backwards and falls out.

'CUT! Rukia, for the love of God, finish your sentence and _then_ take a dramatic departure!'

* * *

><p>Ichigo picks Rukia up.<p>

'Hey! You've lost weight,' Ichigo remarks.

_SMACK!_

'WHAT WAS THAT FOR?'

'Oh! I thought you were going to insult me so I prepared myself to slap you.'

'Chee, thanks…'

* * *

><p>'Oh…my…boobs,' Keigo drools as he ogles Rangiku's boobs. Then he leaps forward. 'Here! Let me check those uniform buttons for youuuuuu-!'<p>

_PUNCH!_

'Wow,' Renji whistles. 'Who knew Rangiku could punch hard enough to knock out half of Keigo's teeth?'

* * *

><p>Rukia kicks Ichigo.<p>

Rukia punches Ichigo.

Rukia leap kicks Ichigo.

Rukia-

'WILL YOU STOP HITTING ME?'

'IT'S IN THE DAMN SCRIPT!'

'BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIT ME SO HARD!'

'THEN IT WON'T SEEM REALISTIC ENOUGH!'

'I'LL SHOW YOU REALISTIC ENOUGH!'

* * *

><p>'Hang on! We'll explain Arrancars in a minute!' Renji's voice rings in Ichigo's room. The light above them wiggles. 'Dang it! How do you open this-!'<p>

_Click!_

_BANG! SMASH! CRASH! KA-BAM!_

'So that's how,' Renji groans as everyone crashes through and pile on top of him.

* * *

><p>'Wow!' Kon the actor awes as he stares at Rangiku's boobs. 'Let me adjust those buttons-!'<p>

'Don't!' Ichigo warns. Then, he stops. 'Actually, go right ahead! And make sure to tell her how much you want to motorboat her boobs too!'

* * *

><p>'It would have been fine without the crappy drawings,' Ichigo mutters. Rukia angrily throws her sketchbook at Ichigo. Ichigo quickly ducks out of the way and comes up smiling smugly. 'Ha! Missed-!'<p>

_BASH!_

'-me,' Ichigo wheezes as he sits in a heap on the ground with a desk on top of him.

* * *

><p>'These Vasto Lordes might be stronger than Soul Reapers,' Toshiro says gravely.<p>

_CRACKLE! POP!_

Everyone stares at Renji whose mouth is full of something. He holds up a purple candy bag.

'Pop rock candy anyone?' he mumbles.


	70. Episode 116

_**EPISODE 116**_

A knock on the door. Grimmjow walks in.

'Is this the tryouts for the shirtless male Gap models?' Grimmjow asks. Everyone stares at him. 'No? I guess I'll-!'

'OF COURSE IT IS!' Urahara squeals, dragging him in. 'May we have a, _ahem_, _peek _before we hire you?'

* * *

><p>'Then Ulquiorra breaks his eye and everyone inhales it in order to know what happened,' Urahara explains.<p>

…

'Ew,' Rukia mutters.

* * *

><p>Rangiku lifts her skirt to "persuade" Ichigo. Everyone gets a peek and faint from nosebleeds. Rangiku looks down, confused.<p>

'Oh! Darn it, I forgot to wear any underwear for this scene!' she pouts.

* * *

><p>'You mean there's a scene…' Kon says slowly.<p>

'…where Rangiku is hugging…' Shiro murmurs.

'…Orihime naked?' Keigo finishes in awe.

Urahara nods.

'Yup-ARRGHH!' he shrieks as he is trampled by hormonal teenage boys.

'Move out of the way, Shiro!'

'Move your _nonexistent balls_ out of my _face_, Kon!'

'Ouch! Quit hitting me, you guys!'

SHUT UP, KEIGO!'

* * *

><p>Rangiku starts to undo her buttons. Suddenly, a black, bald guy appears.<p>

'What the-?' Urahara mutters.

'My binoculars on!' he sings. 'Alone! Staring out of my window! I see the best creation of woman that I ever saw in a long, long timee! Some say it is wrong! But what if she knows, that I'm spying on her! Would she strip down naked and entertain me! Oh my God, she's doing it! Takin' it off!'

'CUT! CUT! CUT!'

Everyone stares at a livid Urahara.

'Who the hell hired _Akon_ to sing "Nosy Neighbor" for this scene?' he snaps.

…

Rangiku raises her hand.

* * *

><p>'Cry away! My bosom's your pillow!' Rangiku cries out.<p>

'Great! Then can I sleep on them right-!' Kon the actor starts.

_BASH!_

'CUT! And, Kon, quit whining! If you're going to jump Rangiku then be prepared to have your nose broken!'

* * *

><p>'Open your pesquisa!' Grimmjow commands his Fraccion. They all look at each other in puzzlement. Then, they begin to pull down their zippers. Grimmjow's eyes widen in horror. 'NO, NO, NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! OH <em>GROSS, EDRAD!'<em>

* * *

><p>'Wow! This is yum-!' Rangiku starts.<p>

_CRASH!_

'CUT! Toshiro, I told you to stay on the roof!'

'And I told you that it was fucking _impossible _but we're not very good listeners now, _are we_?' Toshiro snarls as he lies sprawled painfully on the ground.

* * *

><p>'I wanted to sleep in your closet,' Rukia sniffs.<p>

'How come?' Ichigo demands.

'Well, for one, you have _quite_ the interesting porn magazine collection…'

'_WHAT?'_

'Oh wait, this is your _character's _closet. My bad.'


	71. Episode 117

**Kay, so I'm visiting my home country right now and will be here for a month! My chapter posting will be a bit off because I'll be doing A LOT of catching up! But for now, enjoy this chappie!^_^**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 117<strong>_

'Awww!' Rukia coos as she looks at Di-Roy. 'Well, aren't you the cutest-OH MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS SWEET AND CHAPPY! ARE THOSE _TEETH_?'

* * *

><p>'So I told my husband,' the hairdresser rants to her neighbor as she cuts Edrad's hair. 'That if he wanted to shave his crotch, he should really consider-whoops!'<p>

She has shaved half of his hair off.

'Shit, Urahara is going to be-!'

'We need the actors! Wow! Nice haircut, Edrad!'

'…Never mind.'

* * *

><p>'Dance, Sode No Shirayuki!' Rukia commands and whirls her blade around. Suddenly, the ribbon at the end wraps around her and she topples over.<p>

'RUKIAAA! STOP PLAYING AROUND ALL THE TIME! JEEZ! Is that girl ever serious about _anything_?' Urahara groans.

* * *

><p>'Rukia! Get off me! You're going to break my arm!' Ichigo shrieks as Chappy-Rukia sits on top of him.<p>

_CRACK!_

They freeze.

'I don't think your arm is supposed to make that sound,' Rukia mutters.

* * *

><p>'Caught between two epic battles,' Keigo narrates gravely and looks around shiftily. 'Our young hero is lost but he braves the mysteries of the night, hoping he can survive to live another day and see his beloved cat, Fluffy Whiskers-!'<p>

'KEIGO, STICK TO YOUR LINES!'

* * *

><p>'Damn, your haircut is stupid!' Ikkaku laughs at Edrad.<p>

'At least I _have_ hair!' Edrad snaps.

'You take that back!'

'You'll have to make me! Strand by strand! Oh, wait you can't because YOU HAVE NO HAIR!'

'OH, IT IS _ON_, BITCH!'


	72. Episode 118

**This story is now past the 450th review mark. Wow...**

**CAN'T WAIT TILL 500 REVIEWS *starry eyes* Maybe I'll do an entire chappie on a Bleach movie as a treat, eh? :3**

**And PLEASE can people UNDERSTAND how I write these stories? Honestly, I am getting tired of reviews asking why the chapter is so short -.-'**

**I love you but please, _please_ read the note above the chapters! They are there for A REASON**

**Proceed...**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 118<strong>_

'Can you dodge _this_?' Ikkaku grunts and lunges at Edrad. Edrad tries to pull his sword out. It won't come out. His eyes widen.

'WAIT, WAIT, WAI-YARGHH!'

'CUT! EDRAD, WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE OUT YOUR SWORD?'

'IT WAS STUCK!'

'HOW THE HELL WAS IT STUCK-?'

Gin walks in sucking loudly on the straw of his pina colada, a tube of superglue in hand.

'Miss me, anyone?' he cackles.

* * *

><p>'RUKI-AAAH!' Ichigo yelps as he trips while running to save Rukia from Grimmjow. Without realizing it, he goes on his knees and grabs Grimmjow's hips for support so that his face is in line with Grimmjow's crotch.<p>

…

'Well, this is awkward,' Grimmjow mutters.

'HA! I told you Ichigo would make the first move! Pay up!' Rukia snickers and opens her palm smugly to Urahara.

'YOU GUYS _BET_ ON ME TRYING TO GET INTO GRIMMJOW'S _PANTS_?'

'Yup! Good thing I didn't bet that you'd succeed!'

'RUKIAAAA…'

* * *

><p>'This is my true form,' Edrad says gravely as his hand catches fire. 'And this is my true <em>power-<em>wait, is this _supposed_ to catch fire? OH FUCK, IT'S REAL FIRE! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF MEEE!'

'Are you still filming this?' Urahara asks. The cameraman nods. Urahara giggles evilly and joins his fingertips together. '_Excellent_.'

* * *

><p>'EXTEND!' Ikkaku yells as he releases his zanpaktou. 'Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is-sword-thingy-ru!'<p>

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>Ikkaku starts whirling his bankai blades in the air until they are a blur. Suddenly, he's lifted through the air and is flying up like a helicopter. Everyone stares with their mouths open.<p>

'Thank God this is anime or we'd have some real explaining to do here,' a producer mutters.

* * *

><p><strong>In case none of you noticed but when Urahara said "Excellent" I was mocking Mr. Burns from "The Simpsons" XD XD XD<strong>


	73. Episode 119

**This is a flashback episode of how Ikkaku met Kenpachi. I got inspired to write a IkkakuYumichika yaoi along the way XD Will post shortly. Meantime, enjoy this chappie!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 119<strong>_

Ikkaku jumps in the air, his short yukata flying up. Everyone scream in horror.

'OH MY GOD, IKKAKU!' Urahara gasps and covers his eyes. 'It's okay if _Rangiku _forget to wear her underwear but please _SPARE US_!'

* * *

><p>'No, no, no, no, <em>no<em>!' Yumichka snaps and slams the table angrily. 'Do you think I am some kind of _animal_? Do you think that I have no _feelings_? My intelligence and pride is _insulted_! I will not be treated like some inhumane being incapable of judgment! You better do as I say or I will roast and serve you sunny side up with a dash of paprika!'

'What's he so mad about?' Ichigo asks in bewilderment.

'They got the wrong shade of pink in his Flashback Scene outfit,' Rukia sighs.

* * *

><p>'All I want is your strength and loyalty!' Kenpachi barks at his men. Then he thinks about. 'And beer. I want beer, too.'<p>

'CUT! Kenpachi, that's not your line!'

'But I want a beer.'

'Yes, but-!'

'Are you saying I _CAN'T_ have a beer?'

'…Budweiser or Heineken?'

* * *

><p>Renji and Ikkaku reiatsu's flare up red and yellow repectively as they get ready to fight.<p>

'It's a disco party!' Yachiru squeals. She jumps between them, one hand on her hip and the other one pointing to the ground and then sky in a slanted line.

'Shouldn't you be yelling "cut"?' Ino asks, confused.

'Yeah,' Urahara admits and then squeals. 'But she's so _CUTEE!_ When she's not, y'know, ruining my life and making me cry like a pathetic little girl...'

* * *

><p>'I want to fight and die…' Ikkaku says dramatically. 'As Captain Zaraki's subordinate.'<p>

'YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME?' Yumichika says in horror.

'What? No! I mean, wait, what the hell do you _mean?' _Ikkaku sputters.

'I KNEW IT!' Yumchika sobs and runs out of the room bawling his eyes out.

…

'Tough love, bro,' Renji sighs and claps a shocked Ikkaku on the back.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS OPENING CREDITS: Rolling Star by Yui<strong>_

**This is my FAVORITE OPENING and making fun of it was **_**SO **_**hardd XD**

**At least I tried :3**

* * *

><p>Orihime puts cupcakes on the table.<p>

'Oh boy! Food!' Ichigo groans and stuffs one in his mouth.

'Tell me how you like the green curry with the caramelized onions!' Orihime says excitedly. Ichigo's eyes widen.

'Fuck…' he whines through a mouthful of food.

* * *

><p>Toshiro is staring off into space.<p>

'WATCH OUT!' Rangiku yells as she trips forward. Toshiro's eyes widen.

'NO, NO, NO, NO-ACK!' He gets attacked by a pair of ginormous boobs.

'We got that on tape?' Urahara asks quietly.

A nod.

'I love being a director,' Urahara sighs happily.

* * *

><p>'Now when I snap my fingers like this...' Urahara snaps his fingers. 'The explosion will go off on the roof-'<p>

_BOOM!_

'NOT NOW DAMN IT! Jeez, I was just practicing snapping like this…'

_BAM!_

'I SAID I WAS PRACTISING! Anyway, where was I?'

'You said when you snap like _this_…' Ino snaps his fingers.

_BLAM!_

'OKAY, NOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO PISS ME OFF!'

* * *

><p>A white explosion goes off in Aizen's face. Who is wearing sunglasses.<p>

'AIZEN, TAKE OFF THE SUNGLASSES!'

'But they aren't sunglasses.'

'THEN WHAT ARE THEY?'

'Ray-Bans. Way chicer.'

* * *

><p>'AAAHHHH!' Ichigo screams.<p>

'CUT! Nice scream, Ichigo! How'd you-' Urahara notices the giant sword on Ichigo's foot.'-Oh.'


	74. Episode 120

**120TH CHAPTER PEOPLE! WHOOT WHOOT!*dances a jig* And now I've scarred you all for life XD**

_**EPISODE 120**_

* * *

><p>'HA HA! I have the most beautiful sword in Soul Society!' Rukia chants as she waves her Sode No Shirayuki in the air while prancing about. Suddenly, she trips and drops it, breaking it in two. 'Whoops…'<p>

* * *

><p>'I haven't been showing up enough in the episodes,' Ururu remarks. 'Give me a part in this episode.'<p>

'Well, that would be-' Urahara began nervously.

'I _said_-' Ururu placed her Bleach weapon with the many torpedo holes in Urahara's face. 'I want a _part_ in this episode. You got that?'

* * *

><p>'This is what happens when an Arrancar releases its zanpaktou!' Ill Fordt yells.<p>

'…PAHAHAHAHA!'

'What? What's so funny!'

'You're a…_cow_!'

'I'm a _bull_, you idiot!'

'You're a fucking _cow_!'

'I am _nottt_!'

'CUTTT!'

* * *

><p>'Allow me to introduce myself! I'm Ill Fordt Grantz!'<p>

Renji wrinkles his nose.

'Your name has an "ew" in it? Dude, that's just _sad_…'

'SHUT UP!'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'This is my zanpak-' Shawlong starts once he has transformed.<p>

'EW! EW! EWWW! A BUGGG! KILL IT!' Orihime screams and starts beating it with a baseball bat.

'CUT! CUT! Orihime, that's not a real bug!' Urahara cries out in alarm.

'Oh.' Orihime looks at the crippled Shawlong. Then, she tosses her bat away and smiles brightly. 'Guess there was nothing to worry about after all!'

Everyone takes a step away from her.

'I think she might be more dangerous than Gin,' Ino hisses.

* * *

><p>'Activating Gentei Kaijo!' Renji yells.<p>

'Activating Gentei Kaijo!' Toshiro yells.

'Caesar salad with extra croutons!' Rangiku yells.

…

'Oh, we're not ordering lunch?'


	75. Episode 121

***trumpet blows dramatically* OFFICIALLY REACHED THE 500TH REVIEW MARK ON THE DOT! *bows repeatedly* Thank you! And thank you! I could not have done it without my lovely fans and, of course, my dry sense of humor. May they live long, happy lives. **

***mouth waters* Grimmjowwww…**

**He was just too fucking sexy for this episode**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 121<strong>_

Toshiro flies towards Shawlong. Closer…_closer_…aaand he flies right past him.

'What the-?' he balks and is suddenly yanked backwards. Then forwards. Then up and down, up and down, up and-

'See? I told you Shiro-chan looks just like a butterfly, ne?' Gin says merrily as he moves the joystick in his hand round and while.

* * *

><p>'I'm not going to fall in love with baldie here!' Mizuho yells and jabs a finger at Ikkaku.<p>

'I ain't that stoked either, you old hag!' Ikkaku snaps back.

'Fuck you!'

'Oh yeah? Well, _fuck you_ too!'

Suddenly, Mizuho yanks him forwards and kisses him passionately across his lips. His eyes bulge.

…

'Ah, young love,' Urahara sighs dreamily.

'What the fu-?' Ichigo mutters.

'HE _IS _CHEATING ON MEEE!' Yumichika wails and runs out of the room.

* * *

><p>'Dude, look at the way Ichigo and Grimmjow are fighting each other,' Rukia says in awe.<p>

'Yeah,' Renji admits.

'They _so _wanna fuck each other.'

'THE FUCK?' Ichigo shrieks and turns around. 'I DO NO-!'

'HEADS UP!' Grimmjow yells.

_THWACK!_

'That was a good shot! Keep rolling!' Urahara shouts excitedly. 'Can someone nudge Ichigo to wake up? He's sleeping in the middle of the scene.'

* * *

><p>The editor watches as Grimmjow punches Ichigo once on his video editing software. He presses "Repeat". He presses it again. And again. And again and again and again and again and-<p>

'Dude,' his partner says while wrinkling his nose. 'You coulda waited for me before you started that video.'

'Can't help it. It's kinda addictive to watch.'

* * *

><p>'A wild Tatsuki appears!' Urahara announces.<p>

'Wha-!' Tatsuki stutters as she's thrown onto the scene. She looks around her, shocked. Then she runs off of the set, screaming her head off.

'Well, that didn't work out so well,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>'Did you win?' Renji asks Ichigo gravely after his battle with Grimmjow.<p>

'…I lost,' Ichigo sighs.

'HA HA!'

Everyone stares at Rukia.

'Sorry. Reflex action.'


	76. Episode 122

**Okay so I know it's been a while but I've been busy (and sick) and just a heads up, I won't be posting anything till Wednesday because I'm going on a family vacation. Plus, might as well let you all know, I'm a Muslim and this is the holy month of Ramazan where we fast so basically we don't eat all day hence why I've been so tired and lazy in posting chapters. After Wednesday it'll all be over and I'll be posting chappies regularly once more!**

**Anyways, enjoy this chapter!^_^**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 122<strong>_

'Why so _serious?_' Tousen demands as he gets right up in Grimmjow's face.

'Isn't that line already in some kind of famous movie?' Grimmjow mutters and leans away.

'Yeah, but that was said by a _white_ guy. Geddit? 'Cause his face was painted white and he looked white and…and…shutting up now…'

* * *

><p>'So Tousen is SUPER pissed at you…' Urahara explains.<p>

'Pssh! How pissed can be? What, he wants to chop my arm off?' Grimmjow chuckles. Someone shoves the script in his face. He reads it in silence. Then he raises an eyebrow in disbelief and fear. 'Fuck…'

* * *

><p>'Dude,' Ichigo mutters as Ryuken Ishida corners Uryu in the glass prison. 'Why does this look like some kind of BDSM shit? All it's missing is a whip.'<p>

_CRACK!_

Everyone stares at Gin who has a whip in one hand.

'What?' he asks in mock innocence.

* * *

><p>Ichigo stand stoically in front of the site where he first met Ulquiorra and Yammy. Then…<p>

'WATCH OUT!'

'Huh-?'

_THWACK!_

A boom mike accidentally knocks Ichigo into the ditch.

'1 million Youtube views, here I come,' Ino murmurs gleefully as he records everything on his iPhone.

* * *

><p>'I have to beg you to train me?' Chad says monotonously.<p>

'That's right!' Urahara beams.

'…But you're an idiot.'

'TOLD YOU!'

'SHUT UP, RUKIA!'

* * *

><p>'Why so serious?' Shinji chuckles as he looks down from his perch at Ichigo.<p>

'How come he gets to use that line?' Tousen whines.

'Well…' Urahara mutters.

'It's because I'm black, isn't it?'

'Not again…'

* * *

><p>'Look at this!' Shinji says gleefully as he holds up Hiyori's Hollow mask. He puts it on. 'Scary voice!' He takes it off. 'Normal voice! Scary voice! Normal voice! Scary! Normal! Scary! Normal! Scary-!'<p>

'CUT THE FUCK OUT!' Hiyori screams as she slams her foot into the side of his face. 'Or I'll rearrange all your moisturizers and foot creams!'

'YOU WOULDN'T!'

'TRY ME!'

* * *

><p>'I'm going to use you, Shinji,' Ichigo smirks as he stand in the Vizard's hideout.<p>

'Oh, you can use me _any time_, Ichi-_go_,' Shinji purrs as he waggles his fingers at the guy and winks suggestively.

'CUT! And, Shinji, leave the lame pick-up lines at the one night stand bar next time, will ya?'

* * *

><p>'Hey, Shinji!' Hiyori yells.<p>

'Wha-?'

_SMACK!_

'CUTT! Hiyori, how many times have I told you,' Urahara says as he glares at her, 'to let me know _beforehand_ when you're going to hit Shinji with your shoe so we can shoot the scene from a _better _angle!'


	77. Episode 123

**It's been a while I know. But my Net is being a bitch and I have to wait to get back to the States so I can start posting stuff regularly. I don't think I'll be posting things for a week at least because I'll be adjusting to my new subjects this year so let's see, I might take two weeks to post something again. Just giving everyone a heads up.**

**Oh! And thanks to all that reviewed! 600 reviews WOW! Love you all!**

**Anyways, enjoy this chappie!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 123<strong>_

'You pass. We'll teach you how to control your inner Hollow,' Shinji drawls. Then he beams and holds up a pink mini gift bag. 'Plus a free goodie bag with perfume samples from Coco Chanel!'

'…' Urahara has the megaphone half way to his mouth, frozen in place.

'…Whaaat? _Everyone_ deserves a gift bag of _something_! Think of it as motivation!'

* * *

><p>'How do you know about the Hogyuku?' Ichigo asks in shock.<p>

'It's my big hair,' Shinji teases and taps it while winking. 'It's full of secrets!'

'CUT! Shinji, have you been watching "Mean Girls" _again_?'

* * *

><p>'So we're just going to drop these heavy weights on your body because we need to pin you down for next scene. Okay, Ichigo?' Urahara explains as Ichigo lies down on the ground. 'Ready? AANNNND ACTION!'<p>

'Huh?' Ichigo shrieks as Urahara sprints offset and tries to get up. 'Wait, wha-!'

_THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD!_

'YEEAAAAOOUUUCCHHH!'

'Hmmm,' Urahara muses and scratches his chin. 'Maybe we should've practiced before we tried this scene out…'

* * *

><p>Multiple split scenes of Ichigo and Shiro flash across the screen. Then…<p>

'What the-? Shiro, why the _hell_ are you eating a Subway sandwich in the _middle of a scene_?'

'Because I'm hungry?'

'That's not a good excuse!'

'Because my character was hungry?'

'That's-well, it could-wait, NO IT ISN'T! CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'Whose idea was it that I workout on this fucking ski machine for this episode?' Ichigo grumbles.<p>

'Well, you _are_ getting a little on the pudgy side,' Rukia snickers.

'Then what does that make you? Supersized?'

…

'STOP RUNNING, ICHIGO! I JUST WANT TO TAP YOUR HEAD WITH THIS MALLET!'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo…' Rukia murmurs as she stands on the roof, looking into the night. 'Where are yo-WAAHHH!'<p>

_THWACK!_

'Why the _fuck_ doesn't anyone put a _damn_ mattress for scenes like this?' Rukia snaps as she twitches painfully after tumbling to the ground.

'Well, this time we didn't exactly expect anyone to idiotically lose their footing and fall. Really, Rukia, you can't blame us for your lack of balance.'

'SHUT UP, URAHARA!'


	78. Episode 124

**So I know I've been MIA for a while and updated other stuff but this. I abandoned this once (unfortunately) but I won't do it again! I just needed time to get inspiration for this again. I haven't watched anime in ages anyways. Need to finish a couple of series…**

**Anyways, enjoy this chapter! Hope it makes up for the time!**

**P.S. I had this chapter written since Thursday but my laptop broke down. Apparently there was too much dust in the vents and I had broken the fan hence it overheated. **

**Whoopsie...**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 124<strong>_

'BAN!' Ichigo yells. 'KA-!'

'POTATOES!' Shirosaki screams.

* * *

><p>'Surprise!' Urahara sings and waves his hand at Byakuya and Kariya. 'Guess who's back to fight you again, Ichigo? The only two men who will <em>always <em>be classier, sexier and bachelorer than you!'

_WHAM!_

'Did he just call us…sexier?' Kariya mutters and wrinkles his nose.

'I am more appalled at "bachelorer",' Byakuya utters.

'Medic…' Urahara says feebly from the trashcan Ichigo had thrown him into.

* * *

><p>'You are weak, Ichigo Kurosaki,' Byakuya says curtly.<p>

'GIMME A "K"!'

'K!'

'GIMME A "U"!'

'U!'

'GIMME A "C"! GIMME A "H"! GIMME A "I"! GIMME A "K"! GIMME A "I"! PUT IT ALL TOGETHER AND WHAT DOES IT SPELL? GOOOOO, KUCHIKI! KUCH-IKI! KUCH-IKI! KUCH-IKI! KUCH-!'

'RUKIA, SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET OFF THE STAGE! WHO THE HELL GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO ORCHESTRATE A CHEERLEADING TEAM?!'

'MY RIGHTS!'

'WELL, TELL THEM TO SHUT THE _FUCK _UP!'

* * *

><p>'You're afraid of walking the same path as me,' Kariya says smugly.<p>

'NO! I'm different from you!' Ichigo argues.

'Thank goodness for that,' Kariya sighs. 'I mean, I would rather die than have people think your taste in clothes is similar to mine.'

'Heyyy! I buy my clothes from pretty decent stores!'

'Why, yes, Salvation Army is an incredibly decent place for the homeless.'

'He called your mama a whore!'

Ichigo and Kariya stare offset.

'Just givin' ya all some more bait,' Gin says playfully and wiggles his fingers.

* * *

><p>'MEGA FACEPALM!'<p>

'Wah-!' Ichigo utters before Shiro slams a hand in his face.

_BAM!_

'CUT! Shiro!' Urahara scolds, scowling. 'That was a really sneaky and mean thing to do to Ichigo!...Can you do it again? We need it from another angle.'

* * *

><p>'So Shiro stabs Ichigo-'<p>

'Yay!'

'-but with a _fake_ sword-'

'Aw!'

'-so that he can be the king-'

'Yay!'

'-except Ichigo recovers at the last minute-'

'Aw-'

'Will you cut it _out_?' Ichigo snaps.

'_Excuse me_ for expressing how I feel when someone crushes my hopes and dreams!'

'Your dream is to _stab_ me?!'

'A boy can dream!'

'Yeah, but if it's about murder he belongs in a _fucking asylum!'_


	79. Episode 125

_**EPISODE 125**_

'Guess who you're fighting next, Ichigo?' Urahara says excitedly and moves out of the way to reveal Kenpachi. Then he looks around in confusion. 'Where'd he go?'

…

A quiet, empty road. Suddenly, Ichigo is running down it screaming like a little girl.

* * *

><p>'How come your name is "Love"?' Rukia asks.<p>

''Cause my full name is Dr. _Looove_,' Love says and wiggles his eyebrows. "Lets Get It On" by Marvin Gaye suddenly begins to play. 'All aboard the _Loove_ Train.'

'Oh brother,' Rukia groans.

'Oooo! I love trains!' Orihime squeals.

'Me _too_!' Shinji gushes.

* * *

><p>'Why the hell does Ichigo get to stab me and I don't get to kill him?' Shiro demands.<p>

'Well, Ichigo kills you because he has to learn to control your powers,' Urahara explains. 'And you…well, you'd just kill him because you're sadistic.'

'…Point.'

* * *

><p>The scene flashes with pictures of the Vizards. Except Shinji.<p>

'HIYORI! Where the hell is Shinji?'

'Why do you think I'd know?!'

'…'

'Okay, _fine_, he's in the microwave.'

'How the _hell_ did you-?!'

'Want a demonstration?'

Everyone takes a step away from her.

* * *

><p>'So when Hachi puts down the barrier Ichigo falls on his face,' Urahara instructs. 'Ichigo, fall on your face!'<p>

'Wah-?'

'I'll help!'

_THWACK!_

'Erm, thank…you, Orihi…me?'

'No problem! It's a good thing I carry a mallet with me at all times!'

'Sure…good thing…right…'

* * *

><p>The giant screen in Orihime's room crackles to life. Suddenly, an episode of "Pretty Little Liars" pops up.<p>

'What the-?' Toshiro tuts. 'Can someone fix the-!'

'Ssshh!' Urahara hisses over the megaphone. 'They're going to figure out who 'A' is!'

Toshiro smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'Aizen was after the Oken!' Yamamoto says gravely.<p>

'The Oken? Not the Oken! Oh my God, he's after the Oken!' Rangiku gasps dramatically. Then she wrinkles his nose. 'What's an Oken?'

'Didn't you read the script, woman?' Toshiro snaps.

'Of course not! Today is the day I wing it! No script, no underwear and no bra! I am a free woman today!'

All the men on the set faint from nosebleeds. Including Urahara who's got a crazy smile too.

'We could have done without that information, Rangiku,' Toshiro mutters through gritted teeth.


	80. Episode 126

_**EPISODE 126**_

'I'm sorry I turned my sword on you, Toshiro,' Momo says meekly. 'And I'm also sorry that I gave your favorite underwear to Gin for Aizen's sock.'

'It's oka-wait, you did _WHAT_?!'

'Didn' know ya were a Spongebob fan, Shiro-chan,' Gin smirks.

* * *

><p>'Chad needs training from one who has a bankai,' Urahara says behind his fan.<p>

'Well, you should-listen, can you put down the fan?! I can barely understand you!' Renji sighs in aggravation.

'It's part of my character!'

'That doesn't include your face! Put it away now or I'll make you!'

'No!'

'Give it-there! All-WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!'

'It's not _that_ bad! I mean, there's been worse cases of acne!'

'Are you kidding me?! That thing's the size of Mount Etna about to explode!'

'I am _soo_ rewriting the script and having you die a gruesome death in the next episode…'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo is different now,' Orihime thinks. 'He's getting stronger. It doesn't matter what Aizen is planning. Ichigo is not afraid…of turtles.'<p>

Urahara smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'Wait, wait, wait,' Uryu says in disbelief and points to his dad. 'He <em>shoots<em> me?'

'Well, it's the only way you'll get your powers back!' Urahara explains.

'But he _shoots_ me?!'

'Yes, but it's the Quincy way!'

'He _fucking_ shoots me?! And he's supposed to be my _father_?'

'Hey, c'mon, Uryu!' Ichigo jokes. 'It's not _that_ bad!'

'_Your _character's dad beats the hell out of you every chance he gets and he's been _hiding_ the fact that he's also a fucking Shinigami so shut yo mouth!'

'Shutting up...'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS ENDING CREDITS: Tsumasaki by OreSkaBand<strong>_

* * *

><p>'Oooo! I like Kenpachi's jacket look!' Urahara says in delight.<p>

'That's because he shredded the shirt,' the costume designers mutters.

* * *

><p>'I am <em>not<em> wearing a maid outfit!' Soifon remarks hotly.

'It's either that or a nurse's outfit and let's just say that outfit leaves little to the imagination,' Urahara says delicately.

'…lose the apron and I'll wear it.'

* * *

><p>Shooting Byakuya's scene…<p>

'Does he _ever_ take a bad shot?!' Ichigo complains.

'Maybe if you take a…SURPRISE PHOTO!' Ino yells as he jumps in Byakuya's face and snaps a picture. 'Aha! Now we'll _finally_ catch him looking…awesome?'

'He's like the Barney Stinson of Bleach,' Rukia marvels.

'Except he's not a player,' Ichigo points out.

'Then maybe he's the Neil Patrick Harris of-!' Renji starts.

'LALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!' Rukia screams.

* * *

><p>'Rangiku, are you crying?!' Kira asks in shock.<p>

'It's nothing!' she sobs. 'It's just…my outfit doesn't let me show off my _boobs_! WAAHHH!'

* * *

><p>'I love everyone!' Shunsui sighs and turns to someone with a puppy dog look. 'Especially <em>you<em>! You take my _breathe_ away, baby girl! Who's the most beautiful woman in this room right now? You are! You are!'

'Alright, who let Shunsui onto the set _drunk_?' Urahara groans. 'And can someone get him away from the mop? The janitor needs to start cleaning the set!'

* * *

><p>'Can I stop running?' Ichigo pants.<p>

'Just a little further…' Urahara mutters, squinting hard at the camera viewpoint screen while the camera shoots away.

'Where is the camera anyway?' Ichigo mutters and looks behind. His eyes widen. 'What the-?! Are you shooting the scene to show my _ass_?'

'Whaaat? You've been working out so it looks perky these days!'

'PERVERT!'


	81. Episode 127

**So I took my time uploading this chapter because I was dissatisfied with it for **_**so many **_**reasons. So sorry if it's just way too short but I actually had no good ideas while watching this episode :/**

**On **_**another**_** note, I'm thinking of opening a deviantart account for my stories!:D**

**I've put up a poll on my profile to ask whether it's a good idea or not but I **_**really**_** want to. Please vote because I would like a public opinion. Desperate as I may sound, but I want my stories to be recognized as well. Know any good sites that can do that other than deviantart? I also write yaoi so the site needs to be open to such things :3**

**Enough with my ramblings! Hope you enjoy this chapter! (even though honestly, in my opinion, it isn't that funny and I apologize PROFUSELY. Promise next chapter will be better though I think it's a filler…let's see what I can do then!)**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 127<strong>_

'Why helllooo, Orihime! Long time no see!' Urahara states cheerfully in his scene.

'No, it isn't. We just met two minutes ago,' Orihime points out. Urahara smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'Then the Mod Souls are going to come in to give Chad a special tea!' Urahara explains.<p>

'Special…tea?' Chad utters.

'Special tea.'

'Urahara-san?'

'Yes, Chad?'

'Isn't tea just…tea?'

'DO NOT DOUBT FORCES YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND!'

'…of tea?'

* * *

><p>Chad looks up from his script.<p>

'Why am I encouraging you to let Orihime battle?' he asks Urahara.

'Because you care about her,' Urahara states.

'If I cared about her, I wouldn't want her to fight.'

'Well, see, she _wants_ to fight so you think it's unfair of me to _not_ let her.'

'Orihime, do you want to fight?' Chad asks.

'Wha-? Of course not! Then who's going to make bean curry milkshakes for everyone?!' Orihime pouts.

'See?' Chad states.

'There's no winning with you, is there?' Urahara groans.

* * *

><p>'Orihime's personality is not meant for battle,' Renji exclaims as they watch Orihime run away. 'Right now may have been the best time to tell-'<p>

'Whoops!' Orihime says as she trips, grabbing the edge of the background cover and dragging everything down with a loud crash.

'I'm okay!' Orihime beams as she holds both her hands up with remains of the scenery.

'Talk about irony,' Renji mutters.

* * *

><p>'I will get my revenge on that Soul Reaper,' Yammy threatens as he stands in Las Noches. Suddenly, "Gasolina" by Daddy Yankee belts out.<p>

_A ella le gusta la gasolina!_

_Da me mas gasolina!_

_Como le encanta la gasolina!_

_Da me mas-_

'WRONG SPANISH SONG!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>OPENING BONUS CREDITS: Alones by Aqua Timez<strong>_

* * *

><p>'Hey, that's a great shot of everyone just lying about! How'd you get it?' Urahara asks.<p>

'Gin actually took the...picture...' the producers falters and glances at the fox-eyed man. Gin waves cheerily, grin growing wider.

Urahara and the producer gulp.

* * *

><p>Ichigo and Orihime walk past each other. Suddenly, all of Orihime's hair blows into Ichigo's face and mouth.<p>

'BLEARGH!' Ichigo yells. 'Aw, _come on!'_

* * *

><p>The backgrounds smolders away to reveal Aizen behind Orihime. Wearing a party hat.<p>

'Whoops! Sorry! Had to leave Anne Hathaway's surprise bash,' he sighs and takes off the hat.

'You know...Anne Hathaway?' Urahara says in disbelief.

'Well, not per se. I actually met her through Christopher Nolan who wanted me to play Batman but I declined since I felt Christian Bale was more suitable for the role,' Aizen explains apologetically. 'I also helped write the script but I let Nolan take the credit. God does not live in the limelight.'

'I think this role has gone to his head,' Ino hisses.

* * *

><p>Camera zooms out to show all the Espada. And Gin playing paddle ball.<p>

'Why me?' Urahara groans.

* * *

><p>Renji puts on his cloak. Everyone bursts out laughing.<p>

'What?! What's so funny?!' he demanded. Then he saw that huge red pineapple smiley face drawn on his cloak. 'RUKIAAA!'

'I didn't do _all_ of it!'

'Oh yeah?! Well, what part _did_ you do?!'

'Your mom.'

'Fuck you!'

'She already did.'

'SHUT UP!'

* * *

><p><strong>The song is "Gasolina" by Daddy Yankee. <strong>_**Quite**_** the heated music video ;)**


	82. Announcement

**I'd planned on updating a few stories over the weekend but in light of the shooting in Connecticut I'll hold off the stories for now. I'm sorry if you were expecting a chapter but when I heard the news of the incident I almost cried. I couldn't help empathizing with the parents and people affected by it; what if that was your child? What if that was your mother? It was just...it is just amazing to think that such heartless people can exist...**

**I'm sorry for going all emotional. I hope I can convey my thoughts as best as I can in these lines because I can be bad at expressing myself sometimes especially when I'm upset. **

**Life is so precious and life with family is just priceless. I'm a thousand miles away from my sisters and my parents but I always try to tell them how much I love them and always think about them. So just take out time to tell your parents, your siblings, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, and anyone you remotely care about that you love them. Trust me, those words can make someone's day and make them smile :)**

**Next time, this will be a chapter. Promise. **

**And if you think no ones loves you or something, well, I do. Don't know who you are but you have my love. *hug***


	83. Fillers

**Been ages…so how old is everyone now? XD**

**Exams, hard semster, just didn't have time/inspiration. But now I'm back and ready to roll! Btw, sorry if the humor seems too drab. I'm trying to get back into the swing of it but it might take a while. Please bear with me!**

**FILLERS AHOY! Yup, even though I clearly remember NOT to do fillers for this story, just like the Bount Arc, I'll make all the fillers a compressed chapter just so people won't have to groan and moan about the fillers just like when we had been forced to watch them. Or not. Depending on how smart you were to wait until it was all over and then start watching Bleach…**

**Blah, ANYWAYS! Here we go! **

_**EPISODE 128**_

'Oops! Look at the time! I have to go shopping! Bye, Captain!' Rangiku says cheerily and runs offset.

'CUT! That was brilliant, Rangiku! Rangiku? Where'd she go?'

'…I think she actually went shopping…' Ino mutters in disbelief.

* * *

><p>'Unlike me, you need to get stronger,' Ikkaku gloats to Rangiku.<p>

'I'm sorry do _you_ have gigantic boobs you can hypnotize the enemy with and distract them so you can finish them off? _No,_ I don't _think_ so,' Rangiku retorts smarmily and snaps her fingers like a black girl.

'CUT! Rangiku, you can't say that on television! Now can we please-Ikkaku, why are you looking down your shirt?'

* * *

><p>'That kid gets his face smothered in boobs?!' Kon asks in disbelief.<p>

'Aw, man!' Shota whines.

'Hey, you listen to me and you listen good, kid!' Kon snaps. 'You should appreciate the finer things in life because not many people get a chance to experience such beautiful things! So do me a favor-no, do _all_ us men a favor who have _dreamed_ to be in your place, and motorboat those amazing mounds of wonder!'

'Dude, you're creeping me out,' the Shota says and wrinkles his nose.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 129<strong>_

'This…this is my sister, Pewie! Wait, that's not right…Louie…Dewie…Huey…'

'Uncle Scrooge!' Rangiku chimes in.

'…'

'Donald Duck?'

* * *

><p>'Good afternoon, Captain Hitsugaya. My name is Akon and I-'<p>

'As in Akon the singer?!'

'Uh, no, Rangiku, I'm not-'

'Ooooo, can you sing Smack That?'

'Uh, we're in the middle of shooting a scene-'

'It's my _jam_!'

'…smack that, all on the floor, smack that, gimme some more, smack that, till you get sore, smack that, ohhhhh...'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 131<strong>_

'Keep quiet, little girl,' the Arrancar growls and roars loudly. Then his visor comes down and blocks his vision. 'I'M BLIIIINDDD! MOMMMYYYY!'

'I sometimes question your choice in actors,' the producer mutters to Urahara.

* * *

><p>'You bastard!' the Arrancar growls at Toshiro. 'Wait, should I be swearing in front of a little kid-!'<p>

_SMASH!_

'CUT! Toshi_rooo_! He meant _Shota _not you! Damn it and we _just _opened up his helmet!'

* * *

><p>Rin wears his ponytail on the side of his head. Then the other side. Then at the back. Then two ponytails. Then…<p>

'FOR PETE'S SAKE, MAKE UP YOUR MIND BEFORE I MAKE _YOU _A HUMAN PONYTAIL!' Urahara yells over the megaphone.

Rin quickly makes a ponytail on top of his head so that it flops down pathetically.

'That's got to be the stupidest hairstyle I have ever seen. ROLL THE CAMERAS!'

* * *

><p>'Shota, I'm going to explain to you what a Hollow is,' Rangiku says very seriously. 'See, when a Mommy Hollow and a Daddy Hollow love each other very, very much-'<p>

'CUT! RANGIKU, FOR THE LAST TIME, READ THE SCRIPT AND _NO_, WE ARE _NOT _GOING TO PUT ANY GIFT COUPONS IN THEM!'

'Awwww!'

* * *

><p>'We'll save Yui's soul together!' Rangiku says cheerfully. Shota nods in happiness.<p>

'Cut! That was good! Take 5, everyone!'

'Awww! That was so touching! I think I want to adopt a kid now!' Rangiku says tearfully.

'Aw, that's so sweet, Rangi-!' Urahara starts.

'SHOTA! YOU LITTLE TOAD, STAY _AWAY _FROM MY MANGO SHAKE OR I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 132<strong>_

'How'd you do that?!' a kid gushes after Toshiro epically kicks the soccer ball away.

'What's your secret?'

'Why's your hair so white?'

'Are you a pro?'

'Speedos or boxer briefs?'

'What the-?!' Toshiro blanches. 'Okay, who asked that?!'

Everyone goes quiet. Then, Orihime raises her hand.

…

'You know, oddly enough, I would've understood if it was Gin,' Urahara mutters to Ino.

* * *

><p>'I like looking at the sky. It brings back fond…memories,' Toshiro says languidly.<p>

'Toshiro likes Momo!' Rangiku chants.

'No, he doesn't!' Karin says hotly.

'Karin likes Toshiro!'

'No, she doesn't!' Orihime points out.

'Orihime likes Karin!'

'No, she doesn't!' Uryu says angrily.

'Uryu likes Orihime!'

'No, he doesn't,' Nemu says nervously.

'Nemu likes-!'

'NOBODY LIKES URYU!' Urahara yells over his megaphone.

**Kudos to anyone who recognized the Simpson reference ;D**

* * *

><p>'Now, Toshiro, since you're going to be a pro soccer player you'll need to practice blocking,' Urahara says solemnly.<p>

'Sure, no big-hey, where the hell are you running off to?!'

'FIRE!'

'What the-AHHHHHH!'

...

'Hey, anyone know where Toshiro is?' Ichigo asks.

'Getting attacked by balls,' Orihime answers simply.

'…O-_kaaay_…'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 133<strong>_

'ACTION!'

Ikkaku pulls out a stereo and presses a button. The Rocky Theme Song starts playing.

'C'mon, you sons of bitches! MARCH, MARCH, MARCH!' he yells at the kendo team.

'CUT, CUT, CUT! IKKAKU, NO GODDAMN THEME MUSIC, GOT THAT?'

* * *

><p>'Do I <em>have <em>to wear this?' Ikkaku whines and wrinkles his nose at his kendo costume.

'For the last time, _yes_, Ikkaku! It's part of the episode,' Urahara sighs.

'But it doesn't even match my eyes and does _nothing_ for my complexion!'

'…'

'I mean, uh, it, uh, it makes my package look small and, uh…'

'…you've been reading Yumichika's magazines again, haven't you?'

* * *

><p>'ACTION!'<p>

'Let's get down to business! To defeat…the Kotei team! Did they send me daughters? When I asked…for sons!'

'CUUUT! Ikkaku, that INCLUDES no singing!'

* * *

><p>'Hey, Urahara, where did you get these crazy training exercises?' a producer asks.<p>

'Ohh, I found it in this exercise guide!' Urahara chirps, holding the book up. 'It's in Bulgarian but with the right translation, I was able to find the most effective-!'

The producer slowly turns the book right side up in Urahara's hand. He looks down at the cover.

'Types of Capital Punish-oh!...Oops….'

* * *

><p>'Let's do this, you guys!' Ikkaku says triumphantly. A guitarist starts playing "Eye of the Tiger".<p>

'CUT! IKKAKU! I SWEAR, ONE MORE TIME AND I'M BURYING YOU TEN FEET UNDER WHILE PLAYING THE FUNERAL MARCH!'

Silence. Then, the guitarist starts playing "Funeral March" by Chopin.

'Traitor,' Ikkaku mutters.

* * *

><p>'And then Ikkaku bribes Toshiro with sweets!' Urahara exclaims happily.<p>

'Who the hell would be stupid enough to get bribed by candy?' Toshiro snorts.

'Er…yeah…haha…who would…I mean, I wouldn't sell my car for a box of Lindt chocolate with the oozy chocolate center. No way!'

'…'

'…please don't tell me wife…'

* * *

><p>'Annnnd cut!' Urahara calls. 'Wow, everyone acted the part of their Mod Soul <em>really<em> well! I wonder what-'

'They worked! My date rape pills _actually _work!' Shiro says gleefully, and spreads his hands out to the sky. 'SUCCESS!'

'…Never mind.'

* * *

><p>'And captain of the other team is actually Mizuho's ex-boyfriend who is <em>also <em>bald!' Urahara declares.

'Huh? But I'm not bald!'

'Oh, no?'

'…what're you doing with that razor?'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 134<strong>_

'So…this episode is about the two idiots?' Yumichika mutters.

'Come on! They're not _that _clumsy!' Urahara insists. 'I bet it'll be a very interesting episode!'

'Yeah! I'll have you know I'm-wahhh!' Rin yelps as he trips over his own feet.

'Here! I'll help you up, Ri-yaahhhh!' Hanatarou screams as he tumbles over Rin and lands on top of him.

'Oh yeah! What will he trip over next? The suspense is killing me!' Yumichika says sarcastically.

* * *

><p>'Too…much…cake…' Renji groans after doing the Cake Test Scene.<p>

'Hey, everyone! Since you all did such a good job today I'm going to treat you all to some cake!' Urahara announces. 'Hey, Renji, would you like a slice of-!'

'NO MORE CAKE!'

* * *

><p>'Oh boy! I get a zanpaktou for this episode!' Hanatarou says gleefully.<p>

'Here,' a producer mumbles and hands him a butter knife. He stares at it.

'Whatever you do, don't laugh-' Renji whispers to Yumichika.

'My very own zanpaktou! I bet it had some super cool power which is why it's such a tiny thing! Oh boy ! This is SOOO cool!' Hanatarou jabbers excitedly and skips away.

'…but I really wanted to laugh,' Renji says miserably.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 136<strong>_

'We're going to make Aizen regret the day he strengthened us with the-_Magic 8-Ball!_?' Patros sputters.

'CUT! Alright, who replaced the Hogyouku?' Urahara says impatiently. Patros shakes the ball.

'"Ask again later",' he reads. Urahara smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'I CAN'T SEEEEEE!' Menis screams and runs around in his release form.<p>

'Shouldn't we help him?' Renji asks.

'AAAAHHHHH-!'

_THWACK!_

'Now we can,' Rangiku answers as Menis lies unconscious in front of a wall.

* * *

><p>'Why the hell should I be scared of a little girl?' Patros laughs and points at Ururu. 'Hey, where did everybody go? Why is she pointing that cannon at me? It's not real, right? <em>Right?'<em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 137<strong>_

'If you wanted I could have happily killed them for you, Aizen,' Gin says merrily.

'Cut! And next scene! That was great, Gin! How do you act so convincingly?'

'That's easy! I don't!'

'…'

'I hope they still have some creampuffs left over! I'd _kill _to have one right now!'

* * *

><p>'Defile,Gerifalte!' Patros yells.<p>

'Dude, is your zanpaktou called _pedo_falte?' Renji mutters.

'Wha-?! No! It's _Geri_falte! _Geri_-falte!'

'You know, that kind of explains the mustache now…'

'SHUT UP!'

**Because seriously, the way he said it, I ACTUALLY thought he said pedo -.-'**

**Best I could come up with but hey, it's a LONG chapter so I hope it makes you guys happy! I'll try updating everyday and stuff if I can! Thanks so much to those who faved and alerted while I was sorta on hiatus. Really appreciate that! Till next time! Btw, poll on my profile! Please vote? Won't take more than a minute! Much thanks!:D**


	84. Episode 138

_**EPISODE 138**_

'This is Ulquiorra,' the pale Espada utters as he stands in front of the main doors. 'Permission to enter.'

'Password?'

'I-what?'

'You can't enter until you say the password!'

'CUT! Aizen, that is _not _your line!'

'But I'm an _evil _man with an _evil_ club. I think it's common courtesy for me to _at least _have an _evil_ password.'

'You're not a "club". You're the most ruthless band of soulless killers the world has ever seen!'

'And we don't even have a _password._'

'FINE! Keep a password! Make it "nugget biscuit" for all I care!'

'Damn it that was the best one…'

* * *

><p>'Ulquiorra…Ulqui-<em>orra<em>…_Ulqui_-orra…Ulqui-'

'What the hell are you doing, Aizen?' Urahara asks.

Practicing how I say "Ulquiorra". See, I want to get the right tone where I sound like I'm his superior so he must obey me but at the same time I'm undressing him with my eyes so that I can seduce him into my bed.'

'Uh, right, um…keep up the good…work?'

* * *

><p>Rukia and Orihime get ready to practice battle, hands poised. Then…<p>

'Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm down from the hood,' Rukia raps. 'Like you never could, 'cause I'm a dead girl, bitch, I take you out in a cinch!'

'I got pins in my hair,' Orihime sings. 'Red hair everywhere! I eat green onion pancakes but all you got is Chappy rabbits!'

'CUTTT! Jeez, when I said battle I didn't mean a _rap_ battle! Try it get it right this time!' Urahara yells impatiently. Pause. 'And pancakes don't rhyme with rabbits!'

* * *

><p>'OOooo, Shuuhei wants to watch the girls fight!' Renji teases.<p>

'I do not!' Shuuhei says angrily.

'I bet he does!' Ikkaku cackles. 'I bet he wants to see Orihime's chest bounce as she runs around!'

'Shut up!'

'I bet he's just _dying _to watch her sweat!'

'No, I wouldn't! I'd rather watch Kensei-san sweat!'

…

'NO! NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! DON'T YOU _DARE _TELL KENSEI OR I SWEAR I'LL-FUCK YOU, IKKAKU!'

* * *

><p>'The clouds…are moving,' Ikkaku says mysteriously. 'Look, I'm sorry, but can I get a <em>better <em>line? "The clouds are moving"?! Seriously?! Stating the obvious much? I've been meditating and getting in touch with my inner soul and the best thing I can come up with is that the clouds are moving?! That's like saying Rangiku secretly steals everyone's chocolate pudding and blames it on Renji!'

'Heeyyyyy!'

'That was you?!'

'CUTTT!'

* * *

><p>'So Grimmjow is going to be replaced by a new Espada called Luppi!' Urahara announces.<p>

'Bet he's going to be gayer than Yumichika and Shinji,' Ichigo mutters to Renji.

'There is no way there's someone gayer than-!' Renji starts.

'Salutations, ladies! Luppi at your service and I am FIERCE with a capital F!' Luppi trills as he skips into the room. He spots Grimmjow and looks him up and down. 'Well, _hellooo_, handsome!'

'…Never mind.'

* * *

><p>'I'm Captain Hitsugaya of Squad Ten!' Toshiro growls.<p>

'That's quite a coincidence!' Yammy sneers. 'I'm Espada Number Ten, Yammy-!'

'TWINSIES!'

Everyone stares at Luppi.

'Oh, come on! Don't tell me you weren't _dying _to say that!' Luppi says sassily and juts a hip out.

'Gayyyy,' Rukia hisses as she walks by.

* * *

><p>'Uhhhhh,' Wonderweiss garbles as he stares at nothing.<p>

'Cut! Okay, next scene!'

'Thank goodness,' Wonderweiss says delicately in a British accent and straightens up while slicking his hair back. 'I felt like I was going to develop arthritis from bending like that all day. Can someone get me a cup of tea? And some crumpets too. The buttery ones with a touch of jam.'

'This is probably the only show where the idiots are gentlemen and the gentlemen are idiots,' Rukia mutters to Ichigo. Ichigo nods. Then stops.

'What the hell is that supposed to mean?!'

* * *

><p>'You guys rest,' Urahara says gravely to Renji and Chad. '<em>I'll <em>go.'

'HAHAHAHA!'

'RUKIAAA!'

'IT WASN'T ME THIS TIME!'

'THEN WHO?!'

…

Ulquiorra raises his hand.

'…I don't think I know how to react to that…'

**In case nobody noticed, but I am a HUGE KenShuu fan/shipper. Any chance I get to ship them, I WILL. Just a fair warning...**


	85. Episode 139

_**EPISODE 139**_

'What the hell is that?' Grimmjow hisses at a newly Hollowfied Ichigo.

'I don't have time to explain things,' Ichigo says. In a high squeaky voice. He blinks. 'What the-? Okay, who the hell tampered with the mask's voice!? Own up now or I _swear_ I will make you pay!'

'You know it's kinda hard to take you seriously when you sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks,' Grimmjow mutters.

'SHUT UP!' Ichigo squeaks.

* * *

><p>'So Grimmjow needs to practice walking around without an arm so we're just going to-!'<p>

'I can help!'

'Uh, that won't be necessary, Gin-JESUS CHRIST, WHERE THE _HELL _DID YOU GET THAT AXE?'

'Internet.'

'Oh, right, because that just makes PERFECT sense!'

'It's true! Here, let me bring my collection of-!'

'NO!' the entire crew screams.

* * *

><p>'So <em>this <em>is my release form?' Luppi says excitedly and cackles evilly. 'Can you _imagine _what you can do with _eight _arms?'

'Uhhh…' Urahara utters.

'Ohhhh, Grimmjowwww, I got a surprise for youuu!'

* * *

><p>'So in all actuality,' Ichigo starts slowly. 'our battle is only <em>11 <em>seconds long?'

'Dude, it takes me 11 seconds to get out of a chair,' Renji exclaims.

'Wow, that's faster than when you realize someone is making fun of you,' Rukia points out. Renji nods. Then he stops.

'HEYYY!'

* * *

><p>'It's only been a month!' Grimmjow pants after Ichigo delivers a strong attack. 'What the hell did you do to yourself?!'<p>

'Oh, you know, a little muscle protein here and there, working out every other day, biceps curls, I even started this new exercise where it really perks up your-!'

'CUT! Ichigo, stick to your lines!'

'But I really have been working out!'

'Nobody cares!'

'Jeez, don't get mad at me just 'cause you're getting fat…'

'What was that?!'

'Nothing, nothing!'

* * *

><p>'So how we can resolve this fight properly?' a writer asks Urahara.<p>

'Well…'

'Look at me! I'm a creepy Hollow!' Ichigo cackles as he runs around with his Hollow mask on. Suddenly, he trips and falls flat on his face, breaking the mask to pieces. 'SHIT! Urahara is going to-!'

'Ichigo, you're a genius!' Urahara squeals and hugs a bewildered Ichigo before running off.

'I am?' he asks in confusion. 'I mean, of course I am! Duh! Ummm, what did I do again?'

'Doomed us all to suffer his stupidity,' the writer mutters.

* * *

><p>'Guess who steps in to save the day!'<p>

'Urahara, get down from the table and take off that cape,' a producer sighs in exasperation. 'And _please _wear your underwear _under _your pants. I don't think we all want to know how much you love Phineas and Ferb.'

* * *

><p>'Oh boy! We get to be Soul Reapers in this episode!' a guy says gleefully.<p>

'Finally! We're being recognized as _real _actors instead of extras!' another says proudly.

'They're the two guys who escort Orihime and get killed by Ulquiorra, don't they?' Rukia mutters.

'Yup,' Urahara replies. Rukia whistles.

'Poor guys,' she sighs.

* * *

><p>'I'll only tell you one more time,' Ulquiorra says to Orihime. 'Come with me, little-'<p>

'NO!'

'CUT! Orihime, that's _not _your line!'

'But he's being a big, fat meanie!'

'That's because that's his character!'

'Well, I don't like it! And I don't like him!'

…

'Excuse me,' Ulquiorra says stiffly, walking past everyone to the men's bathroom. They hear the door locking.

'Ouch,' Ichigo whispers.

'He's _totally _whipped,' Rukia murmurs.


	86. Episode 140

**OMG OMG OMG YOU GUYS! This story is SO close to 1,000 reviews and even closer to 800! You have NO IDEA how HAPPY and grateful I am all thanks to you guys! I never thought I would EVER get this far with a story! Thank you so much for being SO supportive! Come on! Let's reach 800 reviews and once we pass that, 1,000 reviews here we come!:DDD**

_**EPISODE 140**_

'Oh my God! Look! There's two of me!' Urahara squeals as he dances around with his balloon version. He hides it behind his back. 'One of me.' He pulls out the doll. 'Two of me! One of me! Two of me! One of me! Two-!'

Rukia pulls out a bobby pin and pops the blowup doll.

'One of you,' she says sweetly.

'Thank _goodness _for that,' Ichigo mutters.

* * *

><p>'You just don't get it,' Urahara says gravely to Yammy. 'I can't be hit.'<p>

_THWACK!_

'RUKIA!'

'Whaaat? I thought it was a challenge!'

'It wasn't!'

'Duh. That was too easy.'

* * *

><p>'Tsugi No Mai,' Rukia murmurs her sword chant as she thrusts her sword into the ground. And breaks it. '...uhhhh, Hakuren?'<p>

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'Okay, Grimmjow,' Urahara says calmly. 'You are going to get frozen into an icicle by Rukia's zanpaktou so in order to practice…you need to take off all your clothes.'<p>

'Oka-wait, _what_?'

'Take off all your clothes. You can keep your underwear buuut, you know, it's _optional_.'

'…did you just make that all up?'

'Are you questioning my common sense?!'

'I'm questioning your inner pervert.'

'I'm insulted!'

'…'

'…Okay, _fine_, I made it all up. But I'm not the only one who wants to see you naked!'

'Oh, yeah!? Who else?'

Everyone in the studio raises their hand.

'God damn it,' he swears.

* * *

><p>'So Ichigo gets beaten by a one-armed guy and then gets his ass saved by a girl and a flaming queen?' Renji exclaimed. Urahara nods. Renji turns to Ichigo. 'Dude, you <em>suck<em>.'

'I'm sorry, _who _was getting massaged by _dolls _in the last episode?'

* * *

><p>'He's obviously a hotheaded one, this guy,' Shinji murmurs as Grimmjow moves in to attack. Suddenly, funky tango music starts playing. The blonde quickly puts a rose in his mouth.<p>

'What the-_hey!' _Grimmjow yelps as the Vizard grabs his hand and dips him to the ground. 'GOD DAMN YOU, SHINJI, I AM NOT A CHICK!'

'When one hears the tango,' Shinji says dramatically as he twirls a fuming Grimmjow about. 'One is obligated to _dance _the tango.'

'Are we still filming?' Urahara asks in surprise. The cameraman nods. 'Can I get a copy afterwards?'

* * *

><p>'Now, Grind!' Grimmjow yells, getting ready to unsheathe his sword.<p>

'Oh, I'll grind with you _anytime, _Grimmjow,' Shinji purrs. Grimmjow smacks his forehead.

'Maybe I should've thought twice about signing up for this show,' he mutters.


	87. Episode 141

**Thank you all for the positive reviews for the last chapter. You're the reason I keep writing3**

_**EPISODE 141**_

'So, this bracelet makes me _invisible_?' Orihime asks in wonderment.

'Well, er,' Urahara tries to explain. 'Yes, but only in the-!'

'So I can walk into the bakery and steal all the salmon butter cakes I want?!'

'I don't think they even _serve_-Orihime, get back here!'

'You'll have to catch me first! Oh wait, you can't because I'm _invisible!'_

'Jesus fucking Christ…'

'Take off your shirt! I can't see you do that either!' Ino yells, pointing his camcorder at her.

* * *

><p>'Stop touching me like that!' Ikkaku yells as Tessai tries to bandage him up.<p>

'Leave my cute, little Ikky _alone_, you jerk!' Yumichika yells angrily.

'Cute?' Ichigo mutters.

'Little?' Renji wrinkles his nose.

'Icky?' Ikkaku blanches.

'You got that right,' Rukia snickers.

'SHUT UP!'

* * *

><p>'Rangiku, have you been able to contact Soul Society?' Toshiro asks.<p>

'No luck,' Rangiku replies. 'But I can fix that!' She slams the phone against a rock. And breaks it. '…Oops.'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'I dunno, feels like I bumped into something,' a student mutters, looking about.<p>

'You did! It's me! But you can't see meee!' Orihime sings and waves her arms around mysteriously. Urahara smacks his forehead.

'Who's idea was it to make her invisible for this episode again?' he mutters.

* * *

><p>'Ichigo,' Rukia whispers as she sits next to Ichigo's bedside while he's in a coma. 'What kind of power were you trying to obtain? And why did the Arrancars retreat in the middle of the fight? There are so many things I don't understand…'<p>

'That's because you're an idiot,' Ichigo whispers.

_SMACK!_

'Ouch! Aren't you supposed to be in deep thought?!'

'Aren't you supposed to be in a deep coma?!'

'CUUUT!'

* * *

><p>'I chose to say goodbye to you, Ichigo,' Orihime murmurs. 'There were a lot of others I wanted to say goodbye to as well. Tatsuki, Rukia, Chad, Uryu, the baker, the spicy tuna shop, curry smoothies, soy beans, broccoli-'<p>

'CUTT! Orihime, that's not even in your script! And half of those aren't even _people!'_

'Food has feelings too!'

'…I'm not even going to try arguing about that…'

* * *

><p>'This is the first time I've ever been in your room,' Orihime exclaims. 'It has…your scent…'<p>

'Dirty gym socks and week-old moldy pizza?' Rukia suggest as she pops in through the door.

'HEY!' Ichigo yells and sits up.

'CUT! Rukia! You're not even in this scene! And besides, it's more like dirty underwear and wet dog fur.'

'No, no, no!' Orihime insists. 'It's more like rotten tomatoes and-!'

'OKAY, I GET IT ALREADY!'

* * *

><p>Orihime bends down to kiss Ichigo.<p>

'ACHOO!'

'OH, GROSS, ORIHIME!'

'SEE?! I TOLD YOU SHE WAS ALLERGIC TO ICHIGO!'

'GET OFF THE SET, RUKIA!'

* * *

><p>'And in each of those lives,' Orihime murmurs. 'I would've fallen in love with the same person five different times...Raja Ali of the Raja Ali Super Spicy Curry Powder.'<p>

Urahara smacks his forehead.

'She almost got it right that time,' he mutters in exasperation.


	88. Episode 142

_**EPISODE 142**_

'Rangiku, what's the status?' Toshiro asks.

'Well, my nails aren't dry yet and since I didn't blowdry my hair this morning it's starting to frizz up-'

'CUTT!'

'Rangiku, _stick _to the script! We've got more important things to deal with!' Toshiro says angrily.

'Well, _excuuuse me_ if my beauty tips seem _unimportant _to a guy with split ends and chewed up nails.'

'For the love of God…'

* * *

><p>'If you're not going to help me save Orihime, at least tell me how I can get into Hueco Mundo myself,' Ichigo exclaims angrily as he looks up at Yamamoto in the screen.<p>

…

'Ummm,' Ikkaku mutters. 'Is he…?'

_SNOREE!_

'Yup, he's fallen asleep,' Ichigo groans.

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'I know what you are!' Tatsuki yells at Ichigo. 'I know…you're Edward Cullen!'<p>

'I-wait, _what_?' Ichigo sputters. 'Have you been talking to Karin?!'

'SHOW ME YOUR SPARKLES!'

'Not again…'

* * *

><p>'Wait, Tatsuki smashes my head through the glass window?' Ichigo cries out in alarm. 'Isn't that dangerous?!'<p>

'Don't worry! It's not _real _glass,' Urahara scoffs. 'ACTION!'

_SMACK! _

_SMASH!_

'I'M BLEEEDINGGG!'

'Huh,' Urahara murmurs. 'Guess it was…'

* * *

><p>'You're not strong enough,' Ichigo says insistently to Chad and Uryu. Chad suddenly swings in a punch and Ichigo blocks it. And goes tumbling down the other side of the room.<p>

'Oops,' Chad deadpans.

'CUT!' Urahara yells. 'Okay, Chad, you know how much power you put into pushing a pencil across a table? Yeah, use THAT much power next time, okay?'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS- DaiDai by Chanmonchy<strong>_

Orihime stares out the window. Then she laughs out loud.

'CUT! Orihime, what the hell is so funny?!'

'Oh, nothing! I just read something funny on Twitter. Did you know that after sex a praying mantis rips the head off its mate?'

'…'

'That's so FUNNY!'

Urahara slowly inches away.

* * *

><p>Scene switches to a room with a table and bookcase. And Yachiru having a tea party.<p>

'CUT! Yachiru, get off the set!'

'But Mr. Muffincakes wants more muffins!'

'DON'T GET CRUMBS ALL OVER MR. MUFFINCAKES!'

'KENNNNYYY!'

'WHO THE HELL WANTS AN ASS-WHOOPING?!'

'Times I like this I wonder why this isn't a reality show instead of an anime,' a producer mutters.

* * *

><p>Widescreen shot of everyone staring off into the sunset. And Uryu dancing on the side.<p>

'CUT! Uryu, what the hell are you doing?!' Urahara yells.

'It's not my fault! Someone put itching powder in my underwear!'

'Damn it! Was it Gin aga-?!'

'Don't!' a producer hisses. 'You don't know how much itching powder he has! Or worse, where he might put it for _you_!'

They both look behind them. Gin waves cheerily. They both shudder.

'Right, carry on, Uryu!' Urahara instructs.

* * *

><p><em><strong>ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO SOUL REAPERS<strong>_

'Time just flew by while I was with Kenpachi,' Byakuya says emotionlessly.

Everyone gasps.

'Please, not in that sense,' he says coldly. 'Honestly, is everyone's mind always in the gutter?'

'Yeah,' Kenpachi cackles. 'Besides, if I wanted to do it, we'd pick a better place than a-!'

'LALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!' Rukia shouts, covering her ears with her hands.

* * *

><p><strong>I had to cover this one. I just had to. It was BEGGING me. Like OH MY GOD that scene just SCREAMED yaoi XD<strong>

**I think I'm going to ship a new couple now…**


	89. Episode 143

**Ladies and gentlemen...WE HAVE PASSED 800 REVIEWS!**

***fans self* OMG! I don't know to say! But let's start with here's the next chapter ;D**

**Oh! And thank you all SO SO much! Now onwards to 1,000 reviews!**

_**EPISODE 143**_

'I shall now open the door to Hueco Mundo!' Urahara exclaims. Then he pauses. 'Hueeeco _Mundo_. Hue-_co_ Mundo. Hueco Mun-_do . _Hueco Muuundoooo-!'

'Urahara, what the _hell _are you doing?' a producer demands.

'It just doesn't sound right! It needs to have more _pizzazz!_'

'It's just a goddamn-!'

'I know! I should say it with a Spanish accent!' Urahara strikes a dance pose. '_Hueco Mundo!'_

'Jesus fucking Christ…'

* * *

><p>'All is well and ready here, sir!' Tessai yells from the ground up to Urahara.<p>

'My mother has the scurvy cur?!' Urahara shouts in confusion.

'No, no! All is _well _and _ready _here!'

'Rukia smells and is a _what_?!'

'ALL IS-oh, forget it! Can we get some mikes in here already?!'

* * *

><p>'It's time,' Urahara murmurs solemnly as he steps on the edge of the beam. And trips. 'WAAHHH-!'<p>

_CRASH!_

'Ouch! Okay, who the hell stole the mattress?!'

'HA! NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!'

'RUKIAAA!'

* * *

><p>'Guess who's back!?' Uryu says smugly. 'Did everyone miss me?'<p>

'I'll have two steaks with a side of hummus, Duryu,' Ichigo drones as he reads his magazine.

'Sure. Would you also like a-hey! I'm not an errand boy! And my name is Uryu!'

'Oh…who are you again?'

'I'm Uryu! I'm one of the main actors for the series!'

'Oh, right! Sorry, Kuryu.'

'IT'S URYU!'

'Whatever. Can I get a milkshake with that?'

'…chocolate or vanilla?'

* * *

><p>'You can come out now!' Urahara calls out.<p>

'How did you know we were there?' Keigo demands.

'I've always known.'

'Oh yeah?! Then what kind of underwear am I wearing?!'

'Uhhh…My Little Pony?'

'HOW DID YOU KNOW?!'

'…'

* * *

><p>'If Luppi tries to hit on me <em>one more fucking time <em>I _swear _I'm going to blow his fucking _head off_!' Grimmjow snaps. Urahara hands him the script. He snatches it up and begins reading. Then he grins sadistically. 'Oh, I'm going to _love _this episode…'

* * *

><p>Uryu lies panting in the Quincy training maze. Suddenly, loud thumping sounds resonate in the area.<p>

'Damn it,' Urahara's muffled mutters come from behind the wall. 'Where is the trapdoor-_SHIT!_'

The entire wall falls over.

'Uh, found it,' Urahara laughs weakly.

* * *

><p>'What are you doing here, Isshin?' Ryuken asks grimly.<p>

'That's the first time you've called me that,' Isshin remarks.

'OH MY GOD! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!'

Everyone stares at Rukia.

'Sorry, I just read the latest Bleach chapter,' she says, waving her iPhone in the air. 'Mind. _Blown_.'

* * *

><p>'There's nothing for me to do here,' Orihime whispers in her dungeon. 'Good thing I brought my paddleball!'<p>

She pulls it out and starts paddling.

'CUT! Orihime, _no _paddleball!'

'Then how about tic-tac-toe?'

'No!'

'Jacks?'

'No!'

'Monopoly?'

'Well, maybe-wait a minute, _NO!'_

* * *

><p><strong>Sooooo anyone who just read the recent Bleach chapter must know about Isshin and Ryuuken. And watching this episode with them talking I just couldn't help yelling out 'IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!' XD<strong>

**Sometimes I wonder if Kubo makes it up as he goes along or if he actually plans the whole thing out. Who knows…**


	90. Episode 144

_**EPISODE 144**_

'So what's the next scene? Ichigo asks.

'It said that the floor is going to crumble under our feet right now,' Uryu explains. 'But I guess they're going to use computer graphics for that. I mean, we just have to _pretend, _right?'

The floor suddenly starts caving in.

'OH, _COME ON_!' Ichigo shouts in exasperation.

* * *

><p>'Then Chad and Uryu fall over the edge and Ichigo pulls both them <em>both <em>up,' Urahara exclaims.

'Ummm, Urahara,' Ichigo says uncertainly. 'I don't know about you but that _clearly _sounds illogical.'

'Don't worry! This is anime!'

'…Point.'

* * *

><p>Ichigo steps on a hidden trigger.<p>

'Great! What now?!' he cries out. A gigantic boulder comes rolling down the corridor. He turns to Urahara. 'You've been watching _waaay _too much Indiana Jones…'

'But Raiders of the Lost Arc is a _classic_!'

* * *

><p>'So I'm just supposed to sit back and watch those two <em>fight<em>?' Ichigo says.

'Yup,' Urahara replies.

'Does Uryu get piledriven into the floor?'

'HEY!'

'Whaaat? If I'm watching might as well expect something _good _to happen!'

* * *

><p>'Fear my power!' Aisslinger proclaims as he holds up his spindly arms. Ichigo and Uryu start sniggering. 'What?! What's so funny?!'<p>

'Dude,' Ichigo smirks. 'You've got _stick__s _for arms.'

'They…they can shoot lasers!'

'Doesn't change the fact that they're _sticks_.'

'Oh, for fuck's sake CUTTT!'

* * *

><p>Demoura goes sailing over Aisslinger's head. And starts falling on top of him. His eyes widen.<p>

'NOOOOOO-!'

_SPLAT!_

'Ouch!' Urahara winces. 'That has _gotta _hurt.'

* * *

><p>'I'm glad I didn't destroy your entire mask,' Chad says impassively. 'I'd hate to see the rest of your face.'<p>

'Wow, who came up with _that _line?' Ichigo asks, impressed.

'Um, Chad did,' Urahara points out. 'He writes most of the jokes and one-liners for our series.'

'_Chad _writes the jokes?!'

'Duh. Can't you tell?'

'…Is that a trick question?'

* * *

><p>'This is my weapon,' Uryu says gravely. 'Genrei Kojaku.'<p>

'Gesundheit,' Orihime says.

'CUT! Orihime, Uryu wasn't sneezing! That's the _actual _name of the weapon!' Urahara says in exasperation.

'Actually, I did sneeze,' Uryu says sheepishly.

'…Oh.'


	91. Episode 145

**Warning: extremely dry chapter. I tried to find funny parts but either I wasn't in the mood or there really WERE no good parts to make fun of. Your call.**

_**EPISODE 145**_

'It is not the Soul Reapers Aizen should fear!' Uryu booms. 'It's the Quincy-OUCH! My finger! The bracelet cut my finger! Somebody call an ambulance before I bleed to death!'

'Oh yeah, you should _totally _fear the Quincies,' Ichigo says sarcastically.

'SHUT UP!'

'CUTTT!'

* * *

><p>The Espada open the door to the meeting room. And stare.<p>

'Um, is it just me,' Grimmjow began slowly. 'Or does it look like Barbie threw up in here?'

'Hiii, everyone! Who's ready for a tea party!?' Orihime says excitedly as she prances around the heavily pink-decked room with ribbons in her hands.

'Orihime, this is an _evil _meeting room,' Urahara groans. '_NO _decorations.'

'But these are _evil _decorations! See? The ribbons have little skulls on them with pink bows on their heads!'

Urahara smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'There have been three intruders who broke into Hueco Mundo,' Aizen drawls as Tosen pulls a lever to start a holographic projections. Of Grimmjow sleeping naked in bed. Everyone spits out their tea.<p>

Grimmjow's jaw drops.

'What the-!?' he sputters.

'Um, who the hell took this?!' Urahara says nervously. 'It's an outrage! I'll fire that person! I'll…I'll…I'll need to ask them for a copy…' Grimmjow glares at him, '…I-I mean, fire him! Yeah!'

* * *

><p>'Lord Aizen gave no such order, Grimmjow,' Tosen says calmly. 'Sit back down.'<p>

'Hey! It's perfectly clear what he wants done!' Grimmjow barks. 'I'm going to remove these pests!'

Dramatic music starts to play.

'Oooooo,' Gin hoots. 'Someone's in _trou_-bleeee.'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'In the next scene, Grimmjow, you need to get down on your knees,' Urahara instructs.<p>

'THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!' Rukia says triumphantly

'No, no, no, Rukia. See, in Grimmjow's case, that's what _he _said. Isn't Ichigo the one trying to get into his pants?' Renji points out.

'Oh yeah…'

'HEYYY!'

'CUTT!'

'But we're not even filming!'

'Oh yeah. Well, then, SHUT UP!'

* * *

><p>'Oh no! Those Hollows are chasing a little girl!' Ichigo cries out in alarm and starts forward. 'We need to save-<em>YAAAHH!'<em>

He trips on his robe and falls flat on his face.

'_He's _supposed to be the hero of the show?' Nel asks in confusion.

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>ARRANCAR ENCYCLOPEDIA<strong>_

'Wait a minute, if there's not a single drop of water in Hueco Mundo, then how did we make tea?' Gin asks in confusion.

'Ancient Chinese secret,' Aizen exclaims as he pops up on the big screen.

'…But we're Japanese…'

'CUTT!'


	92. Episode 146

***sigh* Would be really nice to reach 1,000 reviews before I reach a 100 chapters, ne? Ah well, one can dream :3**

_**EPISODE 146**_

'So…what should we name Nel's pet?' a producer asks.

'Hmm,' Urahara ponders. 'How about-'

'BawaBawa!' Nel yells. 'I shall name him BawaBawa and he shall be mine. And he shall be my BawaBawa.'

'Nel,' the producer sighs. 'You can't name it something like-'

'THAT'S BRILLIANT!' Urahara shrieks. 'Nel, you're a _genius_.'

The producer smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'So we're part of the main cast?' Pesche says incredulously.<p>

'We're in the big leagues now, Pesche!' Dondachokka says, puffing his chest out. 'Everyone's going to know our face!'

'Oh, by the way, you guys have to wear these masks all the time,' the costume designer says as she hands them a mask each.

'…Well, at last people will be able to know our voices,' Pesche says weakly.

* * *

><p>'Ichigo Kurosaki, substitute Soul Reaper!'<p>

'Uryu Ishida! I am a Quincy!'

'Yasotoru Chad. And I'm human.'

'Oh no!' Nel shrieks.

'Now no need to be scared,' Ichigo says soothingly. 'We're not going to-!'

'It's a _human_! We're all going to DIEEE!'

'…'

'…um, cut?'

* * *

><p>'Why is the giant snake chasing us?!' Uryu pants.<p>

'Beats me,' Chad huffs.

'Cut! And next scene!' Urahara yells over the megaphone.

'WHY IS THE GIANT SNAKE STILL CHASING US?!' Uryu shrieks as he and Chad continue running across the desert scene.

'I don't know! Does anyone know who has the remote for BawaBawa?!'

….

'Hmmm, do not press the red button,' Gin reads on the little remote control. Then he grins sadistically. 'Oh, why not? I'm not going to be young and evil forever.'

* * *

><p>'Any new ideas for the Arrancar in this episode?' a writer asks another.<p>

'Well, I have one but-oh, crap!' the other swore as she pulls out her notes. 'Nel drew all over my ideas! How the hell am I going to-!'

'What's this?' Urahara interrupts and grabs her papers. 'Lunuganga? Is that your idea for the new Arrancar?'

'Well, er, you see, Mr. Urahara, it's-!'

'It's BRILLIANT! Good work!'

'…'

* * *

><p>'Where are the actors?' Ino asks.<p>

'Oh, I thought I should leave them alone to acquaint with the element of the Arrancar for this episode,' Urahara explains.

'What element is that?'

'Sand.'

'…'

**…**

'Make it a _sand _Arrancar, he said,' Ichigo hisses as he struggles to get out of a sea of sand. 'It'll be unique and _cool, _he said. My _ass_.'

* * *

><p>'Renji! Rukia!' Ichigo calls out joyfully. 'I can't believe you guys-!'<p>

_BASH! SMACK!_

'WHAT THE HELL?! WHY'D YOU GUYS HIT ME?! THAT WASN'T EVEN IN THE SCRIPT!'

'Actually, it was but not in yours because we wanted a realistic reaction from you in this scene,' Urahara explains over the microphone.

'Realistic, huh? How about having Urahara appear and allowing my character to punch him all the way to Saturn? That sounds pretty realistic to _me._'

'I'll pass. My character has to prepare for-Ichigo, what are you doing with that mallet?'

* * *

><p>'It was my Captain who got us to the World of the Living,' Renji explains. Suddenly, BawaBawa jerks and bucks all of them off.<p>

'YAAAAHHH-!'

_SPLAT!_

'CUTT! Seriously, who the hell has the remote control?!'

…

'Awwww! I was hoping it would eat them alive,' Gin pouts as he stares at the screens in the security camera visuals room.

**Who recognized the Finding Nemo reference? XD**


	93. Fillers 2

**According to wiki, these episodes were all fillers. Well, you guys get three for the price of one XD**

**Wow, I was getting so many ideas for this chapter it was crazy :O**

**And ZOMG the SUDDENT burst of reviews out of nowhere?! I am speechless but grateful! The dream for a 1,000 reviews is almost there!:D**

_**EPISODE 147**_

'Stop right there! I won't let you take another step towards Los Noches!' Lunaganga roars.

Rukia takes a step forward.

'CUTTT! RUKIAAA!'

'Oh, please! You would've done the same thing!'

'…True.'

* * *

><p>Ashido Kano flourishes his blade in the dark. And knocks over a boom mike that falls on top of his head.<p>

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'This is a tree,' Uryu murmurs.<p>

'Noooo,' Ichigo says sarcastically. 'I thought it was Luke Skywalker.'

'CUTT! And let's get it right this time?! By the way, gotta love _Return of Jedi_.'

'Did you catch that movie last night too?!'

'How could I not? The final scene was A-MAZING!'

'I swear! Say, who's your favorite Jedi? For me, it's…'

'And they call me a nerd,' Uryu mutters.

* * *

><p>'Oh no, we're in the Menos Forest,' Nel stutters in fear. Suddenly, Mentos mints begins to rain down on them.<p>

'What the-!? Oh my God, CUT! MENOS Forest, you idiots! Not MENTOS! _GOD_!'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo!' Renji cries out. 'Rukia is missing!'<p>

'Seriously?! I mean, uh, that's-that's so _bad_. _So bad_. We, uh, we need to _find _her and undo this _bad _thing, uh, um…do we _have_ to?'

'I HEARD THAT!' Rukia yells.

'SHUT UP! YOU'RE MISSING!'

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'Hey, can you let go of me?' Rukia mutters to Ashida Kano.<p>

…

'Unhand me!'

…

'Release me!'

…

'Open sesame!'

'…Seriously?'

'HE CAN TALK?!'

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>Ashida Kano is jumping from tree to tree with Rukia. And they suddenly bang into a tree.<p>

'CUTT! Okay, maybe we should try making some holes in that mask? You know, so he can see where he is going?'

'How considerate of you,' Rukia says sardonically, rubbing her sore nose.

* * *

><p>'Heyyy!' Ichigo yells up to Uryu who is perched in a tree with BawaBawa. 'Can you see anything?!'<p>

'Nooo!' Uryu yells back.

'Who's idea was it to send a guy with _glasses _as a lookout?' Ichigo mutters.

'Whaaat?!'

'Nothinggg!'

* * *

><p>'Hey, Urahara, where did you get the sound effects for these Hollows?' a producer asks, impressed.<p>

'Uh, they're my wife when she's on her period and there's no chocolate in the house…'

'…oh…'

* * *

><p>'Are you guys alright?' Ichigo asks.<p>

'Yeah,' Uryu says. 'Thanks to yo...yo…yyy-'

'CUTT! Uryu, what the hell seems to be the problem?'

'I think my body is rejecting the fact that it needs to thank Ichigo for something.'

'Jee, _thanks,_' Ichigo says coldly.

* * *

><p>'And we end the episode of a sword flashing between Rukia and Ashido but we don't know who got hit,' Urahara says mysteriously.<p>

'What?!' Ichigo shrieks and starts shaking Urahara. 'But we _need _to know who got hit?! Was it Rukia?! How badly?! C'moon! The suspense is _killing _me!'

'Why do _you _want to know so badly?' Rukia demans coldly.

'Because, uh, I'm concerned about your…safety?'

'…'

'I believed you are doomed, my friend,' Renji whispers to Ichigo.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 148<strong>_

'So Rukia _doesn't _get hit-'

'GOD DAMN IT!...Rukia, why are you holding that chainsaw?'

* * *

><p>'You are in the Menos Forest,' Ashido explains. Suddenly, it starts raining Mentos.<p>

'CUT! GOD DAMN IT! I SAID NO MENTOS ALREADY!'

'But we don't know what else to do with them!' the prop manager exclaims.

'Throw them at people with bad breath! I don't care! _Ouch! _Why the hell did you throw that at me?!'

'You said to throw them at-!'

'OH, FUCK YOU!'

* * *

><p>'I have a question,' Rukia starts gravely. 'That mask…are you trying to hide a pimple under there or are you just friggin' ugly?'<p>

'CUT! Rukia, that's not in the script!'

'But I'm seriously curious! It's a matter of life and death! I mean, he could be my future husband!'

'Uh, that's not really necessary…' Ashido mutters nervously and slowly backs away.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 149<strong>_

'I'll give you something to discuss about!' the Adjuchas villain hisses. 'Did you know that different types of tea remedy different illnesses? For example, mint tea is a-!'

'CUT! _What _are you doing?'

'Giving them something to discuss about!'

'I didn't mean _literally_!'

* * *

><p>'Where are they?' Ichigo mutters. BawaBawa growls. 'Oh yeah? You know where they are? Then lead the way!'<p>

Ichigo stops. Then he smacks his forehead.

'I can't believe I understood a _snail_,' he mutters.

'Correction: he's a baby snake,' Urahara remarks.

* * *

><p>'Why is Uryu shooting at us?' Pesche panics. 'Shouldn't he wait until we're <em>away <em>from the bad guys before he attacks?!'

'I _never _miss my target,' Uryu boasts and tosses a crumpled up paper at the trashcan. And misses.

…

'Nice,' Dondachokka murmurs.

* * *

><p>'Roar! Zabimaru!' Renji yells and swings his sword. Right at Ino. 'Oops! Sorry!'<p>

'Note to self: spit in Urahara's coffee for coming up with that _stupid _weapon for a _brainless_ git,' Ino mutters as he disentangles himself from a bunch of props he crashed into.

* * *

><p>'Seriously? I <em>have <em>to release my bankai?' Renji snaps. 'Am I really _that _weak?!'

'Yes,' Ichigo snickers.

'That was a rhetorical question!'

'And I answered it rhetorically!'

'That doesn't even make sense!'

* * *

><p>'That dress really suits you,' Ulquiorra murmurs to Orihime.<p>

'CUT! And next scene! That was a good opening line for the scene, Ulquiorra. Who wrote that in the script?'

'No one. I just said it spontaneously.'

'…awwwww, you _like-_'

'Shut up.'


	94. Treat

**Oh my…1,000 reviews…one THOUSAND reviews…I'm hyperventilating. I feel like I won an Oscar. Is this how it feels to win an Oscar? It SHOULD feel like this when one wins an Oscar. DANG NABBIT I FEEL LIKE I WON AN OSCAR!**

**THANK YOU! From the bottom, top and center of my heart, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! For the reviews, for the faves, for the follows, EVERYTHING! I couldn't have reached this point without you!**

**WheelofFate, I…LOVE YOU. I don't know where you are but seriously, if I could, I would come over and HUG YOU. You just made my day. Well, last three days where you reviewed like CRAZY just to help me reach my dream. Seriously, the number of notifications in my inbox for reviews was RIDICULOUS. But appreciated. Like seriously, I want to cry for joy. Thank you*hug***

**And kunoich79, don't think I forgot you! You did your part in spamming my inbox with reviews upon reviews! Every one of your reviews made me smile. I thank and hug you too *hug***

**And to ALL OF YOU! Like seriously, I know I've said thank you a hundred times already but what else can I do to show my gratitude?! **

***snaps fingers* How about I do bloopers of a Bleach movie! The FIRST Bleach movie! How's that?! Welllll…*drum roll* TADAAAAAA! HERE IT IS!**

**Okay, so it's not the most amazing "thank you" and I know someone wanted me to do two episodes in one chapter but I do that for fillers all the time hence it wasn't such a special thank you, in my opinion. But I don't do Bleach movie bloopers hence here it is! How about every time I reach a milestone I do a Bleach movie as a treat? What do you all say?:D**

**Okay this intro note is getting MIGHTY long. I'll stop now. Oh, in case you're wondering what my next milestone is it's 1,500 reviews. And with you guys for support, I don't doubt I'll reach it! ^_^**

**And here's your treat!**

_**MEMORIES OF NOBODY**_

'We have a full-length movie?!' Ichigo says incredulously.

'Yup,' Urahara says proudly.

'Sweet! So who are we getting?! Robert Downing Jr?'

'Um, no…'

'Anne Hathaway?'

'Well, er, not _really_…'

'Emma Watson? PLEASE tell me we're getting Emma Watson!'

'Not _exactly_…'

'Then who have we got?!'

'Well, we got Senna…' Urahara pulls out Senna from behind him.

'Hi!' she says brightly. Ichigo stares at her.

'Seriously?' he says and raises an eyebrow.

'Okay, we've got the best equipment money can buy, a _stellar _graphics department and superb actors! We don't need some fancy schmancy Oscar winners to make this movie a hit!'

'…'

'Okay, fine, Robert Downing Jr. laughed at me and threw the script in my face. Then he had his security guards throw me out the door. It was the best and worst moment of my life.'

* * *

><p>'Listen, help is on the way,' Akon yells at the computer screen. 'Now tell us, what is preventing you from reaching the dimensional area?'<p>

'It's…' the person on the other end wheezes. 'It's…it's…your mom…'

'What the-?! CUT! ICHIGO, GET OFF THE SPEAKER RIGHT NOW!'

* * *

><p>'Now, kid, you have to run like you are scared of whatever is chasing you,' Urahara explains.<p>

'But what is chasing me?' the girl asks, confused. Urahara show hers a picture.

'AHHHHH!' she screams and runs off in the opposite direction.

'What did you show her?' a producer asks.

'Rangiku without her makeup on,' Urahara explains and shows the picture to the producer.

'AAAHHHHH!' the producer screams and runs off.

'Works every time.'

* * *

><p>A nice, peaceful street with people milling about. Then suddenly, Shunsui jumps out of a tree in his underwear.<p>

'To infinity! And BEYOOOOONDDD!' he screams as he spirals to the ground. Huge clouds of dirt go flying everywhere.

'Perfect! Just what we need! Keep rolling!' Urahara says excitedly. The cameraman looks at him weirdly. 'Whaaat? He gets drunk like that every Friday afternoon and thinks he's Buzz Lightyear. Nothing new.'

* * *

><p>'So what's going to come flying at me?' Ichigo asks curiously.<p>

'Oh nothing,' Urahara says calmly. 'Justabunchofbrokentreelimbsandsplinters.'

'Oka-wait, _WHAT?!'_

'ROLL THE CAMERAS!'

'Hold on a min-AAAAHHHHH! I'M _BLEEDINGGG_!'

* * *

><p>'Ewwwww, I have to kiss <em>Kon<em>,' Ichigo blanches.

'Dude, you're not _really _kissing me,' human Kon says with a roll of his eyes. 'It's just the _doll_.'

'Yeah, but it's the _thought.'_

'…ewwwww.'

* * *

><p>'How the hell do you expect me to run in this dress?' Rukia complains as she toddles about in her poofy purple dress. 'I feel like a birthday cake.'<p>

'More like a baby walrus,' Ichigo teases.

'Why you little-!' Rukia growls and starts toddling towards him.

'I'd run away but this is too funny to miss.'

'I'll get you for that!'

'When? Tomorrow?'

* * *

><p>Ichigo and Rukia turn a corner to find a swarm of Blanks everywhere-<p>

'CUT! Alright, who's the idiot wearing the sombrero?'

'But I wanted to stand out so that my mom can spot me on the big screen!'

'Yeah, sure, okay, answer this first: what's your job?'

'I'm an…extra?'

'Yeah, and what do extras do?'

'Be part of the…setting?'

'Right, so be a part of the setting and LOSE THAT STUPID HAT!'

'It's a somber-'

'SECURITY!'

* * *

><p>'Ugh,' Ichigo mutters as he wipes the Soul Candy on his shirt. 'Disgusting.'<p>

He pops it in his mouth. And spits it out.

'GROSS!'

'CUT! What's wrong, Ichigo? Did we give you the wrong pill?'

'Worse!'

'How?'

'It's cherry-flavored!'

'…'

* * *

><p>Ichigo pulls out his sword and bops the end on the head of one of the Blanks to perform a konso. Then he does it again. And again and again and again and-<p>

'Ichigo, that's ENOUGH.'

'I know! But…it's fun…'

* * *

><p>'Hey!' Rukia yells as the Blanks suddenly start attacking her.<p>

'Wow, that's pretty convincing acting,' a writer says, impressed.

'Should be,' Urahara agrees. 'Good thing I hired drug-crazed extras and then stuffed a bag of weed in Rukia's outfit.'

'…'

* * *

><p>'Oh, hey, Senna,' Ichigo says as Senna comes up to him while shuffling her feet across the carpeted floor. 'What're you-?'<p>

She touches him and he yelps while jumping up into the air.

'HOLY SHIT! Why the hell did you shock me?!'

'I'm the Lightning Goddess! Kneel before me, insignificant human!'

'She just found out her zanpaktou is a lightning type,' Rukia mutters.

'Joy…' Ichigo groans.

* * *

><p>'I'm telling you,' a writer mutters.<p>

'It's not,' Urahara insists.

'I'm just saying…'

'And I'm saying it's not! ACTION!'

'Taking the high ground, huh?' Ikkaku yells to Iba.

'It's always better to be on top!' Iba proclaims.

'On top of whom?' Kon yells out from the side.

'On top of-! Wait, wha-SHUT UP!'

'Told you it was a sexual reference,' the writer smirks.

'Shut up,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>'It's called the Valley of Screams?' Ichigo asks.<p>

'Yup,' Urahara confirms.

'So is it…' Kon says. '…full of screams?'

'Ha, ha, very funny, Kon.'

'No, seriously. I mean, do I need to take earmuffs? My ears are pretty sensitive.'

* * *

><p>'And then, Urahara explains the-' a writer starts.<p>

'Can I use drawings to do that?' Urahara cuts in excitedly.

'Um, well, it's not really-'

'But I worked really hard on them…'

'Ok, fiiine.'

'Goodie!' Urahara pulls out a bunch of childish drawings. 'So this little purple thing is the Precipice. And this little red dot is a-'

The writer smacks her forehead.

'Why? Why did I agree to work with him?' she groans.

* * *

><p>'While you're at it keep your eyes open for the Shinenju,' Urahara says gravely.<p>

'CUT! Okay, moving on!'

'Seriously? I met Senna and I _still _haven't figured out she's the Shinenju?' Ichigo cries out in exasperation. 'What the hell, man!'

'It's all part of the suspense!' Urahara insists.

'But it's so fucking _obvious_!'

* * *

><p>'But he drank it too fast!' the guys says in dismay.<p>

'And you got it wrong! So you know what that means!' another squeaks and they quickly pull off the guys clothes. The crowd laughs and claps.

'Why is that even there?' Ichigo says and wrinkles his nose.

'I actually have no idea,' Urahara admits.

'Randomness of anime?'

'Randomness of anime.'

* * *

><p>'Look on the roof!' a guy calls out.<p>

'It's a bird!'

'It's a plane!'

'No, it's-!'

'Sennamon!' Senna yells out triumphantly. 'Da na, da na, da na, da na, SENNAMONNN!'

'I don't know whether I'm getting sued by the Pokemon, Batman or Superman franchise for this,' Urahara mutters.

**(In case you're wondering, the beat Senna is singing is the old Batman theme song :3)**

* * *

><p>'Thanks! Food looks great!' Senna exclaims and takes a bite. Then she makes a face. 'Damn it! It's missing soy beans and curry powder with a dash of chocolate spread.'<p>

'No way…' Ichigo blanches.

'Don't tell me…' Rukia gasps from outside the set.

'Is she-?' Rangiku says incredulously.

'Senna! What are you doing here?!' Orihime squeals.

'Orihime! It's been so long since I've seen you!' Senna laughs and hugs her. 'How you been, sis?'

'But…how?' Ichigo gaps.

'I know!' Kon agrees. 'The boob sizes just don't add up!'

'…I think I know why Urahara picked you for Kon.'

* * *

><p>'I'll help you find the Shinenju!' Senna exclaims.<p>

'Really?'

'Yeah! It's me!'

'CUT! Senna, your characters doesn't know that yet!'

'Really? But it's so obvious!'

'TOLD YOU!'

'SHUT UP, ICHIGO!'

* * *

><p>'I'd like to buy this,' Ichigo says as he places the ribbon on the counter.<p>

'Oh, a present for your girlfriend?' the shopkeeper teases.

'HAAAA!'

'HEY!'

'CUT! RUKIAAA!'

I'm sorry! I couldn't help it!'

'Look, it's not Ichigo's fault he looks gayer than a unicorn eating skittles while sliding down a rainbow!'

'HEYYY!'

* * *

><p>'This is my…funeral?' Senna murmurs as she stares at the graveyard and remembers. 'But then, does that mean I'm dead? And if I'm dead does that mean I can't eat my favorite spicy soy bean biscuits with cream cheese? How will I live?! Wait, I can't because I'm DEEAAAD!'<p>

'Oh yeah,' Ichigo mutters. 'She is _totally _Orihime's sister.'

* * *

><p>'Our lord commander has summoned you and I'll be your escort,' Jai growls. 'You'll also get a complimentary Lindt chocolate set for your travels!'<p>

'Oooo, I _love _Lindt!' Senna squeals happily.

'CUT! JAIII!'

'Whaat? If I'm an escort I need to be polite!'

'Not that! I want some Lindt chocolate too!'

The cameraman smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'WAHHH!' Jai howls.<p>

'What's wrong, Jai?' Senna asks, concerned.

'Ichigo cuts my arm off!'

'That's so mean! Ichigo, apologize!'

'Wha-!? But I don't _really_ cut it off! It's only in the movie!'

'So?! You still cut his arm off! Now apologize!'

'But I save your life!'

'You didn't have to cut his arm off!'

'Will you knock that off! Uraharaaa! Can you _please _explain this to her?!'

'Jeez, Ichigo, don't blame me because you cut a guy's arm off.'

'Jesus fucking Christ…'

* * *

><p>'Oh no, Masaki!' Isshin wails as he stands outside Ichigo's room with a glass in his hand. 'It's the day we dreaded! I have to give Ichigo…the <em>sex <em>talk!'

'Uh, Isshin, you don't really have to…' Ichigo starts.

'Oh no, it's _worse_, Masaki! Our beloved son is _gay_!'

'What the fuck?! Why the hell does everyone think I'm gay?!'

'Maybe it's because you dress like a prep,' Rukia points out.

'I _so _don't dress like a prep!'

'You turn your shirt collar up. And you use the word "so" a lot. Like a girl.'

'Shut up…'

* * *

><p>Senna and Tomoya wave to Ichigo as a truck comes in the way. When it passes, the two have disappeared. Ichigo hurries forward.<p>

'BOO!' Senna and Tomoya yell.

'Yaaaa!' Ichigo shouts as he goes reeling into a bush. And suddenly jumps up while scratching himself like crazy. 'THAT'S POISON IVY!'

'Wow,' Urahara whistles. 'I wonder who planted poison ivy over there.'

Gin goes by merrily humming "Rolling Star" by Yui.

* * *

><p>Ichigo stares at the hundreds of handheld windmill toys lined up.<p>

'Umm, Ichigo, you can look away now. We're done with the scene,' Urahara calls out.

'I can't…too…mesmerizing…'

'Of course you can! Just watch…me…'

'Umm, you guys, you can look away now,' a producer says. 'We're done with the…'

* * *

><p>'The Shinenju,' Toshiro says gravely. 'Is Senna.'<p>

'FINALLY!'

'Ichigo, get off your knees,' Urahara sighs.

* * *

><p>'So the bad guy wants to use the Shinenju to try and take over the world?' Ichigo says dryly.<p>

'Exactly!' Urahara says proudly.

'…wow, that's _so _original.'

'Oh yeah? Then _you _come up with something!'

'Alright, how about he uses it to control the spirits and-!'

'LALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!'

* * *

><p>'Go get the Shinenju!' Soifon orders her Stealth Force.<p>

'Yes, sir!' they yell. Then they get swallowed up by the Blanks.

'Question,' Soifon asks. 'Why the hell do we even _have _a Stealth Force? I mean, they always _lose_.'

* * *

><p>'We are from the clan of Darkness,' Ganryu declares. 'The <em>Dark Ones<em>.' He wrinkles his nose. 'Seriously? Was someone low on the originality meter when they came up with this name?'

'I had to take care of my mother-in-law that week, okay?' a writer mutters.

* * *

><p>'Exploding Blanks?' Ichigo questions. Urahara nods. '<em>Finally<em>. Something awesome.'

'Thanks! I think…'

* * *

><p>'You can't have her!' Ichigo yells.<p>

'Ooo! Well, aren't you possessive?' Urahara smirks.

'What the-!? It's written in my script!'

'Uh-huh. Nice try, Ichigo. How'd you come up with that?'

'I'm serious! It's right here on page 43!'

'Suuuree. Whatever you say.'

'_You're _the one who even had it written there!'

'Yeah, keep telling yourself that.'

'Rukia, can I borrow your mallet?'

* * *

><p>'ICHIGOOOO!' Senna yells as he tries to reach for her but grabs her ribbon and falls downwards. 'YOU STOLE MY RIBBON!'<p>

Oh for the love of, CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'Finally! We get some screen time!' Uryu says triumphantly.<p>

'Please, you're not even that important,' Ichigo snorts.

'Oh yeah? Chad and I are super important characters! Right, Chad?'

'Sure,' Chad says dully. 'Do you know when we'll be done? I have to go sign a contract for a Christopher Nolan movie. I think I'm working with a Christian Bale. Do you know who he is?'

'…Excuse me while I go cry in a corner and reevaluate my life…'

* * *

><p>The Ferris wheel compartment rises up to show Rukia standing on it. And there's no Ichigo in sight.<p>

'CUT! Rukia, where the hell is Ichigo?!'

On the ground…

'Ichigo,' a producer sighs. 'It's only going to be for a few minutes so just let go of that pole and get on the-'

'NEVEERRRRR!'

'I hate this job…'

* * *

><p>'I'm going in,' Ichigo declares as he stand over the entryway.<p>

'No, wait, stop, don't,' Rukia says dully.

'CUT! Rukia, can't you be a bit more…I don't know…_emotional_ about it?'

'What for? He never listens.'

'She's right,' Ino points out.

'Shut up and go do some intern-y things.'

* * *

><p>'So Jai is fighting Byakuya, Benin is fighting Soifon…' Urahara lists.<p>

'Who am I fighting?' Mue asks, excitedly.

'Oh. You're fighting Kenpachi.'

'…'

'It was nice working with ya, buddy,' Ichigo sighs and claps him on the back.

* * *

><p>'I'm not going to let you take Senna!' Ichigo yells angrily.<p>

'YOU SHALL NOT PASS!' Ganryu shouts, sword poised. 'I've always wanted to say that…'

'CUTTT!'

* * *

><p>'I wonder what's under Bau's veil,' Rukia mutters.<p>

'Well, that's because my mask is-!' Bau explains but Rukia quickly lifts up the cloth.

…

'OH MY GOD!'

'See? I told you my mask is-!'

'That's the worst zit I've ever seen!'

'…'

* * *

><p>'As you pass into the next life be honored that you perished by my bankai,' Byakuya murmurs.<p>

'Wowwww,' Rukia awes.

'That was so cool,' Renji admits.

'You're awesome,' Senna marvels.

'Helloooo? I'm the one saving the world here,' Ichigo says sarcastically, waving his arms about.

* * *

><p>'I can't imagine a world without Ichigo,' Senna murmurs sadly.<p>

_SNIFF!_

'Renji,' Rukia says incredulously. 'Are you…_crying_?'

'No, I'm not,' he says thickly. 'What? You think just because Senna says something so utterly emotional and heartfelt and then sacrifices herself to save the world because she wants Ichigo to live means that I'm crying? Psssh! As if!...can someone hand me a tissue please?'

* * *

><p>Senna dissipates into the air. Ichigo sinks to his knees, lost. Rukia walks in.<p>

'Seriously?! I have to wear this dress _again_?' she whines.

'CUT! Rukia, this is a very intense emotional scene here!'

'Of course it is! I have to wear this stupid dress again!'

'Jesus Christ…'

* * *

><p>'I know she's almost gone,' Ichigo says softly. 'But I can still hear her voice…'<p>

'Get me a peanut butter and mustard sandwich,' Senna whispers.

'CUT! SENNAA!'

'Whaaat?! I'm hungry!'

* * *

><p>The ribbon comes flying through the air. And slaps right across Ichigo's face.<p>

'ARGHHH!'

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>The ribbon comes flying. Ichigo reaches out to grab it but it floats further away. Ichigo leans further over the bridge railing. And further. And further. And-<p>

'Got it-YARGHH!'

_SPLASH!_

'CUTTT! Seriously, Ichigo, did you have to swim _now_? Couldn't it wait _after _finish filming?'


	95. Episode 150

**SO GLAD everyone enjoyed the treat! I'll answer all your reviews in time. Right now I need to work on other stories...**

**Btw poll on my wall! Vote?:3**

**Proceed and enjoy!**

_**EPISODE 150**_

'Tell me,' Ulquiorra says monotonously. 'Who does your body and spirit belong to?'

'They…' Orihime murmurs. 'They belong to Lord Aizen and are for his use and purpose only.'

'CU-wait, what?'

'She got it right,' a producer murmurs. 'For _once_, she got it _right_.'

'Someone bring out the champagne!' Urahara sniffs. 'Moments like these only happen once in a lifetime!'

'Oh, for the love of God can we just move onto the next scene already,' Ulquiorra mutters and touches his forehead in exasperation.

* * *

><p>'Did we make it through?' Ichigo asks as Renji looks down the hole they smashed open.<p>

'Yeah, I can feel a wind passing,' Renji exclaims.

'No, that was me,' Dondachokka says meekly.

'What do you mean by-OH GOD, THAT STINKS!'

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'Damn it,' Ichigo curses as they stare down the passage Nel fell through. 'Why the hell does Hueco Mundo have so many holes lying around?'<p>

''Cause it's such a big slut,' Rukia says smugly.

_Ba Dum Tisss!_

'HA HA HA HA HA!'

'CUT! Rukia, this is _not _stand-up comedy! And get those drums and fake laughter recorder off the set!'

* * *

><p>'Why the hell is my light so tiny?' Renji complains.<p>

'Well, you know what they say about small lights,' Ichigo sniggers. 'The smaller the light, the smaller your-!'

'SHUT UP!'

* * *

><p>'Seriously, all Ichigo does is smash through things in this episode,' Uryu mutters.<p>

'Kinda like the Hulk from the Avengers,' Renji points out. 'Wait, then that makes you Captain America, because he's so bossy…'

'HEY!'

'…I'm Ironman because, seriously, I'm just _awesome_…'

'In your dreams,' Ichigo says sarcastically.

'…Chad is Thor because, well, he's just Thor. And Rukia is…the Black Widow…'

He looks at Rukia.

'HA! That's a joke!' he laughs out loud. 'Why the hell would a flat-chested midget be-!'

_SMASH!_

'Do you think we should have warned him?' Uryu wonders as they stare at Renji's unconscious body.

'Nah,' Ichigo shrugs. 'It's more entertaining this way.'

Chad grunts in agreement.

* * *

><p>'As we approach the crucial battleground,' Renji chants as they all place their hands on top of each other. 'Believe that our blades will not shatter. Believe that our resolve will not weaken! Though our paths may diverge, our hearts will remain together! Swear that though the land itself may break asunder, we will come back here…ALIVE!' He pauses. 'And admit that I make an awesome Ironman.'<p>

_SMASH!_

'Told ya it's more entertaining this way,' Ichigo remarks and blows on his knuckles.

'Agreed,' Uryu says lightly, shaking the feeling back into his hand.

* * *

><p>'And so, Aizen had put Orihime through several psychological cages in order to make her believe that she is his slave by choice and not by force,' Urahara explains.<p>

'Of course, that was all part of my plan,' Aizen says cheerfully.

'Um, Aizen? That's just a character. You didn't _really _come up with that plan.'

'How are you so sure? Perhaps that is part of my plan as well.'

'…'

'Your speechlessness is part of my plan too, by the way.'

* * *

><p>'Now, this is what I wanted to show you, Orihime,' Aizen drawls. Out pops a cylinder to reveal the Hougyouko. 'You can sense it, can't you? You know it's the-'<p>

'MAGIC 8-BALL!' Orihime screams in delight. 'I was looking all over for it! Now I can finally find out whether to eat the blueberry and haggis sandwich with ketchup or mustard!'

'…'

* * *

><p>'That girl!' Menoly mutters angrily as they leave Orihime alone with Aizen. 'What is up with her?!'<p>

'And cut! Let's move on!'

'Oh my God, Orihime, I am SUCH a huge fan!' Menoly gushes as she rushes over to the girl. 'I've been watching your shows since FOREVER and I admire you SO MUCH! Please! Teach me how to be an awesome actress like you!'

'Me too! Me too!' Loly chimes in.

'Talk about irony,' Rukia sighs with a roll of her eyes.

**I just recently watched Ironman 3. So epic...**

**Pat on the back for those who realized that the "you know what they say about small lights" quip was based on the one about feet XD**


	96. Episode 151

_**EPISODE 151**_

'So everyone is going to go off on their separate way but they each come across a dangerous villain,' Urahara says dramatically.

'Um, o-kayy,' a producer says uncertainly. 'So for starters, who should Ichigo battle?'

'Well-'

'Hello, hello!' trills a voice from the door. There stands a dragqueen dressed in a flamboyant hot pink dress, flowing brown hair with a flower pinned in them and bright red lipstick. 'I'm Dordoni! Is this the Rupaul's Drag Race auditions?'

Everyone stares at Urahara's grinning face.

'Ichigo is going to be _so _pissed,' a writer mutters.

* * *

><p>'So then, Nel knocks you over-!' Urahara starts.<p>

'Wait, how the hell does she do that?! She's just a kid!' Ichigo says incredulously.

'With super sonic acceleration in her helmet!'

'…'

'What? It can happen.'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo, is something wrong?' Nel asks.<p>

'Be quiet!' Ichigo commands.

'…WAHHHHHHH! ICHIGO IS BEING MEAN TO NELLL!'

'What?! No, I'm not! It's in my script!'

'WAH! Now Ichigo's scaring Nel because he's blaming a piece of paper for making Nel cry!'

'Seriously?! I'm just trying to explain things!'

'WAH! Ichigo's crazy _and _a pervert!'

'…I'm never having kids…'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>Ichigo glances warily down the corridor.<p>

'Come on out!' he shouts. 'I know you're there! Stop trying to hide!'

'Okay, _fine_, you caught me!' Rukia huffs and stomp out from behind a pillar. 'I heard they were serving sweet and sour shrimp on the other side of the set and the only way there was through here and I wanted to be the first to eat them. Happy?!'

'Um…well…er…'

Dordoni stumbles into the scene, one boot missing.

'Did I miss my cue?' he pants.

* * *

><p>'You're not getting away!' Ichigo yells to Dordoni who is leaping from one roof beam to the next.<p>

'Who says I'm trying to-oops!' Dordoni yelps and goes spiraling to the ground.

'Ouch,' Ichigo winces.

'Let me guess,' the cameraman says sarcastically to Urahara. 'You want to keep that?'

'It's like you can read my mind or something!' Urahara says gleefully.

* * *

><p>'Fear me for I am Dordoni Alessandro Del Socaccio! The 103rd of the great army of the Aizen Sousuke!' Dordoni announces dramatically.<p>

'Dordoni of the who in the what? Is that a type of pasta?' Ichigo says in confusion.

'Don't mock me! That was supposed to be my stage name when I became a showgirl for the Broadway musical _Chicago, _dragqueen style!'

'YOU'RE A DRAGQUEEN?!'

'Told you he'd be pissed,' the writers mutters.

* * *

><p>'Oh, Kaname? Spying on our guests, are we?' Gin says playfully.<p>

'Well-' Tousen starts.

'That's so boring! Here! I'll show you a _much _better use for these screens!'

'Gin, stop touching the butto-!'

'_Ugh! Harder! Harder! Fuck me harderrrr!'_

'…'

'See?! Now you can watch five different porn videos _at the same time! _Isn't that awesome?!'

'CUT! Gin, what the hell did you-_for the love of God, don't do that HERE! _'

'Times like this I wish I _was _blind…' Tousen mutters.

* * *

><p>'So,' Dordoni exclaims. 'What kind of voice should I use for my character?'<p>

'I don't know,' Urahara says, busy reading some papers. 'Anything is good I guess.'

'Oh, I know! He's Spanish, right? I can use a high-pitched falsetto with a nasally touch like I've eaten too many tacos with hot sauce and my voice is forever squeaky for the rest of my life! How does that sound?'

'…let's just stick to a deep-set voice, okay?'

'Oh, how _original.'_

'Better than sounding like Selma Hayek on crack…'

* * *

><p>'Dude, I can't believe he's beating me in this episode,' Ichigo mutters as he goes over the script.<p>

'But of course! Nobody is a match for my superior dance moves! Why, when I was a teenager, I was known as the Dancing Coyote!' Dordoni exclaims proudly. He tries to do a simple tap dance. And trips over his own feet while landing on the refreshment table.

'I promise I'll never make fun of Rukia again if you tell me that that's _not_ the reason why he's beating me,' Ichigo mutters.

* * *

><p>'Hello, Urahara!' Dordoni sings. 'I heard you needed more actors for the Privaron Espada so I brought some of my girlfriends!'<p>

'Hey, this one's actually a girl,' Ichigo points out to Cirucci. The purple-haired girl raises an eyebrow. Then she lifts her skirt up.

'…Goddamn it.'

'What? She's bigger than you?' Rukia snickers.

* * *

><p>'My release form is a <em>wind <em>type? That is _horrible_!' Dordoni whines.

'How come?' Urahara asks, confused.

'It's going to mess up my hair! And I just got it permed this morning! Do you know how expensive those are?!'

'…'

* * *

><p>'So Dordoni's release form shoots out snakes…'a CGI designer explains.<p>

'EWWWW! SNAKES ARE SO _GROSS_! GET 'EM OFF ME! GET 'EM OFF ME!'

'DORDONI! They're not _real!_'

'SO?! That doesn't make them any _less _gross!'

'Jesus Christ…'


	97. Episode 152

**Apparently everyone was very amused with Gin's scene. Well, did you expect anything less? And don't forget, I'll blooper Diamond Dust Rebellion movie once I hit 1,500 reviews! :D**

**Sorry this is so short. I think my brain just froze when doing this episode :/**

_**EPISODE 152**_

'I feel a terrible presence emanating from this place,' Renji pants as he runs.

'WATCH OUT!'

'Wha-?!'

_CRASH! BANG!_

'Note to self,' Rukia groans. 'Think twice before attempting a triple jump on a skateboard on set.'

'I think this is what you call irony,' Renji moans.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'So you get tears to come out of Dondachokka's mask by pressing this button,' the prop manager explains as she hands the remote to Dondachokka.<p>

'That's pretty cool!' Renji exclaims and leans in close to the mask propped up on a stool. 'I wonder where the water comes out fro-blbbttt!'

He turns around, drenched in water. Donachokka quickly shoves the remote into the prop manager's hand.

'It was her idea,' he says and points at her.

* * *

><p>'It pains me, niño,' Dordoni murmurs as he drags Ichigo up to face level. Then he tilts his head. 'You know up close you're kinda cute.'<p>

Ichigo's jaw drops.

'Oh, _hell _no,' he snaps.

'Awww! I do believe this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship,' Urahara says gleefully.

'Dude,' Ino mutters, wrinkling his nose. '_No.'_

* * *

><p>'I'm hungryyyy,' Nel groans.<p>

'Nel, we have to start filming,' Urahara sighs. 'Okay, so Ichigo is about to get hit by a Cero and-!'

'But Nel is sooooo HUNGRY!'

'Nel, there's nothing to _eat_!'

'NEL IS HUNGRY!'

'What do you want to do?! Eat a Cero?!'

'Yes.'

'…whatever. This show stopped making sense a long time ago.'

* * *

><p>'I hope it was worth the wait,' Ichigo says gravely. 'Let me introduce you to my bankai.'<p>

'_That's _what he meant by "bankai"?!' Dordoni pouts. 'Awww!'

'What the hell did you _think _I meant?' Ichigo wonders, confused.

'Well-!'

'WAIT! I don't think I _want _to know!'

* * *

><p>'I have been defeated!' Dordoni cries out and places his hand dramatically on his forehead. 'Goodbye, cruel world! Tell my mother that I loved her! And please tell Frankie my pet parrot that <em>yes<em>! Frankie _will _get a cracker!' he slumps onto the floor with a sigh. Then he cracks an eye open and smirks. 'Was that good acting or what?'

'Is there a third option?' Ichigo mutters.

* * *

><p>'Okay,' a producer explains to Urahara as she picks up her notes. 'So we're going to shoot the scene on <em>this <em>set-EW! NEL! Did you just _drool _all over my notes?!'

'Uh,' Nel stutters. 'Um, children's drool is the best medicine!'

'That's children's _laughter_! And I'm pretty sure it's just _laughter _that's the best medicine! _Jeez_!' The producer turns around to face Urahara. 'Why are you smiling like that?'

'Huh? Oh, no reason. Has anyone seen Dordoni? I just had the most _wonderful _idea.' He walks off cackling like a villain. The producers glares at Nel.

'This is all your fault,' she mutters.

* * *

><p>'As long as my will to fight remains strong, my physical wounds are meaningless!' Dordoni yells and runs forward. And stumbles over a stone. 'Ouch! I stubbed my toe! It hurts! IT HUURRTTS!'<p>

'Do you think karma is trying to tell us something?' Ichigo wonders. 'You know, since this keeps happening so often.'

'Well, there was once a man called Darwin,' Renji explains. 'And he said some very interesting but very true things about evolution and natural selection.'

'Point.'


	98. Episode 153

**I just found the weirdest anime yesterday called Maria Holic...and now I can't stop watching it. It's got an awesomely catchy opening though**

**Review with love :D**

_**EPISODE 153**_

'You're as sweet as chocolaté!' Dordoni yells as he charges at Ichigo.

'A choco-latte? Well, that does sound sweet,' Ichigo remarks.

'No, no, no! Chocolaté! As in chocolate cake or chocolate éclairs!'

'Ohhhh!' Ichigo wrinkles his nose. 'Dude, that fake accent is _way _too thick.'

'_This isn't a fake accent!'_

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'Sir,' a lesser Arrancar reports to Aizen. 'I just received news that Privaron Espada No. 103, Dordoni Alessandro Del Socaccio, had been defea-!'<p>

'SEE?! _HE _can say it properly!' Dordoni yells as he jumps in and points at the guy.

'Uh, I've actually got it written down on my hand because it was so hard to remember,' the guy admits sheepishly.

'…aw, come on!'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'My humblest apologies, Lord Aizen,' Szayel Apporo murmurs. 'Please, I will accept any punishment you wish to administer!'<p>

'That won't be necessary,' Aizen says leisurely.

'Aw! But I just bought a new whip and wanted to try it out!' Szayel pouts.

'…'

'I like you,' Gin says gleefully.

* * *

><p>'Why the hell am I stuck with <em>this <em>guy?!' Renji snaps and points at Dondachokka. 'Why couldn't I have someone _else _with me?!'

'Wellll,' Urahara says nervously. 'We asked around who wanted to be paired up with you for the next couple of episodes and we _kinda _didn't get a positive response…'

'So _everyone _said _no _except _him_?'

'Actually, I thought they were asking if I wanted free donuts so I said yes,' Dondachokka points out. Renji stares at him in disbelief.

'Oh, _COME ON_!' he cries out.

'Actually, we _were _asking who wanted free donuts but that was just to trick you into teaming up with Renji for the episodes,' Urahara explains.

'You know, you could've left that out to save me some face…'

* * *

><p>'Uryu, you'll be fighting Cirucci in this scene,' Urahara instructs.<p>

Uryu looks at Cirucci and his eyes widen. Then, he quickly fixes his hair before sauntering up to her. 'Well, _hello_. I don't think we've met. I'm Ishida. _Uryu_ Ishida.'

'Hey,' Renji mutters to Ichigo. 'Shouldn't we tell him that that's a dude?'

They look at each other.

'Nah!' they laugh.

* * *

><p>'So, Cirucci,' Urahara remarks. 'We've got a list of insults but we just can't decide which one you should use on Uryu. Any suggestions?'<p>

'Blindballs, Nerdzilla, Fancy pants, Frankenerd, Pencil boy…' Cirucci reads off the paper. 'I think most of these are a little overrated. But "Fancy pants" is something new. Let's go with that.'

'Excellent choice! I'll get this to the writers!' He walks by a stunned Uryu. 'Hi, Uryu! Look-in' _good_!'

* * *

><p>Rukia runs up the long staircase and burst out in the end.<p>

'CUT! Next scene!'

'Why…the hell…do I…have to run…all these…steps?!' Rukia pants.

'Because the fans have been complaining that you've put on too much weight and we needed to do _something _about it,' Urahara sighs.

'I'll…get you…for that…after I…catch my…_breath…' _Rukia collapses on the floor.

'I _knew _it was a good idea to tell her after this scene,' Urahara says happily.

* * *

><p>'Why are there blue skies in here?' Rukia murmurs. Aaronierro suddenly appears behind her.<p>

'Do you want _me _to explain it to you?' it says in a high squeaky voice.

'…PAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry! I couldn't take him seriously!'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'Do you want <em>me<em> to explain it to you?'

'…pfffttttt! I'm sorry, _sorry_! I almost got it there! Last time! I promise!'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'Do you want <em>me<em>-!'

'HAHAHAHA! You said "ew"!'

'Oh for the love of-CUT!'

* * *

><p>'Do you want <em>me <em>to explain it to you?'

'Huh?' Rukia turns around in shock.

'CUT! And perfect! Finally! What did you do this time, Rukia?'

'I just imagined you winning a Nobel Peace Prize. I think I almost outshocked myself.'

'…jee, _thanks_.'

* * *

><p>'Omg, omg, omg, OMG!' Rukia freaks. '<em>Kaien<em> is going to be in this episode! Quick! How do I look?!'

'You've got something stuck between your teeth,' Ichigo points out.

'Ha! Yeah, right! Nice try, Ichigo, but it won't work this time! Here he comes! I'll go say hi!'

'Hey, did you notice something stuck between Rukia's teeth today?' Renji says as he comes up to Ichigo after passing by Rukia.

'Hi, Kaien!'

'Hi, Ruki-wow, what's that stuck between your teeth?'

'Renji, my man,' Ichigo says blissfully and puts his arm around the redhead. 'Sometimes…you gotta enjoy the little things in life.'


	99. Episode 154

**I'm listening to Disney songs while editing this. Viva la Disney! XD**

**We're almost at 100 chapter! Wooowww!**

_**EPISODE 154**_

'We'll start off the episode by having Gantenbainne fighting Chad on _this _set…' Urahara says.

'A disco floor?! SWEET!' Gantenbainne yells excitedly. 'Hit it!'

Suddenly, the room dims and colorful lights start blinking about as Gantenbainne starts doing disco moves.

_Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah._

_Show 'em how we do it now!_

'Unbelievable!' Urahara cries out angrily.

'I know! We don't have time for this!' a producer agrees, just as angry.

'No! How did he get the lights to do that?! I've been trying for _ages_!'

The producer smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'These clothes are really tight, don't you think?' Kaien says cheerily as he pulls at his sleeves.<p>

'Anything looks good on you, Kaien,' Rukia says dreamily.

'Um, thank…you…?' He turns to Urahara. 'Is that in the script?'

'What do you think?' Urahara says sarcatically. 'CUUUT!'

* * *

><p>'Is his wife, Miyako, going to be in this episode?' Rukia asks suspiciously.<p>

'Um, no, it's just going to be you and Kaien,' Urahara replies. Rukia laughs darkly and rubs her hands together.

'Excellent,' she murmurs. Suddenly, she spots Kaien talking to another woman. 'Hey! Who the hell is _that _tranny?!'

'…my _actual _wife,' Kaien says with a raise of his eyebrow.

'Oh…you look very lovely today, Mrs. Shiba.'

* * *

><p>Gin is sitting in front of the screens.<p>

'_Ugh! Unghh! Ungghhhh!'_

'CUT! Gin, are you watching porn aga-?!' Urahara demands.

'_Yay! Pooh! You're not stuck anymore! Hip, hip, hooray!'_

'My, my, Urahara,' Gin trills. 'Get your mind out of the gutter. What kind of person do you think I am?'

'I've yet to figure that out...'

* * *

><p>'It's just that,' Gin says delicately to Ulquiorra. 'I <em>enjoy <em>happy endings.' A pause. 'HAHAHAHHA! I'm sorry! I couldn't keep a straight face for that! It just cracks me up!'

'How does he always manage to creep the hell out of us?' a cameraman mutters.

'Do you _really _want to know?' another one mutters back.

* * *

><p>'Rukia,' Kaien says gravely. 'I want you to bring me the heads of your four friends.'<p>

'Okay,' Rukia answers, determined.

'I-wait, what?'

'If Kaien Shiba asked it I would do it!'

'CUT! RUKIA! What have I said about sticking to the script?'

'TRUTH IS THE SCRIPT OF LIFE!'

'…she's completely lost it…'

* * *

><p>'Kaien is <em>evil<em>?!' Rukia shrieks in disbelief.

'Well, uh, that's the plot twis-' Urahara starts.

'Why must the good die young?!'

'...He's still alive, Rukia…'

* * *

><p><strong>BONUS: ENDING CREDITS- Tane wo Maku Hibi by Kosuke Atari<strong>

The camera slowly travels up Ichigo's sleeping form. And stops on his face. Everyone starts giggling.

'What?!' Ichigo demands and opens his eyes. 'What's so funny?!'

Someone hands him a mirror. He stares.

'Alright, who the hell drew all over my face?!'

'Seriously? You _still _need to ask?' Rukia asks with a smirk.

'Oh, yeah, I forgot you were the only one who is a crappy artist.'

_SMACK!_

'Well, you are!'

'Do you want me to hit you again?!'

* * *

><p>Yuzu stares at a rose. Then she starts screaming and running away.<p>

'THERE'S A BEEEEE! GET IT AWAY, GET IT AWAY, GET IT AWAAAAY!'

She runs right into the camera and lights, sending them crashing to the ground.

'CUUUUT! And those were brand new...' Urahara says miserably.

* * *

><p>'It's the Kurosaki family reunion!' Isshin shouts. 'Smile for the camera! This one is going up in the family den!'<p>

'Has anyone told him that we're _not _a family?' Karin mutters.

'Probably not,' Ichigo remarks. 'But, hey, he gives us an allowance.'

'True. Hey, dad, I'm going out with friends! Can I have some money?'

* * *

><p>Ichigo is standing stoically under a tree. Suddenly, a torrent of water is poured over Ichigo head.<p>

'It's supposed to RAIN!' Ichigo sputters angrily. 'Not fucking "pour a bucket over my head"! Are you guys retarded or something?!'

Another bucket of water is poured over his head.

'I was kidding! Can't you guys take a joke?'

* * *

><p>The camera zooms out and shows Yuzu running towards Ichigo in a dramatic loving way. Suddenly, she trips and falls face first. Then she gets back up and runs the rest of the way.<p>

'Well, that was awkward,' a producer mutters.

**Song is Shake Your Grove Thing by Peaches and Herb. Remember from one of the Goofy movies? That's what I was thinking when I wrote this chapter XD**

**And the Pooh Bear reference well, I don't know what episode I'm referring to but there HAS to be some episode in which he gets stuck somewhere. Basically I'm saying that I just made up that scene. That's not copyright infringement, right? :3**


	100. Episode 155

**May I present to you the 100th chapter of Bleach Scandals. May we have many more that are just as enjoyable!^^**

_**EPISODE 155**_

'Rukia is fighting,' Renji murmurs as he stares off into the distance. 'But is she winning?' He puts his fingers to his temple. 'Awakening Super Sonic Intergalactic Renji Abarai Telepathy powers!'

'…are you serious?' Urahara mutters.

'What? I wanted to say something cool!'

Urahara hands his megaphone to Ino. 'Here. I don't think that even _deserves _a "cut" from me.'

* * *

><p>'Steady…steadyyy…' the prop manager mutters. 'There! Now we've got all the snow for the Sode no Shirayuki scene in one place. Just as long as no one makes a loud nois-'<p>

'Guess what?! I found out how you can eat jelly donuts without the jelly dripping out!' Urahara yells excitedly as he barges into the room. 'Hey, how come that column of snow is wobbling-'

**…**

'Did you hear that?' Uryu asks, looking about.

'What?' Ichigo remarks, busy reading a magazine.

'Dunno, but it sounded like someone yelling, "Avalanche".'

'We're_ indoors_, Uryu. Don't be stupid. It's probably just your imagination.'

* * *

><p>'Ha! I have you-' Kaien yells when his collar suddenly droops down onto his face. 'Urgh! Stupid…collar…'<p>

'CUT!' Urahara yells. 'STARCH!'

An assistant rushes on set with a can of super strong starch and sprays it all over Kaien's collar. It finally stands up stiffly. Rukia whistles.

'So that's how all our clothes look super cool,' she murmurs in awe.

* * *

><p>'Then Ichigo has to give Nel a piggyback ride…' Urahara narrates.<p>

'What?! How come?!' Ichigo demands.

'Because she's a poor, defenseless child and we can't have her running around all the time!'

'…Nel threatened to pull off Mr. Muffincakes head, didn't she?'

'Pfft! Why would I care about a stupid stuffed animal that was the highlight of my childhood and my only friend?'

'…'

'…Please, Ichigo, his life is on the line! Don't do it for me! Do it for Mr. Muffincakes!'

'And this makes me any less crazier than you how?'

* * *

><p>'Careful…carefulll…' the prop manager murmurs. 'There! Now we've got the glass water container for Kaien's zanpaktou in a safe room. Now remember, the glass is delicate so don't do anything stupid like blaring a-'<p>

_HOOONKKK!_

'Look what I found?! It's a warning siren!' Urahara says gleefully as he runs into the room. 'Hey, how come that glass is cracking?'

'Kill me now,' the prop manager groans.

**…**

'Okay, now I could've _sworn _someone yelled "Tsunami" just now,' Uryu snaps crossly.

'Jeez, Uryu,' Ichigo sighs. 'For the last time, it's all in your head! A tsunami _inside _a studio. That's just borderline _ridiculous, _even by Urahara's stupidity standards.'

* * *

><p>'What's this?' Rukia comments as she holds up the glass container with Aaroniero's heads.<p>

'Careful with that!' Urahara hisses. 'That's the head of the 9th most powerful Espada!'

Rukia shakes the glasses. 'Haha, they look so funny upside down!'

'Stop that!' Urahara snatches it away. 'This thing is very delicate!' Then he shakes it himself. He giggles. 'They look like two marshmallows.'

* * *

><p>'What the-?' Urahara mutters as he opens the fridge and pulls something out. 'Who put this red liquid in Aaroniero's helmet?'<p>

'There it is!' Gin walks up to Urahara and snatches the glass cylinder. Then he opens it up and pours a cup for himself. He drains the whole glass. Urahara's jaw drops. 'Ah! Nothing beats a glass of chilled cranberry juice in the summer!'

He hands the container back to Urahara and walks away while humming. The director stares at it. .

'Touch my juice and I'll drink your blood,' Gin calls out.

Urahara quickly shoves it back in the fridge and slams it shut.

* * *

><p>'So…that's <em>not <em>Kaien?' Rukia says slowly.

'Nope,' Urahara shakes his head. 'He's actually still a good guy.'

'So does that mean Aizen is _also_ good?' Hinamori says excitedly.

'Uh…no…he's actually still ev-'

'DON'T LIE, YOU UNSCRUPULOUS PIG! '

* * *

><p>'Behold! Glotoniero!' Kaien exclaims. Rukia turns green.<p>

'Oh my God, that is _nasty_,' she groans as she covers her mouth. 'Excuse me…'

She runs off set to go throw up in the bathroom.

'My sheer brilliance has done it again!' Urahara says proudly, puffing his chest out.

'His sheer brilliance _always _does that,' a producer mutters to another.


	101. Episode 156

**Thank you so for the 100th chapter congratulations, everyone! And I know everyone wants me to do Diamond Dust Rebellion REAL bad but we'll get there! The 1,500 reviews is MY milestone and I want to stick to it because I have a bad habit of wavering from my goal due to other people's opinions. I want to stop doing that so although you guys want DDR, I will do it. But after the milestone is reached. Please be patient :)**

**Someone pointed out that Dordoni is the 103rd Arrancar so I just fixed that. Thank you so much for pointing it out!**

_**EPISODE 156**_

'Okay, Uryu and Cirucci-'

'Wait, wait, hold up! What about me?!' Rukia demands. 'I was just on the brink of facing an _Espada_! Why the hell did we _suddenly _move to _Uryu_?'

'Because I'm just as important a character as anyone else!' Uryu argues.

'Wellll…' Urahara ponders aloud. Uryu hands him a box of Lindt chocolate. 'Of course! Uryu is _such _an important character!'

'…You dirty cheater,' Rukia mutters to Uryu.

'Hey, is it _my _fault Urahara can be bought so easily?!'

'I resent that-Oooooo, there's chocolate cream-filled ones! Uryu, you're the _best _character in the _whole _series!'

* * *

><p>'Wow,'Renji whistles. 'With the way Pesche is getting beaten up I'm almost glad I got stuck with Dondachakka.'<p>

'Realllyyyy-whoops!' Dondachakka yelps as he runs towards Renji and accidentally knocks him into a pile of chairs.

'On second thought,' Renji groans in pain. 'Maybe not…'

* * *

><p>'You are <em>so <em>lucky, Pesche,' Uryu mutters. 'You practically get to look up Cirucci's skirt from that angle.'

Pesche wrinkles his nose. 'Dude, you _do _know that that's a g-!'

'No! He can't find out like that!' Ichigo yells as he clamps a hand over Pesche's mouth.

'Find out what?' Uryu demands.

'That, uh, that Cirucci's a great gal!' Renji says nervously as he holds Pesche.

'Oh! Well, she is, isn't she?'

'Oh yeah! Totally!' Ichigo agrees enthusiastically. Uryu walks off. 'Thank _God _he's so gullible…'

* * *

><p>'You <em>like <em>me, dontcha?' Pesche says cheekily to Uryu.

'Are you out of your mind?' Uryu yells angrily.

'CUT! Okay, let's focus in on Cirucci now.'

'So, uh, Uryu,' Pesche says suavely. 'That was a _pretty _intense between us, wouldn't you say?'

'Uh, yeah, sure…'

'I know right?! Didn't you see the sparks flying?! So, uh, this might sound too forward, but, would you like to go out for a mov-'

'Uryu! We need you for the next scene!'

'Coming!'

'No, wait!' Pesche's head droops. 'Shot down! But that doesn't mean I will give up hope! I will keep trying until my heart is heard and pouring out the depths of my soul to the one who stole it!'

'Dude,' Ichigo mutters. 'We can _hear _you.'

'And we _really _didn't want to,' Rukia mumbles.

* * *

><p>'Hey, can someone get Cirucci? She's in her changing room,' a producer remarks.<p>

'Uryu will go!' Ichigo says aloud and then grins at the guy. '_Rigght, _Uryu?'

'Huh!? Uh, yeah, sure!' Uryu says, flustered and runs off. Renji looks at his watch.

'3…2…1…' he murmurs. A high-pitched scream reverberates into the studio. Cirucci walks in a couple of minutes later.

'Hmph,' she/he remarks. 'I never took him for a soprano.'

* * *

><p>'Thanks, Uryu,' Pesche says gravely. 'You saved my life. I shall repay you for your kindness…BY GIVING YOU A KISS!'<p>

'What the-!? GET THE HELL OFF ME, YOU IDIOT!'

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'I, Cirucci Sanderwicci, Arrancar No. 105, will slice you in half!'<p>

'Mmmmmm, sandwwwichhh….' Pesche mumbles, drooling.

'CUT! PESCHE!'

'Whaaaat?'

* * *

><p>'Action!'<p>

'I, Cirucci Sanderwicci-!'

'CUT! PESCHE, PUT THAT SANDWICH AWAY RIGHT NOW!'

'But I'm hungryyy!'

* * *

><p>'Action!'<p>

'I, Cirucci Sanderwicci-!'

'Hi, Jimmy Johns, I'd like to order a sandwich? Make it a cheese and tomato with a bit of-!'

'CUT! Seriously, Pesche!? _Seriously?!'_

* * *

><p>'Here's a sandwich,' a producer mutters.<p>

'Wow! Chee, thanks! Hey, is this to stop Urahara from yelling at me?'

'No. This is to stop him from foaming at the mouth…'

'Ah.'

* * *

><p>'You won't get very far carrying that deadweight around!' Cirucci snips as she points to Pesche on Uryu's back.<p>

'Hey! I'll have you know I'm a perfect 130 lbs and I eat wholegrain wheat so there!' Pesche snaps angrily.

'That's not what she meant, Pesche,' Uryu groans.

'Oh…whoops…'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>Uryu whirls his blade around coolly. Suddenly, it slips from his hand and goes flying up. It knocks over a stage light which comes crashing down along with the rest of the set. Right on top of Uryu.<p>

'I think that crash lacked pizzazz,' Urahara murmurs. 'I'd give it an 8.'

'That was _clearly _a 7,' Ino argues. 'It was _so _expected.'

'I'd give it a 9.5 for the blood,' Gin giggles.

'Ambulance…' Uryu wheezes from underneath.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh, Gin, you sadistic, <em>sadistic <em>freak. What would this story be without you? XD**

**Btw soprano is a typical female singing voice and is the highest pitch a voice can go. Nice one, Uryu **


	102. Episode 157

**Sorry being a meanie about DDR :3**

**And btw, the stuff about Pesche and Uryu...it was ALL in the anime. I was in shock while watching it. I mean, I didn't even remember half that stuff. Probably because I might have skipped it...XD**

_**EPISODE 157**_

'Hmmmm,' Cirucci ponders aloud as he stares at his dressing table.

'Cirucci! We're going to be on in five minutes! What's the hold up?' Urahara demands as he barges in.

'I can't decide what mascara to use!' Cirucci complains. 'I want to use Maybelline's Lashblast but the M.A.C Zoom Lash will give me a bolder look.'

'Are you serious?! Just use this one!' Urahara picks up one and hands it to her. Then he stares at the other choices. 'Although the Body Shop Super Volume _does _offer a better result…and the Covergirl one seems more _presentable_…oh my God, is that _purple _mascara?'

**…**

'Where's Urahara?' a writer asks.

'I just got a message from him,' a producer replies. 'Says he's trying to solve a conflicting issue of _dire _consequences to the configurations of the series.'

* * *

><p>'I present to you,' Uryu declares. 'Seele Schneider!'<p>

'Hey,' Ichigo remarks jokingly and lifts his can of beer to Renji. 'Let's drink every time Uryu says "Seele Schneider".'

'Sure!' Renji grins and holds up his beer can. 'How many times can it be?'

**…**

'Also,' Uryu says sternly. 'you should-!'

'Uryu! M'main _man_!' Ichigo hiccups as he stumbles onto the stage. 'How you doin'?'

'What the-?' Uryu sputters. 'Ichigo, are you _drunk_!?'

'I resent that!' Renji laughs and throws an arm around Uryu's shoulders. 'Uryu, have I ever told you how purty you are?'

'You, too?! Urahara, can you _please_-!'

'He said "Seele Schneider!" Drink up!' Urahara slurs and downs a can of beer.

'Uh, no, he didn't, Urahara,' a producer sighs.

'Oh?' Urahara wrinkles his nose then grins lopsidedly. 'Then _I _said "Seele Schneider"! Whoops, I said it again!' He downs another can and then crushes the can on his forehead.

'Righteoussss!' Ichigo and Renji roar like drunk surfers and drink their own beer.

'I'm surrounded by drunken idiots,' Uryu mutters.

* * *

><p>'I am Gantenbainne Mosqueda.'<p>

'Hehehehehe…'

Gantenbainne stares offset at Urahara.

'Your name has "mosquito" in it,' he giggles.

'And?' Gantenbainne says menacingly, flexing his arm muscles. Urahara turns white.

'And there is nothing wrong with that!' he squeaks.

* * *

><p>'Has anyone seen Chad's new powerful shield?' a prop manager asks.<p>

'Chad's probably using it for practice,' Urahara assures. 'He's a mature guy! He'll use it for a good purpose!'

**_Meanwhile…_**

Chad uses the arm shield to flip a number of patties perfectly onto burger buns. Then he flips on the top half the buns with the shield.

'Lunch is served,' he says monotonously.

'Oh boy! Chad, you make the best burgers _ever_!' Ichigo says enthusiastically.

* * *

><p><em><strong>ARRANCAR ENCYCLOPEDIA<strong>_

'Today we'll be discussing potential Arrancar porn video names!' Gin says enthusiastically. He points at Luppi's video. '"Who Let the Tentacles out?"' Dordoni… "There's a Snake in My Pants!" Menis… '"Stick 'Em with the Pointy End"' Aldegor… "You Can Roll _My _Balls!"' Patros… '"Hunchback of Up My Anus"' Cirucci… '"I Can Be _Your _Shuttlecock!"'

Urahara spits out the water he's drinking.

'Just for the record, it was _your _idea to make him the host for this segment,' a producer mutters to the stunned director.

* * *

><p><strong>Just a btw, Uryu said "Seele Schneider" 6 times. I know it isn't that many but after watching this video it seemed like he said it way more times than that -.-'<strong>


	103. Episode 158

**So, uh, hi guys, remember me? I kinda got lost in the moment of summer...shopping..hiking...ogling boys...so yeah XD**

**But anyways, I'm back! I'll try updating as much as I can! Hopefully every day. **

**Enjoy the chapter! **

_**EPISODE 158**_

'Why does Pesche have to wear and _only _wear one measly piece of loincloth?' Uryu says through gritted teeth.

'Why not?' Urahara demands.

'Hiya, every-whoops!' Pesche yelps as he accidentally slips on the floor, his legs splaying out. And revealing something highly unpleasant.

Rukia faints.

Ichigo covers his eyes.

Renji covers his ears.

Orihime covers her mouth.

Dondachakka curls into a ball on the floor and whispers, 'the horror…the HORROR…'.

And Chad empties the bread basket on the refreshments table before shoving it over his head.

'_That's _why,' Uryu mutters.

* * *

><p>'Okay, let's start shooting the-hey, where the hell is Chad's shield?' Urahara snaps angrily. Ino suddenly runs onto the set.<p>

'TSUNAMIIII!' he yells and sprints past. Everyone turns towards the direction he ran from. Suddenly a giant wave comes crashing down on the set.

'COWABUNGAAA!' Nel shouts as she comes riding the wave on Chad's arm-shield.

'Told you,' Uryu coughs as he shakes the water from his hair.

'Uryu, maybe now's not the best time to be _right _about something,' Ichigo mutters and spits out a stream of water.

* * *

><p>Chad moves in to hit Gaintenbainne.<p>

'NOT THE HAIR!' the Arrancar yells. Chad freezes. 'Just got it done this morning and I am _not _letting a $300 perm go to waste!'

Urahara smacks his forehead. 'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'Next scene, Gaintenbainne appears in his Resurrección form-' Urahara exclaims. Gaintenbainne jumps in all decked in his Resurrección.<p>

'Check out ma bling bling!' he sings and shakes his hips.

'…'

'Whaaat?'

* * *

><p>'Tengo un trasero fuzzy!' Gantenbainne yells as he releases his cannon power. Chad stares at him.<p>

'Did you just say, "I have a fuzzy butt" in Spanish?' he mumbles.

'Hey, it's still Spanish!'

'…Do I _really _have to work with him?'

* * *

><p>'This is,' Chad says gravely, lifting his white right arm weapon. 'Brazo Izquierdo del Diablo.'<p>

'Diablo…' Gantenbainne murmurs. 'Like the sauce?'

'…'

'I love those! Especially on my tacos!'

'…Seriously, do I _have _to?'

* * *

><p>'Hi, everyone! I'd like you all to meet Nnoitra!' Urahara announces and gestures to the lanky man.<p>

'Hello,' Nnoitra cackles lecherously with a wide grin. 'I hope we can all be good friends.'

'…'

'Let me guess,' Ichigo says sarcastically. 'Craig's list?'

'What?' Urahara says incredulously. 'Nooooo.'

'Thank _Go-_'

'He's my kids' babysitter.'

'_WHAT?!'_

* * *

><p><em><strong>A COMPLETE QUINCY<strong>_

* * *

><p>'Today I'll be explaining the Seele Schnieder,' Ryuuken says monotonously. 'A Seele Schnieder oscillates at 1.5 million hertz at a speed of 2.05 million mph hence giving it the image of being stationary when in fact it is vibrating the very atoms around it at a higher frequency of roughly 8.5 times its original speed and even reconstructing the atmosphere by increasing the temperature by 2.5 degree Celsius per 3.4 seconds.'<p>

He snaps his pointer stick back into place. Urahara snorts awake.

'Right,' he says groggily. 'Keep the beginning. Just get rid of the rest.'

* * *

><p>'Then you're basically winning at someone else's expense, huh?' Isshin laughs.<p>

_THWACK!_

'I'M BLEEDINGGG!'

'CUT! Ryuuken, you weren't _supposed _to hit him!' Urahara scolds.

'Then what's the point?' Ryuuken says calmly.

'CAN SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE ALREADY?!' Isshin shrieks.


	104. Episode 159

_**EPISODE 159**_

'Okay, so we're about to start shooting the opening scene with Szayel sitting at his computer,' Urahara instructs. 'Ready? Aaaand, ac-!'

_I don't know about you! But I'm feeling 22!_

_Everything will be alright! If you keep me next to you!_

'…'

'Whaaat?' Szayel says haughtily and flips his hair back. 'So I decided to download Tay Tay Swizzle's latest album on _this_ computer. Is that a crime?'

* * *

><p>'Your meal is ready,' Ulquiorra says coldly to Orihime. 'Now eat it.'<p>

'No, I refuse,' she says icily.

Her stomach growls loudly.

'…'

'…Maybe one bite.'

Urahara groans. 'Cuuuut.'

* * *

><p>'If I were you,' Ulquiorra murmurs. 'I'd be angry that they were foolish enough to sneak into Hueco Mundo in the first place. Like lambs to a slaughter.'<p>

Orihime suddenly slaps him.

'You pigheaded banana pie!' she yells.

'CUTT! Orihime, you weren't supposed to say anything! And what the hell is a "pigheaded banana pie"?!'

'I can't tell you on public television! There are kids watching!'

* * *

><p>'Like lambs to a slaugh-'<p>

Orihime slaps his mask off.

'Who's the big shot now?!' she says loudly and throws her hands out like a gangster.

'Oh my God, CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'Like lambs to a slaughter,' Ulquiorra finishes.<p>

'…'

'…Orihime!' Urahara hisses. 'It's your part!'

'What? Oh, right!' Pause. 'What was I supposed to do again?'

Urahara smacks the megaphone against his forehead. Then he groans in pain.

'Okay, that wasn't smart,' he mutters.

* * *

><p>'Like lambs to a slaughter,' Ulquiorra says impassively.<p>

Orihime kicks him in the balls. Ulquiorra's eyes bulge and he falls to the floor.

'CUT! WHAT THE HELL?! ORIHIME!' Urahara shrieks and stares at her.

'But that hurts more!'

'_THAT'S NOT THE POINT!'_

'Dang,' Renji mutters. 'The fact that Ulquiorra is tolerating all of that without complaining…now that's hardcore love.'

'Wish I had that,' Ichigo remarks thoughtfully. They look at each other.

'Nahhhh!' they laugh.

* * *

><p>Chad reads his script.<p>

'I don't get it,' he points out. 'I know Nnoitra is more powerful than me. Why is my character being an idiot and insisting on fighting him?'

'Because you want to prove yourself!' Urahara remarks proudly.

'…this was your idea, wasn't it?'

'No, it wasn't!'

'…'

'Okay, _fine_! So what if it is!? It's not like _all _my ideas are stupid!'

'Yes, they are!' everyone in the studio says out loud.

'…I need a new crew…'

* * *

><p>Renji suddenly stops running.<p>

'Huh? Why'd you stop running?' Dondachokka inquires.

'Because there's a fork in the middle of the road,' Renji mutters.

'Oh yeah, I can see-'

'No, seriously, there is a _fork _in the middle of the road.' Renji points to the ground. There's a plastic fork lying between the two corridors.

Ino whistles. 'Now that's what you call irony.'

* * *

><p>'Which path should I take?' Renji mutters.<p>

'I can help!' Dondachakka exclaims and starts pumping his arms in circle in front of him. 'Hollows in the left path, danger in the right path, something, something, WHICH PATH SHOULD WE TAKEEE!? It's Mun-do! Mun-do! Down in Hueco Mun-do! Everybody's looking-!'

'CUTTT! Oh, that's real cute, Renji, pretending to stab yourself with your zanpak-holy shit, _someone stop Renji before he stabs himself with his zanpaktou!_'

* * *

><p>'We're supposed to go in order of seniority and that would be me in front!' Pesche pants as the two race down the corridor.<p>

'Oh yeah? Mind telling me how old you are?' Uryu snaps.

'A real gentleman never asks a lady for her age!' Pesche says sassily. Then he pauses. 'Wait that didn't come out right…'

'CUTT!'

* * *

><p>'Renji, I'd like you to meet Szayel Aporro,' Urahara introduces. 'Szayel, Renji Abarai.'<p>

'Hi,' Renji says cheerily. 'It's nice to-!'

'His red hair dye is _way _too fake, his eyebrows are uneven and he has chubby ankles,' Szayel sniffs. 'Honestly, Urahara, what makes you think I want to date him?'

'_What?!' _Renji sputters. 'Dude, we're going to _fight _each other in the next episode! Not _date_! Right, Urahara?'

'He's right,' Urahara agrees.

'See? What did I-!'

'You do have chubby ankles.'

'…'

* * *

><p><em><strong>ARRANCAR ENCYLOPEDIA<strong>_

* * *

><p>'Like Shinigami have the flashstep and Quincies have the Hirenkyaku, the Arrancar have a speed technique of their own called the sonido,' Gin explains. 'Except sonidoes are sexier.'<p>

'CUT! Gin, that wasn't in the script!' Urahara sighs in aggravation.

'But it's true! Look!' Gin flips the channel to Grimmjow running. In slow-mo.

'That just means you're a pervert.'

'Says the guy who's got a nosebleed.'

'…shut up…'

**Tay Tay Swizzle is supposed to be the rapper name Taylor Swift came up with for herself for fun. My cousin told me and she's a MAJOR Taylor Swift fan XD**

**And hopefully everyone got the Friday reference haha**


	105. Episode 160

**Trying to do this every day is tough. But hey, at least I'm trying, right? XD**

_**EPISODE 160**_

'BWAHAHAHAHA!' Kaien laughs as he sits atop Glotoneiro and rolls towards Rukia. 'HAHAHA-YAARGH!'

_SPLAT!_

He falls flat on his face. In Glotoneiro.

'Oh God,' Rukia groans, going green and rushes offset.

'CUTTT!'

* * *

><p>'Farewell, Kaein Shiba,' Rukia murmurs pitifully as Nejibana pierces her and Kaien starts to haul her up.<p>

The staff breaks.

'…'

'Hey, take it as a sign,' Ichigo suggests. 'Maybe it's high time you lose that jelly roll on your tum-'

_SMACK!_

'HEY! I WAS ACTUALLY BEING NICE ABOUT IT!'

'THAT'S KINDA HARD TO BELIEVE!'

* * *

><p>'I remember this place,' Rukia murmurs as she runs through the forest and around a bend. Then she runs back out. Fast.<p>

'BEEESSSSS!' she shrieks. 'GET 'EM OFF ME! GET 'EM OFF MEEE!'

'CUUT!'

* * *

><p>Kaien is eating a onigiri. He looks up at Rukia.<p>

'What are you-?' he starts.

_FLASH!_

'…Did you just take a picture of me?'

'CUTT! Rukia, what was that for?!'

'But he just looked so adorable eating that! I just had to take a picture to commemorate the moment!'

* * *

><p>'So, Rukia, where do you think your heart is?' Kaien asks.<p>

'With you,' she answers dreamily.

'…'

'Rukia?' Urahara calls over his megaphone.

'What?'

'His wife is in the studio.'

'…'

'She heard you.'

'…'

'She's coming your way.'

'…'

'Exit is on your left.'

* * *

><p>'Our bodies become reishi in the Soul Society,' Kaien says gravely. 'But where do our hearts go?' He turns to Rukia. 'We entrust them to our friends.'<p>

'That's so beautiful,' Urahara whispers. He turns to Ino. 'Wouldn't you entrust your heart to me?'

'Wellll….'

'I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND?!'

'I NEVER SAID THAT!'

'YOU HESITATED!'

'How is he a director again?' Kaien asks, confused.

* * *

><p>'Hey, what are Aaaroniero's head made of?' Rukia asks as she holds the two up.<p>

'Some kind of Styrofoam balls,' Urahara replies. 'Careful with those!'

'Don't wor-_shit! _They're getting away!'

**Later…**

'Woah!' Uryu utters in surprise and stops.

'What is it?' Ichigo asks, confused.

'Did you see that? I just saw two weird spheres roll by!'

'Uryu, are you sure you don't need to recheck your lens prescrip-'

'Quick! Someone catch my balls!' Rukia yells as she runs down the corridor.

'…'

Uryu takes off his glasses and holds them up.

'Y'know,' he remarks. 'Maybe it _is_ time I went to check them out.'

**... ;)**


	106. Episode 161

**Okay! New milestone! God, reading all your reviews over and over again makes me feel super bad about not doing DDR. So here's the deal: if we can either reach 300 faves , 1,200 reviews OR 1,500 reviews on this story, I'll do DDR bloopers. It has to be ONE of these milestone. So, now you all have something to look forward to :3**

**Warning: I happen to be a Grancest fan too…you have been warned**

**Enjoy!^^**

_**EPISODE 161**_

'I have an older brother?' Szayel says with disgust. 'How annoy-'

'Hi, are you Szayel?' Ilfordt remarks and stretches out a hand to shake. 'Nice to meet you! I'm Ilfordt! I'm playing your older brother?'

Szayel looks him up and down.

'Well, I'm certainly looking forward to _our _family reunion,' he purrs.

'That is _so _wrong,' Renji mutters.

* * *

><p>'I collected data from the spiritual bugs I placed all over my brother's body,' Szayel drawls. Then he smirks. 'That's the not the only thing I want to place all over his body. Hashtag, Grancest'<p>

'CUTTT! Seriously, Szayel?!'

'What? It's sounds so _catchy_! Ooooo, maybe I can get it trending on Twitter!'

* * *

><p>'What the hell are these weird balls on your sword hilt?' Renji asks as he holds up Szayel's zanpaktou.<p>

'Anal beads,' Szayel replies calmly.

'…'

'Hey, where are you going, Renji?'

'To disinfect my entire arm. And possibly my mind too.'

* * *

><p>'Hey,' a producer asks curiously. 'Why are there a bunch of blue balls on Szayel's sword-?' He suddenly freezes and glares accusingly at Urahara.<p>

'It was a coincidence!' Urahara says defensively. 'I swear!'

'…'

'Why won't you believe me?!'

'Do you _seriously _need to ask me that question?'

* * *

><p>'Hi, everyone!' Urahara announces. 'Meet Stark, the new Espada addition!'<p>

'Sup?' Stark says dully. 'Got any spare change?'

'Maybe it's just me,' a writer mutters while frowning in thought. 'But I _swear _he looks like the hobo outside Walmart.'

'You _do _know that's a _high _possibility, right?' an editor sighs.

* * *

><p>'Quite frankly I'm amazed you have some decent abilities,' Ulquiorra says dully as he stands atop the staircase.<p>

Suddenly, the Rocky theme song starts playing. Ikkaku huffs as he runs up the steps and when he reaches the top, he stretches his arms out while spreading his legs so that his body is in "X" formation.

'Boo yeah!' he yells. 'Who's number one?!'

'CUTT! Ikkaku, get the hell off the set!'

'But this is my moment to shine!'

'The shoe shiner down the block can do that to your head for a dime!'

'Oh, you did _not _just go there!'

* * *

><p>'Now, Ulquiorra, listen carefully 'cause you tend to get this wrong,' Urahara lectures from the top of the steps. 'You're supposed to stand right he-YAAAAHHH!'<p>

He suddenly slips on a banana peel and goes tumbling down the stairs.

'How the hell-?' Ichigo wonders aloud, confused.

'Awww!' Gin pouts. 'And I worked so hard to place that there for Ulqi-chan!'

'…'

'For once,' Ulquiorra finally speaks. 'I am glad that our director is a pompous idiot.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO SOUL REAPERS<strong>_

'Run awaaaay!' Isana yells as she and Nemu run away with the camera full of pictures of Byakuya.

'Capture them,' Byakuya murmurs and snaps his fingers. His special forces suddenly jump on the girls. He approaches them. 'I don't know what you're up to but-!'

'Hey!' Isane says suddenly in surprise. 'Where's the camera?!'

Rukia runs by, waving the camera in the air.

'SUCCESSSS!' she cackles evilly.

'Not again' Urahara groans. 'SECURITY!'


	107. Episode 162

_**EPISODE 162**_

'And in the beginning of the episode, Ulquiorra is going to go flying through the pillars on his support ropes,' Urahara announces. 'Isn't that exciting, Ulquiorra?'

'I suppose.'

'Can you at least smile about it?'

'Why?'

'Well, when something awesome happens you should smile! For example-YEWOUCHHH! What the hell is a rat trap doing on my seat?!'

Ulquiorra smiles.

* * *

><p>'Getsuga <em>Tenshou!' <em>Ichigo yells and lunges forward.

'CUT! Next scene!' Urahara yells over his megaphone.

'Wow, Ichigo you are really graceful with your sword movements,' Orihime praises.

'Well, I _did _take kendo when I was in high school,' Ichigo brags. 'I practically _ran _the club since I was _so _good at-'

'Hey, Ichigo!' Urahara yells. 'Your mom called! She wanted to know if you'd be home by 6pm for your ballet classes today!'

'…'

'So, what about that kendo class, twinkle toes?' Rukia says innocently.

* * *

><p>'Now at this point,' Urahara states. 'Ichigo's mask cracks and-'<p>

'I can do that!' Gin chimes in.

'Huh?!' Ichigo says, confused. His eyes widen in horror. 'NO, WAIT! GIN-!'

_SMASH!_

'GIN!? YOU COULD'VE KILLED ICHIGO!' Urahara shrieks.

'No, I couldn't! I had to use a baseball bat. _Waay _less damage compared to a sledgehammer. Sad, isn't it?'

'…'

* * *

><p>'Wait,' Ichigo says incredulously. 'I'm <em>DEAD<em>?!'

'Well, that improves the show by a margin,' Ulquiorra remarks.

'You can say that again,' Renji chuckles.

'Well, that improves the show by a margin.'

'That was a rhetorical statement!' Ichigo growls.

'No,' Renji admits. 'I actually really wanted him to say it again. It just sounds better every time.'

'I despise you _so very __much_ right now...'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo Kurosaki,' Ulquiorra murmurs as he thrusts his hand through Ichigo's heart. 'It is pointless.'<p>

_Quit playin' games with my heart!_

_Before you tear us apart (my heart)_

_Quit playin' games with my heart!_

_I should've known from the start!_

'I'm sorry,' Urahara says sheepishly. 'I just _had _to.'

'You _must _be joking,' Ulquiorra mutters. 'We're in the middle of-'

'Quit playing games with my hearttt!' Ichigo sings as he snap dances to the song. He looks at Ulquiorra. 'Oh, come on, how can you _not _sing along to a Backstreet Boys song?'

* * *

><p>'So Ulquiorra is only <em>fourth <em>strongest?' Renji says in surprise. 'And Ichigo lost to _him_?'

'Okay, you know, so what?!' Ichigo snaps. 'You know how the rhyme goes! First is the worst, second is the best, third is the man with the hairy chest! So there!'

'You do know the third is a girl, right?' Rukia points out.

'The second is an old guy,' Uryu mentions.

'And you don't even mention the fourth,' Renji remarks.

'...shut up...'

* * *

><p>'Wait, how do I know Ichigo is dead?' Orihime demands.<p>

'It's your, uh,' Urahara struggles to explain. 'Ichi…senses?'

'Like Spiderman has Spidey senses?'

'Yeah, yeah, sorta like that!'

'Then does that mean I also have ninja pig senses too?!'

'Yea-wait, what?'

'Activating ninja pig senses…NOW!'

'...Orihime, ninja pigs don't exist.'

'Yes, they do! And they're deadly! One just stole your blueberry muffin right now!'

'No, they didn-!' Urahara stares at his empty plate. '...'

'Told you they're deadly.'

* * *

><p>'Still think you're really special, huh, <em>princess<em>?' Menoly sneers as she plants her foot on Orihime's head.

'CUT! Next angle!'

'Oh my God, I am _SO _sorry, Ms. Orihime!' Menoly apologizes and gets down on her knees. 'I didn't mean to hurt you! Please forgive me! Here! You can kick me! Or pull my hair! I don't care if I go bald! As long as it's by the great Orihime Inoue I don't mind losing my hair!'

'Y'know,' Ichigo mutters. 'It was kinda funny in the beginning. Now it's just plain creepy.'

'No kidding,' Rukia mutters.

* * *

><p>'Guess who comes to save <em>your <em>sorry ass,' Uryu says smugly.

'I'm so doomed,' Renji mutters.

'Hey, I resent that!'

'You can't even see two feet in front of you without your glasses!'

'Oh yeah?! Wanna bet on that!?' Uryu takes his glasses off and turns to face Renji. 'See?! Told ya I could see just fine! What? You're speechless now?!'

'…um, Uryu? You're talking to Dondachakka's mask.'

'…I knew that.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO SOUL REAPERS<strong>_

* * *

><p>'And Soifon is going to throw daggers at Ukitake to pin him in place for this omake,' Urahara points out.<p>

'Excuse me?!' Ukitake sputters. 'What if I get hurt?'

'No, you won't! They aren't _real _daggers! Here, I'll demonstrate! Ino, throw one at me!'

'You sure?' Ino says uncertainly.

'Of course! Now, hit me!'

**Later…**

'Uh-huh,' a hospital receptionist says over the phone. 'Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Don't worry. An ambulance is on its way. Have a good day.'

She puts the phone down.

'What's the emergency this time?' a nurse asks.

'Dagger mishap,' the receptionist sighs.

'Bleach crew?'

'Do I have to answer?'

'I don't even question them anymore.'

'Exactly.'


	108. Urgent

**Greetings and salutations! And apologies. Big, BIG apologies...**

**Yeahhh, so I'm sorry that I haven't updated in awhile but see...my laptop decided it was a fine time to PMS and break down. Yes, my laptop refuses to turn on (tease) and I actually had some stories lined up and ready to publish, including one for this story. Yeah, somewhere out there, God is laughing at me with a bucket of buttery popcorn. I hope you choke on a kernel (not really). Joking (but seriously...)**

**Okay, jokes aside, we passed the milestone and I PROMISE as soon as I get my laptop in working order the first chapter up will be DDR (can I hear a "what what?"). I'm actually using the house computer to put this announcement up. And it SUCKS. Like I made ten spelling mistakes in 5 secs because it takes freaking Juggernaut strength to press the keyboard buttons. I swear, I was close to brewing a "Storm" up in here (I am full of ridiculous puns today XD) Till then I cannot post any new chapters for old stories. New stories I can start but I'd rather not. Have a lot on my plate. **

**I apologize again and thank you so much for still reviewing and fave-ing this story. Means a lot. And next time I post a chapter, it'll be DDR. Promise ^^**

**P.S. If you want me to answer your questions in your reviews PLEASE sign in if you have an account. It makes it easier for me to reach you and discuss these questions one-on-one. Thank you!**


	109. Pretty Overdue Huh?

**MY LAPTOP LIVES! Partially. The mousepad doesn't work. Thank God I have a Wacom drawing pad. **

**Anyway, here it is! The long awaited chapter! I hope this makes you all happy! (You better be happy…(You don't have to be!(But seriously…(Kidding! (Why are there so many brackets?)))))**

…

**ENJOY!^^**

_**DIAMOND DUST REBELLION**_

'We're filming another movie?' Ichigo asks. Urahara nods. 'Alright! Time for me take the limelight once again!'

'Erm, actually, this movie is more about Toshiro,' Urahara remarks and points to Toshiro.

'Pffft! What does this look like? Another episode on the "Barney & Friends Show"? I don't think so-!'

_WHAM!_

'Anybody else care to make a statement?' Toshiro says icily. Everyone shakes their head quickly. 'Good.'

'Wonder who'd play Barney?' Rukia mutters to Renji.

Gin walks in wearing the Barney costume with the head in his hands. He looks up. 'What?'

* * *

><p>Ichigo looks up at the Royal Family barge and parade decorations. He turns to Urahara. 'You were watching "Spirited Away" last night, weren't you?'<p>

'And what makes you say _that, huh_?'

'Hey, Urahara!' the prop manager says as he rushes over. 'Should we have the dragon as well?'

He points to the giant white dragon serpent puppet with a sea-green mane.

'...'

'You know, you don't understand!' Urahara says shrilly. 'The innocent love between Chihiro and Haku was damn _beautiful _and there is not a single love story that can compare it! Not even "The Notebook"! And I _love "_The Notebook"!'

**Just imagine a whiny teenager saying this. It makes more sense. And it's a hellava lot funnier**

* * *

><p>'Hi!' the blue-haired twin says brightly. 'I'm Ying!'<p>

'And I'm Yang!' the redhead says. 'Pleased to meet you!'

'Aww!' Rangiku exclaims as she rushes towards them. 'Well, aren't you _precious_?'

The twins smirk. They take a step to either side and stick their foot out. And trip Rangiku.

'WAAHHHH!'

_THUNK!_

'I take back what I said,' she mutters.

* * *

><p>'At this point in the movie,' Urahara explains. 'Ichigo comes into contact with a barrier and starts feeling about-'<p>

'You mean like a mime?' Ichigo asks and stands up excitedly. 'I've always wanted to be a mime! Check this out!'

He starts to press his palms around him like he is in an invisible box.

'Can we make it a real box?' Rukia sniggers. Ichigo glares at her. Then, he holds out a hand like he's holding a rope and a pair of scissors. He stands next to Rukia and cuts it. She frowns at him.

'What're you-?' she starts.

_BAM!_

'How did he-?' Rukia groans as a piano rests on top of her broken body. Ichigo smacks his fingers likes he's shaking off invisible dust.

'Where did that piano come from?' Urahara mutters as he looks up at the ceiling while scratching his head.

* * *

><p>'Toshiro?' Ichigo says in surprise as the captain stumbles in. Suddenly, the boy faints. 'Toshiro!'<p>

'Kusa…ka…' Toshiro mumbles weakly.

'You socked who?' Ichigo says in confusion.

'Who needs a sock?' Uryu asks, equally perplexed.

'Ice cold lemonade?' Orihime pipes as she walks in with a tray of it.

'CUT! Orihime, why are you even here? And lemonade doesn't even have anything to _do_ with socks!'

'Of course it does! Haven't you seen Fairly Odd Parents?'

'…something tells me it's not safe to drink that lemonade.'

'Or hygienic,' Ino mutters and pinches his nose.

**Anyone seen that episode of Fairly Odd Parents? Anyone? Anyone?:D**

* * *

><p>'Hand over Toshiro Hitsugaya,' Ying demands. Toshiro glares at them. Then, he suddenly turns on Ichigo and attacks.<p>

'Yaaaaa!' he yells.

Ichigo reaches for Zangetsu. And pulls out Kon. 'What the-_OOF!'_

The two go tumbling across the set and collapse in a heap.

'Told ya it would be funny to watch,' Yang snickers and high-fives Ying.

'And I thought Gin was bad enough,' Ichigo groans.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'In the next scene,' Urahara starts. 'The twins disappear and then-'<p>

'I get to punch Ichigo?' Renji says excitedly.

'No, not yet. Then _Toshiro _disappears so after that-'

'I get to punch Ichigo?'

'Not yet. After Toshiro disappears, Ichigo faints so then-'

'I get to punch Ichigo?'

'NOT YET. _Then_ Renji and Rukia show up to wake Ichigo and-'

'I get to punch Ichigo?'

'YES, Renji. You get to punch Ichigo. HAPPY?'

'Woohoo!'

'Why the hell do you want to punch me so badly?' Ichigo demands.

'Because I never get to punch _anyone_,' Renji whines.

'But does it have to be _me?!'_

* * *

><p>'What the hell is wrong with you?' Renji demands as he fists Ichigo's shirt. 'Why'd you let him get away?'<p>

'Hey, don't blame me! I didn't write a script full of plot loopholes!' Ichigo says indignantly.

'CUT! ICHIGO!'

'What?! It's the truth!'

* * *

><p>'I tried to stop him but he was chasing after these two weird girls,' Ichigo explains.<p>

'Ooooo, Toshiro's being a playaaa,' Renji says with a smirk.

'CUT! Renji, that was _not _in the script!'

'C'mon! That guy is more virgin that the main character in "40-Year-Old Virgin". And that's just sad!'

'HEY!'

'Just sayin' it like it is, Toshiro!'

* * *

><p>'He did mention something else,' Ichigo remarks. 'He said…"Kusaka".'<p>

'He socked who?' Rukia says in confusion.

'That's what I said!'

'Oh, for the love of…CUT!'

* * *

><p>'Flashback tiiiime!' Urahara sang. 'Time to make everyone look decades younger!'<p>

'Ha! No need to do it for Toshiro,' the makeup artist chuckles. 'He already looks like a little-!'

_KABLAM!_

Rukia whistles. 'Guess he wasn't there when Ichigo made the same comment.'

'I _knew _I should have thought twice about doing this movie,' Toshiro snarls under his breath and steps over the makeup artist's unconscious body.

* * *

><p>'Alright,' Urahara states as he walks around the set where Toshiro would be hiding next. 'Abandoned building, check. Sunlight streaming through broken windows, check. Sounds effects for chirping crickets and restless crows, check.' He puffs his chest out. 'Perfect! We're just one stereotype away from a creepy zombie movie. Except, you know, without the zombies.'<p>

'Sorry, guys,' the producer says to the horde of zombies-outfitted people behind her.

'AWWWW!' the all pout and limp away.

* * *

><p>'So this is the setup I have in mind for the front of the Urahara shop,' the prop manager exclaims and passes a snapshot to Urahara. The director takes a look at it.<p>

'Nope, I don't like it,' he sniffs and pushes the picture away.

'What' wrong with it?'

'That's an SUV van.'

'…_And?_'

'I'm more of a Lamborghini type.'

The prop manager smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'Then Renji says to Omaeda, "I used to think you were a reasonable man. But now I just think you're a…" and then I'm stuck,' the writer sighs.<p>

'Dumbass?' one writer suggests.

'Idiot?' Rukia adds.

'Airhead?' Renji chimes in.

'How about nothing?' Omaeda says hopefully.

'I know!' Urahara suddenlys says and snaps his fingers. 'We can call him pinhead! Because his hairstyle looks like the pointy end of a pin!'

'Great idea!' the writer says excitedly. 'I'll add it right now!'

'Hey!' Omaeda whines. 'That's really insulting to my demean-!'

'Shut up, pinhead,' Urahara says.

* * *

><p>'Why do I keep blacking out and turning up in weird places?' Toshiro wonders aloud.<p>

'Ecstasy tends to do that to you sometimes,' Rangiku sighs.

'Oh, rig-wait, _WHAT?!_'

'Or maybe it was Roofi. Hey, Toshiro, are you pregnant yet?'

'SHUT UP!'

**Don't do drugs. Or drug someone else. Like EVER.**

* * *

><p>'But then Kyoraku and Nanao find out that Kusaka is actually dead,' Urahara announces mysteriously in the board meeting.<p>

'YEAH! ZOMBIES FTW!' a guy dressed up like a zombie shouts as he stands up on his chair.

'Well, umm, he's not really a _zombie_…'

'He doesn't even work here!' someone from the crowd shouts. Urahara turns to the zombie guy.

'Do you even work here?' he asks in surprise.

'No,' the guy admits sadly. 'I just have a lot of feelings.'

'Yeah, okay, go home.'

**Mean Girls anyone? :3**

* * *

><p>Kusaka attacks Kyoraku with an ice attack. The captain easily steps out of the way.<p>

'CUT! Next scene!' Urahara yells over his megaphone.

'Wait!' Kyoraku exclaims and rushes to the ice sculpture caused by the attack. He rummages about the ice. Then, he smiles in satisfaction and pulls out a Budweiser. He cracks it open and takes a sip.

'I _knew _this was a good idea,' he sighs happily.

* * *

><p>'Captain Hitsugaya!' Hisagi yells. 'We've got you surrounded! Come out with your pants down!'<p>

'…what the hell did you just say?' Kira hisses.

'What? It was in the script!'

'Just keep going!' Urahara hisses. 'We'll cut it out and do it again later! Toshiro! Continue!'

'Right! I have no intention!' Toshiro says angrily and attacks.

'Don't do this,' Kira pleads. 'You'll be accused of treacle.'

'...'

'Jesus fucking Christ, CUTT! GIN!'

'It wasn't me!' Gin insists. 'I swear!'

'We finished changing up the script, sensei!' Ying exclaims as she bounces in.

'Just like you said!' Yang adds brightly.

'…'

'Okay, so it wasn't me _directly…_'

* * *

><p>'Seems like I'm always the one lying there on my bed, surrounded by visitors,' Ukitake says quietly as he gazes down at an unconscious Shunsui. Suddenly, Shunsui's eyes pop open.<p>

'NO! I DON'T WANT TO EAT KRISPY RICE SQUARES ON A HIPPOPOTAMUS!' he shrieks and jumps out a window.

'…'

'What day is it again?' Urahara asks Ino.

'Umm, Mon…day?' the guy says uncertainly.

'Oh, right, it's Scream About Animals And Food While Jumping Out Of A Window Day. My bad.'

'…do you, like, visit a mental asylum when you're hunting for actors?'

* * *

><p>'So wait, one of us had to die because only one person could control Hyounrinmaru?' Toshiro asks in disbelief.<p>

'Yup,' Urahara answers.

'What kind of warped Hunger Games rendition is this? All it's missing is a Peeta-Katniss love element!'

'Hmmm, well, Kusaka could-'

_'Don't even think about it.'_

* * *

><p>'Guess what? We finally get to see the Ouien, you guys!' Rukia says excitedly.<p>

'Really? Oh my God, FINALLY!' Ichigo says in satisfaction and follows her out the room.

'At least I get to see what I've been risking my life for,' Toshiro mutters.

'Here it is!' Urahara sings and holds out the tiny slab.

'…'

'That's _it?!' _Ichigo blanches.

'I've been risking my life for an object the size of a foot scrubber?' Toshiro snaps.

'Hey, hey, hey, don't underestimate its value!' Urahara says defensively. 'It works like a good foot scrubber too!'

'…okay, now I don't even want to _touch _it.'

* * *

><p>'Look,' Rukia whispers. 'It's Head-Captain Genrysusu Yamani Falafel.'<p>

'CUT! RUKIA!'

'What?! They practically sound the same!'

* * *

><p>'ACTION!'<p>

'Look, it's Head-Captain-_ACHOO!'_

'CUT! Seriously, Rukia?'

'It's not my fault! I'm allergic to Ichigo's stupidity!'

'HEY!'

* * *

><p>'ACTION!'<p>

'Look, it's Cead-Haptain…I mean, Head-Yaptain…Yamamoto Genty CornFlakes…it's the bald guy!'

'CUT!'

'Now what?! He _is_ bald!'

* * *

><p>'ACTION!'<p>

'Look,' Rukia murmurs. 'It's Head-Captain Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto.' Her eyes widen. 'I did it…I _actually _did it! WOOHOOOOOO!'

'Can some please catch Rukia before she escapes the studio?' Urahara groans over the megaphone. 'And _please _keep her away from the Doritoes before she starts…wait, too late, never mind…_ouch_! That's _gotta _hurt!'

* * *

><p>'And so, destroying him all over again was just too painful for Captain Hitsugaya to go through,' Rukia murmurs solemnly.<p>

'Wow, how do you know all that?' Ichigo asks in awe.

'Women's intuition,' Rukia boasts.

'You're a woman?!'

_SMASH!_

'Jeez,' Ichigo wheezes as Rukia sits on top of him. 'It was a _joke_. Can't you take a _joke_?'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'So Kusaka cuts the Ouien in half himself?' Toshiro asks in surprise.<p>

'Well, you could say,' Urahara smirks as he dons a pair of sunglasses. 'That he was "Ouien" Soul Society an overdue debt. Get it? Owing? "_Ouien"? _Huh? Huh?'

'Sweet baby Jesus…'

* * *

><p>'I am no longer a Captain, Ichigo,' Toshiro murmurs. Ichigo scowls. Then, he punches Toshiro.<p>

'You've tried to-!' he starts when suddenly the front door of the studio bangs open. There's a group of uniformed people from Children's Welfare standing in the doorway. 'What the-?!'

'There he is!' one of them shouts and points at Ichigo. 'GET HIM!'

'Huh?! What did I-OOF!'

'Hold him down!' another guy yells as they all pile on top of Ichigo. 'Ichigo Kurosaki, you are wanted for child abuse!'

'WHAT?! I didn't hit a child!'

'Oh yeah?! Then what do you call _that_?!' They point to Toshiro.

'HEY!' Toshiro yells angrily.

'CUTTT! SECURITYY!' Urahara shouts furiously.

'Hmph,' Gin muses to the twins, folding his arms. 'Not bad. Not bad at all. You two have seriously impressed me.'

The twin girls smirk mischievously and high-five each other.

* * *

><p>'I've learned that if you keep it all inside then it just makes you weak!' Ichigo growls at Toshiro.<p>

'Captain!' an officer says as he rushes over.

'Captain Hitsugaya!'

Captain Hitsugaya!'

'Aaalright!' Orihime yells as she jumps into the shot with a stereo. She presses a button and High School Musical starts playing. She starts dancing and singing. 'WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! ONCE WE KNOW THAT WE ARE, WE'RE ALL STARS AND WE SEE THAT-!'

'CUT! Can someone get Orihime off the-!'

'BLEACH CAST SING ALONG! YEAH YOU REALLY GOT IT GOIN' ON!' everyone starts singing and dancing along.

'Woohoo! Great job, everyone! Told you practice makes perfect!' Orihime cheers.

'…aren't you going to call security?' Ino asks Urahara.

'…why wasn't I asked part of a cheesy musical number?' Urahara says miserably.

* * *

><p>'So this is the power of the Ouien?' Kusaka laughs. 'And now it's all MINE!'<p>

Suddenly, Kenpachi runs forward, screaming with enthusiasm. 'YAARGHHHH!'

'AAAAHHHHH!' Kusaka screams like a little girl and goes running off the set and out of the studio.

'…'

'…Well, that was interesting,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>'So in this movie, Yoruichi is going to make an appearance!' Urahara exclaims.<p>

'Really?!' Ichigo asks excitedly.

'Wearing _clothes_.'

'AWWWW!' half the Bleach guys pout.

* * *

><p>'Captain!' Rangiku calls. Toshiro turns around. 'I brought this.' She holds up his haori. He smiles and holds it up. Then his smile disappears.<p>

'Uh, Rangiku?' he asks uncertainly. 'Why is this a…dress?'

'Because dresses are the new haoris!' Gin pipes in from behind Rangiku's shoulder.

'…where the hell did you come from?'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'Rangiku,' Toshiro murmurs. 'Watch my back.'<p>

'Yes, sir,' she says firmly.

'And I'll watch your front!' Gin says chirpily and glomps Toshiro.

'GET THE HELL OFF ME, GIN!'

'CUT!'

'Seriously, where _does _he come from?' Renji mutters, scratching her head.

* * *

><p>'In this scene it looks like those fire-lightning Hollow floaty things attack us nonstop,' Ikkaku says as he reads the script. Then he grins smugly. 'But we'll just use our zanpaktous and destroy them!'<p>

'Actually, it says here that they have regenerative abilities,' Rukia points out. 'So basically they can't die. Meaning we can't defeat them.'

'…'

Ino whistles. 'You guys are fuuucckkked.'

* * *

><p>'Yaargghhh!' Ichigo yells as he runs up the side of the palace built by Kusaka.<p>

'CUT!' Urahara calls. 'That was great yelling, Ichigo! It's a wonder you haven't damaged your voice.'

'I know, right?' Ichigo says proudly. Except his voice sounds like Batman from "The Dark Knight".

'…'

'….Shit.'

* * *

><p>Ichigo rushes down on support wires to land the finishing blow on the ice dragon. 'Hey, slow down! I might accidentally smack into the-!'<p>

_SMASH!_

'CUT! Seriously, Ichigo, if you wanted to cool down you could've just said so,' Urahara sighs.

'That was _so _not funny,' Ichigo mutters, mouth full of the plastic used to create the fake "ice" dragon.

'Would you like some ice for that burn?' Rukia snickers.

'And _that _was even worse.'

* * *

><p>'So Toshiro wins in the end?' Rukia remarks.<p>

'Yup,' Urahara replies.

'Because…he had the longer sword?'

'Yu-huh? NO! Because he was the true wielder of Hyourinmaru!'

'Yeah, yeah, but seriously, it's because his sword was longer so he pierced Kusaka first, right?'

'For the last time, Rukia, NO, it wasn't because of that!'

'Is there a sexual innuendo hidden somewhere in there?'

'NO!'

* * *

><p>'No matter what,' Toshiro murmurs as Kusaka dies in his arms. 'We will always be friends.'<p>

'Dude,' Rukia complains. 'I don't get it! That guy practically frames Toshiro for murder, stabs him, humiliates him, makes his friends turn against him and Toshiro's _still _insisting they are best friends? What gives?'

'Say, doesn't that describe the kind of friendship _girls_ have with each other?' Renji asks, raising an eyebrow.

'Pffft. That's something _completely_ different, Renji. Oh crap, here comes Loly. She used to bully me back in high school, that bitch. Damn, she's gotten fat.' She waves to Loly. 'Loly! It's me! Rukia Kuchiki! From Claire's High School? How you been, girl? OMG, you've gotten _sooo_ skinny!'

'...I give up…'

**Btw, seriously, this movie had a LOT of loopholes. Like how did Kusaka come to life again? Because he felt the radiation of the Ouien? (Which is pronounced as "Owe-ween". I couldn't find a Wiki-version of it sadly so I made due) **

**Seriously...**


	110. Episode 163

**YES I AM OVERDUE. SO SUE ME**

**Uni. Is. Bloody. HECTIC. I feel like I'm dying a slow death. And reading your reviews give me a reason to live. I haven't abandoned this! Getting time and inspiration is just hard -.-'**

**Anyways, enjoy!**

_**EPISODE 163**_

'Now, Orihime,' Urahara says slowly. 'I need you to run towards the door and then jump back because Menoly is going to blow it up. Okay?'

'Okay,' Orihime answers, determined.

'Alright. Aaaand, ACTION!'

Orihime runs towards the door. 'AAAAAAH-!'

_SPLAT!_

Urahara smacks his forehead.

'One thing,' he mutters. 'I asked her to do _one thing_…'

* * *

><p>'Wait, why doesn't my character just use the <em>door<em>?' Grimmjow asks, confused.

'Well, I guess you could say,' Urahara says smugly as he slips on a pair of sunglasses. 'He wasn't in the right _frame _of mind. Geddit? Frame? As in _door _frame?'

'…_why _did I even ask?' Grimmjow mutters and walks away.

'You're just jealous because I'm funny!' Urahara yells.

'HA! Now _that's _funny!' Ino snickers.

'Who's the one signing your paycheck again?'

* * *

><p>'Alright, so how are we going to cover this manga chapter in the episode?' a writer asks.<p>

'Oh, we'll just show Grimmjow blasting Menoly and kicking Loly,' Urahara answers. 'No blood though.'

'Um, why not?'

'Because we've got kids watching this show! We can't show them something violent!'

'I guess you've got a-'

'Oh, I almost forgot! Don't forget to throw in the word "bastard" a couple of times, okay?'

'…'

* * *

><p>'Very perceptive of you,' Szayel leers to Uryu. 'I am Espada No. 8 aka Szayel Apporo Grantz aka White Chocolate aka Shakira Boy aka Pink Sizzle aka Apporo Your-!'<p>

'Cut, cut, cut, CUUUT!'

'But I'm not done!'

'Thank _GOD _for that!'

* * *

><p>'I've just been toying with you because I've already analyzed all your strengths and weaknesses!' Szayel says triumphantly. 'For example, I know you have a fear of bagels!'<p>

'CUT! Szayel, what have I said about adding stupid lines to the script? Honestly, "fear of bagels"?! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever-!'

'Actually…'Uryu mutters. 'He's right…'

'…well, damn…'

* * *

><p>'Bring out Szayel's Fraccion for the next scene!' Urahara calls. His eyes widen. 'Alright, who the <em>hell <em>put those wigs on the Fraccio-is that _eyeliner_?'

'Hey, they're _my _Fraccion!' Szayel says sassily and puts his hands on his hips. 'So there's no way in hell I'm having my minions looks like an OD-ed Lindsay Lohan!'

Urahara smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'But first, I've got a little favor to ask,' Renji pants as he whirls his zanpaktou. 'See if you can manage not to screw this one up!'<p>

'Don't worry,' Uryu replies smugly. 'As long as _you _don't make any mistakes!'

'Oh, I won't! I'm just worried about you!'

'I'd be more worried about yourself!'

'Yeah? Well, you _do _mess things up a lot more!'

'Actually, that's _your _job!'

'No, _yours_!'

'No, _yours_!'

'Yours!'

'Yours!'

'Oh yeah? Then come at me, bro!'

'_No, _you come at _me_!'

'I will!'

'You should!'

'I am! YAAAARGHH!'

'CUT!' Urahara yells. 'Jeez, can someone pull them apart! This is so ridicu-!'

'Take your tops off!' Ino yells. Urahara stares at him. 'Look, I'm bored and there hasn't been a proper bitch fight in months. I'm desperate.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS ENDING CREDITS- Kansha by RSP<strong>_

'Bring in the cat!' Urahara calls. The producer places the cat on the set. 'Hey, that isn't our cat!'

'I just think we could use a bit of change,' the producer says. 'I mean, black cats are _so _last century!'

'…'

'…Okay, so I lost it. But it's not my fault! Cats are sneaky bastards! I bet it's plotting my demise right now!'

'That's absurd! Cats don't plot people's demise! They plot the end of the world.'

'Point taken.'

* * *

><p>The camera moves across the screen full of drawings as the stuffed animals march away.<p>

'What the-?!' Urahara sputters. 'Rukia, get the hell off the set! And stop drawing_ moustaches_ on all the Renji and Ichigo drawings!'

'But it makes them look slightly decent!'

'It's not their fault they still have the body of a prepubescent boy!'

'_We heard that!'_

* * *

><p><em><strong>ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO SOUL REAPERS<strong>_

'So I have to describe Ms. Yoruichi in this omake?' Soifon asks. Urahara nods. 'With clothes or without?'

'With-!' Urahara starts.

'Without!' all the guys yell as they shove Urahara aside.

'Shoulda seen that coming,' he groans as he lies on the floor, bruised.

**Oh, btw, I forgot to explain what blue balls were in a previous chapter! See, a guy gets **_**actual **_**blue balls if he doesn't get *ahem* a release of some sort. Hence the awkwardness of Szayel having blue balls as a sword hilt XD**


	111. Episode 164

_**EPISODE 164**_

'I thought I heard something,' one of Szayel's Fraccions comments.

'THEY CAN TALK?!'

'CUT! PESCHE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO STAY HIDDEN!'

'How can I hide this _sparkling _personality? Hey, that sounds like a great line! Can my character use it in the show?'

'NO!'

* * *

><p>'And then,' one of the writers remarks. 'Pesche says about Uryu, "How can I play the goofy comedic character without a straight man?"'<p>

Everyone in the room burst out laughing.

'It's funny because he's not straight!' Ino laughs, tears in his eyes.

'Great line! Add that to the script,' Urahara chuckles. He turns around to get a drink from the water dispenser. Uryu is standing next to it, jaw hanging. 'Hi, Uryu! How's it going?'

* * *

><p>'Dude, why is everyone obsessed with Pesche's butt in this episode?' Renji mutters, wrinkling his nose.<p>

'Umm, have you _seen _my butt in _action_?' Pesche says sassily. 'Hit it, Dondachokka!'

Suddenly, "Wop" by J Dash plays and Pesche starts twerking.

'…'

'Excuse me while I try to erase the last 2.5 seconds of my life…' Uryu mutters as he walks away in a daze.

* * *

><p>Renji throws his blade out and wraps both him and Szayel together with it.<p>

'Oooo, Renji,' Szayel purrs. 'Didn't know you were this kinky.'

'What?! NO! It's in the script! I swear!'

'Well, you have to buy me dinner first.'

'It's in the damn script, for God's sake!'

'CUT! Can we get those two out of there?!' Urahara pauses. 'They actually make a great couple, don't you think?'

Ino wrinkles his nose at him.

* * *

><p>'Do I <em>have <em>to scream a lot in this episode?' Szayel drawls in a bored tone.

'Well, you are getting burned alive,' Urahara points out.

'Listen, just take the sounds from one of my old independent films. It'll save time.' Szayel hands him a VHS.

'Hey! Are you a sailor in this one?' Urahara squints at the cover picture as he reads the title. 'Swimming in a Sea of Semen-'

He freezes.

'EWWWW!' He shrieks and tosses it at Ino.

'I'M NOT TOUCHING IT!' Ino yells and tosses it back.

'Boys,' Szayel sighs with a roll of his eyes. 'I need a real man.'

'Hey, does anyone know where Urahara is?' Grimmjow asks as he strolls in. Szayel looks him up and down and smirks.

'Well, helloooo, gorgeous.'

'Not again…'

* * *

><p>'And then Szayel grabs one his Fraccion and starts to eat him,' a producer says dramatically.<p>

'That's nasty!' Renji utters in disgust.

'Really vile,' Uryu voices in distaste.

'Yuck!' Pesche mutters.

'Are they carb free?' Szayel asks.

'…'

'What? I have to watch my figure as a villain, don't I?'

* * *

><p>'Each of Szayel's Fraccion is designed to be medicine in order to help him heal,' Urahara explains. Szayel raises his hand. 'Yes, Szayel?'<p>

'Which one is Viagra?'

'…'

'I'm just asking in case of an emergency.'

* * *

><p>'So my character is going to leave Renji and Uryu,' Szayel says slowly. 'For a <em>wardrobe change?' <em>Urahara nods. 'It's like this character was written just for me!'

* * *

><p>'Is Renji going to lie there on the floor for the rest of the episode?' Uryu asks.<p>

'Well, he doesn't really have any other use,' Urahara remarks.

'Point.'

'HEY! Ichigo is lying around in this episode too, you know!'

'I'm _dead_.'

'Oh yeah…'

* * *

><p>'I'm going to teach Ulquiorra a thing or two about stealing someone else's prey,' Grimmjow mutters.<p>

'You know,' Ino murmurs. 'If you listen close enough, you can almost hear the millions of fangirls typing up yaoi fanfics on these guys.'

**Brownie points for getting one out in such a short time?:3**


	112. Episode 165

**Exam. Stress. Blah. 'Nuff said. **

**Enjoy!**

**WARNING: Szayel and Gin. Together.**

_**EPISODE 165**_

'Do you actually think he went to change his clothes?' Renji wonders.

_CRACK!_

'I'm ready for my close-up!' Szayel sings as he holds out his leather whip while dressed in a leather thong, boots, gloves, police hat and black pencil tie.

'…'

'Too much?'

* * *

><p>'Halloween is cominggg!' Orihime squeals. 'I want to be something funny like Rice Krispies! Hey, Ulquiorra, are you going to be something funny or scary?'<p>

'Scary, of course,' he answers solemnly.

'Pfft,' Grimmjow snickers. 'Good luck with that.'

'I am scary.'

'No, you're not.'

'Yes, I am.'

'No, you're not.'

'Yes, I am.'

'Prove it.'

Ulquiorra stares at him.

'Like you staring at me is going to creep me out!'

'…'

'Dude, stop it.'

'…'

'Quit it!'

'…'

'I said knock it off!'

'…'

'Orihime, make him stop!'

'…'

'I'm outta here!' Grimmjow storms away. Ulquiorra looks at the rest of the nervous cast.

'I believe I proved my point,' he says curtly.

* * *

><p>'So I refuse to heal Ichigo?' Orihime asks about the next scene.<p>

'That's right! Because you don't want Grimmjow to hurt him!' Urahara explains.

'But then…won't Ichigo die?'

'No, he won't! He'll…well…uhhhh…'

'Damnnn, well, that's a major conundrum,' Ino whistles.

'Eh,' Urahara shrugs his shoulders. 'We'll just make Ichigo say something epic and throw in some over-the-top fight scenes. Works every time.'

* * *

><p>'Hi, Rukia, what's-why the hell is your nose bleeding?' Ichigo demands. 'And just what are you reading on your iPhone?'<p>

'Nothing!' Rukia replies hastily and tries to hide her phone.

'Give that here!' Ichigo snatches it and scans the screen. His jaw drops. 'Are you reading _yaoi_?'

'Maybe…'

'About me and Grimmjow?!'

'Well…'

'SERIOUSLY?! GROSS, RUKIA!'

'What's gross?' Grimmjow asks as he strolls in.

'Look what Rukia is reading! About _us_!' Ichigo shoves the phone in the bluenette's face. Grimmjow's eyes widen. 'Isn't it weird?'

'Well,' Grimmjow says thoughtfully, smirking a little. 'It would be. But I'm not the one who always the bottom.'

'…'

'Hey, Rukia, could you link me the website? I kinda like the one about cake.'

**Credit to The Petulant Prodigy's "Sour Cherry" story because THAT one about the cake was fucking HOT**

* * *

><p><em><strong>ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO SOUL REAPERS<strong>_

'And cut!' Urahara calls out. 'That was great, you guys! Rangiku, you really played the part of the perv snapping those raunchy photos of Hisagi and Kira! Speaking of which, has anyone seen those photos anywhere?'

**…**

'I'll trade you my Kira in a fundoshi for…Grimmjow sleeping naked in bed,' Szayels says professionally.

'Deal!' Gin says gleefully and hands him the picture. 'This kind of feels like the adult version of Pokémon trading cards. Except with naked guys in slutty poses.'

'Amen to that!'


	113. Episode 166

**Aaaaaand the adventures continue! Wow, this is a long one...**

_**EPISODE 166**_

Camera zooms in on Orihime clasping her hands in front of her chest.

'CUT! Okay, next sce-oh, for Heaven's sake, can we stop pointing the camera at Orihime's boobs?!'

The entire male crew stares at him.

'…Look, _somebody _has to be professional around here!' Urahara says helplessly.

'You've changed, man,' the cameraman says sadly and shakes his head.

* * *

><p>'I know it's pointless to tell you not to worry while I look like this,' Ichigo says gravely. 'But I'll-'<p>

'Awww! You look like a fluffy eagle!' Orihime coos.

'What the hell?! No, I don't! Urahara, of all the people, you had to pick-are you _laughing?!'_

'Gimme…a minute…' Urahara gasps in between laughs. 'Fluffy…_eagle_…'

* * *

><p>'Grind, Panthera!' Grimmjow yells. Suddenly, a whirlwind swirls around him at top speed. And tears off all his clothes. 'WHAT THE HELL?!'<p>

'Guess it really was "Pant-tear-a",' Gin snickers.

'CUT! Who the hell turned up the fans?!' Urahara yells in shock.

'Oops,' Szayel giggles.

'SZAYELLL!'

'CAN SOMEONE GET ME A PAIR OF PANTS?!'

_Snap!_

'INO, YOU LITTLE SHIT! IF YOU TOOK A PICTURE OF ME I SWEAR I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!'

* * *

><p>'Orihime, I need you to put up your santen kesshun to protect yourself,' Ichigo murmurs.<p>

…

'Orihime?'

…

'Helloooo?'

…

'Dude, why aren't you answer-?'

_FOP!_

The cardboard cutout of Orihime flops backwards.

…

'Hey! What scene are you guys filming right now?' Orihime asks brightly as she walks in with a boy bean lollipop.

'…weren't you supposed to be in this scene?' Ichigo asks, dumbfounded.

'Hm? Oh yeah, but I wasn't going to move in that scene so I just decided to get a lifetime supply of flavored lollipops at Walmart instead. Want one? It's curry-flavored!'

* * *

><p>'Wait, what the hell happened to us?!' Renji demands.<p>

'I'm using you as my sex puppets and trying out my latest toys on you,' Szayel says matter-of-factly.

'WHAT?!'

'He's kinda right…in a creepy way,'Urahara mutters thoughtfully.

'WHAT?!'

* * *

><p>The smoke clears. Grimmjow unfurls his deadly claws, his razor sharp fangs gleaming in the sun.<p>

'KITTYYYY!' Nel squeals and jumps on him.

'What the-?! Hey, kid! I'm not a-!'

'Awwww! He's so cuuute!' Orihime coos. 'Can I pet him?'

'Dude,' Ichigo sighs and pats a dumfounded Grimmjow on the back. 'You've just been labeled for life.'

* * *

><p>Rangiku and Mila Rose size each other up.<p>

'Nice boobs,' Rangiku says curtly. Then she smirks. 'For a nine-year old boy.'

'I could say the same for you,' Mila sniffs. 'Except, they've got bigger ones than you.'

'Surfboard.'

'Pancake.'

'Kristen Stewart.'

'You take that back!'

'Make me!'

'Ino!' Urahara says sternly.

'Huh?!' the intern jumps, guiltily holding up a camera. 'Look, Urahara, I _swear _I wasn't-!'

'Have they taken their tops off yet?'

'…no…'

'Dang it! Keep rolling! And make a copy if anything good happens!'

'…I love this job…'

* * *

><p>'HAHAHAHAHAHA!' Grimmjow guffaws. 'HAHAHAHAHA-<em>urk! <em>Hold up…_cough_…got a-'

'Hairball?' Ichigo says innocently.

'You are _so _not funny…'

* * *

><p>'Don't worry,' Ichigo wheezes after he takes the hits from Grimmjow's attack to protect Orihime. 'This is nothing.'<p>

_I would catch a Grenade for yaaa!_

_Throw my hand on a blade for yaaa!_

_I'd jump in front of a train for yaaa!_

'Whaaat?' Urahara whines. 'It was appropriate this time!'

* * *

><p>'You just don't give up,' Grimmjow growls. 'But that's the way I like it.'<p>

'Hate to break it to ya but you're looking kinda banged up yourself,' Ichigo rumbles back.

'Afraid not. I've never felt better in my life!'

'So…many…yaoi…puns…'Rukia moans, eye twitching. 'Must…make one…before…mind…explodes…'

'Rukiaaa,' Urahara hisses. 'Don't you _dare_…'

'But-!'

'I'll unsubscribe your Chappy comics supply!'

'Damn you!'

* * *

><p>'When he looks at me with those eyes,' Orihime whispers. 'It's like he doesn't even see me. Wait, then what does he see?'<p>

'Orihime, that's not impor-' Urahara sighs.

'Does he see noodles? Sometimes I see udon noodles floating before my eyes!'

'He seriously doesn't see any-!'

'Or maybe he sees his past flashing before his eyes where his mother sold him for a box of Laffy Taffy and he had to spend the rest of his life making spinach pancakes for octopus clowns!'

'…'

'Or maybe sees nothing. Right, Urahara?'

* * *

><p>'Then Grimmjow pirouettes as he hits Ichigo with his foot-' a writer explains.<p>

'Wait, say that again,' Grimmjow cuts in.

'Then Grimmjow pirouettes-'

'The third word.'

'Grimmjow…'

'After that.'

'Pirouettes…'

'Yeah. Uh, how about _no_?'

'But it'll be epic!'

'For a fucking ballerina! Do I look like a ballerina to you?'

'We'll get a restraining order for Szayel.'

'…so what else do you need me to do?'

* * *

><p>'You've reached your limit,' Grimmjow mutters, getting ready to attack.<p>

'And cue Orihime yelling-' Urahara whispers.

'GET ME A STRAWBERRY PICKLE SANDWICH!' Orihime shouts.

'CUT! ORIHIMEEE!'

'Heights make me hungry!'

Urahara smacks his forehead.


	114. Episode 167

**Hi everyone! So someone asked if I'm planning to do bloopers for the other two Bleach movies and yes I am! However, I'll do that as a treat for the winter holidays, probably Christmas, so until then, just be patient! Thanks so much for the lovely reviews! You guys brighten my day!**

**Enjoy!**

_**EPISODE 167**_

'Hollows consume human souls. And why is this necessary you ask? They do it to satisfy a hunger caused by the emptiness inside them,' the narrator says gravely as the camera pans out over the Hollows on the set.

'Wow, where did you come up with that idea?' a producer marvels.

'Be thankful you haven't had to take care of a pregnant woman yet,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>'And then, one of the Adjuchas wants to eat up Grimmjow as a-!' Urahara explains.<p>

'Who wants to eat up Grimmjow?' Rukia asks in confusion.

'I do! I do!' Szayel says excitedly while waving his hand in the air.

'…'

'Whaat? I'll share!'

'So when do I get that restraining order again?' Grimmjow mutters.

* * *

><p>'Oooo, Grimmjow, where'd you get that manicure!?' Rangiku gasps as she looks at his glowing claw tips.<p>

'Huh? They're not a manicure! It's Desgarron! My ultimate deadly technique!'

'I'll say! Check out how pointed they are! Say, do you think I could get them in hot pink? What's the name of the Vietnamese girl who did yours?'

'THEY'RE NOT A MANICURE!'

* * *

><p>'CUT! Okay, we're going to take a break right now!' Urahara yells.<p>

'Oh, boy! FOOOOD!' Edrad moans blissfully and attacks the refreshment table.

'Dude, Edrad, are you trying to become a Vasto Lorde or a Fatso Lorde?' Grimmjow jokes.

...

'My mama said it was all muscle, you big meanie!' Edrad cries out hysterically and goes running off set.

'…And he's supposed to be _my _Fraccion?' Grimmjow says sarcastically.

* * *

><p>'And then Shaw Long asks Grimmjow to eat them up,' Urahara exclaims.<p>

'Eat who up?' Ichigo asks.

Urahara's phone starts ringing. He picks it up. 'Hello?'

'Me! Me! Me!' Szayel pips gleefully on the other end.

'So much for that restraining order…'

* * *

><p>'I came here to defeat you!' Ichigo yells as he cuts through Grimmjow's Desgarron. 'And Ulquiorra! And Aizen! I'm going to take back Rukia! And Chad! And Ury-wellll….'<p>

'SERIOUSLY, ICHIGO?!'

'I just messed up my lines, Uryu! Everyone makes mistakes!'

'YOU ARE A MISTAKE!'

'WHAT DID YOU SAY?!'

'CUUUT!'

* * *

><p>'Seriously?' Grimmjow says in disbelief.<p>

'What?' Urahara asks in confusion.

'That's it? I get stabbed once and I'm defeated? Where's the logic in that?!'

'Well…'

'Ichigo gets stabbed more times than the average guy and I throw in the towel after ONE STAB?! What the hell does that mean?'

'Premature ejaculation?' Ino says helpfully.

'…'

'Whaaat? It makes sense since Ichigo gets stabbed multiple times but doesn't get exhausted whereas you get stabbed once so then, the one stabbing you is the one with premature-!'

'LALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!' Ichigo yells out.

* * *

><p>Ichigo stares at Grimmjow's unconscious body.<p>

'…you know, he kinda looks cute like this,' he murmurs.

'SHUT UP, KUROSAKI!'

'CUUUT!'

* * *

><p>Ichigo holds out his hand to Orihime. She smiles and gently takes it as they gaze off into the distance again.<p>

'Awww, that's so cute,' Urahara whispers. 'I wonder what they're thinking about right now. Probably something romantic.'

'_Shiiiiiit, when does this scene end? I think Gin put itching powder in my underwear. AGAIN!_' Ichigo screams inside his head.

'_I wonder if tartar sauce would taste good on pineapples?_' Orihime wonders.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS: OPENING CREDITS-<strong>_** After Dark by Asian Kung-Fu Generation**

A serene body of water.

Orihime dogpaddles across the screen with a snorkel.

'CUTT! Orihime, you're supposed to fall! Not swim across!'

'Why would I do that if I know how to swim?'

'_You _know how to swim but your _character _doesn't!'

'But if _I _know how to swim, then doesn't my character automatically know how to as well?'

'That's not how it-oh just forget it!'

* * *

><p>The camera zooms out showing all the Espada sitting at the table. And Gin playing paddleball.<p>

'CUT! GIN!'

'But I'm beating my record!'

'Do that somewhere else!'

'Fiiine.' Gin calmly walks up and stands in front of Urahara. Then he starts paddling the ball right into the director's face.

'98, 99, 100, 101, 102…' Gin says cheerfully.

* * *

><p>'Do I have to run this much in this episode?' Ichigo wheezes after a scene.<p>

'Of course! It's just part of this season's opening!' Urahara insists. 'Now, um, Ichigo, could you be a dear and stand on this weighing scale?'

'Sure, why-wait a minute…am I running a lot because you think I'm FAT?!'

'No, I don't think that at all!' Pause. 'The fans do.'

'WHAT?!'

* * *

><p>The wall breaks and Ichigo comes flying out.<p>

'YARRGGHH-wait, I can't control my harness! You guys, I'm going to-!'

_CRASH!_

Aizen tilts his head back into place after Ichigo sails by. He takes a sip of his tea. 'Ugh, can someone make me another cup? This one has gone cold.'

* * *

><p><strong>I do believe the next set of episodes is going to be fillers! Guess that means doing a couple of episodes all in one night. Joy…XD <strong>


	115. Shusuke Amagai Arc

**Hmmm so it took me a year to complete this…and I want to write novel *fake smile and thumbs up***

**I'm trying to update stuff now that I've got more time! Can't guarantee I'll have that once my semester starts. But thank you so much for sticking around and also much thanks to people who favorite and alert this while I was on an unexpected hiatus.**

**So not every episode is mentioned here but that's because I couldn't come up with funny scenes for all of them or if I did, they weren't funny enough and hence I edited them out. Hope you all understand!**

***throws confetti* Enjoy!**

_**EPISODE 168**_

'My primary duty as captain is to protect my men no matter what,' Shūsuke Amagai says gravely as guitar music plays in the background. 'Because that's what being a captain is all about.'

Everyone murmurs in awe.

'Oh yeah! Epic speech deserves an epic guitar solo!' Shūsuke yells and points upwards.

'Um, Shūsuke, that's not really necess-' Urahara starts.

'HOOK ME UP!'

Someone throws Shūsuke an electric guitar and he starts strumming a complicated solo while sliding to his knees and leaning backwards. When he finishes, he looks up and spreads his arms out. 'THANK YOU, SOUL SOCIETY!'

'…'

'Yeah, he's definitely going to be one of the weird ones,' a producer mutters.

* * *

><p>'Hi, I'm Shūsuke Amagai! The new 3rd squad captain for the show,' Shūsuke says cheerily.<p>

'Hiiii, I'm Gin Ichimaru! The previous 3rd squad captain,' Gin chirps and shakes hands with Shūsuke. 'Touch my Izuru and I'll rip your tongue out and feed it to my piranhas.'

'…'

'Can't wait to work with you!'

* * *

><p>Rangiku pulls out a bottle of sake from behind the counter. Then another. And another. And another. And another. And-<p>

'Jesus Christ, Rangiku, does Las Vegas live under that desk?' Urahara yells in disbelief.

'Of course not, silly! I have _waaay _more alcohol than Las Vegas!'

'…'

* * *

><p>'Here, captain,' Kira says as he offers a sake bowl to Shūsuke. 'I'll pour for you.'<p>

Shūsuke tenses as he looks at the bowl. 'Um, you don't have t-'

'Why thank you, Kira! How kind of you!' Gin purrs as he shoves Shūsuke aside.

'CUUUT! Gin, get off the set!'

'But Izuru and I are having a romantic date together!'

'Umm, we're…not…'

'Oh, how I love it when you agree with me, Izuru!'

'Help me…'

* * *

><p>'You did a very good job today, Kira,' Shūsuke says politely.<p>

'Uh, thank you, sir,' Kira replies.

…

'Shūsuke, pat Kira on the shoulder,' Urahara hisses.

'I can't…'

'Why not?'

'Gin is staring at me…'

'Well-'

'...and holding a knife…'

'-you don't _have _to pat Kira. Just…pass by…and run like hell…'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 169<strong>_

'Why do I have to wear this stupid veil?' Rurichiyo complains and lifts it up. She sees Ichigo.

'Hi! I heard we're going to be working together! I'm Ichigo Kurosaki! And you are?' Ichigo says politely with a smile.

She stares. Then turns bright red, stuff the veil back on and scurries off in the other direction.

'D'awwww! Someone has a big crush on Ichigo!' Rukia coos. 'Hey, Rurichiyo! What the hell do you see in him anyway?!'

'SHUT UP, RUKIA!' Ichigo yells.

* * *

><p>'Oh, oh, was the princess wearing a leather outfit, with spiky black boots and a whip and saying, "Who's hungry?"' Orihime says excitedly.<p>

'…Orihime, that's not a princess. That's a dominatrix…' Rukia mutters.

'…'

'What the hell have you been watching?' Ichigo whispers in disbelief.

'Just these movies Gin gave me! He said they were about how guys should treat real princesses!'

'…You know at times like these, I'm kinda glad you're clueless.'

'Thanks!'

**(what the hell do they get away with in this show?)**

* * *

><p>'This?' Rukia says as she holds up her phone. 'I'm trying to research on that princess and two soul reapers you saw!'<p>

She presses a button to load a page. And waits…

'FUCK THIS SHIT! It's slower than my grandpa getting out of a chair! Somebody get me an iPhone!'

* * *

><p>'Why is it so hard to find decent bodyguards for Rurichiyo?' Urahara sighs. In walks Enryu. His eyes widen. 'DUDE! You are RIPPED! You're hired! What's your name?'<p>

'My name is Enryu!' the big guy says in a high, girly voice.

'…Yeah, so, uh, by the way your character doesn't talk much in the series. Cool? Cool.'

* * *

><p>'You know,' Ichigo mutters. 'At some point fans are going to wonder why nobody notices the weird array of characters that mysteriously transfer to the school.'<p>

'Two words,' Urahara answers coolly and holds up a finger for each word. 'It's. Anime.'

'Point taken.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 170<strong>_

**(The artwork was SO BAD in this episode. Like the proportions were off like CRAAZY. My eyes hurt from looking at it…)**

'Ichigo!' Rukia yells as she blocks the assassin from hurting him. 'Don't look into the light!'

'I'm not dead yet!'

'What?! No, I meant literally! He's reflecting light rays!'

'…Oh…What the hell kind of power is that?!'

* * *

><p>'ICHIGO!' Urahara yells angrily.<p>

'What?!'

'Take those damn sunglasses off!'

'But how the hell am I going to fight this guy if he keeps blinding me with the light?'

'Use your intelligence and skills!'

'He's doomed,' Uryu mutters.

* * *

><p>'Their method is deadly and their skills are a force to be reckoned with,' Genryu describes seriously.<p>

'…they reflect light into your eyes,' Ichigo mutters sarcastically. 'That's _real _deadly.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 171<strong>_

'I have an emotional moment…about carrots?' Rurichiyo says in disbelief.

'I know!' Urahara huffs. 'I kept telling them to make it about peas but nooooo, they wanted to do it on carrots! Idiots!'

* * *

><p>'I hate the both of you!' Ruruchiyo cries as she runs out of the room.<p>

'Rurichiyo!' Yuzu yells as she runs after her.

'Yuzu!' Karin calls as she follows.

'Rukia!' Rukia pips. Everyone stares at her. 'What? I just felt left out.'

* * *

><p>'Kenryu and Enryu still treat me like I'm a child,' Ruruichiyo murmurs. Then she raises an eyebrow. 'I look like I'm ten-years old! I <em>am <em>still a child! That line doesn't even make sense!'

'CUUUT! Rurichiyo, now is not the time to be logical!'

'Are you implying that this show is illogical?'

'Yes! I mean, no! I mean…I'm the director! I get to confuse people!'

'Are we sure we're not treating the wrong person like a child?'

* * *

><p>'Alright! Bring in Kenryu and…' Urahara looks at the script and wrinkles his nose. 'Bob?'<p>

'I thought we could make it a bit more simple,' a writer remarks. 'Since the names are always so complicated and hard to remember.'

'That's not a bad idea!' Urahara beams. Then he turns to another writer. 'Change it to Enryu when you're free.'

* * *

><p>'Hey, what's a zanpaktou?' Kenryu asks.<p>

'It's basically a really powerful spirit in the form of a sword that you control,' Ichigo explains.

'Like your Zangetsu? Wow! I wonder what my zanpaktou will look li-!'

'Here's your Benishidare,' the prop master says as he hands a stick covered in flowers to Kenryu.

'I think I just saw your masculinity exit the building,' Ichigo says, trying to hide a smirk.

'Shut up.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 172<strong>_

'And cue Shūsuke asking for Shunsui's help-oh, for the love of God, SHUSUKE, STOP AIR-GUITARING TO THE BACKGROUND MUSIC!' Urahara yells.

'But that solo's got my name written all over it, man!'

* * *

><p>'I saw a shadow disappear down there,' the young Soul Reaper whispers.<p>

Suddenly, Szayel comes climbing up in only a towel around his body and one wrapped up in his hair.

'Ah! Now that was a relaxing dip in the Jacuzzi,' he sighs in satisfaction. He looks around. 'Oh, are we filming?'

* * *

><p>'Why does my zanpaktou has the word "poo" in it?' Kibune says, wrinkling his nose.<p>

'It's not "poo"! It's Repuu!' Urahara explains impatiently.

'What's going on?' Rukia asks as she comes up.

'Apparently _someone_ doesn't like their zanpaktou's name!'

'What's it called?'

'Repuu.'

'Dude, why does it have the word "poo" in it?'

'IT DOESN'T, OKAY?'!

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 173<strong>_

'We'll stay here in case Ruruchiyo decides to come back,' Uryu remarks.

'Lazy ass,' Ichigo coughs on the side.

'Says the guy who calls the ketchup stains on his shirt a design since he's too lazy to clean it.'

'HEY!'

* * *

><p>'We better split up and search for her,' Rukia says.<p>

'Wait, but isn't that how all horror movies start out?' Ichigo says worriedly.

'Ichigo, we're not in a horror movie.'

'It is when you turn a corner and see Gin standing in front of you with a camera and Roofies.'

'…I stand corrected…'

* * *

><p>'So Zaraki's bells jingle whenever Ichigo's near? Like he has Ichi-senses or something?' Rukia asks.<p>

'They don't sense Ichigo,' Zaraki leers and leans in close to Ichigo, grinning evilly. 'They sense _fear_.'

'H-H-Heeeelpppp…' Ichigo squeaks weakly.

* * *

><p>'Awwww! It's a little girls' tea party!' Rukia coos. Then she looks at Urahara suspiciously.<p>

'What?'

'…'

'What're you-oh. OH! No, no, no, no! It's not what you think!'

'…'

'I'm not into that kind of stuff! HONEST!'

'You sick, sick, pervert…'

* * *

><p>'RURICHIYO, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?' Ichigo asks as he fends off the little girl.<p>

'I'M RIGHT HERE! NO NEED TO YELL!' Ruruchiyo shouts.

'ALRIGHT! NO NEED TO SHOUT!'

'WHY ARE WE STILL SHOUTING?!'

'I DON'T KNOW!'

'CUUT!'

'SHUT UP!' both yell.

* * *

><p>'So the guards get beaten up…by a little girl?' Rurichiyo asks. Urahara nods. She throws her hands up in the air. 'What's the point of having guards?'<p>

* * *

><p>'Ichigo, what are you doing?' Rukia asks as she sees a bunch of guys piled up on top of him. Szayel walks in.<p>

'Oh my God! Is this a gang bang scene? Oooooo, me next, me next!' he squeals and jumps in.

'What the-?' Ichigo yelps. 'No, no, no, no, no, no-_oof!'_

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 174<strong>_

'We're running low on raw material,' Urahara exclaims gravely in his scene.

'Raw material? Oh! You mean like carrots and broccoli?' Orihime asks.

'Wha-No, no, Orihime! I mean reishi!'

'Oooohhhh! What kind of vegetable is that?'

Urahara smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'Spiritual pressure…' Ichigo murmurs as he looks up at Hanza. 'Just like before.'<p>

Hanza opens his mouth. 'Mmmf, fmmm, fmbl, mmphl, mm, mff.'

'Okay, so maaaybe it wasn't a good idea to have a scarf over his mouth,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>'This isn't the kind of inferior attack that you can defend against by simply turning and shielding yourself from the light,' Hanza chuckles. Suddenly, the light sputters out. 'What the-?'<p>

'Guess I forgot to change the batteries,' one of the prop master's mutters.

'Oh, the irony,' Ichigo says dryly.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>Ichigo reads the script. Then his eyes widen. He turns to Rukia whose eyes are equally wide. 'Dude…'<p>

'I know,' she whispers.

'Impossible!'

'But it's there!'

'What's there?' Renji asks curiously.

'Orihime is fighting,' Rukia exclaims.

'And actually being useful!'

Renji's eyes widen. 'Nooooo!'

'Yesssss!'

'It's a miracle!'

* * *

><p>Gyokaku Kumoi smirks up at Shu Kannogi.<p>

'I swear, every Bleach fan must be screaming "pedophile!" at that scene,' Rukia mutters and shivers.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 175<strong>_

**(Translation of Hanza's muffles words in bold)**

A producer holds up Hanza's sword.

'Please don't tell me you were watching tentacle porn when you thought of this,' she mutters to a writer.

'Pffft! NO!'

'…'

'…Oh come on! It's not _that _obvious!'

* * *

><p>'Bring in Hanza in his armor!' Urahara yells. Hanza toddles on and wobbles as he tries to stand still.<p>

'Mmph phot mpho phi mgpfhing phi,' he says angrily. **(You've got to be kidding me)**

'I don't think he likes the armor, Urahara,' a producer says uncertainly.

'Nonsense! He loves it! Right, Hanza?' Urahara says and slaps the breastplate. Hanza teeters backwards and falls with a loud thud.

'Mmp, mphat, mmhew,' Hanza groans. **(I hate you)**

* * *

><p>'I can smell it on you,' Ryu Kuzu murmurs. 'The stench of blood.'<p>

'Damn it! I told Ichigo not to spill barbecue sauce on my favorite cape!' Uryu curses.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPSODE 176<strong>_

'I have to bite into my steel sword?' Jinnai yelps in shock.

'Re-_lax_! It's not really made of steel! It's actually made of rock candy,' Urahara scoffs.

'Really? Gimme!' Jinnai greedily grabs his sword and bites into it.

_CRACK!_

'…except that one…'

'MY TEEEEETH!'

'Oh, come on! Not like you had many to begin with!'

'FUCK YOU!'

* * *

><p>'Indulge me, Quincy,' Ryu Kuzu says coolly. 'Where did you get that cape?'<p>

'Oh? This thing? Stitched it myself,' Uryu says boastfully. 'The design is all buttonhole stitching.'

'GET. OUT. I'm impressed!'

'Oh my God, please stop them before that talking about types of lace,' Ichigo groans.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 177<strong>_

'So the entire mist…is my body?' Ryu Kuzu asks.

'Yup!' Urahara nods.

'So then…' Rukia ponders. 'Does that mean that Uryu is inside Ryu-'

'LA LA LA LA! I'M NOT LISTENING!' Uryu says loudly, covering his ears.

* * *

><p>'What are you doing?' Ryu Kuzu says fearfully, constricted in Uryu's trap.<p>

'Say hello to my little friend,' Uryu says gravely.

'CUUT! Um, okay, Uryu? That's not in your script.'

'But it makes my moment of victory more superb!'

'Just stick to the script.'

'What are you doing?' Ryu Kuzu asks in horror.

'Reach for the skies!'

'CUUUT! URYU!'

'Come on! That was a good one!'

'What are you doing?' Ryu says hysterically.

'Why is the rum gone?!'

'CUUT! That one didn't even make sense!'

'But it's Jack Sparrow. Does he ever make sense?'

'_Captain _Jack Sparrow.'

'Whatever.'

**(Why yes. Yes, I am a diehard Pirates of the Caribbean fan and will scream like a little girl if I see Johnny Depp in person)**

* * *

><p>'You came from inside the wall?' Chad asks in surprise.<p>

'On the contrary! The wall came from inside me!' Genga laughs aloud.

'…'

'That doesn't even make sense,' Urahara mutters.

'…maybe that's why I failed English class,' Genga mumbles.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 178<strong>_

Hanza's face mask tears off as his sword consumes him. He looks at his transformation in bewilderment. Then…

'FREEDOOMMMM!' he yells in triumph. 'Now I can say whatever the hell I want!' He turns to Urahara. 'You're a stinky poophead!'

'He's lost it,' Ichigo mutters.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 181<strong>_

'You fell for it, lowly substitute,' the Rurichiyo-imposter chuckles darkly.

'Wait, Rurichiyo-!' Shu gasps.

'-IS A MAN?!' Ichigo shrieks. 'I KNEW IT!'

* * *

><p>'Okay, Ichigo,' Urahara says. 'When we release the avalanche of snow, count to three and then move out of the way.'<p>

'Got it,' Ichigo confirms.

'Right, ACTION! Release the snow!'

'MMMBBLLGGHH!'

'CUUTT! ICHIGO! I thought I told you to count to three and MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!'

'I did! See? One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three-'

* * *

><p>'I don't know if you've noticed,' Rukia remarks. 'But we kinda run like retards in the scenes.'<p>

'No, we-!' Ichigo begins to scoff. Rukia hands him her iPhone that's playing a scene of them running through the palace. '…damn we do.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 182<strong>_

'So I hand all control of my squads to Renji?' Byakuya says impassively.

'Yup!' Urahara answers.

'Why?'

'Because you trust him.'

'But he's an idiot.'

'HEY!'

'HA HA!'

'SHUT UP, RUKIA!'

* * *

><p>'Captain, can I speak to you?' Rukia says urgently. 'I'm Rukia Kuchiki of Squad 13. Is there any way you might consider hearing our side of the story?'<p>

'I'll tell you what? If you come quietly to our holding cell, I'll gladly-!'

'IT'S ALL ICHIGO'S FAULT!'

'WHAT THE-? TRAITOR!'

'CUUUT!'

* * *

><p>'Sever,' Amagai murmurs gravely. 'Raika!'<p>

'Awright!' Urahara whispers excitedly. 'Time for some act-what the-? Oh, COME ON? SERIOUSLY? MARSHMALLOWS?'

'Whaaat?' Amagai complains as he lines up marshmallows on his fire zanpaktou. 'I was hungry!'

* * *

><p>'You're a man of great insight,' Rukia praises Amagai.<p>

'A man of great insight, maybe,' Amagai laughs. 'Or maybe…a man of great EEEVAAAALLL! MUHAHAHAHAHA!'

'I take back what I said,' Rukia mutters.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 183<strong>_

'So what's the premise for this episode again?' Shu asks, confused.

'Well,' Rukia murmurs in thought, 'Renji and Iba are fighting it out in one area while in another Shuuhei and Ikkaku are having a showdown and then Kibune is harassing Rurichiyo in a birdcage while me and Ichigo are running around in circles with Amagai and in the meantime the entire Soul Society is hunting us down but nobody seems to be correlating since they are all busy fighting.'

'So…what are we all fighting for again?'

'If my calculations are correct I believe we're all fighting…for Ichigo's virginity.'

'WHAT?!' Ichigo shrieks.

'You're right. It's not that precious.'

'FUCK YOU!'

**(Can you imagine if that was actually true? 0.o)**

* * *

><p>'I may not understand why Ichigo and Rukia are acting so irresponsibly and without any apparent reason,' Renji says firmly to Iba. Then he pauses. 'Actually, I <em>never <em>understand why they act irresponsibly and without any apparent reason. They're just always making stupid decisions that make no sense. Wait, what was the point of this speech again?'

'CUUT!'

* * *

><p>'What if Ichigo's wrong?' Iba asks Renji.<p>

'We'll deal with it when the time comes,' Renji answers firmly.

'And his sentence will be…' Ikkaku adds.

'…_death_,' both of them say.

'Maaaybe that's a little extreme, don't you think guys?' Ichigo says nervously. 'I mean, maybe we can all put our swords away and have a friendly discussion about this over coffee and biscuits, eh?'

'Oh, for the love of-CUUUT! Ichigo, stop being a pussy!'

'But they're going to kill me if I'm wrong!'

'Ichigo, if that was the case you'd be dead from Episode 1!'

'HEYY!'

* * *

><p>'And the villain is…DUM DUM DUMMM! KIBUNE!' Urahara says dramatically.<p>

'Shocker,' Ichigo says curtly.

'It's the glasses,' Kibune giggles. 'Purple frames always did make me look…_naughty_.'

Ichigo shudders. 'Thank you…for that lovely, _lovely _image in my mind…'

'For _you_, Ichigo, _any time…_'

**(Brain, why are you so perverted that you project it onto other characters? Why? I swear, I'd be more perverted that Chizuru on this show)**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 184<strong>_

'The Kasumioji clan has tremendous power! All I want is to use that power to become stronger! Until I become the strongest Soul Reaper ever!' Kibune announces loudly. 'Are you serious? _That's _my master plan? How passé. Was everybody low on creativity when they wrote this filler? I thought these episodes were supposed to be entertaining!'

'Since when have fillers ever been entertaining?' Kira mutters.

'…point taken.'

* * *

><p>'Do you know how hard I worked to obtain my Repuu?' Kibune shouts angrily.<p>

'Dude, it's called constipation.'

'SHUT UP!'

'CUUUT!'

* * *

><p>'This Bakkoto utilizes my spirit energy which means it can grow endlessly!' Kibune says smugly. Then he sighs. 'If only it worked for my other body parts.'<p>

'What do you-oh!' Kira turns bright red. 'Dude, that's _nasty_…'

**(Oh, oh, oh! Does anyone know where my brain lives? Yup! In the gutter! Forever and always!)**

* * *

><p>'I now hold the key to great power!' Kibune shouts triumphantly.<p>

'Cut! Okay, next-!' Urahara exclaims.

'No, seriously, I hold the key to great power,' Kibune insists and holds up a key with a label saying "To Great Power" dangling from it.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS OPENING CREDITS: <strong>_**Chu-Bura by Kelun**

Ichigo throws a paper plane. Wind blows it back into his face.

'Pffft!' he sputters. 'Damn it! Papercut!'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'Alriiight!' Keigo cheers. 'Nothing says fun like fun in the-!'<p>

'BEACH TIME!' Orihime yells and everyone stampedes over Keigo.

'-sun?' he says weakly, footprints imprinted on his face.

* * *

><p>'On three, everyone throws their shoes in the air,' Urahara says to the Bleach cast. 'One, two, three!'<p>

Everyone throws their shoes in the air. Then they all come down.

'Owww!' 'Yeoch!' 'That hurt!'

'Probably should've warned them about that,' Urahara murmurs.

* * *

><p>'Then Renji attacks Byakuya in the opening credits,' Urahara explains.<p>

Byakuya turns to Renji. 'How dare you,' he says coldly.

'I'm…sorry?'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 185<strong>_

'You are through!' Kibune growls and throws his blade at Kira.

'Come on, Kira, you can do it!' Gin cheers from his stadium seat, waving a pair of yellow pom-poms in air. 'Kira, Kira, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can!'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'Even if you kill me, you have no future here!' Kira says angrily.<p>

'Hey, like my mama always used to say,' Kibune says casually. 'If all else fails, prostitutes make more money than teachers!'

'That's your-wait what? Dude, KIDS watch this show!'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'That's where you're wrong,' Kibune says smugly and throws his blade at Kira. Except he isn't there.<p>

'Down here!' Kira says as he crouches at Kibune's feet.

'Kira never said that to me before,' Gin sniffs. Urahara gives him a weird look.

* * *

><p>The Bakkoto envelopes Kibune's shoulders. He roars as he lifts his blade up.<p>

'You can't win,' he says in a hoarse voice. He wrinkles his voice. 'Is that my voice? Ew! Sounds like I ate Orhime's shark muffins with tartar sauce frosting!'

'CUT! And ew…'

* * *

><p>'What the hell?' one of the 3rd squad members says as he sees Kibune. He turns to his fallen comrades. 'You guys, wake up!'<p>

'Mmmm, yes, please, punish me, sensei,' one of them whimpers.

'Uh, okaaayyyy…'

* * *

><p>Kibune falls to the ground after Kira defeats him. Then, Gin walks onto the screen and hugs Kira.<p>

'Uh…Gin?' Kira asks, confused.

'I'm so proud of you, Kira!' Gin says tearfully. 'It's so heartwarming to know you've learned so much from my actions!'

'…You betrayed Soul Society…'

'That's my boy!'

* * *

><p>'Then Kibune is on fire…' Urahara narrates.<p>

'I SET FIIIREE TO MY CLOTHES!' Kibune sings as he jumps onto a table. 'WATCHED IT BURN AS I LAY ON STONES!'

'Jesus fucking Christ…'

* * *

><p>'Hold on, Captain Amagai!' Renji says as the captain gets ready to attack him. 'Ichigo and Rukia are close friends of mine!'<p>

Amagai turns to the other two.

'It's true,' Rukia agrees and nods. 'I always put beetles in his soup at dinnertime.'

'WHAT?!'

'It's a sign of true friendship.'

'NO, IT ISN'T!'

* * *

><p>'Damn, getting around them is going to be hard,' Ichigo whispers as he sees Rangiku and Toshiro guarding the gates to the Kasumioji household.<p>

'Not really. She can't see past her boobs and he can't see from under them,' Amagai points out.

'Dude, that's not in the scri-hey, wait you're right…'

* * *

><p>'I wonder what they're taking so long to whisper about?' Toshiro mutters.<p>

'Probably about my boobs,' Rangiku sighs as she adjusts her chest. 'Who isn't in the Bleach world?'

* * *

><p>'Wait, so Amagai just attacks Toshiro?' Ichigo says. 'Why not just talk things over like normal people?'<p>

'Uh, dude, we're skilled warriors,' Amagai says coolly and poses with his sword. 'We talk with our swords!' He strikes out and accidentally drops his sword on his foot. 'Owww! My pinkie toe!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 186<strong>_

'I'm glad we're back on the same side, Hitsugaya,' Amagai says gravely. 'This could've ended badly.'

'I'm glad you were mature enough to-' Toshiro starts.

'Because we all know ice loses its "cool" around hot stuff.'

Someone bangs on a pair of drums offset. _Ba dum tisss!_

* * *

><p>'Fortunately for me I don't need your forgiveness, you half-wit,' Kumoi hisses at Ichigo.<p>

'Kumoi, you're delusional,' Rukia snaps. 'About your plan, I mean. Ichigo really is a half-wit.'

'HEY!'

* * *

><p>'Wait, wait, I'm confused,' Ichigo says. 'Is Amagai a bad guy? How?!'<p>

'Why not? I'm so cunning! Can't you tell?' Amagai says smugly and tries to leave dramatically. Stubs his toe on a light stand and it topples on top of him.

'Oh, yeah, diabolical,' Rukia says sarcastically.

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 187<strong>_

'Now why would I want revenge against Yamamoto? He's just a harmless old man!' Amagai points out.

'Well, see he killed your father and-' Urahara explains.

'He killed my father?! I will have my REVEENNGEEE!'

* * *

><p>'Princess! Are you alright?' Enryuu says in a squeaky voice.<p>

'Oh my God, it talks!' Ichigo yelps.

* * *

><p>'That building just went down!' Rurichiyo says in shock.<p>

'It's going down! I'm yelling timberrr!' Orihime sings as she comes dancing onto the set.

'CUT! Can someone get Orihime off the-is that a giant panda?'

'Woaahhh! Woaaahhhh!' Orihime yodels as she does the do-si-do with the giant panda.

**(Kudos to anyone who's seen this Just Dance video XD)**

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 188<strong>_

'You know, if you really think about it,' Ichigo wonders aloud. 'I'm risking my life to save dead people. And I'm the only one who's actually alive.'

'Don't be absurd, Ichigo,' Urahara sighs. 'That doesn't even make se-wait…well, shit…'

'Plot loophole best left ignored?'

'Plot loophole best left ignored.'

* * *

><p>'So Amagai's zanpaktou controls fire?' Ichigo asks.<p>

'Yup,' Urahara answers.

'So did you-?'

'Yes, we have a bunch of fire extinguishers installed every five feet on the studio.'

'And also-?'

'And we have the firefighters on speed dial.'

'Wow, guess you aren't that dumb.'

'…I'll let that one slide since I'm in a good mood.'

* * *

><p><em><strong>EPISODE 189<strong>_

Amagai rises from the wreckage, glowing.

'Damn it, I knew it was too early to celebrate,' Ichigo growls.

'Awwww!' Orihime whines as she shuffles offset with a large cake.

* * *

><p>'Hey, Urahara? Maybe the reason Amagai's character did all those terrible things shouldn't have been to avenge his father,' Ichigo remarks.<p>

'Why not? It's not such a bad id-' Urahara starts.

'Amagai! Did you eat all the cinnamon rolls?' Rukia demands.

'How can you be so heartless, Rukia? My _dad _just died! I'm doing this because it's what he would've wanted me to do!' Amagai says tearfully.

'…I see,' Urahara mutters.

* * *

><p>Amagai and Ichigo face each other, panting, Amagai's Bakkoto is in ruins.<p>

_CRUNCHHH!_

Everyone stares at Rukia, her mouth full of popcorn. 'Whaat? I was getting hungry just standing around doing nothing,' she mutters.

* * *

><p>'So I just kill myself?' Amagai cries out. 'Can't I just…I dunno, bow out honorably?'<p>

'What's greater than taking your life for the right thing?' Urahara says proudly.

'Being alive, for one…'

* * *

><p>'Then Amagai and Kira share a moment…' Urahara explains.<p>

'They share a what?' Gin asks happily as he walks in splattered in blood and holding a bloody knife.

'They share…a completely normal goodbye from very far away,' Urahara says weakly.

'Great! Oh, sorry for my appearance! I was just painting the walls!'

'…with a knife?' Rukia mutters.

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS ENDINg CREDITS: <strong>_**Orange by Lil'B**

Orihime's phone beeps. She picks it up. Then she gasps.

'OH MY GOD!' she yells. 'Urahara, I have to leave! This is an emergency!'

'Why? What happened?' he asks in alarm.

'There's no more asparagus-stuffed Twinkies left at home!'

Urahara smacks his forehead. 'Sure, uh, if it's an emergency…'

'I knew you'd understand it!'

* * *

><p><em><strong>BONUS ENDING CREDITS: <strong>_**Gallop by Pe'zmoku**

Rukia looks up at the sun, leaning back further and further and…

'WAHHHH!' _THUMP!_

'CUT! Rukia, this is no time to be lying around! We gotta finish this shot!' Urahara yells testily.

* * *

><p>Rukia and Ichigo look at each from across the bridge. Then Rukia spits a watermelon seed at Ichigo's face.<p>

'Ouch! Jeez, what was that for?!' Ichigo snaps.

'Ha! Told ya I could do it! Now pay up!' Rukia whoops and extends a hand to Renji.

'Fine! Next time I bet you can't chug a pineapple at him!' he taunts.

'Oh yeah? Well, why don't we test that out now?' Rukia challenges.

'What?!' Ichigo yelps and slowly backs away. 'No, no, no, no, no…YAARGHH!'


	116. Episode 190

**Well, majority of this was a flashback hence the shortness of the chapter. I tried D:**

_**EPISODE 190**_

'Then Ichigo carries Orihime on his shoulder-' Urahara says.

'Lucky…' Uryu mutters.

'-and then gets bitten by Nel-'

'…that I'm not Ichigo!' Uryu says cheerily.

'Suuureee…' Ichigo mutters.

* * *

><p>'That is no way to talk to a lady!' Nel scolds. 'No matter what she weighs you always tell her she weighs as light as air! Even if she's a <em>hippo<em>!'

'Okay! Okay! Jeez, I'm getting dating advice from a 5 year-old…' Ichigo mutters.

'Least she knows more than you ever will,' Rukia remarks sassily.

'I know how to treat a lady!'

'Oh yeah? How about that time you smacked the door in my face?'

'That's different! Not like you're a lady or any-hey, Rukia, what's that you got hidden behind your back?'

* * *

><p>'Hurry up and die,' Nnoitra sneers. 'I want him for myself.'<p>

'That's a pretty badass line for Nnoitra,' Urahara praises. 'Who came up with it?'

'Oh, we just asked Nnoitra to use one of his pick-up lines when he goes to the clubs,' a producer explains.

'…oh-kay then.'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo!' Orihime cries out and rushes to help him. Suddenly, Tesla appears before her and grabs her shoulders.<p>

'Got yo-!'

'HEEYAA!' Orihime propels him over her shoulder and into the ground. 'Oh my God, I'm so sorry! Reflex actions when I meet perverts!'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'You know what would be really cool to tattoo on my tongue?' Nnoitra wonders aloud.<p>

'What?' Grimmjow asks.

'A middle finger. So I'm flipping you off _and _sticking my tongue out at you.'

'How mature of you…'

* * *

><p>'Y'know, Grimmjow,' Szayel says casually. 'You'll be lying in the sand in this episode and will probably get some in your pants which can be <em>really <em>uncomfortable. Maybe you should take them off-'

'Not in a million years, bub,' Grimmjow growls.

'Damn it…'


	117. Episode 191

_**EPISODE 191**_

'The palace and I are one,' Szayel leers. 'Beign inside the palace is the same as being inside my own bod-'

'Ewewewewewew,' Uryu chants as he twitches.

'Dude, I CANNOT believe you just said that,' Renji whines as he does the same.

'Oh, come on!' Szayel pouts. 'It's not THAT bad.'

'YES. IT IS,' both deadpan.

* * *

><p>'I am <em>invincible <em>in this palace,' Szayel says grandly.

_THWACK!_

'EEEEEP!'

_SPROINGG!_

'Huh,' Gin remarks, tossing an axe in his hand while lay embedded in a pillar right above a profusely sweating Szayel's head. 'I normally never miss. Maybe if I try again-!'

'NO!' Szayel shrieks.

'CUT! GIN, THAT WASN'T A CHALLENGE!'

* * *

><p>'So Szayel is going to swallow his sword but we're just thinking of doing a CGI image of tha-' Urahara explains.<p>

'No need,' Szayel yawns. 'I've had plenty of practice swallowing long objects so it won't be a problem.'

'…and that was one thing I could've lived without ever knowing about.'

* * *

><p>'No,' Pesche says in horror as he watches Szayel releases his zanpaktou.<p>

'Impossible,' Dondachakka cries out.

'Unbelievable,' Uryu murmurs, shocked.

'Oh my God, he's fat!' Renji gasps. Everyone stares at him. 'What? It's true.'

'You didn't have to be so obvious about it, you big meanie!' Szayel wails and toddles away. He gets stuck in the studio door. Then he wiggles out and keeps toddling while crying.

…

'Szayel does know he's only wearing a fat suit, right?' a producer mutters.

* * *

><p>'Unhhh, ahhh, ohhh,' Szayel moans as his Resurreccion squelches to life.<p>

'Sweet baby Jesus, make it stop,' Renji groans as he closes his ears and turns bright red.

'I swear if Pesche wasn't here I'd think I was in a porno,' Uryu mutters and closes his ears and eyes.

'Yeah!' Pesche agrees. Then he frowns. 'Wait, what's that supposed to mean?!'

* * *

><p>'Now you tell me! I thought you guys were trying to leave me out on purpose!' Pesche whines.<p>

Uryu tugs the hanging strip of cloth on Pesche's loincloth. 'I'd like to leave you out of-OH MY GOD, PESCHE, PUT ON AN UNDERWEAR!'

'I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know you were going to be so forward and try to undress me!'

'I WASN'T TRYING TO BE FORWARD!'

'But you were trying to undress me…'

'I WASN'T TRYING TO DO THAT EITHER!'

* * *

><p>'So we're going to fight dopplegangers of ourselves? How cool!' Renji whoops.<p>

'I feel sorry for the poor sap who has to play you,' Ichigo snickers.

'HEY!'

'Now, Ichigo,' Urahara tuts. 'That's not a very nice thing to say.'

'Thank you, Urahara,' Renji says graciously.

'And besides, we couldn't find anyone gullible enough to play them so we're just planning to digitalize their dopplegangers.'

'…I hate you…'

* * *

><p>'Obviously I watched your battle with Grimmjow so I know your every move,' Nnoitra sneers at Ichigo.<p>

'CHEATER! CHEATER! PANTS ON FIRE!' Orihime yells.

'CUT! Orihime, that's not your line! And that rhyme is for liars, not cheaters!' Urahara yells, aggravated.

'Oh! Sorry, Urahara!'

'That's fine! From the top! Aaaand ACTION!'

'Obviously I watched your battle with Grimmjow so I know your every move,' Nnoitra remarks arrogantly.

'CHEATER! CHEATER! PANTS ON A HEATER!'

'Sweet baby Jesus…'

* * *

><p>'Nel is actually a former Espada-' Nnoitra says.<p>

'NO, I'M NOT!' Nel wails.

'CUT! Nel, you're not _really _a-' Urahara tries to explain.

'ICHIGO MADE ME DO IT!'

'Wait, WHAT!?' Ichigo yells, surprised.

'Kids grow up so fast these days,' Rukia sniffs and wipes a tear away.


	118. Episode 192

**Wow! There are almost 400 faves on this story! ****Thanks, you guys! **

***throws confetti* Enjoy!**

_**EPISODE 192**_

'I haven't seen you in a while but it seems to me you're still as deceiving as ever,' Nnoitra drawls. 'You got them all tricked into believing you really need hel-'

'WAAHHH! IT'S TRUE!'

'CUT! Jeez, can someone get Nel to-!'

'Nel was using everyone so she could secretly steal the chocolate hidden inside Mr. Muffincakes without Urahara knowing it!'

'THAT WAS YOU!?'

'So that's why he loves that stuffed animal so much,' Ichigo mutters.

* * *

><p>'Why are there so many damn flashbacks in these episodes?' Ichigo grumbles.<p>

'Because we're just really lazy and don't know what else to fill up the 20 minute episode with,' Urahara says.

'HA! That's funny. Now what's the real reason?'

'…because we're just really lazy and don't know what else to fill up the 20 minute episode with?'

'…oh.'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo, please believe Nel,' Nel says pitifully. 'Nel would never lie to you. Ichigoooo…'<p>

'CUT!'

'Wait, why?' the cameraman asks, confused. 'That was going so well-are you _crying?'_

'Don't look at me!' Urahara says thickly as he hastily wipes away the tears. 'I'm not the only one!'

'Does anybody have a tissue?!' Nnoitra yells angrily while rubbing his eyes. 'I, uh, got dirt on my shoes!'

* * *

><p>'I won't let you touch her!' Ichigo yells.<p>

'Ha! Don't make me laugh,' Nnoitra remarks and lifts his Santa Teresa to strike.

'But I did.'

'Huh?'

'I made you laugh!'

'No, you didn't!'

'But you said "HA!" just now.'

'That wasn't a laugh!'

'Well, I guess you're a liar then.'

'We're seriously doing this right now?'

* * *

><p>'Waaahhh!' Nel yelps as she goes flying when Nnoitra attacks Ichigo.<p>

'CUT! And moving onto the next scene!' Urahara instructs over his megaphone.

'Hey, is Nel alright?' Nnoitra says gently and picks her up. 'Would Nel like some candy? There we go! No, need to cry! You're so adorable!'

'Thank you, Mr. Nnoitra!' Nel giggles.

'Wow, that is so-' Ichigo starts.

'Cute?' Rukia suggest.

'-Creepy.'

'Thank _God. _I would've freaked out if you called Nnoitra "cute".' They both shudder.

* * *

><p>'Yo! Apparently the studio is hiring Nel's older sister to play her Espada persona,' Renji says.<p>

'I bet she's just as annoying as-!' Ichigo chuckles.

'Hello?' says a voice behind them. Both guys turn and their jaws drop when they see older Nel. 'Does anyone know where the dressing room is? I need to change into my outfit.'

Both point down the hall, jaws still hanging. Older Nel smiles. 'Thanks!' she says cheerily and walks away.

Renji and Ichigo look at each other. Then go sprinting down the hall.

'Boys,' Rukia mutters with a roll of her eyes.

* * *

><p>'Hey! Everyone! Meet older Nel!' Urahara says. 'By the way, older Nel, meet Nnoitra! You guys are sworn enemies in this series.'<p>

'Oh!' older Nel blushes as she sees Nnoitra. She shyly pushes a strand of hair behind her ear. 'H-Hey.'

'Ummm, hey,' Nnoitra says nervously and twiddles his thumbs.

'Please tell me this isn't happening,' Ichigo deadpans.

'If only,' Tesla sighs and gazes longingly at Nnoitra. Ichigo wrinkles his nose and slowly backs away from him.

* * *

><p>'And then older Nel is going to stand here and try to deliver a-!' Urahara says.<p>

'Hey, how come we always call her "older Nel"?' Ichigo points out.

'What's wrong with it?'

'Well, it's kinda a mouthful to say.'

'Well, everyone on set has some kind of nickname. For example, I call you Fruit Loops.'

'Oh, oka-wait, WHAT?!'

* * *

><p>'That wasn't Ichigo's spiritual pressure but it definitely had an intense output,' Renji murmurs. The camera zooms in on Szayel's smiling face.<p>

'I know who it is! I know who it is!' he chants in a singsong voice.

'CUT! SZAYEL!'

'But I do know who it is!'

'That's not the point!'

* * *

><p>'So I get to hug Nel?' Ichigo asks slowly.<p>

'Yeah, she basically hugs you _real _tight so that you're pressed right up against her and-Ichigo, what are you writing?'

'My will.'

'Why?'

'Because I'm about to die a happy man.'

'Jesus Christ…'


	119. Episode 193

**Oh! I forgot to explain why Grimmjow said 'bub' although it did lead to many wanting to pair him up with Wolverine hehhhe would've been a "dicey" relationship (Just stop it. You already make enough stupid puns in this story...)**

**Well I'd just watched X-men: Days of Future Past and LOVED IT. Guess I couldn't "cut" it out (Seriously stop...)**

**Anywaysss *throws confetti* Enjoy! **

**WARNINGS: Szayel. Yup.**

_**EPISODE 193**_

'Make sure to make Renji's doppleganger's nose a little wonky,' Urahara tells the graphic designer. 'Like a parrot's.'

'HEY!' Renji retorts angrily. 'I do not have a nose like a-!'

Urahara puts a mirror in his face.

'…Shut up.'

* * *

><p>'Oh my God! Everyone's doppleganger looks so much like them!' Pesche squeals. Then he squints at his design. 'Wait, why does mine wear <em>pants<em>? I don't wear pants!'

'Unfortunately,' Uryu mutters.

'I heard that!'

'Can't he just wear pants, Urahara?'

'I heard that too!'

'Well, then do something about it and wear some goddamn pants!'

'But I like the freedom!'

'Well, nobody else does!'

'Oh yeah? Says who?!'

'US!' the entire studio booms.

'Okay, okay! Jeez! No need to get your panties in a twist…'

* * *

><p>'So I trick all of them into destroying the roof onto themselves?' Renji says. Urahara nods. 'Oh yeah! Guess you can say I know how to "bring the house down".'<p>

'Please don't,' Rukia groans and facepalms herself.

* * *

><p>'Wow! There are so many Pesches!' Pescha exclaims.<p>

'And Dondachakkas!' Dondachakka adds.

'Can you imagine a world filled with us?' Pesche says excitedly.

Uryu and Renji look at each other and shudder.

'Why does that scare me more than The Ring?' Renji mutters.

'Please, I'll have the Grudge chasing me any day than face a world full of those idiots,' Uryu mutters back.

* * *

><p>'<em>That's <em>my throne?' Szayel says in disgust. 'Who do I look like? Morticia Adams? Can we at least get a pillow for this sorry excuse for a seat? My ass deserves better services!' He slides up to Grimmjow and waggles his eyebrows. 'And I do mean "better services".'

'Can't I kill him like I killed Luppi in this show?' Grimmjow growls behind gritted teeth.

* * *

><p>'It just came to me, Pesche! We've been acting like complete idiots so far!' Dondachakka exclaims.<p>

Renji suddenly walks into the shot, slow clapping. He stares at the camera. 'What? I just thought he deserved a standing ovation for that brilliant realization.'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'Hey, Szayel! I heard they had to change your zanpaktou's name to a different one. What was it before that?' Ichigo asks as he drinks a can of Mountain Dew.<p>

'Yes, it was such a shame! Such a unique name as well! It was Fornicaras,' Szayel sighs.

Ichigo spits out his drink. 'It was WHAT?!'

'Forni-!'

'DON'T SAY IT AGAIN!'

* * *

><p>'So my zanpaktou can produce dolls that I can use to control people and make them do whatever I want?' Szayel asks excitedly.<p>

'Well, yeah, but not in-!' Urahara starts to explains. Szayel grins evilly.

'Yoohooo! Grimmjow! I want to show you something positively smashing!' he sings as he goes prances out of the studio. A producer comes up to Urahara and stands next to him.

'He doesn't know its fake, does he?' the man asks.

'Nope,' Urahara sighs.

* * *

><p>'What's it for?' Uryu asks suspiciously.<p>

'Well, this doll has many uses and far too many for me to explain,' Szayel leers. Then he starts giggling like mad. 'I'm sorry. That line just reminded ,e of what I used to do with dolls backs in the day.'

Uryu and Renji slowly inch away as Szayel continues to chuckle to himself.

'…I don't think I even want to touch those now,' the prop manager whispers fearfully.

* * *

><p>'So this jar is full of your organs?' Ichigo asks as he looks inside it.<p>

'That's the idea,' Uryu remarks. 'Ichigo, what are you looking for in there?'

'Your virginity.'

'Ha. Ha. Ha. You are _soooo_ funny…'


	120. Episode 194

**Btw, I'm a big supporter of NelNnoi. In case you couldn't tell. I'm also a NnoiTes shipper. So I guess you can say I'm confused hehe**

_**EPISODE 194**_

'Master Neliel is a boulder,' Tesla says solemnly. 'And any boulder that obstructs Master Nnoitra's blade, must be destroyed.'

'CUT! That was great acting, Tesla!' Urahara praises.

'I wasn't acting.'

'…oh-kay then.'

* * *

><p>'This line doesn't even make sense,' Nnoitra grumbles. '"Carrying your weapon around is an empty threat. If you want to appear dangerous you'd put it away." Where the fuck would I "put it away"? Down my pants?!'<p>

'Well,' Urahara wonders. 'I mean, we _could _put that in the sho-'

'Don't even think about it,' Nnoitra growl.

* * *

><p>'You mean we were respectable Fraccions at one point?' Pesche asks in shock.<p>

'Wow! Guess we weren't always idiots!' Dondachakka exclaims.

Renji walks in slow clapping. He looks at everyone. 'Whaaat?'

* * *

><p>Nel falls to the ground, defeated. Silence falls over the scene.<p>

'Woooo! Go, Nnoitra!' Tesla cheers in the back.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'I don't remember us ever joining forces,' Nnoitra recites from as his script as he practices. 'I took advantage of you. That's all there was to it.'<p>

'Oh, baby, if you wanted to get rough all you had to do was ask,' Szayel purrs.

'Where's my zanpaktou when I need it…'

* * *

><p>'We must shield Master Neliel with our lives,' Pesche says quietly. 'As our final duty to her.'<p>

_SNIFFF!_

'Uryu, are you crying?' Urahara asks in surprise.

'No!' Uryu huffs and dries his eyes. 'Damnit, I never thought an idiot would make me cry one day.'

'HEYY!' Pesche whines.

* * *

><p>'BawaBawa lives inside me?!' Dondachakka shrieks.<p>

'Huh,' Pesche remarks while scratching his head. 'Somehow that seems awfully similar to having a tapeworm live inside you.'

'No, it isn't!' Urahara insists. 'It's one of the spirit bugs that are part of his powers as a Fraccion!'

'Uh huh. So a tapeworm.'

* * *

><p>Szayel looks at Pesche's snot all over his glove. He licks it.<p>

'EEWWWWW!' everyone on set squeals.

'What? It's just apply jelly. Jeez, sometimes I think you all forget this isn't a real show.'

* * *

><p>'And if Master Neliel wants to fight,' Pesche growls while on top of BawaBawa. 'Then we'll be right there by her side!'<p>

'Wow!' Renji whistles. 'Pesche sounds so warrior-like and serious when he-!'

'YAARGHHH!' Pesche screams as he slips and crashes to the ground. 'I'm alright! Hey, does anyone know where my loincloth went?'

'Or not,' Renji groans.


	121. Episode 195

**Did we just reach 1500 reviews?! NO WAY! Thanks, you guys! Now just one more to fave this to get a perfect 400 faves! WHOOOO! This is a good start to the summer holidays!**

***throws confetti* Enjoy!**

_**EPISODE 195**_

Nel holds up her blade.

'Look at my blade,' she says. 'Now look at me. Now back at my blade. Now back at me. Sadly, it isn't me. But when I release it, it can be. Oh, look, I'm a goat.'

'CUT! But very well done though…'

* * *

><p>Pesche pulls out his sword from his loincloth.<p>

'OH GROSS!' Szayel shrieks and covers his eyes.

'Come on! It's not that bad!' Pesche whines.

'Dude,' Renji says gravely. 'If Szayel says it…then it must be bad…'

'…damn, you're right…'

* * *

><p>'Are you guys sure that's appropriate for broadcast television?' Uryu remarks.<p>

Everyone gasps.

'What?' Uryu asks.

'You broke the Fourth Wall!' Ino scolds.

'But it's-!'

'NEVER BREAK THE FOURTH WALL!'

* * *

><p>'This is your sword Ultima,' the prop manager explains to Pesche. 'You can turn it on and off by clicking this button.'<p>

Pesche looks at the prop. He presses the button. It glows blue. Then he turns it off. 'Hehehe,' he giggles. 'Ultima on. Ultima off. Ultima on. Ultima off. Ultima-'

'You should've waited until we got on set,' Urahara groans. 'Now he's going to keep making stupid-'

'Check this out! Uryu, I am your father.'

'Jesus Christ…'

* * *

><p>'Well, let me tell ya!' Pesche says angrily to Uryu about his sword. 'My <em>thing<em> is a lot harder than _your _thing and-!'

'CUT! Pesche, you seriously can't be saying that on screen!' Urahara says angrily. 'Now we gotta do that all over again!'

'Uh, actually this is the last roll of film we got for the day,' the cameraman groans.

'Damnit! Fine! We'll just cut out the rest and do a spontaneous comedy interval! By the way, who wrote that in the script?'

_**Meanwhile…**_

'Hmmmm wouldn't it be nice to make Ichigo declare his undying love to Kenpachi in a scene?' Gin wonders aloud, tapping a pen to his mouth. 'What do you think?'

'Mmphg!' the writer screams behind a gag.

'It is a great idea, isn't it?' Gin happily pens it down. Then he looks up and smirks. 'Missed me?'

* * *

><p>'We have a super powerful cannon move?' Dondochakka says excitedly.<p>

'Bet it's called the Super Awesome Bullet of Destruction!' Pesche squeals.

'Actually it's called Cero Sencritico,' Urahara remarks.

'…I prefer Super Awesome Bullet of Destruction.'

* * *

><p>'Aw yeah! I'm back, bitches!' Rukia cheers.<p>

'Umm, actually, you'll just be lying around in this episode,' the producer exclaims.

'What? But what's the point? I'm useless then!'

'How's that different from all the other times?' Ichigo sniggers.

_SLAM!_

'SAY THAT TO MY FACE NEXT TIME!' Ichigo doesn't move. She nudges him with her toe. 'Huh. Guess he can't.'

* * *

><p>'So what do I have to say in this episode?' Orihime asks.<p>

'You have to say Ichigo's name over and over again because you're worried about him,' Urahara explains.

'But I'm not worried about him.'

'No, no, no, in this episode you are.'

'I'm actually more worried about my pickled strawberries. Can't I just say "pickled strawberries" instead?'

'Ichigo's not a pickled strawberry.'

'Or _is _he?'

'No, he-wait…maaybeee…'

* * *

><p>'You look like you could use some help,' Kenpachi grins. 'Ichi-'<p>

'I love you!' Ichigo cries out.

Kenpachi blinks. Then he scowls. 'WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO ME?!' he roars.

'What?! No, no, no, it's in the script! I swear it's in the-AAAAHHHH!'

'I knew it was a good idea!' Gin says giddily while clapping his hands and jumping up and down.


	122. Episode 196

**Since I've reached TWO milestones I feel like I owe everyone a treat (Thank you draco2). So yes, I will do a Bleach movie! But that won't be until next weekend since I'll be doing a lot of travelling till then. But hang in there! At least it's within sight, right?**

***throws confetti* Enjoy! **

_**EPISODE 196**_

'Oh my Gawwwddd!' Rukia squeals. 'Byakuya is coming to my rescue! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!'

She suddenly faints.

'Eh,' he says with a shrug of his shoulders. 'At least she's ready for the next scene. AAAND ACTION!'

* * *

><p>'And Kenpachi is going to fight Nnoitra!' Urahara says. Nnoitra and Kenpachi squint their eyes at each other.<p>

'You look like a toothpick I use to clean my teeth after I demolish my victims,' Kenpachi sneers.

'Oh yeah? Well, you look like my grandmother after a bad night of bingo,' Nnoitra leers.

'You know I never thought I'd want to kick someone's ass more than I've wanted to kick Ichigo's.'

'Really? I've always wanted to smash his face into the floor.'

'That's actually a brutally brilliant idea. I like to go for a threat before I crush him. Makes him scream like a girl every time.'

'Impressive. What else you got? Wanna get a beer while we're at it?'

'Sure.'

'Hey, they're actually getting along!' Urahara says excitedly.

'Whoop-dee-fucking-do,' Ichigo whimpers.

* * *

><p>'Yo, yo, yo, DJ MK in da houseeee!' Mayuri raps as he comes in with his golden grill, swishing his hands about with gangster signs. He looks to the rest of the crew. 'What?'<p>

* * *

><p>'Cool! I'm the token black guy for the show!' Zommari says happily. 'Wait, does that mean I'm one of the first to die?'<p>

'Pffft! No!' Urahara laughs. 'Like we'd be _that _predictable!'

* * *

><p>'Unohana is also in Hueco Mundo to fight,' Ichigo says with a shudder.<p>

'What's so scary about-?' Nnoitra starts.

'SSSHHHHH!' everyone on set hisses.

'What the-?' he says and yelps when Ino suddenly appears behind him.

'She'll hear you,' he whispers fearfully.

'…why does this feel like I've been dropped into a horror movie?'

* * *

><p>'I was about to deliver the blow that would finish her,' Zommari says impassively.<p>

Byakuya's clothes flutter in the breeze. 'Were you?' he asks coolly.

'Dude, where the hell is that wind coming from?' Ichigo complains.

'CUT! Ichigo, get off the set!'

'Seriously, it's a closed building! Unless someone just cut the cheese, I don't see any logical explanation here!'

* * *

><p>'It seems we have a sensible captain standing before us,' Exequias says solemnly. 'Fall back.'<p>

'What?!' Rukia yelps. 'That's it?! No fight?!'

'Do you _really _want to see Unohana fight?' Urahara asks incredulously.

'…point taken.'

* * *

><p>'I see,' Uryu says hotly. 'So you came all this way just to insult us?'<p>

'Yes,' Mayuri says.

'CUT! Mayuri, that's not in the script.'

'It's called improvisation, ye of little faith.'

'It's actually called "I bought that grill for your mouth and I can easily take it away unless you stick to the script". Comprende?'

* * *

><p>'Cero Sencritico may have messed me up psychologically,' Pesche remarks proudly. 'But I'm still strong enough to pound you like a drum, Ury-waaaiitttt a minute…'<p>

'CUT! GIN!'

'I DIDN'T DO IT!' Urahara gives him a condescending glare. 'Okay, so I might have changed a few things…'

* * *

><p>'Hey, Urahara, who's <em>my <em>opponent for the show?' Szayel purrs. 'I hope it's Byakuya. I've heard he's absolutely _scrumptious_ eye candy.'

'It's going to be Mayuri,' Urahara says and pulls up Mayuri. 'Mayuri, Szayel. Szayel, Mayuri.'

Szayel stares at the scientist. '…I think my dick just died.'


	123. Episode 197

**Working on the movie bloopers! Fingers crossed I get it done this weekend!**

_**EPISODE 197**_

'Hey, Byakuya! It's so cool that you're fighting the Espada to save me!' Rukia says excitedly.

'I thought I was doing it because he ruined my haori,' Byakuya says coolly.

'WHAT?! Who said that?!' Rukia turns on Urahara, scowling.

'Hey! It was the only way to convince him to do the scene!' Urahara explains quickly.

'Nonsense! Byakuya does it because he loves me like a sister! Right, Byakuya?'

Byakuya looks at her and tilts his head to one side. 'Who are you?'

* * *

><p>'Oh dear,' Hanataro says nervously as he skids across the icy floor. 'I'm not very good at ice-ska-AAAHH!'<p>

He falls flat on his face. He pushes himself up on shaky hands. And they slip sideways so that his chin slams into the floor.

'Uh, aren't we gonna help him?' Ino mutters.

'Do we have to?' Urahara whines. 'It was just getting good.'

* * *

><p>Zommari stands before Byakuya in his released form. Byakuya stares at him. Then he walks off set.<p>

'What the-?!' Urahara says in bewilderment. 'Byakuya, where are you going?! We're not done with the scene!'

'I refuse.'

'How come?!'

'You're making me fight a pumpkin.'

'Hey! I'm not a pumpkin, alright?' Zommari says heatedly.

Byakuya shrugs. 'Fine, a talking pumpkin.'

'I'M NOT THAT EITHER!'

* * *

><p>The goo clears to reveal Zommari in his released state.<p>

'There you are!' says a voice offset and in walks a blonde girl in a blue gown and glass slippers. 'I've been looking all over for you!'

'Huh?!' Zommari says in surprise. 'What're you-?!'

'You guys! The pumpkin's here! Now can we finish shooting this scene? These heels are killing me!'

'Hey! I'm not a pumpkin! Put me down! I'm shooting a scene here! Put me-HHEEEELPPPPP!'

'CUT! GIN!'

'Oh, come on! You gotta admit that was a good one!' Gin whines.

'Told you he was a pumpkin,' Byakuya says.

* * *

><p>'I call this power "amore" and now you've experienced it,' Zommari leers.<p>

'Wait, so it's love?' Ichigo says, wrinkling his nose. 'So does that mean Zommari wants to make love to-'

_CRASH!_

'Holy shit! Okay, who pushed that stage lamp into Ichigo?' Urahara asks crossly.

Gin grins at Byakuya. 'You sly dog, you.'

'I have no idea what you're talking about,' Byakuya says monotonously.

* * *

><p>'Oh, Captain Kuchiki, I finally found you!' Hanataro gasps. 'This has been a terrible experience! I'm not very fast and I was so hungry and I felt uncomfortable in this strange building and it was freezing cold everywhere I went and I didn't know my way around the inside and-!'<p>

'Hey, aren't we going to stop him? That's not in the script actually,' a producer mutters.

'Nah, let him continue. It's better than what we planned to make him do,' Urahara whispers.

'What was that?'

'Make him fall flat on his face.'

'You really like to see him hurt himself, don't you?'

'Whaaaat? It's entertaining.'

* * *

><p>'Hehehe,' Kenpachi snickers.<p>

'Ha, ha, ha,' Nnoitra chuckles darkly.

'HeHHHHE.'

'HaHAAAAA.'

'HEHEHEHEHE!

'HAHAHAHAHA!'

'Uh, you guys, this isn't a laughing contest,' Urahara remarks.

'SHUT THE FUCK UP!' the two yell.

'Shutting up…'

* * *

><p>'Wait…so Rukia…cuts me?' Hanataro says faintly.<p>

'Ye-Wait, I mean-!' Urahara starts. Hanataro faints. '….well, can't say I missed that.'

* * *

><p>'What is this?' Zommari growls, his eye throbbing to control Rukia. 'I command you to-!'<p>

'YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE!' Rukia booms.

'...Lord of the Rings marathon last night?'

'How'd you know?'

'Lucky guess...'


	124. Episode 198

**Hey, lets play a game? How long can I keep posting chapters until I drop off the face of the Earth? Cookies for good guesses!**

**Yeah, working on being productive this winter break so other than catching up on sleep I will be updating quite a few stories over the next few weeks I have left of blissful freedom. ONWARDS!**

***throws confetti* Enjoy!**

**P.S. Can we all just accept how awesomely badass Byakuya is? Cool? Cool.**

**P.P.S. The movie bloopers will take a while so in the meantime I'll keep posting episode chapters everyday (if I can) **

_**EPISODE 198**_

'You're very stubborn,' Byakuya notes. Grunting, Zommari pushes his way out of his safety bubble, blood sloshing out.

'This is such an intense scene!' Urahara whispers excitedly.

'Really? Kinda reminds me of the time I was watching childbirth on Animal Planet,' the producer says.

'…And now I can never look at this scene the same way ever again…'

* * *

><p>'Accept my amore!' Zommari shouts. 'Accept it! Accept it! Accept it!'<p>

'Huh, kinda sounds like Rukia whenever she sees Kaien,' Ichigo starts. He quickly looks around. Then he scratches his head in confusion. 'Huh, I wonder why Rukia hasn-' His phone buzzes. He picks it up. 'Hello?'

'Seven days…' The line drops.

Ichigo stares at his phone. 'Shit.'

* * *

><p>'The reason I'm killing you is simple,' Byakuya says calmly. 'It's because you aimed your blade at-'<p>

'Aw yea-!' Rukia begins to cheer.

'-my favorite scarf.'

'-WHAT?!'

'CUT! Rukia, get off the floor. Your life isn't over yet.'

* * *

><p>'You're so pathetic!' Szayel giggles as he crushes another organ of Mayuri's, causing the captain to fall flat on his face. He crushes another one. Mayuri doesn't move. 'Uhhh, Urahara he's not moving.'<p>

'What?! Why not?' Urahara asks angrily.

'Uh, I think he fell on his sword,' Ino says.

'So-'

'Which is right over his, ummmm…'

'Oh.' He looks at Mayuri and winces. 'That's gotta hurt.'

* * *

><p>'I got youuuu,' Mayuri sings as he sticks his tongue out in Szayel's face.<p>

'KILL IT WITH FIRE!' Szayel screams and smashes Mayuri's face with a mallet.

'CUT! SZAYEL, WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!' Urahara yells.

'He almost touched me!' Szayel accuses to the unconscious Mayuri. 'Do you know how psychologically traumatizing that is for me?!'

* * *

><p>'And then, Mayuri releases his bankai!' Urahara exclaims.<p>

'Oh no, not that ugly thing again,' Uryu shudders.

'Oh, come on!' Szayel snorts. 'Can't be uglier than _him_.'

Uryu and Renji look at each other. 'Heyyy, Szayel, wanna check out the props for this episode?'

_**Later…**_

'We're about to start shooting! Has anyone seen Szayel?' Urahara asks. Uryu opens a broom closet.

'There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home,' Szayel mumbles while rocking back and forth on the floor.

'…He saw Mayuri's bankai, didn't he?' Urahara sighs.

'Is it that obvious?' Uryu deadpans.


	125. Episode 199

**Baby birthdays are so stressful...**

**Marionetto16, your review made my day XD**

**Aishiburu, I thought about doing it. I might do it in the end of all the movies in a collective chappie**

**In the meantime...**

***throws confetti* Enjoy!**

_**EPISODE 199**_

'Oh, thank goodness you're awake!' Isane exclaims as Rukia awakens.

'Lieutenant Kotetsu?' Rukia mumbles. 'Hanatarou-'

_THUD!_

'CUT! Why the hell did Hanatarou faint just now?' Urahara cries out in exasperation.

'Because of the sight of blood?' Ino suggests.

'There wasn't any blood.'

'The anticipation of blood?'

'Jesus Christ…'

* * *

><p>'A giant baby <em>eats <em>me?' Szayels says incredulously. 'Okay, I've done my fair share of weird pornos but that's seriously the most disturbing thing I've ever had to do while being filmed.'

'Now I _really _could've gone without knowing _that_,' Renji mutters.

* * *

><p>'I have to run in this dress?' Orihime asks.<p>

'Yup. And towards Ichigo. _Not _the refreshment table,' Urahara explains.

'But it's Taco Tuesday.'

'Hey, what's important: saving Ichigo or eating tacos?'

'Pfft. Tacos. Duh.'

'…Fair enough.'

'HEYYYY!' Ichigo yells.

* * *

><p>'Urahara, are you sure I can run in this dress? It seems kinda long,' Orihime says uncertainly.<p>

'You'll be fine. Aaaaand ACTION!'

'ICHI-_OOF!'_

'CUT! _NOT_ a word, Ino…'

* * *

><p>'So we turn purple because we're infected my Mayuri's zanpaktou's poison?' Uryu says.<p>

'How're you going to make us look purple?' Renji inquires.

'I can help!' Gin says excitedly, raising his mallet over Renji's head.

'NOT LIKE THAT!'

* * *

><p>'Even if you tried for all eternity you can never defeat me, Mayuri Kurotsuchi,' Szayel leers.<p>

Mayuri pulls out his headphones. 'I'm sorry. What did you say?'

* * *

><p>'It's a drug that allows anyone to experience the superhuman limits of ability and sensation,' Mayuri exclaims.<p>

'So…it's basically LSD?' Renji says with a raised eyebrow.

'CUT!'

**Maybe Renji's onto something O.o**


	126. Episode 200

**Guys, guys, guys. Guess what? THIS IS THE 200****TH**** EPISODE O.o**

**Crazy…**

_**EPISODE 200**_

'So with this voice box I'll sound like an old person for my scene?' Szayel says as he looks at a tiny cube with a microphone.

'I should hope so...' Urahara starts to say.

Szayel curiously leans towards it. 'Hello?'

'Hello?' his voice echoes in a crinkly, old person voice.

'OH MY GOD! I SOUND LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER HIGH ON METH!' Szayel screams and runs out of the room.

Urahara shrugs. 'Well, that's one way to put it.'

* * *

><p>'There! All done!' the makeup artist says as she adds the finishing touches to Szayel's aging scene look. She turns his chair around to face the mirror. 'What do you think?'<p>

Szayels stares at his reflection.

'AHHHHHHHHH! NOW I _LOOK _LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER HIGH ON METH!' he screams like a little girl and runs out of the trailer. Ino walks in.

'What happened to him?' he asks.

'Eh, I take it as a compliment for a job well done,' the makeup artist sighs as she shines her nails on her shirt.

* * *

><p>'Sooooo, Grimmjow,' Szayel drawls as he leans on the tall bluenette with an elbow on his shoulder. 'Since this is my last episode and I'll eventually have to bid adieu to everyone here, I wanted to make amends with you since we seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot. You know, get to know each other better; go to the movies, have a romantic candlelight dinner, let me suck your dick…'<p>

'Can I kill him now?' Grimmjow says through gritted teeth.

* * *

><p>'Why the hell do I only have one huge ass nail?! Do you know how difficult it is to scratch your buttcrack with this?' Mayuri says as he waves his hand in Urahara's face. 'Do you?'<p>

'Do you _have _to wave that in my face while you say that?!' Urahara says shrilly.

* * *

><p>'Dude,' Renjis whispers and wrinkles his nose. 'I just realized that Mayuri's beard is shaped like a dic-!'<p>

'Don't you even _dare_,' Uryu hisses. 'It's hard enough to look at him as it is.'

* * *

><p>'Wait! We were watching! How in the hell did you do that?!' Uryu demands after Nemu comes back from the dead.<p>

'Unbelievable,' Mayuri mutters. 'You couldn't understand something this obvious happening right in front of you? What idiots! It's obvious I was…'

Everyone leans forwards, waiting for the answer.

'…giving her a foot massage. Most of the nerve sensors are in the foot so you can actually revive someone just from a good foot rub, you know!'

Everyone stares at Urahara.

'What? Oh, come on, this is a _kid's _show! Get your minds out of the gutter!'

* * *

><p>'The one place where he hides the information he crawled over glass to obtain,' Mayuri says sinisterly.<p>

'What is it?' Pesche asks excitedly. 'What's in there? What are they going to find?' He grabs Urahara and starts shaking him like crazy. 'TELL ME WHAT'S IN THERE!'

'C-C-CU-U-UT-T-T!' Urahara stutters.

**Does anyone even remember this part? O.o**

* * *

><p>'Hya!' Kenpachi fake-slashes his sword across Nnoitra's chest.<p>

'Heehee, that tickles!' Nnoitra giggles like a schoolgirl.

'…'

'…cut?' Urahara says uncertainly.

* * *

><p>Kenpachi yanks on Nnoitra's sword, dragging him down, getting ready to grab the gangly Espada for an attack…<p>

'Kennyyyy!' Yachiru calls. 'Can you help me down? It's too high up here!'

'Ugh! Coming!' Kenpachi grumbles and moves out of the way. Nnoitra's eyes widen as he comes closer to the ground.

'Nononononononon-!'

_CRASH!_

Everyone in the studio winces. 'That's gotta hurt,' Urahara mutters, hiding his face behind his megaphone.

* * *

><p>'I haven't met a single person who's throat can't be speared!' Kenpachi growls as he pierces Nnoitra's eye. Then, he drops the Espada's blade.<p>

'D-D-D-D-DROP THE BLADE!' Orihime raps as she comes in wearing gangster clothes and holding a stereo on her shoulder. She presses Play. Dubstep music blares out and she starts dancing like a person with rabies.

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'You can't pierce my head,' Nnoitra leers. 'Now do you understand? You can't defeat me.'<p>

'Yes, I can,' Kenpachi says matter-of-factly. 'I'll just pierce other parts of you.'

'Wait, what?'

'YAAARGHH!'

'AAAHHHH!'

'CUT! And someone catch Kenpachi before he kills someone!'

'You might as well ask them to kiss their life goodbye!' Ino snaps.

'Okay! New plan! Can someone try to _reasonably_ explain to Kenpachi that he can't kill anyone with a rubber sword?'


	127. Episode 201

_**EPISODE 201**_

'I'm sorry,' Kenpachi grins. 'I was feeling happy. So I couldn't help but laugh.'

'_Cause I'm happyyyy_

_Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof._

_Because I'm happyyyy_

_Clap along if you know that happiness is the truth._

'CUT! Can someone stop Orihime from dancing on the set!?' Urahara cries out. 'And ask her where she got the Pharrel hat! I've been looking for that _everywhere!'_

* * *

><p>'Idiot!' Nnoitra growls. 'I told you, you can't cut me!'<p>

'Yes, I can!' Kenpachi retorts.

'No, you can't!'

'Yes, I can!'

'No, you can't!'

'Yes, I can!'

'No, you-!'

'Aren't they supposed to be the most badass characters on the show?' Ino mutters.

* * *

><p>'Guess you could say I'm <em>cutting <em>you some slack,' Kenpachi drawls to Nnoitra and puts on some stunner shades. Ballerina music starts playing in the background. 'ORIHIME! I thought I told you I wanted hardcore rock music!'

'I'm sorry! This was the only song I could find in your library other than My Little Pony!'

'YACHIRUUUU!'

* * *

><p>'Damn! Kenpachi's character is tough!' Nnoitra says incredulously as he reads the script. 'Just what the hell is he made out of?!'<p>

'Pure resilience and bloodlust,' Kenpachi leers. Yachiru coughs. The big lug sighs. 'And puppy dog tails.'

'Yay!' Yachiru cheers and hugs Kenpachi.

* * *

><p>'So tell me,' Nnoitra jeers. 'What's it like to see an Espada's released form?'<p>

'…you look like a bug,' Kenpachi yawns.

'WHAT?!'

'CUT!'

* * *

><p>'Okay, Nnoitra, we're going to let go. You sure you can balance the fake arms?' the prop artist asks.<p>

'I'm fine! I can handle it!'

'Okaaaay.' She lets go.

'See? Nothing to be-' he tilted sideways and falls. '…not a word…'

* * *

><p>'Is it over?' Nnoitra looks over Kenpachi's prone form. Ashton Kutcher suddenly jumps in.<p>

'GUESS AGAIN! YOU JUST GOT PUUNK'D!' he laughs and points at Nnoitra.

'What the-? Go home, Ashton! Nobody cares about that show anymore!' Nnoitra snaps.

'Awww! But I thought I was still socially relevant!'

**No offense to Kutcher fans. I still like him myself :3**

* * *

><p>'You're weaker than me, Soul Reaper!' Nnoitra yells as he rushes towards Kenpachi. And slowly falls sideways. 'Oh, come on! Whose stupid idea was it to give me four arms again?!'<p>

* * *

><p>'That guy has six arms?' Ichigo yelps. 'How the hell is that even fair?!'<p>

'You tell me!' Nnoitra snaps, lying sideways on the ground with his six arms weighing him down. 'Can someone help me up…please?'

* * *

><p>'HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!' Nnoitra starts laughing hysterically. 'HAHAHA-HIC! HIC! DAMN, THESE-HIC!- STUPID-HIC!-HICCUPS!HIC!'<p> 


	128. Episode 202

_**EPISODE 202**_

'How the hell is that a fair fight?' Ichigo yelps. 'Kenpachi has _one _sword and that guy has six. Either Kenpachi sucks at math or he's been reduced to an idiot due to blood loss!'

'What did you call me?' Kenpachi snarls.

'A brilliant and tactful individual with the most innovative hairdo to ever grace television,' Ichigo squeaks.

'Thought so!' Pause. 'What does "innovative" mean?'

* * *

><p>'Alright, crew,' Urahara says. 'Let's rip up Kenpachi's shirt a bit so we can see those scar-HEY! Okay, why is there a <em>pony <em>drawn on Kenpachi's chest?'

'It's not _just _a pony,' Yachiru huffs. 'It's Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony. Get it right, Urahara.'

Urahara smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>'I…am the strongest,' Nnoitra snarls.<p>

'Guess that's why you're the 5th Espada,' Ichigo drawls. A black girl walks in and does the Z snap in Nnoitra's face.

'Mmmhmmm,' she says sassily, wagging a finger.

'You hired a _black _girl to do that?' Nnoitra says incredulously.

'Of course! Also, so she can bitch slap you while I escape.'

'Wha-?'

_SLAP!_

'ICHIGOOOOO!'

* * *

><p>'I am the strongest!' Nnoitra growls in a mirror. 'No…I…AM THE STRONGEST! No, that's wrong. Strongest, I am. Now that's just copyright infringement! What if I sing it?' He clears his throat. 'I am the strongesssttttt!'<p>

The mirror shatters. He jumps back.

'…okay, that's a bad idea.'

* * *

><p>'Seriously?' Ichigo says incredulously. 'He beats him because he uses <em>two <em>hands? Where's the logic in that?!'

'That's not what your mom said in my bed last night,' Nnoitra snickers.

'What did you say about my mother?!'

'What're you going to do about it?'

Ichigo claps his hand. A black girl walks in.

'Oh, hell no!' she snaps and slaps Nnoitra across the face while Ichigo runs away.

'ICHIGOOOOO!'

* * *

><p>Nnoitra lies on the ground, panting from the attack. Then, he throws his hair back, all shiny and silky.<p>

'Take care,' he whispers, posing.

'Garnier,' a man's voice sounds in the studio.

'Where is that voice coming from?' Urahara says, looking around in confusion from his seat.


	129. Episode 203

**I do believe the next two episodes are fillers. So be prepared for a treat next time!**

_**EPISODE 203**_

'Alas, my good men!' Nnoitra says dramatically. 'Today maybe my last day shooting here but you will always remember this day as the day you _almost _beat Nnoitra-!'

_CRASH!_

'Darn it!' Gin pouted, standing on the platform hanging above with one of the studio lights missing. 'I was aiming for the refreshment table so I could make that box of donuts fly up to me!'

Everyone took one step away from the refreshment table.

* * *

><p>'"The strongest liquor is nothing compared to a fight,"' Nnoitra sneers. Then he wrinkles his nose. 'Seriously? Has this guy ever tried moonshine?'<p>

'CUT!'

**Don't ever try moonshine. EVER. Because you won't remember that you did...**

* * *

><p>'The only thing I'm grateful for from Aizen,' Nnoitra mutters. 'Is for making me stronger.'<p>

'And free tacos!' Gin pips in, posing dramatically in the scene while holding up a taco.

'CUT! GIN!'

'Whaaat? Here at Taco Aizen you can try the famous Espada nachos! Or maybe you're feeling the urge to try the Hueco Mundo burrito.'

**Points for anyone who got the reference :3**

* * *

><p>Kenpachi stares at the camera.<p>

'Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, may I take your order?' he growls.

'CUT! GIN!'

'It wasn't me!'

'…'

'Oh, alright, it was me! But you gotta admit it was funny! Gotta love Throwback Thursdays!'

* * *

><p>'Pick up your sword,' Kenpachi growls at Ichigo. Ichigo picks it up. Then screams in pain as he drops it.<p>

'It just shocked me!' he cries out.

'CUT! GIN!'

'It wasn't me this time! I swear! It was Byakuya!'

'Yeah, yeah, and I'm in love with Yamamoto!'

Gin grumbles and sulks over to Byakuya's side. 'I told you nobody would believe you,' the stoic man sighs.

'No fair!' Gin whines. 'Is Urahara really in love with Yamamoto?'

* * *

><p>'Ichigo! Take the woman home!' Kenpachi orders. 'Leave the fighting to the men!'<p>

'And what makes you think I'm not a man?!' Ichigo demands.

'RRRAAARGGHHH!' Kenpachi roars in his face. Ichigo runs off in the other direction, screaming like a little girl.

'Well, that escalated quickly,' Urahara says dryly.

* * *

><p>'So Stark kidnaps you…' Urahara explains to Orihime.<p>

'Stark? You mean like starch from potatoes? Wait, is Stark a _potato_?' she asks curiously.

Urahara smacks his forehead.

* * *

><p>Stark suddenly appears before Orihime.<p>

'Hi, Stark!' she says brightly.

'CUT! Orihime! That's not what you're supposed to say!' Urahara says impatiently.

'Oops! I'm sorry!' She turns backs to Stark and waves at him. 'Hi, Mr. Potato!'

Urahara grabs the script and bangs his head against it.

* * *

><p>'Aaaaaaand ACTION!'<p>

Aizen looks at the piece of hair hanging between his eyes like a limp dick.

'I'm sorry. I can't do this,' he sighs and walks off set.

'…Cut?'

* * *

><p>'Her powers are indeed amazing,' Aizen says coolly. 'Her ability to reject all forms of phenomena is beyond anything the human race has ever demonstrated. But…she's just incredibly stupid.'<p>

'Hey! You can't say that about Orihime!' Uryu argues. 'I mean, it's just the way her character is supposed to be!'

'Yeah!' Orihime agrees. 'Wait, what did he say?'

* * *

><p>'Why the hell do I look like I stepped out of a strip club?' Uryu shrieks as he looks at the leather straps across his body.<p>

'Now, now, it doesn't look that bad,' Urahara reassures him. 'You look more like a street hooker than a professional stripper.'

'THAT'S NOT HELPING!'


End file.
